Choose
by Saint Lucifer-The Damned
Summary: Brian always said that if anyone made Michael choose, they would lose him. Brian/Michael
1. Chapter 1

Choose

_A/N: Well, here's my swing at what I like to call an 'epic' story. Not that I expect it to be super awesome amazing in that sense of the word, but just that it's a multi-chapter story whereas with these two I've just been dabbling in short stories. Kind of taking the edge off and helping me get to this point right here. The one where I present to you: Choose. I hope you enjoy it, cause I sure as hell did when I wrote it._

_~SL_

_Chapter One_

There was the soft sound of sheets rustling as a body slid itself back towards the pillows at the head of the bed, deprived of clothing and wearing nothing but a quiet smile of apprehension. Soon after was the little jingle of a belt being undone, a zipper cutting through the silence of anticipated breathing. There was a frown when hands left the zipper and instead of pushing the slacks off the hips, the hands were held out to either side of his body, an enticing tilt of the hips towards the other man on the bed as the first stood at the foot of the bed. The fully disrobed man got on all fours and crawled back to the edge of the bed, grabbing the pants at the legs and tugging, letting them pool around unseen feet. He glanced up, fingers trailing gently upwards from thighs and brushing over a barely restrained erection clothed in black boxer briefs. Those fluttering eyelids, that short gasp and the way the other man's chest heaved just slightly… that was all that was needed for a green light.

"_Ben! Ben, wait," Michael called out before his husband went to ride off where they split ways on their morning bike ride to work. Ben looked back, sandy blond hair being tossed by the light breeze, blue eyes hard, but questioning. "Don't I get a kiss?"_

_Ben almost rolled his eyes, Michael saw it, but kept his mouth in a thin line as Ben leaned over to place a rushed kiss to the corner of Michael's mouth. That was all he got these days, not that he didn't deserve it. Brian was dragging him out at all hours again, something unbecoming to their new lifestyle since moving into their house and fixing it up. They avoided the topic daily, focusing more on Hunter and school, keeping up with Jenny Rebecca through email updates and pictures. Pretending to be like they always were until nine o'clock rolled around and Brian would come knocking on the door, or Michael's cell phone would go off. He'd gotten better, Michael had to credit him. Brian would at least let them enjoy a meal together now before whisking him off to the clubs or some underground party that he didn't want to go to but he had to. They were just the simple demands of friendship. Brian needed him, his company… while he was out fucking up a storm._

_But Ben had remained passive at first, still feeling guilty over the incident with his former student. It would have been easier, Michael decided, if Ben had just gone through with it and fucked the guy. He thought that his husband probably would have too if the guy hadn't started spouting off with his romantic ideals about getting infected. Not saying that he thought Ben was an easy man, but there was a reason he'd hit up the White Party so many years ago. Michael couldn't imagine what he had been like back then, but if Brian had slept with him, there was a fairly good idea of the kind of person he might have been. Michael didn't like to think about it too much._

_He didn't like to think about their current situation either. How late he would come in at nights. He used to find Ben awake and waiting, not angry, just relieved. Like he expected Michael to run off and never come back. Those nights were good in the beginning. First the wave of relief would wash over Ben and he would break into a smile, gather Michael up into his arms and kiss him. Hard and possessive before pulling him into their bedroom. _

_That lasted about two weeks, and Michael had honestly never been happier. He had almost wanted to thank Brian for adding a little something to his sex life until the night he had come home and Ben wasn't in the living room. He wasn't even in bed. Hunter had stumbled out of his room for breakfast later on and told him that Ben had left a few hours after Brian picked him up, said something about going to meditate. For a brief moment, Michael thought Ben had just up and left for Tibet, but when he came home for lunch at the same time Michael was, like they always did for a little more than a sandwich, they just stared at each other at the front door. Standing on the porch, a light breeze playing across the scene. They didn't know what to say._

"Fucking Christ," the man groaned, knees wavering slightly under his weight at he saw his cock fully disappear into the other man's mouth. How the hell did he do that? Had the man never heard of gag reflex? In all honesty, being able to deep throat someone was impressive, erotic to watch, but watching this man do it? Christ. It took restraint not to take the man by surprise and just fuck his mouth right there. But he wanted to make the most of it. Two, maybe three hours if they were lucky today. It wasn't enough, not nearly enough to satisfy them, but they took what they had or went without. He shuddered as the mouth latched onto his cock let him go, the air cooling drastically on contact. After that was a flurry of hands on skin, the bed creaking under newly added weight, springs gently protesting as the smaller man was pushed onto his back. No, not eased, pushed. Nothing was going to be gentle. Neither man wanted it that way, not tonight. Sometimes, maybe. But usually they had no romantic notions of these hours in their heads. They didn't come expecting long and slow, drawn out moans between kisses or names being whispered sprinkled with "I love you". They had a need. An overpowering need to feel each other, run their hands over exposed skin, tug at hair, leave marks in hidden places and still look each other in the eye tomorrow.

"_I,uh… I came home for lunch," Michael said blankly, keys in hand as he was about to unlock the door._

"_Me too."_

_Michael was expecting maybe an apology, an explanation, where he had gone the night before, but there was nothing left to say. He hadn't even been hoping for Ben to be home this afternoon, let alone wondering if they were going to pretend nothing had happened. He wasn't sure how, but he finally unlocked the door and they entered. Michael had lost his appetite as Ben headed for the kitchen in silence. Michael didn't know what to do with himself as he heart Ben opening and closing cabinets in the kitchen, throwing something together. He hung around the doorway, clinging to the side as he watched his husband with a confused looked. He didn't say anything until Ben looked at him, finally acknowledged him. _

"_Hunter said you went to meditate?"_

_Ben was tightening the lid on a jar. "Yeah. Had to clear my head."_

"_All night?"_

"_Am I supposed to wait for you to get in at three am every fucking night, Michael?" Ben slammed the jar down on the counter. Michael didn't flinch._

_He shook his head. "No, Ben. But at least you know where I am. I didn't even know where you went. You didn't call. You didn't even call me this morning."_

"_No, I don't know where you are every night," Ben sighed, slamming cabinet doors open and closed too hard. _

"_What are you talking about? I'm with-"_

"_Brian." The word hissed out of Ben's mouth. Michael thought that if he could touch it, it would burn him. After carefully avoiding the topic for two weeks, bringing it up now seemed frightening. "But I don't know where you are. Am I just supposed to trust him with you?"_

"_I'm not your property, Ben," Michael said quietly. "It's not like you're letting someone borrow me and afraid they'll bring me back damaged. I'm a person with a friend who needs me."_

"_Why does he need you? What about Justin or Ted or Emmett? Christ, Michael…," Ben ran a hand through his hair and shifted agitatedly. "You know what? I can't do this right now. I have to get back to school."_

_Ben left the sandwich he was making half done and ignored on the counter as he pushed past Michael. He hadn't even taken his coat off. Michael knew he should be upset, but he couldn't find it in himself. Ben needed space, too. He'd been so understanding about Brian for so long._

"_Ben?"_

_He turned around and looked at Michael, feeling himself melt just a little out of the façade he was putting up. But he didn't budge. He wanted to be angry about this right now. It wasn't right that after things had finally settled down in their lives that Brian would come waltzing back in into it, whisking Michael off every goddamn night. Keeping him from their bed, their family and home. Over-the-hill party boy wasn't enough to cover whatever it was Brian was up to. Both Michael and Brian were nearing ever closer to their dreaded 40s. _

Teeth sink into pale skin as long fingers pulled hard on black locks, making the cords in the neck flex and stand out. Teeth marks would fade in a few hours, no bruising. They could risk it. They wanted to risk it.

"Brian!" Came the strangled cry, head twisting away but at the same time towards the pressure at his neck as nails dug into Brian's back, leaving thin red lines on the skin as the smaller man pulled him closer, needing more. Something, anything. Just more.

Releasing the skin between his teeth and the hair in his grasp, Brian arch his body towards the man under him, almost relishing in the slight sting of pain from the scratches left on his back. He let his head fall back, chin against his heaving chest as he looked at the flushed, sweating form under him.

"Christ, Mikey," he panted, hair falling into his eyes and he was taken aback at the look he was met with. Dark brown eyes narrowed as he snorted derisively at the nickname. Brian smiled, leaning down to place small, quick kisses over the man's face and neck, moving down his chest. He looked up when he heard another snort.

"Michael," Brian murmured and he felt the tension easy in the other man. Michael didn't like being called Mikey in bed. Sometimes he'd let Brian slip and get away with it. Usually after reminiscing about times when they were teenagers, but for the most part he still saw it as Brian's way of keeping that wall between them. Keeping Michael at fourteen and Brian feeling like he was ruining something too good to be true.

Sometimes, Brian admits to himself that he likes thinking he might be ruining that fourteen year old innocence about the man. He feels a little guilty for thinking it, but not often. He goes back to what he was doing, kissing his way down to Michael's groin.

"Michael," he said again after a kiss, listening to the soft moans of anticipation as he gets lower. "Michael." It becomes his little mantra. Whispering the name every softer after each kiss. The name ringing in his ears. Michael, Michael, Michael.

"_Michael," Ben sighs, pushing his glasses up. Michael knows this move means he's agitated, trying to put distance between them. Make the boundaries known. "Just… why? Why him? Why can't you say no?"_

_Michael leans up against the wall he was clinging to previously, at a loss for words good enough to explain what he wants to say. "Why should I?"_

_That wasn't what he meant to say, but now it's said and he can't take it back. The look of shock on Ben's face is more than enough to bring the guilt washing over him. There was a time when Ben had finally thought Michael had moved on. That they really would be nothing other than friends instead of that overly strange relationship they slapped the label of friendship onto. _

"_Because I'm your husband," Ben says quietly, pleading almost as sorrow fills those blue eyes that Michael does love. "Because we have a son, a daughter, a house… we have a life together and he's taking you away from it."_

"_And from six in the morning until nine or ten at night I work for our son, our daughter, our house," Michael tells Ben. "I'm your husband, I'm their father, I'm a provider for this life too… so why can't I take the night off after everyone's gone to bed? Why can't I be Mikey for awhile again?"_

"_You can," Ben implores, taking a new direction. Knowing with the wrong move, he's going to lose Michael. "You can, baby. That's fine. And I'm here when you come home. When you're mine again… you know that."_

_Ben expects to see that telltale blush creep over Michael's cheeks, but he doesn't. He was hoping that late nights and early mornings in bed would flash through his husband's mind, but he knows they're not. Michael is stubborn and focused on one thing right now._

"_Except last night," Michael finishes. "Which is fine. You can have your life, too. But not even a fucking call, Ben?"_

"_I was wrong for that," he admits, the thumb on his left hand twirling that silver ring absently as he's become used to doing when he's worried about their relationship. He doesn't even notice he does it, but Michael does. "And I am sorry… but when do you get to take the night off from him?"_

"_Brian, you mean," Michael offers. He wants it direct and out in the open now. "If you want me to stop seeing Brian… you should just say so."_

"_And if I do?" Ben asks, seriously contemplating asking for that. "If I really do ask you to stop?"_

"_I'd say no," he answers honestly. "But… I'd stop going out as much. It's been a little excessive. Half the time we wind up places I don't even want to be."_

_Ben closes the distance between them, hugging Michael cautiously. As if he were something fragile that would break if he held on too hard. In a way, it was true. If you tried too hard to keep Michael, you would lose him. He feels Michael tense up slightly, as if expecting something more. When he realizes it's not going to happen, he hugs Ben back. He feels tears burn behind his eyelids and tries hard not to let them fall, but Ben already noticed the change in his breathing and pulls back, holding Michael's face in his hands._

_Gently wiping away the falling tears with careful swipes of his thumbs, Ben kisses Michael. It only makes him cry harder. _

"_Did anything happen?" Ben asks. He has to ask once he breaks the kiss. _

_Michael shakes his head in Ben's hands. "No. He just won't listen sometimes and it's hard. It's just so fucking hard sometimes, Ben. I'm sorry."_

"Stop," Michael demands, voice rasping and body protesting as hands are curled tightly in dark brown locks of hair, tugging gently to get Brian to listen. He doesn't want to come this way. Not the first time today. Brian glances up at Michael and knows. Knows he's been thinking again, the look that flashed through those deep brown eyes. Brian wants to get angry about it, enough to deny Michael exactly what he wants, but he can't. He's just as weak in this situation as Michael.

Brian lets the length slip between his lips as he sits up, more than all business now. "Roll over."

Michael feels guilty now. Not for Ben, but for Brian. He knows Brian hates this position most of all when they're together. No matter how rough they get, letting need take over, no matter how quickly they have to satisfy each other, Brian hates when Michael can't face him, not that he's turned away. And sometimes he physically can't handle seeing Brian instead of Ben hovering over him. Sometimes knowing and seeing are two different things completely and Michael can't handle it. It's more than that, though. Brian gets worried when they have to do this. He knows Michael takes it out on himself more than he should. He gets carried away in the moment and more often than not, when he's like this, winds up hurting himself. Brian doesn't want to feel guilty about it, it's not his fault that Michael would push back against him harder and faster than he could keep up with, but he does nonetheless.

Michael does as he's told, grateful to bury his face in the cool pillows, pulling his knees up under him to raise his ass in the air. He's ready, he still wants it, wants Brian… things just shifted way too fast to process. It always happens.

"_Oh God!"_

"_Fuck, baby, you're so tight."_

"_Harder! Christ, move or I'll kill you!"_

_Ben smiles, holding Michael's legs a little wider apart and does as he's told. Somehow they managed to get from the doorway to the bedroom, a trail of clothes leading the way. They were both going to be late. Michael, for opening the shop back up and Ben getting to his next class. Ben didn't seem to care though as he threw his head back, moaning loudly. Good God, makeup sex had to be the best sex there was. Cleansing somehow. Better than meditation, Ben would never admit to it, but found it to be true. Michael just looked so perfect under him, back arching, teeth raking over his bottom lip, hands frantically grabbing at the sheets under them… Christ, it took more willpower than Ben had to hold off as he knowingly played the body under him with skill, steering Michael towards his climax, trying to stave off his own until his lover was satisfied. _

_The sight was worth it. Michael came with wanton abandon under Ben's loving ministrations. Never really that much harder, faster or adventurous than a new position, or christening the kitchen (and a few other rooms of the house), Michael had expected no less. He was satisfied physically, but something, some part of him remained restless after sex. Rubbing Ben's back absently as he stared up at the ceiling feeling lips pressed moist, soft kisses along his shoulder and neck. He wanted to sigh, express whatever this unfulfilled desire of his was, but he couldn't. They just made up after all. Michael didn't want to rock the boat at all. Still, he never could place what was missing in bed. _

"_Maybe you should call the school," Michael murmured, turning to place a kiss to the shell of Ben's ear. _

"_Mm, how come, baby?"_

_Michael smiled and Ben felt the lips curving against his ear and a cock twitch against his stomach. "Well, I figured we could both take the night off. Let Hunter go out tonight and we can have dinner in bed."_

"_Well, when you put it that way…" Ben flashed an eager grin before kissing Michael softly. "Missed you."_

"_Yeah," Michael sighed, closing his eyes as Ben got up to go find his phone. "Missed you, too."_

Michael was squirming as Brian took his time preparing his friend for what was to come. Two long fingers probed deeply and slowly took their time stretching and relaxing the tight muscle. All the while, Michael moaned and clawed at pillows, trying to find something solid to hold on to. Brian knew that was why Michael liked being on the bottom, always facing his partner. Sometimes it was because there was a moment when sex transcended into that intangible moment of 'making love' (and damn it all if Mikey wasn't a romantic), but also because Michael could be driven to the brink of insanity. Apparently with little more than two fingers, and he needed to hold on to something. Someone. He needed something solid to hold on to and ride out the frenzied emotions and nerves that went alight with a small, grazing touch to that deepest part inside him.

"Fuck," Michel spat as Brian introduced Michael to a new friend, finger number three. This was the part Brian liked, although he knew himself a sick puppy to do so. This was when Michael started going too hard. As if trying to drown out whatever he was thinking of, whatever guilt he had, with that hard to define mix of pleasure and pain. Right on cue, Michael pushed back too fast to let himself adjust and Brian had to wrap a hand around his hip, holding him firmly in place, otherwise he'd keep going like that. Michael fought the grip, writhing and wiggling, grunting in frustration.

"Gonna hurt yourself," Brian stated, at this point aching to get in the other man.

Michael groaned as he strained against the hand that held him still. "So. Fucking. What."

"_What do you mean?" _

_Michael looked at Ben, feeling guilty. Michael's phone had been going off since ten. They sent Hunter out with more money than any kid his age needed and told him to take his girlfriend out and come home as late as possible. Hunter got the idea and didn't even make a smartass remark. Around three in the morning when he thought Ben was fast asleep, he'd checked his phone, overloaded with texts and voicemails ranging from almost begging for Mikey to come out and play, to nasty (probably drunk) trying to sound like he didn't care where he was, but would it kill him to let Brian know he was at least alive? He had sent a text back, apologizing, smoothing everything over saying they would meet at the diner in the morning like usual. He didn't expect anything back, thinking Brian was busy or asleep but the message was returned in seconds telling him that he was going to be picked up. Now._

"_I mean," Michael said, tossing his phone on the bed. "I'm going out and so what if you don't want me to."_

"_Michael, what happened to taking the night off?" Ben asked, sitting up against the headboard. _

_Michael sighed. He'd made Ben stay home from work after all. "Okay, okay. You're right. I'm sorry. He's on his way, what if I just get him to stay?" At Ben's look, he insisted not the night. "Just coffee. Sober him up a bit, try talking to him, send him home. The end. It'll be maybe an hour that way, you're right here in bed and I can come right back once I lock that front door."_

_Michael temptingly crawled on top of Ben and pulled him into a long kiss. Hands were beginning to wander when there was a knock on the door. Michael pulled away and Ben smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes as he waved Michael to go answer the door. Pulling on some sweatpants, he shut the bedroom door and went downstairs to let Brian in._

Brian had rolled on a condom and used a little more lube than he normally would. He couldn't stop the way Michael's body moved (really, he just wouldn't), but he could do what he was able to, to try and reduce any accidents. One day Michael was going to learn his body wasn't as resilient as he thought it was. Hopefully. Michael raised his head, looking over his shoulder to see what was taking so long. Brian didn't like that one bit. Impatience when Brian was trying to take the time to make sure Michael didn't hurt himself too badly, and struggling a little with internal feelings. Half the time, Brian wanted to stop and make Michael talk about it, work through it. But Michael had this idea of what Brian's place was, and it wasn't to ask questions.

Brian propped Michael's hips up higher and got up on his knees behind the smaller man and lined himself up, pushing in with a slow ease that was interrupted as Michael slammed back against him. There was a strangled cry of pain, that gasping hitch as Michael tried to calm himself down and pull away. Brian grit his teeth, keeping quiet until he felt Michael try and pull back, knowing he'd only slam towards Brian again. He leaned over the other man, one hand tangling into the dark hair and tugged back sharply, making him gasp and arch his body in a way that had Brian sweating.

Leaning close to Michael's ear, he tugged his head up lightly to grab his attention as he said, "This is the last time I'm doing this for you, Michael. Mark it."

"_Mikey, you can't go out like that," Brian sniffed. Michael rolled his eyes. More like Brian wouldn't be seen with him like this. Brian was dressed to kill with black jeans, a black muscle shirt and his leather jacket thrown over it all. The sunglasses were perched on top of his head, more an aesthetic element than useful at three in the morning._

"_I'm not going out, Brian," Michael told him, stepping to the side so Brian could come in. He didn't move._

"_Why the fuck not? I told you I was coming to pick you up."_

"_And I didn't say I was going out. You just keep assuming I'll go with you."_

"_So far I've been right, haven't I?"_

"_Brian, you need to come inside and stop yelling on my doorstep at three in the morning, because I'm not leaving this house."_

_Brian snorted, rolling his eyes as he entered the house and Michael shut the door behind him. He went to go make a pot of coffee, while Brian sat down at the table, leaning the chair back on its hind legs. Mikey looked rumpled, but not sleepy. Maybe agitated, but certainly not pissed off and it wasn't directed at him. That was something at least._

"_Mikey, why aren't we going out?" Brian asked as Michael brought him a cup of coffee._

_Michael sighed and took a seat at the table. "Because, Brian. I need the night off."_

_Brian raised an eyebrow. "That's it? Why didn't you just say that? We'll go out tomorrow. Shit, that's fine. You do open that store pretty damn early."_

"_No, I need the next few weeks off, Brian."_

"_Going somewhere?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Gonna tell me where?"_

"_I'm going to go to work, come home for lunch like I always do, close my store at seven like I always do and then I'm going to go home and have dinner with my family and then? Then I'm going to go to bed with my husband and have him fuck me senseless," Michael told Brian conversationally, sipping at the hot coffee._

"_So you're leaving me for the professor?" Brian snorted, rolling his eyes._

_Michael smiled. "I'm not leaving you. I'm taking time off from you, because I've been taking too much time off from Ben."_

"_My general consensus of marriage is that you're supposed to have less sex after it happens," Brian drawled, running a fingertip around the rim of his coffee mug._

"_That's when breeders get married."_

"_So… your contrasting theory is that when gays marry, there's more sex?"_

"_Wanna guess why I never answered my phone until I thought Ben was passed out?"_

"_Fuck," Brian said with a smile. "Maybe I should get married. Or maybe Mikey's just an animal in the sack."_

"_You'll never know," Michael said, returning the smile easily. "Besides, what's there to do at three in the morning in the Pitts?"_

"_Ah, tonight was a fucking party," he said, almost wistfully. _

_Michael sighed. "Brian, why would I want to go there with you?"_

"_Because you're hot, Mikey. You would've picked someone up in no time."_

"_I don't want to pick anyone up. I'm married. I have a husband back in my bed that's waiting for me so we can keep going."_

"_I don't wanna know about your sex life," Brian muttered as he finally brought the coffee mug to his lips. _

"_Tough shit. You interrupted it."_

_Brian set the mug down. "What? Mikey missing out on a little more bondage?"_

"_God, don't I wish," Michael admitted, surprising himself with it and he looked surprised. _

"_Oh, losing that spark, maybe?" Brian asked, raising an eyebrow. "Could be the reason you've been going out so much."_

"_Shut up, Brian. So, I like a little kink once in awhile. I'm sure you're not without your own."_

"_True, but I'm not married."_

"_What's that supposed to mean?"_

_Brian snorted. "Well, from what I've been told, when you're in a committed relationship, there should be 'open lines of communication'."_

"_Ben and I have that," Michael said, eyeing his friendly warily. _

"_Apparently everywhere but the bedroom, Mikey. I've seen you dance these past few nights. You're begging for something."_

"_You can tell that… by dancing?"_

"_It's always been my opinion that you can tell how good someone is in bed by how they dance. I figure I've gotten so good at it, I can tell what they want from how they dance," Brian told him, shrugging as he sipped at the coffee again._

"_And what do you think I want?" Michael asked cautiously, leaving his own cup to go cold. _

_Brian flicked his wrist, checking an imaginary watch. "Look at the time. It just flew by! We'll have to do this again sometime, dear." He got up and leaned over to kiss Michael on the cheek and lingered by his ear to quietly murmur, "Call me when you want to find out."_

Michael didn't even process the words. Didn't really want to, honestly. Maybe tomorrow after he had time to think about it. Brian could be more than cryptic when he wanted to be. Did he mean never again like this? When he just didn't want to face the reality that Brian was in bed with him, in him? Or maybe… just never again. Michael didn't want to think about that at all. Not right now with Brian letting him loose in bed, hips bucking in wild abandon as Brian struggled for control over his body. Michael liked that Brian could barely contain himself, even when he was pissed at Michael. And Michael knew he was.

"Fuck," Brian panted, giving up on trying to tame Michael's thrusts. He always did. Brian just let go of thought as he pushed back towards his friend at the unforgiving pace. Slowly, Michael's arms wouldn't hold him up anymore and his torso slipped unceremoniously onto the bed, holding a pillow to his chest tightly as he moaned. Brian grabbed the thin hips tightly, pulling Michael back onto him as hard as he'd been pushing himself before, if not harder.

Still, it wasn't enough. "More!"

"Christ, I'm-" Brian gave up trying to reason with the other man. He was past the point of no return. It wasn't hurting him now, but it would later, Brian was sure of that. Especially as he saw Michael biting down hard on his bottom lip, eyes clenched shut as silent tears streamed down his face. God, he wished it were enough to make him stop. He wished he had the willpower to just. Fucking. Stop. Maybe explain that he couldn't possibly give Michael anything more than he was, or that it was going to be physically impossible to meet his request. Brian was sweating hard from exertion as it was.

He just had to hold out. He needed to hold on to his sanity until Michael came first, and it was hard enough to do when he could even slow down and try to get a grip on himself. Brian grunted, straining to keep himself from just letting go as he wrapped a hand around Michael's straining erection, eliciting a loud sobbing groan from the smaller man. Ah, fuck, he was crying so hard, Brian thought he might just need to pass out afterwards. Brian was determined to talk to him and they were pressed for time as it was. Michael was thrashing about now, straining himself to meet Brian's thrusts, crying out hoarsely as he tried to choke back dry sobs.

"_Michael?" Ben asked, coming out of the bedroom and downstairs about half an hour after he heard the front door shut. He hadn't heard anything to pull him from the bedroom and immersed himself in a book. When he looked at the clock and realized Michael still hadn't come back, he worried that maybe he'd gone out anyway._

_But seeing his husband sitting at the table, two barely touched cups on the table as he stared off into the dark of the next room, Ben feared something worse than Michael just up and disappearing with Brian behind it. He couldn't place it, but it shook him to his core. Michael wasn't usually one for silent contemplation. He would usually burst back into the bedroom and pace around, throwing his hands about as he vented about the recent encounter. This wasn't like Michael at all and it made Ben more than nervous and wishing he'd put on a little more than boxers._

"_Yeah, Ben?"_

_Ben worked his bottom lip between his teeth before responding. "You okay, babe?"_

"_Just fine. A little worn out," Michael said, turning in his seat to look at his husband, smiling wanly. _

"_Why don't you come back to bed. We've got work in a few hours."_

"_I think I'm gonna take the day off tomorrow."_

"_You sure?" Ben asked, daring to edge closer to the table. "I mean, you closed early today…"_

_Michael looked away from Ben and glanced at the front door again. "Yeah. I'm sure."_

_He got up from the table, picking up the two empty mugs and emptying them in the sink, leaving them there for tomorrow to clean. After all, he would have all day. He rested his hands on the edge of the sink, holding on so tight that his knuckles went white. Why did Brian's words bother him so much? Why couldn't he bother Ted, Emmett or Justin, actually? Justin was a phone call or few hours drive away and Ted and Emmett could always be found at Woody's or Babylon. Why was it always himself that was pulled away from his life, still after all this time?_

_Michael didn't want to think about it. Or why he always went anyways. What Brian said bothered him. That he was looking for something that he wasn't getting at home. Open lines of communication he had said. What crap. He felt eyes on him and saw Ben standing in the doorway. He smiled in a useless attempt to get his husband off his back and into bed. Ben wasn't moving._

"_Baby, what's wrong?" Ben finally asked._

_Michael turned around to lean up against the edge of the sink, releasing his death grip. "Ben, we're really… we talk about everything, right?"_

_He saw that quick twirl of the silver band around Ben's finger and the corners of his mouth pulled tighter as Ben assured Michael they did._

"_And we listen to each other, don't we?"_

"_Michael, of course we do," Ben told him earnestly. He believed that, Michael realized. He really believed that. "What's this about? Did Brian say something?"_

"_No, no- Well, yeah, but nothing important," Michael sighed, rubbing a hand over his tired face. Christ, was his life ever going to get easier? Nothing seemed to settle down to a nice content flow anymore. Just short lived periods of happiness before the shit hit the fan. _

"_C'mon, babe, let's get some sleep," Ben coaxed, closing the distance between them._

"Fucking hell, Mikey," Brian gasped, falling back on the bed to rest for a minute after discarding the used condom. He was still listening to the quiet sniffling from his friend as he tried to hide it by burrowing deeper into the pillows. That raw ache was starting to work its way into his body and Michael hated it. Loved it. What the fuck was wrong with him?

Michael felt good, though. Satisfied and riding that wave of worn out throbbing in his legs and back (not to mention his backside) he couldn't help but just keep crying. This was absolutely wrong, Brian was probably pissed at him and he didn't want to think about the full weight of the words Brian had said to him about an hour beforehand. He flinched when he felt arms try and pull him into an embrace. He didn't mean to, it was just so unexpected and he was kind of floating in his own headspace at the moment. Fully engrossed in himself, he'd almost forgotten his bed partner was still right there with him. Brian was trying to turn him over so they could look face to face and Michael resisted on purpose.

"Mikey," Brian said, trying to get him to roll over. "Michael, c'mon."

Brian shushed the other man, eventually coaxing him over into his arms so he could wipe away the tears and rest their foreheads together as Brian tried to calm him down enough to relax and stop crying. God, all Brian wanted was for Mikey to just stop crying. It wasn't as though it pained him (that much) it was just that much harder to tell him what he had to say and it was probably the worst time to do it, but it had to be done sometime, didn't it?

"I'm sorry," Michael said with a tremor in his voice, the tears finally coming to an end as Brian held him quietly. Brian was just waiting until Michael had finally come back from wherever it was he went during these times.

"It's okay," Brian sighed, combing back a few wild strands of dark hair out of Michael's face. "But we need to talk, Mikey."

There was a moment right after Brian said that where Michael felt as if he really was alone in the bed. Outside noise seemed to be silence and he couldn't feel Brian's arms around him anymore even though he was looking right at the other man. It just wasn't registering. All Michael knew was that if his heart was any louder, it might come out his ears and what the hell was going on?

"I guess after a year it was bound to come down to this, huh?" Michael sniffed, wiping at his nose with the back of his hand, finally coming back to reality.

Brian rolled his lips into a tight line, looking down at his friend. "Mikey, don't do that."

"What?"

"Get started on your 'Michael is so pathetic' line of thinking."

Michael sat up, pulling out of Brian's arms. "Well, so what if I do? It's true isn't it?"

"Mikey-"

"No, Brian. C'mon, admit it. This is pathetic. I feel like the breeder husband cheating on the wife and my only excuse is 'I wasn't satisfied at home'."

Brian propped himself up on the pillows. "And you think I like it any better? In that little scenario, I'm the other woman."

Michael's brief smile looked more like a facial tick than anything else. "Stop it. You know what I mean."

"What can I say, Mikey?" Brian sighed, leaning over to the side table to grab his cigarettes and lighter. He tapped the lighter on the pack idly as he mulled his words over. "I'm tired of this."

"I knew you'd get bored with me one day, Brian. It's why I never even dreamed we'd wind up in bed together."

Brian angrily lit a cigarette in jerky motions, tossing the pack and lighter back on the small table. "Fuck you, Michael. I'm not bored with you. You make it sound like you're a goddamn object. A toy I'll just toss to the side when the newest thing comes out."

"I'm not?" Michael shrugged, leaning his head back to stare at the ceiling.

"No, you're not. You never were and you know that, you're just being an asshole." A self pitying one at that, Brian thought, but held his tongue.

"Fine. Agree to disagree."

They sat in silence as Brian smoked, occasionally leaning over to the side table to flick ash into an ashtray kept there. Brian would never say he knew everything about Michael, but even when he was clueless, he had a good guess as how to take care of him. He always seemed to know when to play the right cards and it made everyone seem to believe that they were just that in tune with each other. That the years of friendship had given them such depth and insight to each other. Right now, Brian saw them as complete strangers from the best friends they were a year ago.

Michael started to fidget and Brian just waited for it as he ground out the cigarette butt in the ashtray. It wasn't in his nature to be patient.

"So… I guess that wasn't what you wanted to talk about," Michael finally said, right index finger gently touching the silver band on his left hand.

Brian waited as he settled himself back against the pillows.

"Are we ending it, then? This?"

Brian sighed. "I want to say yes, but I can't."

"Why not?"

"Shut up, Michael. It's time for my big dramatic speech."

Michael frowned but kept his mouth shut.

Pinching the bridge of his nose and shutting his eyes, he tried to decide where to start this. "Michael, I'm tired of this." Premeditating Michael's leaning forward to interrupt, Brian held up a hand to stop him from speaking. "Not us. Never us. Not what we do here together."

Brian smiled letting a fingertip trace down the side of Michael's arm closest to him. Michael rolled his eyes, biting his tongue to hold back an 'it's all about sex' comment. Brian continued, "I'm tired of trying to figure out what few hours of the day we can sneak to my loft, counting down the seconds until I have to let you go because you're still with Ben. Panicking every time your phone goes off. Being on edge so much that you won't even let me take you out for lunch during the week!"

"Brian, with you it's never just lunch," Michael said sarcastically.

"Mikey, you only think it'll never just be lunch."

"What?" Brian didn't have to look at the other man to know that confusion was written all over his face.

"Mikey," Brian started, turning to face his friend, then stopped himself. "Michael. Michael, you keep putting me in this box. You keep thinking that you know everything about me and how I work."

Michael was hurt. How could he not be? After all these year Brian had the nerve to tell him that he didn't know his best friend at all. Is that what he was saying?

"That's fucked up, Brian," Michael huffed, crossing his arms.

"No, what's fucked up is you and your bullshit way of never seeing what's right in front of you," he shot back calmly, debating on another cigarette. "Before you decide to take this really personally and get all Italian on me, just shut up and listen. I want to be with you, Michael. I'm tired of hiding and never going out anymore. When was the last time we went to Woody's, Mikey? How about Babylon, let alone a dance there?"

"Ben-"

"Yeah, that's the problem."

Michael let his arms fall back to the bed. "It's not that easy, Brian and you know it."

"Why not? Clean break and you're free."

"Yeah? What about the house? Hunter and Jenny? Brian, you were never sure you wanted Gus let alone two more kids."

Brian grunted, getting out of bed and lighting another cigarette. "You don't get it, do you?"

Michael just stared, waiting.

"You think I wasn't planning on all of that? You really think I was just expecting you to up and leave it all behind?" Brian asked, exhaling sharply. "Goddamnit, Michael, what do I have to fucking do to make you fucking understand?"

Michael shrugged. "You could try to just spit it out. You've said everything except what you really want to say."

Brian paused, taken aback. There it was. That infamous way Mikey had of hitting the nail on the head. He didn't know how the other man did it, but he managed to throw anything Brian had planned out of order with just a simple moment of clarity that seemed to disappear as soon as it showed up.

"I want you to choose, Mikey. That's it," he sighed, cigarette resting between his lips as he ran a hand through his hair absently. He let the hand fall to his side limply and shrugged as he looked at his friend, still naked on the bed. "Sorry, but it's time to make a choice and it's either him or me."

"Brian-"

Brian glanced at the clock on the bedside table. "Listen, it's almost seven. You have to get going. Don't wanna keep hubby waiting."

He went into the bathroom and there was a hiss as Brian flicked the cigarette into the toilet bowl and turned on the shower, leaving Michael on the bed in a stupor, thinking about what Brian had just said. Was this really happening? Not only had he lost his grip on his home life, but now what made up his love life as well. Fucking hell, Brian wasn't supposed to do this to him. Getting up, he went into the bathroom, watching Brian shower through the glass. He could use one himself and decided to join Brian, who feigned disinterest at the sudden intrusion.

Michael stood under the spray of hot water, enjoying it before reality crashed back in as Brian's arms snaked their way around his chest and waist. God, he'd waited years for this. Just to have Brian wanting him, possibly needing him in a way far more intimate than just friends. He sighed, letting his head fall forward as the taller man nuzzled into the back of his neck. If asked, Michael could tell you the technical things that made sex with Brian different than sex with Ben. Other than that, he was at a loss as to why he preferred one over the other. It wasn't like him at all, his morals usually holding him to what he had always known to be right. In this case, Michael knew he should've been with Ben, his husband. Not to say that he wasn't. No, he knew it would be completely suspicious if Michael had left their marital bed completely. There were more than a few nights a week where Ben gave him what he never thought Brian could. Michael had reasoned it that when he was with Brian, they fucked. There was nothing nice about it and he loved it. There was a large part of him that needed it and Brian gave it to him more than willingly. When he was with Ben, they made love, they had sex. There was that romantic element to it that Michael still wanted and Ben gave that to him. Along with their kids and house and, Christ, their marriage.

But Brian was as tempting as ever over the years. Still going out late, partying, clubbing and making it all look so fucking good even with their age rapidly closing in on them, trying to dictate what was appropriate for them to do. Brian was still wild and that was what Michael loved about it. He told the world to go fuck itself and its rules and fuck aging, because it would never touch him. He could do as he pleased and not have to get tied down into monotony. Brian had been Michael's escape. Always playing Peter and continually showing him that they never did have to grow up. Fuck taxes and bills and renovations and redecorations. All the dinner parties with the neighbors and looking forward to doing the crossword puzzle in the Sunday paper with Ben reading a book next to him paled in comparison to Brian's allure of drugs, music and men until dawn.

"Is it really that hard of a choice, Mikey?" Brian asked, pulling Michael out of his thoughts. Lips pressed against his ear and hands gently roamed up the front of his body.

Michael sighed. "It's all about sex with you, isn't it?"

"I never have led you to believe otherwise," Brian commented, absently playing with one of Michael nipples. Michael leaned into the touch.

"Then why ask me to choose? You can get this from anyone."

"Because I don't want just this."

"What do you want?"

"You haven't been listening to me at all, have you?" Brian asked, letting Michael out of his arms and grabbing a bottle of shampoo. He uncapped the bottle and squeeze it into the palm of his hand and set it back down before rubbing his hands together and working the shampoo into Michael's hair, fingertips massaging the scalp. Michael hummed as a feeling of content washed over him just like the water. It was strange how easy all of this was. They usually showered separately.

"I don't want to choose."

Brian sighed, tilting Michael's head back under the water to comb out the suds. "That's not a choice."

"Don't make me," Michael whispered, eyes closed.

Biting his tongue as he grabbed conditioner, Brian argued with himself for doing this. He knew not to make Michael choose. Hell, wasn't he always the one that told everyone else that if they made Mikey choose, they were going to lose him? It was true for the most part. Someone always lost when they made Michael choose, but it was never Brian. The good doctor had proved that much. Maybe he hadn't been thinking clearly, but that was a lie. Brian had been thinking perfectly since that first time and all he thought about was Michael. Sure it was awkward at first, but they worked around it. Shit, things were perfect for awhile. They spent more time together, went out, hung out. It wasn't always sex. In fact, after that first time, they hadn't slept together for about a month, thinking it was a mistake. But it all went downhill without them realizing it. They stopped going out for lunch. They wouldn't show up for breakfast at the diner together anymore and then no more nights out together unless it was a little rendezvous at Brian's loft. They didn't drink together anymore and drugs were out of the question. Anything that was usually normal for them was now off limits and Brian was tired of it. He missed Mikey, all of him, not just the part that came to his bed.

Massaging the cream into the dark hair, Brian found himself at a loss for words. Especially after realizing that he may not like the choice Michael would make. Michael would be one to spare him pain, and this might be his way of doing it. By asking Brian to try and not make him choose. Shit, this wasn't how it was supposed to go. Brian wasn't sure how he had wanted it to go, but not like this.

"Head back," Brian said, running his hands through Michael's hair as he did so.

"Anything I can do to change your mind?" Michael asked, pressing up a little closer to Brian behind him.

"Surprisingly, that won't change my mind."

Brian saw Michael's eyebrows rise in mild shock. "That is surprising. I really don't have a choice do I?"

"Of course you do, Mikey. Me or him, that's your choice."

Michael smiled loosely, righting his head and turning around to face Brian. "You're not going to completely screw with my life, are you? Following me, romantic gestures and foiling plots Ben may come up with to keep me with him?"

Brian snorted, rolling his eyes. "Are you reading trashy romance novels now, Mikey? I don't do romance and if Justin taught me anything, stalking is so six years ago. Has it made a comeback?"

Michael rested his head on Brian's chest, wrapping his arms around his waist. "You know I love you, right?"

"Always have, always will."

He didn't want to think about where this might be going. Michael didn't have a decision made right off the bat and now he didn't even have a best friend to consult about it. To help him or to comfort him when it all went south, because there was no way they were coming out of this clean.

_A/N: I'm sure we're all a little confused right now (I am), but the next chapter will start connecting things together. So, leave a review, good or bad. Hey, even make some guesses! Until next time!_

_~SL_


	2. Chapter 2

Choose

_A/N: I just feel like saying a few words about the last chapter. I'm a very sarcastic and cynical person (probably why I adore Brian so) and I can't help but make fun of certain things I tend to roll my eyes at. Without realizing it, I've pretty much made fun of every single Brian/Michael story ever with Brian saying 'Shut up, Michael. It's time for my big dramatic speech.' Have you noticed that's always how it works? Brian gives some newly impassioned speech and then there's sexing all around? I couldn't resist. Ah, Brian easily resisting Mikey's sexual advance in the shower was another and their sex scene in general. I tried to convey the want was just as simple as that. Not some strange 'true love' force. Lol Also, last one I promise, the slight banter at the end in the shower where Michael asks if Brian will screw with his life by 'following him, romantic gestures and foiling plots Ben might may come up with'. I actually loved that line. I'm no romance writer, folks. This is angst tinged with many things, but romance is not one of them. Sorry, no terms of 'coming home' or 'soul searing' here. Thought I should let you know._

_Enjoy!_

_~SL_

_Chapter Two_

"Not going to the diner today?" Ben asked as he was dressing for work while Michael kept himself curled under the thick covers, facing away from him. It was already nine and the gang usually met up around ten before going about their day on the weekends. Ben would've been joining everyone himself if had hadn't agreed to add on a Saturday morning class and attend a faculty meeting after that.

Michael rolled over and Ben smiled as he had the covers pulled up so high that he could only see his dark eyes and wild bed head peering at him. From what Ben could see, his husband looked wide awake and temping him back into bed for the entire weekend. If only. Michael had been excessive in his attention to Ben since last week. Not that Ben minded one bit, he felt like things were finally getting back to normal around here. Ben and Michael spending time together like they used to.

Waking up with Michael wrapped around him, showering together, reading and movies, dinner and spending nights home rather than feeding a constant itch Michael used to have to go out. It all just stopped. Finally, he thought, things had calmed down.

Michael shook his head under the covers a muffled voice saying, "Nah, wanna stay in today."

Ben walked over to the bed, shirt open and unbuttoned as he sat on the edge close to Michael. "Mm, wish I could stay in with you, baby." He leaned over and pressed a kiss to the other man's temple before finishing his routine of dressing and saying goodbye, he'd be home around five if he was lucky. Michael let out a sigh of relief when Ben left. He knew that they needed to talk eventually. Well, he thought they did. Really, was this so bad to ruin by admitting his infidelity?

Rolling onto his back and pulling the covers over his head he tried to weigh the options he had spent the whole night thinking about, getting little sleep. He already had a set life with Ben, right here and now. They had two wonderful kids, great friends and compatibility that Michael had never found with anyone else except Brian. It wasn't as intimate as his… whatever it was at this point with Brian. There were little moments here and there, watching Ben write or curled up together as Michael flipped channels and Ben read a book, those were nice, but they didn't compare to late night movie marathons with Brian. Getting high and pigging out on every form of take out known to man and laughing as they flipped through old yearbooks and wracked their minds for the most hilarious stories yet to be told.

But that's what years of friendship did, wasn't it? Forged a bond stronger than almost anything. At least that's what Hallmark had you believe. Michael sighed, stirring uncomfortably. He still didn't know what to do. Brian hadn't called him, pressured him or tried to see him since he left the loft a week ago and Michael had done the same. There was a respectable truce between them to keep things as they had been. Almost never being seen in public, but no longer seeing each other in private. On rare occasions where they would share a booth at the diner together happened, they played it up like they were both just too busy to see each other and cuddled together like they always did. No one was the wiser. Still, Michael knew there was a faint ticking that surrounded them. There had been no set deadline, but he knew that if he didn't do something soon there would be an end. To what extent, he didn't know, but it would happen.

The thought scared him. To lose everything seemed impossible. What happened to Palm Springs in their distant and wrinkly future? They would lose it. They would lose what made them, them; Brian and Michael, because as much as they would lie to themselves, things would never go back to normal. They hadn't been normal since the day they first shared a bed… or wall, to be more precise.

"_Hey, Mikey," Brian's voice came over the phone. "What are you wearing?"_

_Michael rolled his eyes as he shut the door of the comic store behind him, locking it. "Captain Astro shirt and jeans, Brian. Why? Gonna start taking fashion advice from me?"_

_He heard a snort on the other line. "Yeah, you wish. Me and the fall collection have too good a thing going to end it all for silkscreened tees and jeans that… well, Mikey, when the hell was the last time you bought new jeans?"_

"_I dunno… a few years ago, I guess." By now, Michael was at the corner of the street, about to cross the intersection to head to the diner. Just stop in to say hi to his mom. Maybe snag a lemon bar. His stomach agreed with the idea._

"_And that's the problem," Brian stated. "If you can't remember the last time you bought something, you should go buy it."_

"_If the rest of us had money to burn like you," Michael sighed into the phone. "Besides, I don't wanna have to break in new jeans. Mine fit me perfectly."_

"_Until they fall off when you wear them out."_

"_Is there a purpose to this call, or are you just going to berate my fashion sense all night?"_

_Brian chuckled low into the phone. "No, no. Far be it from me to tear you away from your precious threadbare jeans. Actually, I wanted to know if you wanted to go to Woody's tonight, hit up the clubs afterward?"_

_Michael stood outside the diner, not wanting to interrupt his phone call with the noise he would be slammed with inside. "Sure. The guys coming?"_

"_Nah. Theodore is too busy with the Tweaked Out Twinkie tonight," he said. "And Emmett is going to some play or something with whatshisface."_

"_Ah, the flavor of the night, I see," Michael snickered._

"_Yeah, it'll be just you and me, like old times."_

"_You always know what to say to make sure I'll go with you, don't you?"_

"_Well… you haven't called me in a week, Mikey," Brian muttered._

_A silence fell between the two as Michael realized that Brian really had left him alone for the entire week, leaving it up to Michael to call. To call him if he had wanted to find out what all that… nonsense Brian had talked about with him last was about. Michael still wasn't sure if he wanted to know. Michael cleared his throat._

"_Yeah, sorry… busy-"_

"_Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Are we going tonight or what?"_

_Michael worked his bottom lip between his teeth as he tried to come up with a way out of it. He had gotten the week off after all. _

"_I guess so…"_

"_Do you want to know?" Brian asked, voice lowered to a deep pitch. _

"_What?"_

"_Do you want to know, Mikey?"_

"_I don't know, Brian… are you planning something?"_

"_Paranoid. Don't you trust me?"_

"_Again, you always find the right way to force my hand in your favor."_

_There was another long pause. "Well?"_

_Taking a deep breath, briefly thinking about the whole week he had spent with Ben and the not quite satisfying week they had together Michael spoke, nearly whispering, "Yeah, I wanna know."_

"_Good. Get your black jeans and a clean shirt that doesn't have superhero on it and I'll be there at eight. Sure you can get away?"_

"_Of course," Michael answered, too quickly. Why did he feel so guilty? Ben flashed through his mind, but that was crazy. Nothing was going to happen that he didn't want to. It was drinks and dancing, the usual. After a week without Brian, he would be allowed this one night out. He tried not to think of why he had to be allowed to do anything as they ended their conversation. Michael looked into the diner window, watching his mother busy herself from table to table and lost his appetite. She would know right away. She always did. With that, he turned to head home, trying to figure out a decent sounding explanation for going out tonight to Ben._

Michael groaned, kicking the covers off himself fitfully, laying bare in a tangle of sheets and pillows trying to distract himself from thinking about his current predicament. He wanted to bring his thoughts as far away from Brian or Ben as possible. But there were no other people as important in his life and most, if not all, the best time he'd been having recently were with either one or the other.

"So fucked," Michael muttered, rolling onto his stomach, burying his head under the pillows, as if trying to block out the thoughts.

"_We're really going to go through this again?" Ben asked, crossing his arms as he stared Michael down._

_Michael sighed as he shut the door to the fridge, leaning on it as if it were holding him up. This was not happening. Was this really happening? He looked over at Ben who was looking at him over the rims of his glasses, a frown on that face he loved. But he had seen that look before._

"_Do not speak to me as if I'm Hunter," Michael warned, standing up straight. _

"_Well, if you're going to act like a child, why shouldn't I treat you like one?"_

_Shell-shocked, Michael couldn't do anything but stare up at his husband before anger boiled to the surface. "I've been here ALL week, Ben! Every morning, noon and night I've been here."_

"_And now you're going to go right back to him!"_

"_Brian," Michael clarified as he breezed past Ben and into the living room with a glass of juice in his hand. Ben stared after, glancing up towards the ceiling as if looking for the strength to continue on before following his husband._

"_Baby, please," he pleaded, sitting on the couch across from Michael. "I just got so used to having you home… with me."_

"_It's a night!"_

"_You really believe that?"_

"_I stayed home all week like I promised, didn't I?"_

"_So what's one more night?" Ben asked._

_Michael set his glass down on the table in front of them, rubbing his hands together. "I haven't called him all week, I've only seen him at the diner some mornings and all he's asked for is a night out with me. His best friend."_

"_Can you at least be home by midnight?"_

"_I have a curfew now?"_

"_Michael, it's not like that-"_

"_Then what is it like, Ben? Tell me, because you never seem to get down to that part of the conversation. You just tell me how much you don't like me spending time with him, I'm out too late and when I finally give in and my best friend needs me, you tell me no!"_

"_Michael, calm down," Ben shushed, sitting on the edge of the couch, leaning towards Michael. God, this was not how he planned the night going at all. "I just want you home more often, is that a crime?"_

"_Considering you've barely been here the entire week I decided to be home? Yeah, I'll say it is," Michael snapped, throwing himself into the back of the couch, arms crossed as he glared at his husband across the way. Trying to put as much distance as possible between them._

"_Is it my fault there were staff meetings this week? Papers to grade?"_

"_No! But you didn't have to spend the extra two hours in your office writing or whatever the fuck you do there."_

"_That's not fair, Mi-"_

"_So you can put my life on hold, but I can't expect the same of you?"_

_Ben took off his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. Michael was right. He really shouldn't have spent those extra hours at work to work on his next book, even if he liked the peace and quiet much better. Still, it was not his fault that he had other things to attend to._

"_Well, I don't have those things now. I was going to make dinner, Hunter is at a friend's house for the night…"_

_Michael rolled his eyes. "So now that it's convenient for you to spend time with me, you expect me at your beck and call."_

"_That is not it and you know it."_

"_I'm going to tell you what it is, Ben," Michael said, standing up and staring down at his husband who looked up expectantly. "What it is? Is me getting ready to go out. Brian is going to be here at eight to pick me up. We're going to Woody's and then Babylon. When we're done, I'll be coming home. If you want to join me in the shower, though… feel free."_

_Michael went upstairs hoping he might have worked Ben into a rage. Nothing violent, but a rage to make Ben _want_ Michael. So bad that he would do anything to keep him home. Just that feeling of being wanted so strongly that they would never notice Brian knocking on the door to pick Michael up. Something to quell this urge he had within him. Anything._

"Christ!" Michael groaned, shooting up, knocking pillows off the bed as he crawled off it. He couldn't stop thinking about any of this. Working at the store couldn't distract him, or the school kids with their excitable chatter of the coolest or newest caped crusaders that captured their imaginations. Hunter was too caught up in his new girlfriend, taking things much slower this time around. She was a nice girl, pretty Michael guessed, he wasn't one to comment on women.

He checked his phone, wishing there was a missed called. Hoping for one, but there wasn't. The little background picture of Jenny Rebecca's scrunched face was all that greeted him. Michael couldn't help but smile as he snapped the phone shut and slipped into a pair of sweatpants before heading to the bathroom. He just needed a good hot shower, clear his head and go to work. He'd be back to normal in no time flat.

Although, that's what he'd been telling himself the entire week. Thankfully, Saturdays were extra busy with kids free from school the entire day and the extra foot traffic on the street from passersby. Maybe today would be the day he could forget about everything. Just for a little while. He turned on the shower and stepped out of the loose sweatpants. Letting his hand pass over the running water to test the temperature and turned on the spray, stepping in a moment after. Michael shut his eyes against it, taking his time and enjoying it before starting to get ready for his day.

_The shower had been disappointing, as it went without any guest appearance. It only drove Michael's annoyance with his husband into full on anger as he found the faded black jeans Brian had instructed him to wear, tossing them on the bed to find a matching black shirt. He usually avoided the dark color because he thought it made him look a little washed out. Brian had always told him otherwise, so tonight he'd decided to listen to his friend. Yanking the jeans on, he took a look in the mirror in the bedroom. Maybe Brian was right, he thought, turning sideways to get a better view. Maybe he should do a little updating to his wardrobe. He smiled briefly, thinking he looked like Brian did almost half the time in his Loft. Jeans unbuttoned, no shirt… He gave himself a once over with a critical eye. Michael decided that black wasn't half bad. If anything, it made him feel… kind of badass. Especially with the mood he was in. He pulled on the black shirt, something he hadn't worn in years and worried that maybe it was just a little too tight, pulling up to show a pale strip of flesh above the waistband on the jeans when he raised his arms a little. He'd be tugging at it all night._

_It didn't matter. Michael liked it. He took a little bit of gel, running his hands haphazardly though his hair and looked at the result in the mirror. A little wild, a little less tame than normal. Maybe even bordering into that 'I've just been fucked' style. He grinned at his reflection and it duplicated the action. Yeah, it worked. _

_He found his pair of beat up old boots that he liked and put those on. Maybe he'd even turn a few heads. It would make his night if he did. Give him that little boost and bounce in his step to make him go to sleep with a smile, maybe be able to smooth things over with Ben come the morning. Sometimes all you needed was a change of attitude. Maybe they both just needed a little space, let Michael blow off his steam and Ben rethink the last week. It would be good._

_Michael glanced at the clock on the bedside table. About half an hour until Brian showed up. While Brian was usually counted on to show up fashionably late, this wasn't just a night out. Somehow Michael knew that Brian would show up right on the dot… but what to do until then? Going back downstairs might be a bad idea. Holing himself up here wouldn't do him any good and bore him to death in the short amount of time he had to wait. His stomach gurgled, which didn't make his decision any easier. They were going to Woody's, he should probably eat something…_

_A knock sounded at the bedroom door and Michael raised an eyebrow at it before glancing at the clock again. Not Brian. "Come in."_

_The door opened slowly and Ben's tall frame leaned into the room, eyes downcast. "Hey."_

"_Hey," Michael said, crossing his arms as he turned to look at the mirror again. _

"_I brought you a sandwich… some soup, too. If you want it."_

_Michael looked over at Ben, letting out a harsh sigh and motioned for him to come in. Ben did, a plate with the sandwich and a bowl with steam coming off the top with a spoon rattling around in it. He placed them carefully on a nightstand and looked at his husband as if trying to figure out what to say. _

"_Thanks," Michael said watching Ben carefully as blue eyes looked him up and then down. As if really s_eeing_ him for the first time._

"_I'm sorry for the conversation… earlier," Ben said softly. "I shouldn't have… said those things the way I did and I'm sorry for that."_

"_I didn't mean to blow up like that."_

_Ben sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Things have just been… really tense between us."_

"_Believe me, I know," Michael agreed, daring to cross over to the corner of the room that Ben occupied. He picked up the bowl of soup carefully, the ceramic still hot in his hands. "Maybe we're just… going through a rough patch. I mean, you're working more because of your book and now they're suggesting weekend classes for you soon and…"_

_He really had nothing to go on. Ben's work wasn't that demanding of him and Michael knew it. There was just building tension between them that neither could explain. Michael was thankful that he had the soup to occupy him and decided to take a seat on the bed next to Ben as he ate quietly, mulling things over._

"_I just wish we had more time together," Ben confessed._

_Michael rested the bowl in his lap and looked into it as he quietly reminded his husband that he had been home all week._

"_I know, Michael, I know. I just… sometimes I feel like you're never going to come back."_

"_Why wouldn't I?"_

"_I don't know! I just… don't know."_

"_Ben… I love you. I _married_ you, for whatever that's worth and means to you."_

"_The world. I can't explain what it means to me, baby. I don't have the words… but I wonder what it means to you, especially these days."_

_Michael looked up from the murky soup and into Ben's eyes, spotting that small gleam of moisture. "Oh, Ben. Ben, don't. You should know it means everything to me. We have a life together that I wouldn't give up for anything. I married the man I love. I get to spend the rest of my life with you, go to bed with you every night and see your face every morning."_

"_Those are all the right things to say," Ben murmured with a tiny smile. _

_Michael rested a hand on his husband's cheek, smiling wider. "Good. It's the truth."_

"_But is it enough, Michael?" Ben's hand covered Michael's on his face. "Is it really enough for you, or do you only love it when you're in the mood for it?"_

"_What the fuck does that even mean?"_

"_Why do you still go out with Brian?"_

"_Because he's my best friend and we like to drink and dance? It's not like I come home trashed."_

"_Michael… maybe if you went out a few times a month, or had lunch instead of hitting the clubs I'd feel better. But-"_

"_But what, Ben? What are you trying to say?"_

"_I think you're still in love with him."_

_Michael tore away from Ben and stood up, nearly toppling the cool soup on the floor. "And you've just decided this? So, you're not taking my word, you're not listening me and obviously you have no faith in the fact that I decided to spend the rest of my life with you and vowed it in front of friends, family and God! And do you want to know the worst part, Ben? Do you?"_

_Ben stared bleakly at his enraged partner, waiting to be hit full force._

"_This marriage? These rings? They don't mean a fucking thing in this state! I don't _have_ to have _any _of this with you! I could walk out the fucking door right now with no legal repercussions or needs, but do I? NO! I'm not tied to any arrangement but the one I want to be… and you just can't seem to… believe me. I don't know how-"_

_A loud car horn sounded outside, stopping Michael mid rant, index finger in the middle of gesturing. He set the bowl back down on the table and visibly shook the residual anger out of himself. _

"_I don't know if I'll be coming home tonight," Michael stated honestly, looking towards the bedroom door. "I'll be at Brian's if I don't. On the couch, if you need to know, and I'll have my phone with me. Good night."_

_Without another word, Michael left the room and Ben sat, dumbfounded and chilled to the bone. God, had he completely fucked everything up?_

"Motherfucking bullshit," Michael spat under his breath, rubbing a towel aggressively over his body, draping it over his wet hair and shoulders as he slipped the sweatpants back on and went to wake up Hunter for breakfast, only to find his room empty. Considering it wasn't that late in the afternoon, he was confused. Hunter was a lazy little shit on the weekends, and Michael wouldn't have it any other way.

He went downstairs to find him sitting at the table, reading the paper as he absentmindedly shoveled Captain Crunch into his mouth. Michael rubbed the towel against his hair as he grabbed everything needed to fix a bowl of the same for himself. Hunter glanced over the paper at Michael, eyes following the older man as he took a seat across from him.

"You're up early," Michael commented, enjoying a too big spoonful of cereal.

Hunter rustled the paper to have it lower halfway and looked at Michael. "Yep."

Swallowing with difficulty, Michael gave Hunter a questioning look. "Okay… any plans today?"

"Yep."

"Care to share?"

"Nope."

"Katie, again?"

"Nope."

"Could we at least make this fun? Like Twenty Questions or Charades or something?"

"Snippy, aren't we?"

Michael rolled his eyes. "You're one to talk."

"Hey, man, I'm just sitting here minding my own business and you've got all these questions," Hunter tossed back, setting the paper down on the table.

"Forgive me for wanting to know what my son is up to."

"Aw, pa, you don't have to go an' worry 'bout lil ole me." Hunter fluttered his eyelashes with a grin.

"You're an asshole, you know that?"

"And you're nosy."

"Please, just tell me where you're going today."

Hunter sighed as if he had to talk down to a small child. "I was going to go open the store today."

"Why?" Michael raised a curious eyebrow.

"We talked about this last week! You and Ben started griping about how I'm older now and needed a job instead of asking you guys for money all the time and some more responsibility. Y'know, parent shit."

"Oh." Why the fuck couldn't he remember saying any of this?

"Yeah, you called me and told me about it. You were out with Brian or something and said we'd go in together and then you'd leave me there for a few hours to handle things."

Oh, that's why. He was busy focusing on Brian to remember what was going on. Oh, Christ. And those freed up hours on the weekend were going to be used to go see Brian. Now what was he going to do? Christ, lies everywhere. How to untangle them? Then again… a day off and having the store open at the same time? It could be just what he needed.

"Okay, yeah. You get ready when you're done and we'll head in," Michael said, snagging the comics section out of the scattered remnants of the paper. Hunter rolled his eyes as he cleared his side of the table, clattering about in the kitchen.

"Any hot water left?"

Michael looked up from the brightly colored paged. "Should be. Make it quick though, it's almost ten."

"Don't take so damn long getting out of bed!"

"Watch your fucking mouth, young man!"

Hunter leaned out the kitchen grinning at Michael, Michael smiled back, mirth hiding in the depths of his eyes. What could he say? The kid really grew on him over the years and he couldn't imagine life without him at this point.

"Go on," Michael said, waving his hand. Hunter laughed and made his way upstairs to his room, taking the steps two at a time. Michael sat back in his chair and sighed heavily, cleaning up the rest of the table, folding the paper back up and leaving it on the table for when Ben came home during lunch. He had been in a rush this morning. He decided the dishes could wait until later, because he'd be doing nothing the entire afternoon.

When he had nothing left to do but face the music, he went back upstairs to dress for work, taking the damp towel from around his shoulders and tossing it to the bed. Digging around in his dresser, he came across a torn black shirt. Stumbling back to the bed, he sat down staring at the ruined material in his hands. God, was he really such a sucker for sentimentality that he had kept this?

"_Mikey," Brian drawled, fingers tapping on the wheel in time to a song on the radio as he drove. Michael had been sitting in his seat, a huddled ball of seething anger since getting into the car. If Michael was going to be difficult on purpose, more fun for Brian, but he'd like to talk to his best friend now. "Mikey, c'mon. Lighten up! I won't make you do anything you haven't done before."_

"_It's not you."_

_Brian raised an eyebrow. When _wasn't _it him? "Oh? Then I take back what I said."_

_Michael smiled briefly. "Asshole. No, it's just… It's Ben and-"_

"_Ah, ah, ah," Brian chastised primly as the pulled up to a red light. "We're going out. You are not even going to say Big Ben's name, let alone think it. It'll make the night that much more fun for you."_

"_You're up to something."_

"_Are you going to sit there and tell me none of this is because of Ben?" Brian asked with a knowing look as he glanced at the light to gas the car when it turned green._

"_No… it is."_

"_Then why bring up something unpleasant throughout the night?"_

"_Maybe we shouldn't do this. Why don't we go back to the Loft? Order in, watch a few movies…"_

"_No."_

_Michael crossed his arms over his chest and sighed heavily. "Why not?"_

"_Don't whine."_

"_I'm not!"_

"_Why can't you just relax and have fun tonight?"_

"_Because Ben is really pissing me off lately," Michael snapped. _

_Brian nodded. "Isn't that more of a reason to forget him, even for one night?"_

_Why couldn't Brian just… understand? Why is it that his best friend wouldn't even let him vent? What the fuck did Michael get himself into tonight? Brian was keeping his eyes trained on the road, casting flickering side glances at Michael. If nothing else, he was dressed to kill. This would be easier than he thought, really. Brian had planned on Michael putting up more of a fight against this, but with his friend walking into it blind, Brian realized he had more of the upper hand. _

"_I'm not having a one night stand," Michael stated clearly, looking out his window._

"_Did I say you were going to?"_

"_No, but…"_

"_Mikey, you gotta learn to trust me. I know you and your 'upstanding morals'. Would I, your best friend, even think about letting you go off with some other man?"_

_Michael rolled his eyes, hearing the tone of laughter in Brian's words. "Oh, of course not. Not you, Brian."_

"_Asshole."_

"_Jackass."_

"_Prude."_

"_Now wait a minute!" Michael turned in his seat to look at Brian as he made the turn down Liberty Ave slowing down slightly to avoid hitting any wandering pedestrians in his way. "I have never been a prude."_

"_Then why don't you want to know?"_

"_I'm here, aren't I? Obviously I want to know!"_

"_Yeah, after trying to back out of it and bringing up things that would only try and make me feel bad for you so we won't do this tonight," Brian countered, pulling into a spot along the curb. "Now get out, get shitfaced and have a good fucking time. I promise it's not that hard."_

"_I don't need pain management," Michael muttered, unbuckling the seatbelt. _

_Brian sighed, climbing out of the car, leaning his head in before shutting the door. "You're really starting to piss me the fuck off."_

"Okay, so register, computer the comics are all marked for prices," Michael explained, pointing at the scan bar on the back of the comics. "If you need to leave or close up, any sort of emergency… not meaning 'my girlfriend just called and I have to go', put all the money in the bag under the counter and put that in the safe."

They had made it to the comic shop after Hunter interrupted Michael's moment in a time long ago. He had panicked, stuffing the torn shirt under the pillows of the bed as he jumped to attention, brushing off the memory as he ushered Hunter out of the house and to the store for the day. Leaving Michael wondering if he should call Brian today after all.

Hunter looked up from a bin of comics. "Can Katie come here?"

"I dunno, are you two going to mess up the backroom?" Michael asked, crossing his arms, snapping back to pay attention as Hunter flipped through comics.

"We haven't even done that yet! Fuck," the younger man exclaimed, thrown his arms up in exasperation. "I don't know why you two don't believe me when I tell you that."

"Well… you're a teenager. Poz or not, it is hard to believe," Michael admitted as he straightened out the few papers on the counter. "Did you tell her yet?"

"Yeah. That's why we haven't done anything yet. She knows it's a risk and even a smaller one with protection, but she wants to wait," Hunter explained with a shrug. "I dunno. Women."

"Hey, don't look at me. I don't know a damn thing about them. Ask Lindsey."

Hunter rolled his eyes, walking behind the counter and going on the computer, clicking away with the mouse. Michael wondered what he was going to do with the rest of his day now that he didn't have to work and everyone probably had their days planned out. Hunter seemed curious about the same thing.

"What are you gonna be doing today?" Hunter asked, looking up from the computer.

Michael shrugged. "I don't have a clue. I guess I could hit the gym a little early today."

"Gonna call Brian?"

"What? Why?"

Hunter looked at Michael as though he'd grown another head. "Because you two always go to the gym together. Christ, what is wrong with you today?"

"Nothing," he assured his son. "It's just… one of those days, y'know?"

"Not really, dude."

"Smartass. Anyways, I'll have my cell so call if you need anything and I'll-"

The bells above the door jingled merrily as they both looked towards the door and found Brian nonchalantly entering, eyes hidden behind aviators as he worked a piece of gum in his mouth absently. Michael was beyond confused by the appearance. Brian hadn't shown up all week to the shop and missing breakfast wasn't a big deal. Why was he here?

"Hey, dude, just in time," Hunter greeted with a self-serving smile. "Michael was just thinking about hitting the gym. You up for it?"

Brian raised an eyebrow over the shades and a smile eased its way onto his lips. "Ah, the gym. How could I forget? We just haven't been there in… oh, how long, Mikey?"

Michael gave Brian a 'shut the hell up or I'll smack you upside the head worse than Ma' look as Hunter's confusion spread across his features.

"What do you mean? Michael still-"

"He's just being an asshole, Hunter. Ignore him," Michael interjected.

Brian shrugged. "We found a better way to work out, wouldn't you say?"

"Oh, for the love of- Go! Outside, now!" Michael barked, shoving Brian out the door as he waved at Hunter. Brian let himself be manhandled out the door, laughing as he turned around on the sidewalk, trying to calm Michael down, struggling to grab at the smaller hands shoving him roughly occasionally landing a good smack against the side of his head.

"Hey, hey," Brian tittered, finally latching onto Michael's wrists, pulling the shorted man close to him. "Calm down. I was just having a little fun."

Michael was red in the face and frustrated. "At the expense of my family, Brian?"

Brian frowned and let Michael's wrists go. "So, I take it that means I've been put to the side then. Best friends forever, right?"

"Oh, Christ, Brian," Michael reached out and Brian took a half step back. He didn't want to be touched by anyone, let alone Michael. They were heading down to that 'bad place' Brian would usually find himself in. There would be a reckless night ahead. "Brian, listen… I just haven't had time to think about it. I mean, Ben's working on another book and Hunter with his new girlfriend and you! I haven't seen you in a week."

"My phone receives calls just as well as it makes them."

"Okay, alright, I know that's on me… but I warned you. I told you I didn't want to choose. I begged you not to make me," he told Brian pointedly. "Someone's going to get hurt and I don't know who it's going to be or if I want to hurt anyone. You know me better than that."

Brian busied himself with pulling out a cigarette and lighter, spitting his gum into the street and looking off down the road, eyes hidden behind the sunglasses as he waited out the rest of Michael's words. He didn't want to hear this, this was going to be the end, he was sure of it. He just didn't expect it. When Michael had to choose, it was never against Brian. Michael always ran to Brian for… just about everything, why not this?

"Why don't we take this somewhere else?" Michael asked, glancing at the nearly covered window of the comic shop. He could see Hunter's face peeking around some posters taped to the glass.

"Whatever."

_Brian sunk the eight ball and stood up with a flourish, grinning as he called game. Michael sneered at his friend and made his way to the bar getting a jack and coke for himself and some of good old Jim Beam for Brian. That was the second game in a row Brian had won and it was starting to piss Michael off to no end. That cocky fucking smirk when he sunk the last shot, the snicker from behind Michael's back as Brian walk around him after he had missed his shot. It was enough to drive a sane man to drink. Michael brought the drink over to Brian, who had taken up residence on a stool at a small table near the pool table and accepted the drink with a nod. _

_Brian noticed that Michael was getting cruised left and right tonight. Not that he didn't any other night they went out, but more so tonight. Michael was dressed to kill and everyone knew it. Brian loved Michael in black, the way it seemed to make his pale skin stand out in the dim lighting and it always matched in that odd way Brian liked because of his hair. Watching Michael tilt back as he finished the last of his drink (rather quickly), Brian's eyes roamed over that strip of skin that showed when Michael's shirt road up and part of him mourned the loss of it as Michael set his glass down and absently tugged the shirt back down over the skin._

"_What do you say we do a few shots and then stumble our way to the clubs?" Brian asked, setting his empty glass down next to Michael's. _

"_Are we doing Babylon?"_

_Brian shook his head. "Pistols has a bit of a floor show going on tonight, figure it's something we should check out before hitting the floor."_

"_Which really means that you're checking out the competition to one up them," Michael translated with a smile eased with alcohol. _

"_Sure, why not?"_

_Pistols had changed hands over the years and was looking better and better each time it was bought up. What used to be the main twink bar had become something a little classier and exploring all tastes of life. Party boy twinks were left with Babylon and Popperz these days, and that was fine with Brian. He'd had his fill of twinks over the years, but now that Pistols was becoming real competition, he had made it a point to check it out. Rumor had it that it was actually going on the market again. Kinnetic was doing well enough along with Babylon that Brian was thinking about acquiring the place if he thought he could do something with it. It certainly wouldn't be any Babylon, but he was sure he could do something equally fantastic with it. _

"_Alright, let's do it then," Michael said, motioning Brian to the bar with him. Leaning up against the bar, Brian rapped his knuckles against the bar top absently as he waited for the bartender, who was chatting up some guy Brian had last month. If he remembered right, the guy was a screamer and not worth all the noise complaints from his neighbors the morning after. Michael was bouncing gently to the music in the place as he watched the football game on the TV overhead without understanding what the hell was going on in the game. _

"_Going straight on me, Mikey?" Brian asked, bumping into his friend's shoulder with his own gently. _

_Michael snorted. "Completely, Brian. I've found that a woman can give me so much more."_

"_Oh god," Brian groan, clutching his chest in false pain. "Et tu, Mikey? Another muncher in our midst!"_

"_You're almost embarrassing to go out with."_

"_Ah, but you still love me best."_

_Michael shifted uncomfortably, muttering an agreement of sorts. "Where the fuck is the bartender?"_

"_Hey!" Brian called out over the noise. "Hey! Unless you want the cops to show up for a noise violation, ditch that fuck and you might get a tip over here!"_

_The bartender snapped his head towards Brian and Michael. Brian gave him a quick once over. Not worth it. His contempt for the lack of service outweighed his libido at the moment. The bartender looked back at the guy at the bar he'd been hitting on who looked completely shattered at his chances with the hot hunk serving drinks as it had dropped down to zero._

_Brian dug into his wallet and pulled out a fifty. "Fifty going once! Going twice!"_

_Michael cradled his head in a hand and groaned in embarrassment. Brian was just too demanding sometimes. In this world, it was all about him and there was nothing to change that idea. Money talks and Brian knew it. That's how he made the world all about him and it was easy with two large incomes flowing right into his wallet. Brian was not impressed at the speed which the bartender made his way over to them, obviously annoyed with Brian's antics._

"_Yeah?" the bartender asked rudely._

_Brian slapped the bill down. "I wasn't kidding. Guy's a screamer like you've never heard before. Almost got kicked out of my building the next day and with what he's got? It's not worth the trouble. Now set us up with three shots each, vodka, top shelf and you get the rest all to yourself. If you really want him that bad, buy some earplugs with it."_

_Michael couldn't help but snicker as the bartender took the bill and slammed down six shot glasses in front of them, a look of pure contempt on his face as he turned over a bottle and ran it expertly over the six glasses. Putting that away, he gave them a nod and closed in on a new target, the previous apple of the bartender's eye running off somewhere to avoid further embarrassment. _

"_You are a complete fucking asshole," Michael said, exasperated with his best friend._

"_That likes to completely fuck an asshole," Brian quipped, raising a shot glass in mock toast towards Michael before downing it fluidly and setting it back down on the bar with a light click. "But on to new business. What should we toast to?"_

_Michael looked at his shot thoughtfully. "A happy life?"_

"_Pussy."_

"_Ew."_

"_Let's toast to a great night out, without consequences!" Brian enthusiastically supplied. _

_Michael rolled his eyes. "There's never any consequences for you." But he raised his shot glass dutifully and they clicked together and drank in sync, Michael's eyes stinging from the solid burn down his throat to his chest._

"_Mikey, I didn't know you still got red in the face when you drank."_

"_Well how often do I down straight vodka?"_

"_Suck it up; you've got two more to go. Pick a better toast this time," Brian added dryly._

"_Alright, fine. Here's to… finally figuring it all out," Michael said and Brian's approval was by tapping their glasses together again and drinking. "Any chance of you just… telling me what it is?" he asked nonchalantly as he set the empty glass on the bar top upside down._

"_Not on your life. Now finish all your alcohol or you can't go dancing," Brian said in a 'mommy' voice as he pinched Michael's cheek. Michael batted the hand away with a scowl and finished the last shot without any pomp and ceremony, slamming the little glass down harder than before. "We good here?"_

_Brian rolled his eyes and nodded. "Such a little drama queen."_

"Where are we going?" Brian asked, his tone dry as he climbed behind the wheel of his car, gunning the engine once Michael strapped himself in. He had to think about it. The Loft was not the place for talking and Ma was at the diner, no doubt. Too early to drink and too late for breakfast, what was left?

"My place," Michael said, wringing his hands together. He and Brian had never spent any time together sober at his place. Late night drop-ins and stopping by to pick Michael up and drop him off was the extent of it. It was just another way Michael kept the two lives separate. His domestic life stayed untainted from his infidelity, and he kept his little ideal of Brian and 'forever young' at the Loft. The two worlds never met and Michael liked the clean cut division that way. Now the rules were changing and they had little choice for neutral ground.

Brian tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, almost seeming lighthearted, just another drive with his best friend. But by how tightly his palms were pressed against the leather and the solid stiffness in how he held his arms, you knew he was anything but relaxed. Tension barely described the thick silence as they drove out of the busy area of Liberty Ave and into the quiet surroundings of the suburban area Michael lived in. The whole place pissed Brian off. Every time he had to come here, he wish he still had his Jeep. He wanted the engine to roar and wake the little children being carted in fashionable carriages with brand name diaper bags and scare the homo mommies and daddies that something wicked this was comes.

Brian liked to think of himself as the only true gay man left by standing in defiance of marriage and children (even though he seemed to have slipped up on that one). By keeping the party alive and that thumpa-thumpa going all fucking night, Brian thought of himself as a most upstanding, righteous (to use the term loosely) gay man. A poster boy for the truth of this 'culture', as any PC activist would put it. Brian would prefer to burn this area to the ground. Flame the flamers.

He snorted as he guided the car to the curb in front of Michael's place. A testament to what Brian stood in defiance against. They got out of the car and into the house with the silence following them close behind, each unsure of what was to come. Brian doubted Michael would drag him all the way here to get rid of him. Then again, Michael was the sort who liked things done privately, he probably thought this was a more 'proper' setting for it than the sidewalk in front of Red Cape.

"So," Brian started, shutting the door behind them as Michael wandered into the kitchen. "What are we doing here?"

There was shuffling and doors opening and closing. Brian rolled his eyes. Leave it to the Italian to make food in emotion crisis. "We just… I don't know! Apparently I told Hunter I'd let him run the store on weekends and I remembered I was doing it to get more time with you, but we're not doing that-"

Brian leaned against the doorway of the kitchen, blocking Michael's way as he carried beers and armloads of junk food. Michael looked up at him questioningly and Brian couldn't help but smile just a little. He always liked that height difference.

"It's better to talk to you when I can see you," he told his friend, resting a heavy hand on the junction between neck and shoulder, fingers curling around the back of Michael's neck. How long had it been since they'd even allowed themselves a friendly touch that wasn't just for show? Brian leaned in and put their foreheads together, wrestling with a slew of unnamable thoughts. "Mikey, we haven't really talked in forever. Even if this is going to be bad… don't rush it. The house is empty, right?"

Michael nodded, eyes closed. He wanted to cry. He wasn't sure why he wanted to cry, but he did and this was anything but the time or place to do it. Brian was right. The house was empty and they last time they had any sort of friendly comforting gestures towards each other outside of the Loft had been far and few.

"I think I saw an old B horror movie marathon was gonna be on this afternoon," Brian said, straightening up. "What do you think?"

Michael swallowed hard, shifting on his feet, bags crinkling in his arms. "Yeah. Yeah, we should do that."

It didn't leave much room to talk about the things Michael desperately wanted to, but it was enough for now. Settling on the couch, it was awkward at first, sitting side by side without touching, both stiff as a board as they tried to focus on the movies. The silence was unbearable between them and then they started fumble over themselves, reaching for the same bag of chips or knocking beer bottles together on the table and awkwardly excusing each other. Things came to a head an hour into the movies when Brian gave up his rigid position on the couch and spread out, reclining into the corner of the armrest and cushions, one foot on the coffee table. He wanted to be closer to Michael, but the tension would drive him insane.

"Think we should order a pizza? I'm kinda sick of junk food," Michael complained, flattening an empty bag with a sharp crinkle.

"If you want, I'm kind of disgustingly full," Brian commented.

Michael rolled his eyes. "Just after that? That's sad."

"Not all of us have indestructible metabolisms, Mikey. I work out twice as hard to keep this glorious figure."

"Yeah, in between how many pit stops to the steam room?"

"Shut up," Brian said, shoving his friend. "You should be three hundred pounds."

"And you probably are without your precious work outs!" Michael countered, shoving Brian back.

"Take that back. I'm fucking perfect!"

"Perfectly plump."

Eventually the shoving match turned into a tickle fight with Michael winning, sitting astride a writhing and bucking Brian who was trying his hardest to fight off his friend, gasping for air. He couldn't evade the barrage of fingers at his sides and neck and under his arms as he tried to buck Michael off, but he held on fast with his legs until he noticed the tears leaking out of the corners of Brian's eyes.

"I win," Michael announced arms over his head, hands rolled into fists. Brian was trying to catch his breath, wiping at his eyes as his laughter trickled off into snuffles and his cheeks hurt from smiling too much.

"You're pathetic," he said, still giggling.

"Yeah… I know."

"Don't… this was gonna be a fun afternoon."

Michael laid down on top of Brian, who wrapped his arms around the smaller frame automatically. "You know I love you. Always."

"That's why I can't let you go, Mikey."

"But I have a family now, Brian. You don't want that and I still do."

"So you're going to settle for this family because you think I wouldn't give you one?"

Michael lifted himself up enough to look down at Brian questioningly. "What are you saying?"

"Listen, I'm not promising marriage, that shit isn't even legal here, and we obviously can't just have kids on our own… but we already have kids together," Brian reasoned. "Or are you going to tell me you don't love Gus as much as I do? And you know, if I can get a chance to know JR, I'm sure I could fall in love with her. She's got your eyes."

"Ben, Hunter and I were thinking about making a trip to visit them over the summer," Michael said, trying to change topics. "You should come with us and see Gus. I wanted to talk to the girls about visitation soon anyway. JR's getting older and I don't want to miss her growing up. I was thinking she could stay with me during the summers when she's old enough."

"Lindsey said the same thing about Gus," Brian agreed. "But I don't have room for a little brat at the Loft."

"Oh, glad to see how you think about your son."

"Hey, now, c'mon. He's, what, six going on seven now? They're all brats at that age."

"You've got a point there, but don't let the girls know you call your own son a brat," Michael advised seriously.

"Why not? I call them munchers," Brian shrugged.

"And they love that just so much, don't they?"

"Should I give a fuck?"

"You're impossible," Michael smiled, pressing a soft kiss to Brian's lips. "And yet, I still love you."

"Always?"

"Always have, always will."

Brian pulled Michael back down for another kiss, Michael forgetting where they were losing track of what they should've been doing. This was not how the conversation was supposed to go, but it was certainly a better alternative by far. He felt as though he was seeing something completely different than he usually expected from Brian and Michael wasn't sure what to think about it. Was it ruining his ideal of his best friend? He was too caught up in hands roaming under his shirt to worry about it too much.

"_God, look at this place!" Michael said to Brian, raising his voice to be heard over the music. He hadn't been to Pistols in a few years, so he was clueless to the changes that had gone on. He just had a feeling Brian wanted to check out the competition, not that Babylon was suffering any._

"_I know, what a difference, right?" Brian replied, pulling Michael over to the bar. It was slightly quieter, but not by much. They ordered and turned their back to the bar, leaning against it. The layout was one floor instead of two, but it was huge and didn't need the extra floor to allow people to move freely and give some relief to the dance floor._

_The layout was simple and that's what made it work. There was a bar on one side of the building, near the door where Brian and Michael stood, illuminated with florescent red lighting and across the way, tucked in a corner was another. Alongside that, taking the focus away from the bar was a stage, the floor lit up with orange lights that held such a fine assortment of men that Brian was tempted to buy the place on the spot… if it came with the dancers. The rest was open space to dance, although the place was sadly without a backroom, that didn't stop people from using the couches hidden in darkened corners or just outright on the floor. With a few remodeling ideas in mind, Brian thought he could make this place even better than it was now. Plans, of course, including a backroom. _

_Michael finished his drink, setting it on the bar behind him. "Wanna dance?"_

_Brian set his glass down and nodded in agreement, taking Michael out to the middle of the floor. No matter where you went, once you hit the floor in a club, it was all the same. Pulsing lights, heat, sweat and a sea of bodies from all sides. Hands, bare chests even a twinkle of glitter as a light passes by. It was all the same. To Brian, familiarity did not breed contempt. It was comforting that when you were somewhere you didn't know, lost or feeling lost, you could always find something to make it feel all right. _

_Pistols was taking music in a new direction tonight. Oh sure, the seemingly never ending loop of techno thumped with some high pitched female voice repeating some word over and over again still played (and Brian still couldn't figure out the difference between songs as they slid seamlessly into the next song and the next), but they had a special DJ in tonight, someone famous. Brian wasn't a scene whore and didn't keep up on those things, and Michael's taste in music still had 'Dancing Queen' as his favorite, so they were pleasantly surprised with a collage of 'oldies' (what Brian still considered the best of the best) remixed with a techno beat, words scratched and skipping, but for the most part intact. But the DJ was good enough to know when not to mess too much with something great._

_The beat's change was subtle, but still that right flow to dance to and Brian paused when he heard the new song intermingle with the dominant beat. Oh, shit, if it didn't take him back._

_**Here we stand or here we fall**_

_**History won't care at all**_

_**Make the bed light the light**_

_**Lady Mercy won't be home tonight **_

_**Yeah!**_

"_Oh, God!" Michael exclaimed, looking up at Brian. "Do you remember this song?"_

_Brian smiled. "By one of the best of his time, Mikey"_

_**You don't waste no time at all**_

_**Don't hear the bell but you answer the call**_

_**It comes to you as to us all**_

_**We're just waiting **_

_**For the hammer to fall**_

_Michael let himself get pulled closer into Brian. It was just something that wasn't really significant to their childhood in any way, but it reminded them of it in subtle ways. Uncle Vic loved Queen (no pun intended), all the drama and flair of Freddie Mercury wasn't to go unnoticed throughout the years. How could any self respecting gay man or party boy not have been in love with this band at one time or another? They were addicting. Never the same sound twice with any song, and by far, Michael had to admit, some of the best love songs he'd ever heard. They were real, not everything had a happy ending, not everyone was perfect and not everything was meant to be, but it was nice when it happened. God, if that wasn't the story of Michael's life…_

_**Oh every night and every day**_

_**A little piece of you is falling away**_

_**But lift your face the Western Way**_

_**Build your muscles as your body decays**_

_**Yeah!**_

"_You wanna know what I used to think he sung for this part?" Brian asked, leaning in close to Michael's ear so he didn't have to yell too loud. He felt a nod. "I used to think it went 'Every night and every day… a little piece of you is far and away' and then it was all jumbled and it ended with 'Feel your muscles as your body caves in'."_

_Michael laughed. "How is that you can make it sound like sex?"_

"_Because I'm amazing," he replied, grinning. "But the first part wasn't about sex now, was it?"_

"_Nah, almost sounded… romantic," Michael admitted. "But, coming from you that's impossible."_

_Brian dug around in his pocket, ignoring the little remark at his expense and pulled out two pills in a little baggie. Special occasion, wasn't it? Brian had the look he always gave Michael when he was about to push their fragile boundaries. Michael didn't care, tonight was a night to forget and have fun, right? He let Brian close the distance and felt that warm heat when their lips touched. Michael fought back a smile as he let Brian slip a little tablet into his mouth._

_**Toe your line and play their game**_

_**Let the anesthetic cover it all**_

_**Till one day they call your name**_

_**You know it's time for the hammer to fall**_

_There was that moment between them. Awkward bordering on absolute confusion. That small burst of sparks firing as they lingered a bit too long, covering it up quickly with a well placed laugh or smile. Maybe check out the guy that was just enough to the right that Brian would have to turn his head to make Michael notice. Things always ended that way, an elated rush before that crash back down into a draining reality. Something to kill time before the high hit them full on._

_Michael stayed close, pressed up against Brian fairly confident that he wasn't going to leave him in the middle of the floor for a trick. Even if he was, Michael didn't want him to. There were too many thoughts, too much… everything right now to handle on his own. _

"Bed," Michael murmured, still trying to get the top button to Brian's pants undone. He had to stop if they wanted to get anything done, but he couldn't help himself from wanting more right this instant. Brian was too long to fit this comfortably on the couch and everything they needed was in the bedroom.

Brian sat up, getting off the couch with difficulty as Michael continued to paw at him, not willing to let him go for a second. It was an awkward walk up the stairs, Brian's lean form hunched over Michael's smaller frame, stumbling on one or two attempts and almost giving in right there as they panted, still tugging to reach for each other, pull closer than they could possibly get.

They lost their shirts along the way, Brian's belt disappeared in the hallway, stumbling out of shoes and tugging at pants, a flurry of hands against skin and denim. Bed springs protested softly as they landed on the mattress, gasping for air and already sweating in anticipation.

_**Rich or poor or famous**_

_**For your truth it's all the same**_

_**Lock your door the rain is pouring**_

_**Through your window pane**_

"_Brian?" Michael asked and then smiled. It sounded like he was underwater. Oh shit, he was fucked up. Good thing he told Ben he was staying at Brian's. He didn't need another lecture about having a minor and illegal substances at the same time… or was it in the same place? He couldn't remember. He didn't care, Ben wasn't important. Right now, Brian pressing him into the wall, a thigh between his legs… that was important. Sending shockwaves of such mind blowing pleasure, he could barely make a coherent thought. _

_Michael moaned, arching off the wall and into Brian, clinging to his shoulders. "Oh, fuck, Brian."_

"_Yeah, Mikey. 'Sactly," Brian slurred, voice low in his throat._

_**Baby now your struggle's all in vain**_

_Brian had an easy time working Michael farther and farther out of the crowd on the dance floor, eventually cornering him up against a wall. Michael, too out of it to notice much of anything that wasn't sensory (God bless the A, B, Cs… with a little extra E, Brian thought with a tiny smile), hadn't complained or questioned it. Brian would be lying if he said he had planned this moment. He never had intentions to cross the narrow lines they had drawn years ago, but watching Michael dance with someone else on the floor, know that man knew exactly what Michael was looking for… Brian couldn't have that._

_Michael was missing passion, simple as that. His life was content in all areas, but he was restless and Brian knew it. Such was the predictable monotony of relationships. He would roll his eyes if not so intent on the way Michael bit down on his bottom lip, trying to fight this urge with what little consciousness of sobriety he had left. And it wasn't much. Brian was so glad Michael had listened to him and worn the black jeans, they hid wet spots so much better, and with the way Michael's body tensed up… there was probably a large one hidden there now._

"Drawer," Michael muttered, scrambling across the bed to a nightstand. "Condoms, condoms… Fuck! Condoms."

He was close to turning the drawer over onto the floor. Brian slid to the other side of the bed and looked through the other drawer, finding two connected together in the foil packaging. Curious about who kept to which side of the bed, he nudged a few things around. A spare glasses repair kit (Obviously, this was Ben's side of the bed), old bookmarks, a few pens and pencils, a small scribbled on pad of paper. Good old Prof. Always so interesting. Only the necessities, right? Ben was a stupid fuck that way, in Brian's opinion.

"Mikey," Brian said, reaching out to grab hold of Michael's arm to get his attention. "Look at what I found." He held up the foil packages and waved them back and forth, as if tempting the other man, who looked more than relieved.

"Thank you," Michael muttered, glancing upwards as he pulled Brian back towards him. There was still the matter of putting those condoms to use. Fuck it, Michael would replace them later.

_**For we who grew up tall and proud**_

_**In the shadow of the mushroom cloud**_

_Brian was more demanding than Michael could have ever imagined. Not even in his darkest fantasies had Michael thought they would find himself pushed face first into the hard, cold concrete in the stairwell up to the Loft, both of them in too much of a rush to take the elevator. Face first and knowing there would be a reddened scrape right across his cheek as his hands tried to find some place to grab hold of something, anything solid. There wasn't much and Michael couldn't help but be turned on even more by the lack of it. _

_He wanted to say something. Some last minute witty, cute, loving… something to say. That final ending moment you always read about or saw in a movie. Christ, it never happens in real life, does it? There's no such thing as the perfect moment, he realized as hands roughly tugged the sticky jeans, yanking them down enough to get down to business. A hand wrapped around his hip and he felt the contrast of Brian's jeans rubbing up against his exposed backside. His head was swimming and just feeling that hard bulge pressing insistently against him had him panting._

_How many times had he turned this down? Michael couldn't remember all the excuses he gave. Brian was drunk, Brian was high, he was high and laughed it off. Or maybe it just wasn't the time or place but… _

"_Fuck," Michael groaned, pushing back against his friend. "Brian…"_

"_Shut up, Mikey," Brian responded, free hand already working to get himself free from the jeans._

_**Convinced our voices can't be heard**_

"Don't Brian," Michael warned, voice strained. "Don't."

Brian had sunk himself entirely into Michael and stopped. Michael was shaking, straining against the usual impulses they had to just tear at each other. Brian was on top of Michael, not letting him move and just… enjoying it. Not that Brian didn't enjoy every time they had been together, but he'd never just shown Michael how much. He just smiled down at best friend knowing that what had only changed in slight ways before, ways they could brush off as getting a little distant as time went on, a little too busy with their lives and work… that was all out the window. After a year of playing around this, pretending it wasn't really happening, things could never even be close to the same again.

Brian rocked his hips almost contemplatively back and forth just slightly, enough to have Michael sweating, stuttering as he tried to grasp at a word. It was more fun to play with your food before you ate it, was Brian's opinion, but there was still something malicious lurking in him. And while Michael was worried that Brian was going to go off on proclamations of love (after twenty-one years?), Brian was intent on watching the reactions he evoked from Michael. Picking up the pace with his hips, pushing himself up and holding himself over the other man, palms flat near Michael's head as he tossed it back and forth, clawing at Brian's arms in frustration. Bordering on tears.

Perfect. Brian pulled out, nearly all the way, still smiling. Michael was starting to seethe, glaring back with a stubborn resolve as he tried to push his hips up towards Brian, who kept away at a tantalizing distance.

"Brian-"

"Shut up, Mikey," Brian murmured, slamming back into Michael hard enough for a look of pure confusion to cloud his face before a jagged cry of relief was released. Brian leaned down so their foreheads touched and Michael's look became guarded again, opening his mouth as if to warn Brian like he had earlier.

"I said, 'shut up'," Brian repeated, aching to keep going. "Because this isn't going to be nice, Mikey. So stop worrying about it." He those wide set brown eye glaze over. Tears just under the surface. "I want you to think about this."

He pulled out again, like he had before and pushed back in hard. This time Michael struggled not to scream. Brian let his head slip to the side, lowering himself back down on top of his best friend. Lips brushing against the curve of Michael's ear, Brian couldn't stop himself as he continued to thrust in and out at a steady pace.

"Because right now, you're in your house," Brian said hoarsely, swallowing with an audible click. "You're in your fucking house, on the bed you share with your _husband_ every night."

Michael closed his eyes and turned his head away from Brian, he didn't want to hear this. He didn't want to fucking hear this. Not now. God, please, not now. He was still matching Brian thrust for thrust.

"_With another man, Mikey," Brian gasped, one hand wrapped around Michael tightly, the other threading fingers through the dark hair to pull lightly. Test responses, find the limits and push them. "And you fucking love it, don't you?"_

_Michael tried to tune out Brian's voice. He couldn't. It cut right through him. Through the haze of drugs and alcohol, past the futile thoughts he was dragging up to try and rationalize this. The drugs, the dancing, the drinks, pissed off at Ben… none of it mattered with Brian buried deep inside him. None of it meant anything in comparison to finally feeling satisfied. To feel wanted this strongly, they couldn't make it to the Loft and that it meant more to be doing this right now than worrying about prying eyes, soft caresses and someone overhearing them._

_Brian's fingers curled tighter into the stiff unruly locks, pulling Michael's head back making him bite his bottom lip to keep from crying out. "You. Fucking. Love it."_

"_Yes," Michael whispered, trying to hold back tears. Another sharp tug broke his resolve and they ran down over his cheeks quietly, shoulders shaking._

"_What?"_

"_Yes," Michael repeated, louder, voice unsteady. Finally, finally there was a gratifying movement of hips and Brian moved in and out of him, as if waiting for the right answers. Another pull. "Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Fuck, Brian! YES!"_

_**We just wanna scream it louder and louder louder**_

"Stop it," Michael sobbed, pressing his face into a pillow. "Shut the fuck up, Brian!"

Brian hummed absently, grinning. "You want me to stop reminding you that what you're doing is _so fucking wrong_, but you don't want me to stop _this_" he thrust in forcefully, making Michael arch off the bed "and it's because you just don't want to stop."

"No," Michael rasped, shaking his head violently. "I can… I can if I want to."

"Why didn't you make a choice, Michael?"

"I can stop!"

"Don't. Fucking. Lie," Brian growled, punctuating each word with a stiff thrust. "No one's making you. Don't lie."

Michael was shaking under him, frustratingly close to finishing, stubbornly trying to fight it off and still crying. Brian could read his own best friend well enough to know when it was over. The war might still rage on for awhile, but for now the battle was decided.

Wrapping a hand around Michael, who moaned at the touch, breath hitching from the tears Brian kissed a wet trail at his cheek. "C'mon, Mikey. Come with me."

_**What the hell we fighting for?**_

_Brian inhaled sharply, resting his head on Michael's shoulder groaning when his release came. Still heavily influenced, it lasted a lifetime, giving him that brief illusion that he was closer to Michael than he had ever been with anyone in his entire life. It was a euphoric high, one that brought meaning to Brian. He finally understood why some people had that moment when they felt something more with the person in their bed. It was the drugs, he reminded himself, coming back down to the cold reality that he had Michael pressed up against a wall in the open with a mess. _

"_Brian?" Michael's voice was tentative, hoarse. What happened? Where the hell did this come from? He wanted answers even while he was feeling almost numb from the inside out, aware of every little thing. How fast his heated body was cooling against the cement, the flexing iron grip around his softening cock and Brian still in him, ready to go again. Oh god, again? He couldn't do this again. Never again._

_Michael tried to push back against Brian, wondering if he was okay. "Brian? We… can I-"_

"_Mikey."_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Mikey…"_

"_Brian, what-"_

"_Oh fuck, Mikey," Brian said, wrapping his arms around Michael's waist, holding him tightly. Michael heard the tiny sniffles and felt the small hint of wetness on his shoulder. _

"_Brian," Michael murmured, putting his arms over Brian's. The best he could do for a hug. "Brian, it's okay. We're okay. Nothing changes. I'll go home tonight, we'll see each other in the morning. At the diner, just like always. I'll get you to bed and you'll wake up and we'll be fine."_

_That rocked Brian's world more than the sex did, and probably more than it ever could. Fine? Normal? How could things… how could they after this? Didn't Michael feel it? Were they not just having the same sex? Drugs, it was the drugs…_

"_Fuck that," Brian said, clearing out his throat, sniffling loudly. He pulled out, leaving the used condom with the mess on the wall. Out in the stairwell. He tucked himself away and yanked Michael's pants back up and pulled him by the arm up the rest of the stairs._

"_Brian! Brian, stop," Michael commanded, worried about what was going through his best friend's head. "I'm sorry. Is that what you want to hear? Whatever it is, I'm sorry."_

_They reached the door to Brian's loft and Brian had to let go of Michael to unlock the metal door, yanking it open with one hand as he reached out for Michael with the other. He caught the neck of the t-shirt and pulled forward as Michael stepped away reflexively. There was a loud rip that had them both stop and stare at each other. _

_**Just surrender and it won't hurt at all**_

Michael moaned, body arched and head thrown back as Brian pushed into him one last time, hard as his hand helped Michael milk out his climax until his own claimed him, muscles tightening and jaw clenched as his body gave up. Shaking, trembling and exhausted he let himself rest on Michael in a slick heap of skin and sweat.

Brian could feel Michael's heart racing and his own pounding through his head, making it hard to breathe. Oh Christ, they could not keep this shit up. Even when Brian wanted things to be 'nice' between them, it got completely fucked up. He used sex as a weapon, a release and a way to get what he wanted. Apparently it would never change.

"Oh god," Michael groaned, body aching. "I can't believe you."

"What?" Brian asked, taking a deep breath to try and control his heartbeat.

Michael chuckled, wiping at his sweating forehead. "You're still hard."

"Hm, so are you, Mikey."

"You're insanely intense, you know that?"

Brian eased himself out and laid back down on Michael. He wasn't willing to let go just yet. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you're just… passionate when you want to be," Michael told him, trying to find the words to elaborate.

Brian hummed absently, letting a hand intertwine with one of Michael's. "Really? I thought I was being a dick. I thought, maybe, with you I could…"

"What?"

"Give you what you keep Ben around for."

"Brian, I don't 'keep Ben around'," Michael explained patiently. "I do love him. I want him around. What do you think I 'keep him around' for?"

"It stupid, forget it. We should get dressed."

"C'mon, Brian. You've been pushing me to pick between you two and shutting me out isn't a way to seem more appealing."

"Been working for years now," Brian smiled, sliding over to the side so Michael could breath. The heat was subsiding, finally.

"Asshole, you know what I mean," Michael said, rolling to his side to face Brian. "I'm not going into a pseudo-relationship with you. And if this is how it's going to be, how I'm convinced it would be, then…"

Brian shut his eyes. "Making love."

"What?"

"I thought," Brian started, hesitating as he looked at Michael. "That maybe you're still with Ben, in bed, because you two… make love."

"And we don't?" Michael looked confused.

"Well, I don't mean in that generic nice sense of using it because people can't stand the word 'fuck'," Brian explained, pushing his weight on one arm as he looked down at Michael. "I know there's a difference between fucking, sex and making love."

Michael laughed. "You're right, there is. I assume you have this vision of something nice and slow and sweet, right?"

Brian let himself fall back onto the bed and roll onto his back, staring at the ceiling. Michael saw this as his friend going into something like indifference. Another way to keep himself safe from a million things the world could throw at him.

"It can be, if that what the people involved want," Michael told Brian gently, putting a hand on his arm. "But it doesn't have to be. I just like to know the person I'm with loves me and they don't have to be nice in bed to show it. I don't need candles and rose petals and crap like that. Christ, I don't think I could feel much like a man if it did happen to me. Bad enough I like being on the bottom."

"Mikey, you know-"

"Being on the bottom doesn't make me a woman, I know. You've drilled it in to me since I found out that what I prefer," Michael smiled knowingly. "You call me 'wife' and things like that, but I know it doesn't relate to sex. I know you, Brian. You don't need to keep reassuring me that I don't understand you."

"We're getting off topic," Brian said, trying to get the direction off of him. "So, you don't like the gentle fuss made for… what, the stereotypical version of making love?"

"No, it can be nice sometimes, but like I said, if that's what both people want," Michael explained. "I'm not giving up some romantic hope by never experiencing that with you, Brian. Because we already do that."

"No, I just fucked you into the bed," Brian countered, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards.

Michael sat up and sidled over to Brian, running a hand through his mussed hair. "Is that what you really think?"

"Yeah. What else could it have been?"

"Brian, for someone so well… travelled on the road of sex," Michael snickered. "There are some things you apparently need to learn. Yes, it probably looked like you fucked me sideways, but it didn't feel that way. You're passionate, and despite the things you said, I know why you said them and it adds to it. I know what you feel for me and that's what making love is. Sex is just the need, mechanical almost and fucking is that… well." Michael blushed lightly. "It's that overpowering urge where we don't care, throw caution out the window, almost hurt each other but it just feels so fucking good. It's selfish almost, because it's not that we don't care about the other person, but our needs being fulfilled… is slightly more important."

Brian looked up at Michael. "You could be a better writer than Ben ever will be, you know that?"

"Sure. But right now I think we should clean up." Michael rolled his eyes, making to get off the bed. Brian caught his wrist in a tight grip and looked up at Michael, lips rolled in to a tight line.

_**You just got time to say your prayers**_

"_Oh Christ," Brian moan, rolling his hips towards Michael's mouth. Somewhere between ripping the shirt at the doorway and fighting each other towards the bedroom, Brian wound up pushed against the kitchen counter, the small of his back was going to have a thin stripe colored black and blue for a week after from the force. _

_Brian's hands flexed around Michael's head, having the restraint not to pull him to go faster. The pace was an exquisite pleasure that he was not willing to give up. Fuck, when did Michael get so talented?_

"_God, shit, Mikey," he panted. "Almost… please, Jesus, please…"_

_Michael finished strong with a twist of his tongue, smiling as he pulled back and licked his lips habitually. Brian was trying to catch his breath above him while the fairly impressive appendage in front of him deflated slightly, but not completely satisfied yet._

"_For someone so against religion," Michael said as he got to his feet. "You really like to go through the list of names." _

"_Jesus, Mary and Joseph," said Brian absently, letting his head fall back to catch his breath. "God, Christ on a cracker so on and so forth."_

"_You're insane," Michael laughed._

_Brian shook his head. "No, I'm just coming down from, probably, the best fucking blowjob I've had."_

"_Since Justin, at least."_

"_Did I say that?"_

"_No, but I figured-"_

"_Well, stop 'figuring'," Brian commanded, snapping his head forward. "I don't say what I don't mean. So stop figuring and get on the fucking bed, say your prayers for the night and take off your fucking pants."_

_Michael lifted an eyebrow, backing away from Brian and pulling his arms behind him to let the shredded shirt fall to the floor. He stepped over it and paused to teasingly hook his thumbs in the waistband of his pants, pushing them down just slightly as they were still open from the hasty put together they had in the stairwell._

_Brian was staring openly, pushing off the counter to advance on the smaller man who preceded to cross himself as though getting ready to pray, only he did it by dragging a finger slowly from the top of his chest down to the unruly patch of dark hair peeking out of his jeans and then back up from nipple to nipple, smiling invitingly as he did so. Brian closed in and grabbed the hand in his own, sucking on the first finger slowly. Michael's breath hitched._

"_Now I lay me down to sleep," Michael murmured, grinning._

_Brian released the finger briefly. "Fuck sleep."_

"_I pray the Lord my soul to keep."_

"_I already have it."_

"_If I should die before I wake."_

"_Never when I'm here."_

"_I pray the Lord my soul to take."_

_Brian pulled Michael in for a hard kiss. They all knew that prayer, as a child, Brian's mother made him recite it until he was only enough to stop being watched from the doorway by her cold eyes, glass in hand. Still, some night… some night he would get on his knees wishing he wouldn't wake, that something, Lord or otherwise, would take him in his sleep. Until Michael came._

"_Get in bed," Brian muttered._

_**While you're waiting for the hammer to hammer to fall**_

"I'll say it, if you want," Brian said quietly, tight grip still on Michael's wrist.

Michael smiled. "You don't have to. You never did. I always knew."

"I just… I can't keep this up. Not without getting more in return."

"We could start doing the diner again in the mornings. We haven't done that in awhile-"

"Half a year," Brian elaborated.

"Okay, we haven't done that in half a year. Still think Ted and Emmett would remember us, let alone go?"

"Well, the three of us are usually always there. You disappeared."

Michael sighed. "It's hard, y'know? I don't expect you to understand, but there's just so much legal bullshit to slog through with Hunter that… it might be easier to-" the look on Brian's face changed subtly, but it was caught. "That's not my choice, Brian. Don't do that."

"What?"

"That look."

"Which one?" he asked, releasing Michael's wrist.

"Mm, that one you get where you try to look as empty as possible. It doesn't work."

"Maybe not on you, but everyone else-"

"Everyone else is fucking retarded. And they won't be me. Ever."

"Don't I know it," Brian muttered, rolling to sit up on the edge of his side of the bed, back facing Michael. Michael sat on the opposite end, back facing Brian. Where could they go from here? Michael selfishly kept thinking about Ben and Hunter staying together, letting him start his own new life with Brian, clean slate. Not that he didn't love Hunter, but that would mean a house, Brian getting rid of his Loft… there were so many variables that he was sure Brian wasn't really prepared for. How could the man who acted like a childish teenager more often than not be expected to help take care of one? And with Hunter's status, there was even more worry to go with it. To be a parent, to worry, to set rules, to know that you couldn't go out whenever you wanted to, that you needed to hound him to get up in the mornings and do his school work and talk about colleges to come… Brian wasn't ready for it, he couldn't be. A small child was different. It was an on the job experience, this was almost an adult. Another personality to clash with.

_**It's gonna fall**_

_While Michael slept, Brian smoked. He thanked whatever it was that Michael was still a heavy sleeper, because his pacing around the Loft, ruffling papers loudly, slamming some books for work research open and shut in frustration. There was a lot to think about… wasn't there? He thought, maybe, if this ever happened between them that the floor under his feet might open up and swallow him whole. The world ending, something equally dramatic and loud. God, he was a drama queen, wasn't he?_

_But nothing happened. Nothing happened except that last five hours of hard, fast almost nonstop fucking that had started out in the stairwell and continued on into his kitchen and to the bedroom, the shower, back to the bed and, God help him, again in the kitchen we they decided something to drink would be wise. He didn't know what it was, but they tore at each other like men dying of thirst in the desert would at water. For Michael, he rationalized as he stared out the large window into the breaking dawn, it was what he had wanted since they were kids. Finally getting to have what everyone else did. Brian didn't want Michael to just be another number, he deserved so much better._

_Brian was there to keep Michael from getting hurt and tonight all he had done was walk him right into a world of pain. _

_**Hammer, you know, hammer to fall**_

_**While you're waiting for the hammer to fall**_

_A/N: I want to thank the few reviewers I've had since chapter one, they really are a boost while you're trying to work your way through the next chapter. Now, before you get mad at me because this took forever I just want you to know that I am not lucky with technology. Between the last posting and this my computer got infected and died twice (and I live with two computer dorks that check it out all the time, go figure), luckily, I learned to use a Flash Drive (I'm not retarded, but some of this new fangled techie stuff just goes over my head) so that helped save this nearly 40 pages of work. And let me sneak it into classes to work on!_

_Stay in school and pay attention kids… don't be like me. Lol_

_I decided to break more rules here. Their first time being under the influence (which Michael always seemed against), no earth shattering world changing-ness, ect. I decided on the stairwell (in math class) because I've done elevator scenes often enough and a backroom wasn't flying, but I didn't want Babylon either. I wanted them to start somewhere new. I was tempted to take a BDsM direction and decided not to (maybe another time, kids) because I started to wonder why seemingly happily married couples cheat. Not just because they're assholes, but… what if they're missing something? Something so very vital to any relationship? That seemed a little more fun to try and play with._

_I was scared that the present time sexing was going to turn into mushy, lovey, smoochie-ness and decided to counter it with their first time and found a way to work both and not have the lovey, smoochie-ness. I think, anyways. If not, you all just got an assload of fucking smut. YAY!_

_As for the song choice, it's called __**Hammer To Fall**__ words and music credit go to Brian May and the powerful voice goes to Freddie Mercury, both of Queen. If you don't know them, Christ, I'm old and go pick up a CD. Jebus. Lol Freddie was a party boy for the ages and I think of him fondly. While this song is probably more political than sexual, I was listening to it and misheard the same lyrics that Brian says he used to misinterpret (those are the words I thought they were, which I thought made it perfect lol) and then when I read them… I thought it stilled worked. The anticipation of things to change, the floor opening up to swallow Brian… waiting for that hammer to fall, so to speak. I liked it, I kept it. There might be more Queen in this, I'm not sure yet. But there are so many songs that you can easily relate to these characters as the songs, even about love, are just real. They don't all have happy endings, so to speak. And there's LOADS of innuendo. Lol_

_Also, I just made prayer sexy._

_Feel free to leave a review!_

_~SL _


	3. Chapter 3

Choose

_A/N: I'm sure I'll think of more to say, I be a chatty one! But right now I'm just going to thank any reviewers I get while I write this next chapter out. I think it'll be fun. I've been looking forward to it since the last chapter._

_Enjoy!_

_~SL_

_Chapter Three_

Ben didn't know what to do. Black material was fisted in his hands, unsure of what conclusion to draw from it. He remembered the shirt, did think much of it when Michael had come home in one of Brian's shirts (adorably rumpled in the oversized thing, thinking back on it) muttering something about wanting something clean to wear. He knew Michael had been hung over, among other things, but had he really been this blind?

The bed was still a mess, pillows tossed to the floor and the sheets peeled and thrown. In the mess, picking it up (he had assumed that Michael had fallen back asleep and woken up late to open the store), Ben had found the torn black shirt stuffed between the mattress and headboard. Tucked away for what reason? Had it always been there? And why the hell was it ripped?

God, that night was so long ago it was hard to remember everything exactly, but this was the shirt. The only other solid black shirt Michael owned was a long sleeve. And he hated wearing all black. He heard the front door open and shut downstairs, Hunter and Michael doing their usual banter back and forth.

"Ben?" Michael called up the stairs. He'd seen the bike when they gotten home. Michael and Hunter had stayed a little later at the comic shop so Michael could start teaching Hunter about inventory. Apparently, while Hunter didn't like the comics to a fanatical devotion like Michael, he liked the kids that came in and having something to do more than he let on.

Ben felt like he'd been caught red-handed. What did he do now? Talk to Michael about it? Was it anything to talk about? He heard footsteps coming up the stairs and felt rooted to the spot, shirt held tightly in his hands as he stared at it, listening to the footfalls come closer and closer to the door.

"_You look like shit, Michael," Ben said calmly as he started blending his morning protein shake. Michael was slumped over the table, a haphazardly buttoned shirt draped over his frame, his hair looking worse than usual from the gel staying in overnight. Red rimmed eyes watched Ben intently despite the disheveled look and Michael winced as the blender roared._

_Clearing his throat, he sat up straighter before hunching his shoulders again. "Yeah, thanks, honey." Like he hadn't walked by a mirror. The words were lost in the noise of the blender and when it stopped, Michael closed his eyes in brief relief until Ben started coming towards him from the kitchen, cup in hand._

"_I told you not to go out," he said, sitting down almost primly across from Michael, 'I told you so' all about his demeanor. _

"_I don't care," Michael sighed, crossing his arms on the table and resting his head on them. "I had fun."_

"_Yeah, I bet. I had a nice, quiet dinner at home," Ben commented conversationally as he opened the morning paper. "Alone."_

"_I've been doing the same thing for almost a week, I know what its like," Michael mumbled, not lifting his head._

"_Gonna hold me to that for the rest of my life, aren't you?"_

"_You decided to stick with me for the rest of our lives, so yeah, why not?"_

_Ben sighed, setting the glass down on the table, paper rustling in his hands. "Going to work today?"_

"_Probably later. I think I need a nap."_

"_I think you need rehab."_

_Michael's head shot up. "What the fuck are you talking about? I drank when I went out after a week and now I need rehab?"_

"_For Brian."_

"_I don't think they have centers for that and I'd appreciate it if you fucking looked at me when you decide to insult me, goddamnit!" Michael stood up quickly, slamming his hands down on the table to steady himself. Headrush. "Nn. I don't need this from you, or anyone, today. Go to work already."_

"_Mature," Ben commented coolly, finishing the shake and getting up to put the glass in the sink. "You know, Mike, if you ever wanted to leave… just tell me. A little advance warning so I'm not left trying to figure it out."_

"Ben?" The door opened and Michael poked his head in. "Ben, hey, c'mon! Hunter suggested we go out for pizza and a movie. We haven't done that in forever."

"Michael, what is this?" Ben held up the shirt with one hand and waved the other to mention the room in its state of disarray. Michael leaned against the doorframe and looked down at the floor quickly.

Michael shrugged. "I just… I was a little cranky this morning. I meant to clean it up before I left, but I got caught up with Hunter and-"

"And this?" Ben held up the tattered shirt.

Michael squinted and walked closer, taking the material from Ben. "Oh, hey, that's my shirt. Aw, shit, it's ruined, Ben. Where'd you find it?"

Ben watched Michael closely before carefully telling him it was stuffed between the bed and headboard and what, oh what, could it possibly be doing there? Michael shuffled his feet, his grip tightening on the shirt as he avoided Ben's gaze.

"You know the last time I-"

"Yo, dudes," Hunter popped into the room. "Pizza and a movie, remember? There's a ten o'clock showing of that new superhero movie, Michael. We've got enough time to eat if we leave now, otherwise we should just hit the eight o'clock and pig out at the concession stand."

Hunter looked impatiently and expectantly at Ben and Michael. Michael finally met Ben's eyes and tossed the ruined shirt on the bed. Ben knew that look on his husband's face. It was the 'not in front of the children' look, like when Hunter had first moved in with them and Michael wanted to keep their sex life as private as possible.

"Alright, pal," Ben said, smiling as he absently twirled the silver band. "Let's all get out of here and try to get that pizza on time so we don't miss the movie, yeah?"

Hunter smiled and left the room, clomping back down the stairs and Michael let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "Oh, God."

"I guess we'll have some things to talk about later?"

_The front door shut and Michael let out a hoarse yell, wishing he had something to throw at the door. Was nothing fucking enough for this man? The rings, the wedding, getting his mother to fucking _adore_ him, not just tolerate him! Getting this house and trying to adopt Hunter. _

"_Fuck you, Bruckner! Goddamn asshole, piece of shit, accusing bastard! How fucking dare he?!" Michael raged on, storming up the stairs. Hunter opened the door a crack to watch Michael breeze past, looking like shit warmed over twice and in for another round as he gestured wildly before going into his room. _

_Hunter dared to venture out of his room and peer around into Ben and Michael's room, watching the man struggle out of his borrowed shirt, throwing it to the ground in a huff. Michael's back was to Hunter and he heard a wet sniffle as Michael went back and picked the shirt up off the floor, hugging it to himself as he sat on the edge of the bed, unawares he was being watched._

"_What the fuck is happening?" Michael muttered, face buried in the shirt. All Hunter could see where bare, shaking shoulders and for once, he wasn't worried about himself and what might happen. He liked Michael and Ben, he wasn't sure if it was love (he wasn't sure about much), but this fighting thing wasn't going to end well._

_Hunter gently rapped on the doorframe. "Dude?"_

_Michael snapped his head up and looked over his shoulder. "Hey, kid. Did I wake you?"_

"_Uh, to say the least, man. It sounded like World War III is going to erupt," Hunter joked nervously, stepping into the bedroom. "Is… everything okay?"_

"_I don't know, Hunter," Michael said honestly, scrubbing a hand over his tired face. Ugh. He needed to shave. Michael patted the bed next to him, offering the spot if Hunter wanted to sit. "Couples go through bad times, no one's perfect, but Ben and I… we just seem to be rubbing each other the wrong way more and more. Fight, make up, fight, make up! On and fucking on with no end in sight."_

_Hunter tentatively sat down on the bed. "What do you think the problem is?"_

"_I think I want something Ben can't give me at the moment."_

"_And what does Ben think?"_

"_He thinks I'm still in love with Brian. Because that's everyone's answer to everything about me!" Michael threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. "Brian is my problem. Brian, Brian, Brian. Ma says Brian is my problem, Ted and Emmett say he's my problem, Ben, probably you too if you'd been around long enough. Hell, even Brian thinks he's my problem sometimes."_

"_Uh, dude?"_

"_Hm?"_

"_Maybe Brian really is the problem."_

"Aw, man," Hunter exclaimed as the trio exited the theater into the night. "If they had actually made Rage into a movie, it would've been ten times better than that!"

Michael smiled wistfully. "If only, if only. But that movie was good entertainment."

"But?" Hunter looked at Michael expectantly.

"But, they didn't follow the comics at all! Continuity was completely tossed out the window along with anything that a diehard comic fan, which was probably their target audience, would have wanted to see! It was a massacre to the character, the story was crap and the only thing it had going for it was the explosions."

"Feel better?" Hunter asked, grinning as Michael smiled sheepishly.

Ben yawned into his hand. "I think it's about time we called it a night."

"Damn. I wanted to hit you guys up to go to the arcade," Hunter sighed, watching a gaggle of teens jog and shove their way past the exiting crowds.

"I dunno, pal," Ben said. "You worked today, didn't you? Which means you probably didn't get your homework done at all yet…"

"You know me so well."

Michael smiled. "C'mon, what's another hour?"

"Michael, we need to-" Ben stopped and looked over at Hunter. "Another time, pal, okay? Next weekend."

"Aw, but daaaaaaad," Hunter whined, Michael shoved him in the arm playfully.

"You heard the man," Michael snickered. "Besides, you really didn't do your homework."

"Are you spying on me now?"

"No, but I was the same kind of student you are."

"Which is what? Short?"

"Asshole!" Michael exclaimed. "No, I meant lazy. You keep putting it off and putting off telling yourself there's time to do it later until it's due and then, whoops! Still didn't do it."

"Michael's right, Hunter," Ben said, nodding as he took the parental stance in a firm voice. "You need to focus and put some effort into it. I mean, look at how you pulled your grades up last year. You're graduating this year, too. It's extremely important to keep your grades up now."

"I'm only going to community college, dude," Hunter tried to brush it off.

Ben wrapped and arm around Michael's shoulders, the first time they had touched all night. "And there's nothing wrong with that, but it's still important to do well because we want you to bring your grades up to get into whatever school you want after that."

Michael's arm automatically went around Ben's waist. "He's right. You only do two years at community. To get the four year, you need to do your last two years at another school."

"What do I get after just the two?"

"Well, it's an Associate's Degree. It's better than just a high school diploma, but it depends on what you want to do with your life," Ben explained carefully. He wanted Hunter to go to college, to find out what he wanted to do. "Some things require more effort and you don't have to pick right away. You can take your time to find out."

"Any thought about your future at all?" Michael asked, agreeing with Ben. Sure, he'd gotten extremely lucky in his life, but not right away.

Hunter debated on a joke or the truth and went with both. "Well, seeing as I'm now from a family of writers, why not be a writer?"

"_I'm going to regret asking this, but what the hell do you mean by that?" Michael asked, too tired to put up much of a fight after exhausting himself on Ben._

_Hunter shifted uncomfortably. "Well, I mean it's one of those things, y'know? If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck… it must be a duck! In your case, if it causes trouble and it looks like trouble… It's probably Brian."_

_Michael laughed. He didn't know what else to do. "That is… so stupid. I'm sorry, it's just that now all I can picture is a duck in a leather jacket and sunglass trying to stand all… I dunno how you put it. Defiant? Like Brian does. And it's just so stupid."_

_Hunter tried to picture the same thing and he was laughing with Michael soon enough. It was stupid. He figured all this fighting going on was stupid, too, but saying that might be crossing a line. It was better to have Michael laughing than pissed off. Although, when he was pissed off, it was kind of funny, too._

"_Dude, maybe you need to talk to Ben," Hunter offered when the laughter subsided. "Or work out a schedule with Brian, y'know? Hangout time, husband time."_

_Michael sighed, but it did sound like a better idea than anything he had. Wait, why did he have to split his time? Ben was his husband and Brian was his friend, despite what had happened… and how sore he was from it. This shouldn't be a problem._

"_It's an idea," Michael said with a small smile. "Thanks, Hunter. Going out with Katie today?"_

"_Duh," he replied, getting up off the bed. "She wants to meet you guys soon. Can you two be normal in a few weeks for dinner?"_

"_Is that a parent joke, gay joke or fighting joke?" Michael asked with a tired smile._

"_All three."_

"_We'll see."_

The walk home hadn't been eventful, even with Hunter pulling his usual antics ranging from girls, to movies, dirty jokes and then some. He was a good kid for it because Michael knew that Hunter had been noticing the issues between him and Ben for awhile now. He was trying to keep the peace in his own way. Maybe because he had seen his share of fighting between parents in his lifetime, it was probably coming from a deep rooted fear of being left out on the streets again.

Oh, shit, and hadn't Michael been thinking earlier that it would be easier for him if Ben would just take Hunter so he could start off fresh with Brian? He was starting to fear that he wasn't really going to be fit to be a father for JR in the long run. Sure, it was easy now with the girls having her in another country, watching her grow up from pictures and phone calls, but actually being there? When he wanted to dump his son with his husband and go off with the 'other man' without any attachments. He was shit and he knew it.

And tonight, now, when they had gotten home and sat Hunter down at the table to do his homework, both he and Ben had quietly gone up the stairs, Michael behind Ben looking like a sullen child that knew he was going to get a talking to. He didn't want to do this, it was bad enough he played dumb earlier about the shirt, because he'd have to confess to that too.

Then again, Ben didn't have any solid proof against him. It was a ripped shirt and a messy bed. A shirt he hadn't worn in a year and one day of a messy bed. He could stick with his story. There was no other proof, anything except his outburst of misery, but that could just be added to stress, remembering something last minute?

He was still trying to figure it out when they had reached the bedroom. Ben was waiting for Michael to come in and join him, the room still disheveled. When Michael joined Ben, he shut the door quietly behind Michael, who had started to pick up the tossed bedding and rearrange the bed. As if that would put everything back in order.

"Good night out, wasn't it?" Michael asked, trying to make light conversation.

Ben took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. "Late night, but I think we're closer to getting Hunter on the right track for school. That's good."

"I don't think he'd want to disappoint us, but he is a slacker. It's an easy choice to make, but hard to keep your word on," Michael informed, snapping the comforter up in the air and smoothed it out as it rumpled across the bed.

Ben smiled slightly. "Speaking from experience?"

"God, you have no idea how many times I _knew_ I could get an A in a class and just how badly I wanted to but it was just so much easier to break the resolve and watch cartoons instead."

"Couldn't miss the new thrilling episode, though."

Michael smiled wanly. "Sometimes I would use that to convince myself."

Ben smiled and came around to the opposite end of the bed to help Michael spread the sheets neatly, tucking in corners and adjusting pillows Michael tossed to his side. When they were done, Ben stood up straight and leaned back to stretch as Michael shifted uncomfortably as he had picked the torn shirt up off the floor. They had left it on the bed when they went out for the night and Michael needed to toss it aside to make the bed.

Ben eyed it up before choosing to speak. "The last time I remember you wearing that shirt was probably a year ago."

"Yeah, went out with Brian that night," Michael said quietly, carefully.

"How did it get destroyed?"

"That night was so long ago, Ben…"

"You came home wearing one of Brian's. I remember that."

"I guess maybe someone at the club? Or Brian and I got into like, a wrestling match or something. We were kinda fucked up," Michael confessed. 'Wrestling match' was as close to 'fucked my best friend' as he would get until the beans really had to be spilt. In a way it had been a wrestling match.

_Michael had been 'accidentally' forgetting his phone the rest of the day. It was the weekend, so he had spent some of it watching TV with Hunter and they had eventually gone out, hitting up the diner for a brunch sort of thing. Surprisingly, they ran into Ted and Emmett along with Debbie._

"_Hey guys," Michael said, sliding into the booth opposite them with Hunter following._

"_Oh, honey, you just missed Brian. He was on a real tear this morning," Emmett told the two as Debbie came up and ruffled Hunter's hair affectionately as he tried to bat her hand away._

"_What'll ya have?" Debbie asked, cracking her gum._

"_Waffles," Hunter said. "And… bacon. Instead of toast, more bacon."_

"_You're gonna have a heart attack at twenty," Michael laughed. "But I'll have the same thing, but with toast, Ma."_

"_Shit, you boys don't get enough meat at home with Ben's little veggie regime. Well, Hunter doesn't anyway," Debbie laughed, writing it down._

"_Oh, and orange juice for us," Michael added on, rolling his eyes as she made off. "So, back to Brian. What happened now?"_

_Ted wiped his mouth with a napkin before speaking. "Dunno. He came in barking orders at Deb then couldn't wait around for his food and got a coffee to go and just hauled ass outta here."_

"_Said something to her about her 'good little Catholic boy' before he left, though," Emmett added on. "I think that was about the only time he graced the adoring public with maybe a smile."_

_Michael fought to keep himself from turning five shades of scarlet. That little prayer before bed stunt had been worth it, but he never wanted to hear 'good little Catholic boy' ever again if he could help it._

"_What'd you do now, dude?" Hunter asked, snickering at the comment. "Brian's got you on his shit list."_

"_Far from it actually," Ted voiced, not looking up from the plate before him. "Like Emmett said, that was about the only thing that made him smile."_

"_Teddy even tried the usual back and forth with him and just, well, got shut down completely," Emmett threw in, fluttering his hands about. "Had his lil ole panties in a twist as Aunt Lula would say."_

"_We just went out last night," Michael shrugged, grateful when Debbie came back over for a little in between relief._

"_What? You and Ben?" Debbie asked, smiling broadly. "Romantic night out?"_

"_Nah, Michael and Brian," Hunter corrected. _

_Debbie rolled her eyes. "You boys are too old to keep going out like you do."_

"_Which is another way of saying I spend too much time with Brian," Michael translated, resting his head in a hand. _

"_You're a grown married man, Michael," Debbie admonished, hands on hips. "You need the stability and less partying at your age."_

"_At my age?" Michael asked incredulous. Ted and Emmett kept their smiles hidden as they watched the two go at each other. Hunter was mildly amused, but his attention was waning. "Ma, I'm getting a little older, I'm not dead!"_

"_You will be if you keep running with Brian."_

"_Ted and Emmett still go out!"_

"_Do I _look_ like Ted and Emmett's mother?" Debbie asked with a frown._

_Michael sighed. "No, but you could just as well be. You take in every stray you find, so long as they're gay."_

_Debbie smacked Michael across the back of his head with the pad she used to take down orders with as the bell rang for their order. The diner was pretty quiet with it being after the morning rush and before lunch, just Debbie's back and forth with the cook and the occasional customer besides them. Michael received a cool silence as his and Hunter's orders were placed in front of them. Great, one more person pissed at him today._

"_Anyone hear from Justin lately?" Michael asked out of the blue. "Could be why Brian dragged me out last night, why he's all sunshine and rainbows this morning."_

_Emmett sigh thinking about Justin. Poor kid (because none of them could think of him as anything more than a kid) had a hard start to adulthood. "An email a week or so ago. He's having his first show! Well, his first professional all about him show."_

"_He should love it then. All eyes on him," Michael said thinly as he reached for the syrup and passed it between himself and Hunter. _

_With a mouthful already, Hunter spoke up. "I think he called."_

"_What?" Michael paused in getting a forkful of waffle to his mouth. "When?"_

"_I dunno," he shrugged and swallowed. "Few days back. He didn't mention he wanted you to call back, so it slipped this fragile little mind."_

"_Way to go, slugger," Ted commented unenthusiastically._

_Emmett slapped Ted's arm gently. "Sweetie, it's alright that he called. Just call him back when you can and say things got busy."_

"_Nah, he's got the show coming up, I guess," Michael said contemplatively. "It can wait."_

"_I don't like him either," Hunter agreed carelessly. _

"_Did I say that?" Michael asked, getting annoyed. _

"_Nah, but you don't have to."_

"_Honey, Michael probably just has a little leftover jealousy," Emmett said gently in that southern voice. Ted snorted, finishing off his breakfast. "After all, Justin stole away his best friend for awhile."_

"_I was _not _jealous," Michael implored, finally taking a bite angrily._

"_Sure, Michael. And I'm a walking representation of sex," Ted threw at him sarcastically._

"_Uh, guys?" Hunter tried to interrupt, but was ignored._

"_Ted, shut up," Michael spat. "Is it so wrong to want your best friend?"_

_The table went quiet as if trying to decide to make it a joke that wouldn't go over well or placate the man down as he stared at them almost wildly. They opted for murmurs of 'of course not' and 'perfectly acceptable, hon'. Michael went back to his breakfast deciding for everyone that they should change the topic._

_It didn't work._

"_So, who'd Brian pick up last night?" Ted asked, pushing the empty plate away._

_Michael sighed. Why couldn't they think of something else? Michael didn't know how to answer for Brian. It would be out of character to say no one, it would be wrong to admit the truth and he didn't want lie and mention some faceless person. Michael was… perversely proud that it had been himself. If just for a night. He wanted to tell, ached for someone to know within the group and put to rest their constant, secret pity. Oh, he knew. How could he not know? Both he and Brian just chose to ignore it, and ignore what it was between themselves. _

"_I dunno," Michael shrugged. "We were fucked up" he turned to Hunter and said not to mention it to Ben, who just nodded and kept eating "and I don't remember him leaving me on the floor. We went to Pistols, the place really changed, and they don't have a backroom… but I was high, so I don't know. We went back to his place though at the end of the night and no one else went with us."_

_Emmett and Ted seemed to accept this. Blame it on the drugs, it was just that easy. Blame everything on the drugs and questions would stop. Could it really be so easy? Not one of them were thinking that maybe, possibly it had been Michael in Brian's bed last night? Was it really that easy to dismiss him?_

_The whole day went sour after the diner. When he and Hunter got back to the house, he left to meet up with Katie and Michael didn't care, waving him off from the couch, to which he had taken root with a beer in one hand and flipping channels with the other. This. Sucked._

"I figured you might've been," Ben said, sitting down on the bed. "It didn't seem like just hung over."

Michael still clung to the shirt, not sure what to do with it. Throw it out? He didn't want to. Sit on the bed with Ben? He didn't think he wanted to do that either. What was left? Stand there like a guilty moron, apparently.

"Yeah, well… I left angry that night. Had to let off a bit of steam."

Ben visibly hesitated, thinking hard and trying to decide if it was worth knowing the truth. "Anything happen at the club that night? The reason your shirt got ripped?"

Michael had been given a choice. They all included lying. He could make up a story about someone forceful trying to drag him off. Brian maybe got 'tired of waiting' (he was usually the one leaving everyone else waiting) and tugged him along. It was an old shirt, probably easy to tear, at least it had been.

"Not that I can remember," Michael finally answered, sitting on the bed, feeling the full weight of guilt over him. "But it was so long ago, Ben. Not that it would excuse anything, but… it was so long ago."

He just wanted Ben to drop it. He wanted the world back in order. Probably shouldn't've started this tangle of lies if he wanted that. Oh, and that sleeping with Brian thing on a regular basis. That probably wasn't a good way to keep up 'normal'.

Ben lounged fully on the made up bed, tired and looking forward to his day off tomorrow. "You're right. I'm sorry, I just thought… maybe-"

"Ben," Michael said firmly. "Don't."

"I'm sorry," he said again. "But… things have just been so off and then I came home to this…"

Michael smiled. "I know, but really, you don't think I'm so dumb I'd bring anyone back here if I was cheating, right?"

Ben chuckled a little as Michael's gut churned at another outright lie. "Not a conversation I want to be having, but… no. This is the bed _we _share. You wouldn't do that. I don't think either of us could."

Michael laid on the bed next to Ben, letting the shirt fall to the floor, forgotten now, and curled up next to his husband. His husband. The man he willingly chose to be with for the rest of his life. Start a family, leave behind a lot of things he thought he would never get, leave Liberty Ave for this man because he wanted a different life. Ben held onto him tightly feeling relieved. Michael didn't lie to him. Sometimes veiled the truth a bit, but always came out fully in the end. That's how it worked and he understood. He thought he understood Michael fairly well.

_Michael was a beer away from drunk and probably needed to get to the store soon. He didn't want to go, but the thought of sobering up was worse than a stumbling walk to the store. In the short time Hunter had been gone, he had heard his phone upstairs go off about ten times. Sometimes a few calls right after the other, sometimes there was a wait in between. _

_Well, wasn't he Mr. Popular today?_

_Finally aggravating him enough to do something, he made his way upstairs and into the bedroom, snatching it up off the side table, just a second too late and he missed the call again. There were several voicemails that popped up as he ignored the list of missed calls and hit play to listen to them. The first was from Ben._

"_**Hey, baby, the class went on time" **__Michael snorted. He was 'baby' again __**"But I'm going to stick around and do some work on the book. I don't know when I'll be home, but I'll call around seven if I'm not leaving yet."**__ Didn't they _just _have an argument about that? __**"I'll talk to you later. Love you."**_

"_I'm sure you do," Michael snorted, hitting 7 to delete._

"_**Mikey, come out come out wherever you are," **__Brian's voice flowed. It sounded almost… predatory and Michael shivered inadvertently. __**"I think we need to talk, don't you? You're always the one who overanalyzes shit and after… uh, this, I can't get a hold of you? I figured you be riding my ass" **__there was a pause, either he thought to make a joke or was thinking about last night __**"either way, call me back."**_

_Michael was tempted to save the message, but hit 7 again waiting for the next message._

"_**Michael,"**__ Brian said gruffly into his ear. Ooooh, he was pissed off. __**"This is bullshit. You think you're the only one who wants to hide away? I stopped in the diner and I… fuck, Michael. Will you… **_**please**_**, call me the fuck back? Sometime before I'm dead would be nice, asshole."**_

_Michael giggled, brain buzzing from the beer and listening to Brian go bat shit crazy over Michael not being at his beck and call. He never knew it could be this fun to leave someone hanging. Hitting 7, he sat on the bed to listen to the next one._

"_**Would you even come to my fucking funeral?" **__Michael laughed loudly. What a fucking drama queen! __**"You're being a bitch and you know it. If you don't call me by four, I'm coming over to drag your ass out. We are **_**going**_** to talk about this whether you want to or not. Are you listening, Michael? I'm going to get you for this."**_

_He hit 7 again, wondering what he was going to get and what for? For last night, which was not entirely his fault, for not answering his phone all day? Maybe for some unknown reason only Brian saw as an affront. He checked the clock, it was 3:30 now and one more voicemail. He smiled widely, thinking it was Brian again._

"_**Uh… hey," **__said Ben into his ear. __**"I guess you not calling back means you're still upset with me. Or maybe you're sleeping it off." **__His voice sounded tired with the last comment __**"I, uh… I don't want to fight anymore. Not today at least." **__Oh, like they could schedule a time for it, then? __**"I think, maybe, I'll spend a little more time here working and just… get a room or something for the night." **__Something in that didn't sound definite… like this may not be just a temporary one night thing… __**"Just… I love you, okay? I'm sorry for the last few weeks. Some cooling off would be good, I think. I love you."**_

"Maybe we should go on a vacation," Ben suggested lightly. "A weekend away or something small."

"You have classes on Saturday now," Michael reminded, hand running absently over Ben's clothed chest.

Ben put a hand over the one Michael was using, caressing it gently. "I can miss one class. Just let the students know and give them a little busy work."

"Or be a benevolent teacher and let them slack off for a weekend."

"Or be a benevolent teacher and let them slack off for a weekend," Ben chuckled, bringing the hand up to press a kiss to the palm.

_Michael snapped the phone shut, angry at the voicemail. Spend the night in a room? Well, at least he knew where his own husband was. Must count for something. He was tempted to call Brian, rant and make him bring more beer over, but it was almost four. Brian said he'd show up at four if he didn't call back. Michael was more tempted to see if Brian would stick to his threat._

_And, dare he admit it? On top of the nervousness and confusion… he was excited. And still fairly inebriated as he made his way back downstairs, on the couch in front of the TV with the last of his beers in hand, finishing it off slowly. He was watching the clock more than the TV and didn't think much of it._

_Eventually, the doorbell went off and Michael debated on actually get up or not. It was easier to yell for whoever it was to come in than it was to get up off his ass and open the door. So he did just that. When nothing happened, he raised his voice even more and told them to come in. Still nothing._

"_The fuck is this nonsense?" he muttered, managing his way to the door and opened it, Brian's sunglass hidden eyes staring (or maybe not, damn those fucking things) right at him._

"_At least you waited until after noon to crack open the bottle," Brian commented, noting the empty one in Michael's hand._

"_Yeah, well… shut up," was all Michael could come up with._

_The corners of Brian's lips pulled up slightly. "Nice one, Mikey. As much as I love your drunken wit, sober it up. We need to talk."_

"_Oh no, are you pregnant?" Michael snorted, stepping back from the door and waving Brian in with the hand still holding the empty bottle._

"_Yes, and it's not yours. I've been having an _affair_." Brian's tone was deadpanned during the delivery, slight smile falling away as he emphasized the last word._

_Michael was tempted to slam the door in Brian's face. "No, no. Affair would insinuate I am having a constant relationship outside of my marriage. I had a mind altering substance driven one. Night. Stand."_

_Fuzzy around the edges though his words were, the last three were stated clearly and with precision. He would not let Brian hang this over his head. No one would believe him anyway, apparently. Michael wasn't someone you could apparently picture in Brian's bed. He frowned sourly as he wandered away from the door, letting Brian come in or not. It was up to him, but he needed to toss this bottle and get the very last one out of the fridge. Shit. He'd need to go to the store later or Ben would know he didn't go to work and sat around drinking all day. Oh, wait… Ben wasn't coming home tonight._

_He missed the look on Brian's face. That borderline 'are you shitting me?' and 'I can strangle you and I will' look. The kind Michael knew because Brian's eyes went dead with just a glitter of power behind them. Something not unlike a wolf eyeing up its prey as it laid low to the ground. Not that he would've seen it with those sunglasses on. Brian had no choice but to enter as Michael (rudely) left him at the threshold and shut the door behind him._

"_Did you bother opening the store today at all?" he asked calmly, trying to easy conversation._

"_Do I look like I bothered opening the store today at all?" Michael shot back, shutting the fridge with a hip check._

_Brian held his tongue. "Who the fuck are you and where is my best friend?" The hold didn't last, apparently._

"_He's right here! He's just pissed the fuck off and trying to get drunk in peace!" Michael said, voice raised. _

"_Why?"_

_Michael snorted. "Pain management. Whatever."_

"_Feeling guilty?"_

"_Honestly? No. But that could be the alcohol talking. I'm just pissed."_

_Brian leaned up against the doorway, waiting for Michael to continue._

"_It's just…" Michael slammed the bottle down on the counter to open it "Ben's staying at a motel or something tonight after yet _another_ fight and Ted and Emmett don't seem to think I could _ever_ get into your bed and Ma… well. You know Ma. She said I was getting old."_

_Brian playfully clutched at his chest. "Ah, the ultimate nutshot for a gay man. Age."_

"_Ted's older'n dirt," Michael muttered sullenly. "Don't see Ma telling him he can't go out anymore."_

"_Wait," Brian said, grinning. "Your mother actually told you, a full grown man, that you can't go out anymore?"_

"_With you, more or less," Michael clarified. "I can see why, especially after… whatever, but still! I'm not a child anymore!" He stomped his foot for dramatic effect that had Brian rolling his lips inward to hold in a laugh. Sure he wasn't. Mikey was a big boy, after all._

_Well, an impressive one, either way._

"It might be nice," Michael agreed, wondering what fresh hell he'd just gotten himself into. He really didn't think a weekend away was going to fix anything. Still, maybe it would help matters. "What were you thinking?"

Ben hummed, thinking quietly. "Nothing special, honestly. Maybe just a weekend in a hotel. No computers, no phones… just us, for once."

"We pretty much have that now, honey," Michael said, trying to be thoughtful. "Hunter's old enough where he's almost never home it's just…"

"Us," Ben finished for him.

Michael nodded silently.

"I think that might be why we should. A little change of scenery, just us together without any interruptions," Ben explained, running his free hand up and down Michael's back.

"Well… maybe," Michael conceded. Really, the idea of being out of touch with Brian, leaving him with no options to get a hold of him might drive him off. Make Brian think that maybe Michael had made his choice. "But if I can get a promise from you?"

"Anything, baby," his husband said earnestly.

"Leave your book at home?"

"_Are you done being a whiney bitch now?" Brian asked, done playing as nice as he could get._

_Michael's eyes went wide. "Whiney bitch? Me? Oh, that's good coming from Mr. 'Would you even come to my funeral'! I don't pick up the phone for a few hours and you get your dick in a knot."_

"_Hell, Mikey, c'mon," Brian countered with, not liking to dwell on his own faults much. "I was just frustrated."_

"_Figured we took care of that last night."_

_Brian paused, unable to comprehend what that was supposed to mean. "What?"_

"_The way I see it" Michael stopped to take a drink "It was a right time, right place deal. Convenient for you, easy to give to me. I don't know what else there is to talk about. If you're thinking I've been sitting here bawling my eyes out over you or where my marriage is headed because of this, don't. I've just been drinking and watching cartoons, and you know why? Because I know it'll never happen again."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Cause, 'm married," Michael said simply. "Cause you have all of Liberty Ave eatin' out of your pants! Me? Hell, I'm an easy target at best for you. Best friend with the long time crush. Well, you know what? Can't tap the same ass twice. That's your own rule."_

_Can't tap the-? "Are you letting Hunter write all your drunken rants now?" It was all Brian could think to say, absolutely stunned._

_Michael snorted. "Nah, just rubs off a bit."_

"_Well, don't ever use that term again," Brian said, almost cringing at it. Vulgar, that's what it was. Christ, was he getting old?_

_Michael finished a good amount in the bottle before flashing a smile. "Either way, nothing to talk about. One time thing. Your rule. The end, bye-bye, see you at breakfast tomorrow!"_

"_You know you were always my exception to the rules," Brian admitted quietly, flipping the sunglasses up on top of his head. His eyes were bloodshot and the bags were visible. Damn. Brian looked more like shit than he did, and Michael didn't handle the morning after too well._

"Yo!" Hunter said, popping his head in the bedroom. Michael and Ben looked at him expectantly. "Just wanted to say g'night… and I wouldn't mind spending a weekend with 'Granma'."

"You're a nosey little shit, you know that?" Michael asked with a tired smile, not lifting his head from Ben's chest.

"You love me, admit it," Hunter countered with, grinning.

"You know we do, pal," Ben said, smiling. "We haven't really decided yet, but we'll let you know what weekend, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Hunter said agreeably. "Think Deb'll mind if I-"

"Spend most of the weekend with Katie?" Michael finished. "Well, if we got used to missing your loving presence, I'm sure she will, too."

Ben laughed. "You two are worse than siblings sometimes."

"You love me, though," Michael offered playfully, smiling up at Ben.

Hunter rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Enough love-fest. Night."

"Night, pal," Ben said and Michael intoned with the same.

Michael was getting tired. Today took way too much out of him. Too much lying. "He's a great kid."

"Yeah… another few months and we might really be his parents," Ben said thoughtfully.

"We aren't already?"

"Well, legally, I mean. I think we can both agree that we've been his parents for a long time now."

Michael closed his eyes. "Yeah."

"_Brian," Michael said, because he had no idea what else to say._

_Brian shrugged, trying to look indifferent. "Mikey."_

"_I'm-"_

"_Married, yes. I was your best man."_

"_It was-"_

"_The best fucking night of my life."_

_Stunned did not even begin to cover it. Michael stood there gaping like a fish out of water, arms sort of jerking time to time as if the hand motions wanted to start before the words did, but there were no words to say and so they stopped moving. What are you supposed to say to that?_

"_Brian."_

"_Mikey." Brian was still being defiant about it._

"_Get out."_

Michael was tired enough that when Hunter offered to open the store for him the next day, he let the kid go to town, grunting pitiful excuses for responses as he shuffled to the table and grabbed the cereal box. Ben smiled and leaned over to give him a quick kiss good morning, to which Michael smiled blearily at.

"Whatcha doin' today?" Michael asked Ben, pouring milk over the cereal. Hunter came back downstairs and asked Michael for the keys to the store. They made a trade as the store key was also kept on the ring that held Michael's house keys.

"Nothing," Ben said, glancing up from the paper. "You?"

Michael smiled shyly. "Nothin'."

"Wanna do nothing with me today?" Ben asked, folding up the finished paper and setting it aside.

Michael pretended to think about it. "Oh, I don't know… there's just so much nothing I have to do on my own…"

"I'll help you," Ben offered. "We'll get both our nothing done faster that way so we can do nothing together."

They looked at each other before they broke into peals of laughter that had Hunter staring at them like they each had two heads before making a show of cautiously backing towards the front door. This sent Ben and Michael into a new round of laughs as Hunter left. Hunter didn't know what was weirder, having them act like a normal cutesy married couple, or down each other's throats.

_Brian's face was blank. He didn't know what to do, let alone say. Get out? Obviously that meant leave. Go home. Off the premises. His feet didn't seem to understand that at all. It was like he'd been hit with lightening and stuck to the ground where he stood. Michael wanted him out. Gone. Now. None of that made sense._

"_Pretty and dumb," Michael laughed, pushing roughly past Brian to go back to the living room and sat himself back on the couch with some loud, brightly colored animation on TV._

_Where the hell was this coming from? Why was… what the fuck?_

"_Mikey?" Brian finally found his voice, drifting over to the general area of the living room._

"_Why are you still fucking here?" Michael bit out harshly, not turning to look at Brian. "Get out. Go home. Sleep off whatever the hell you're on, because you're not Brian right now."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because Brian would not be over here-" Michael paused to think about his words "Well, first, Brian wouldn't've fucked me."_

"_Too late."_

"_Since he did, I'd bet my life that he wouldn't show up here the next day, _sober_, and make these off the wall confessions," he decided, much calmer now that he'd thought it out._

_Brian thought about this. Michael did know him better than anyone, and he was right about this. Nothing about him suggested this was going to happen. That he was going to be here, dumbfounded that his best friend was going to kick him out because… well, why? Oh, because Brian had this overwhelming urge to rush over, see him again, talk to him and… then what? That wasn't important right now. What was important was to gain back lost ground. _

"_Alright, let's say, for the sake of argument," Brian said with a tight drawl on the words, trying to sound like he could care less. "I'm high as hell. What does it matter then? You're drunk."_

_Michael couldn't think of anything to counter with. "Yeah."_

"_So why should I leave? Aren't we always drunk and high together?"_

"_Yeah."_

_Brian huffed. "So why the fuck are you trying to get rid of me?"_

"_I don't wanna hear it," Michael admitted quietly, never taking his eyes off the screen in front of him._

_Brian swelled a little with the knowledge that the conversation had officially tipped in his favor. There was a little swagger to the careful slow walk as he made his way towards Michael's back and placed his hands on the shoulders. Michael jumped, Brian smiled._

"_Why not, Mikey?" he asked, playing concerned. "I mean, I'm only high, hypothetically. We both say stupid shit when we're fucked up."_

"_Because."_

"_Don't be like that," Brian chastised gently, leaning over so he could speak quietly right into Michael's ear. "I don't like when you hide things from me, you know that. Best friends, remember?"_

_Michael kept his eyes tightly shut. Brian was not supposed to be this close and he was not supposed to be this turned on by it. _

"_You need to go," Michael whispered hands curled tight around the bottle in his lap._

_Brian clucked disapprovingly. "Nah, Mikey. I said we needed to talk, and we do."_

"_I said… I told you already."_

"_Did you mean it?"_

"_What?"_

"_When you made it sound I was like a complete bastard that wouldn't take you into consideration at all. Did you mean it?" Brian asked, hard edge to his voice._

_Michael opened his eyes. Brian had no right to take that tone with him when all he did was speak the slurred truth about the matter. Wasn't it Brian's pride and joy to be a heartless bastard with little to no consideration to anyone, especially his best friend? Wasn't that just half the fucking joke? That Michael just took the abuse?_

_He pulled away, leaving Brian to lean against the back of the couch. "Why shouldn't I? You've never 'taken me into consideration' before."_

"_Bullshit," Brian said, calling his bluff. Where was the proof to that?_

_Michael scoffed. "Bullshit? How is it bullshit? I've never been in the running to be your bedmate before, but suddenly after all these years, after we fuck up and it happens, now I'm good enough? Now I'm enough to chase after like this?"_

"_Mikey-"_

"_No! No, you don't get it. I was _over_ you," Michael spat, turning his body to look at Brian. "I. Was. Over. You."_

"_Was," Brian repeated slowly. "What happened?"_

"_You… You fucked me!" Michael sputtered. Did he forget already?_

"_No," then Brian paused. "Well, yeah, but that's not it, is it?"_

"_Will you get the fuck out of my house?" Michael asked, enraged. He was trying to keep hold of himself._

_Brian shook his head and actually had the gall to walk around the couch and take a seat on it. Even prop his feet up on the little coffee table. Michael was erratic, but Brian could keep steady under pressure. He wouldn't've been able to hold his own in the Ad world without that skill._

"_Listen, if you were over me," Brian rolled his eyes. "A little inconsequential fuck wouldn't've changed that. Maybe rethink your… living situation for a bit, but you wouldn't be this close to falling apart. So, tell me, Mikey, why aren't you over me now? You probably never were."_

"_You're an asshole!" Michael shouted, losing his grip. "You can't tell me that! You can't tell me that… that you liked it! You can't!"_

"_But I did," Brian countered calmly. "What's wrong with that?"_

"_You fuck once and that's it," his best friend said miserably. "You're not supposed to…"_

"_Have I ever done what I'm 'supposed' to, Mikey?"_

_Michael hesitated. "No. At least now how you should."_

_Brian waved a hand. "Neither here nor there. The point remains. You keep saying how I should be doing things, but I'm not doing them already. Why are we arguing?"_

"_Because you need to go home," Michael said blankly. "I… don't even know why you're here."_

"_To see you," Brian said simply. "My best friend."_

"_But you said…," Michael stopped, clearly confused as to what just happened._

"_Said it was the best fucking night of my life," Brian clarified with a shrug. "I was telling the truth."_

_Michael was just lost. "You… what? Wait. What?"_

"_Well, like I said in the messages. We needed to talk and you're usually the one that overanalyzes these things. Figured you'd be off the wall by now."_

_He didn't have it in him to get angry anymore. Instead, Michael relaxed slightly into the couch as Brian stretched his arms over the back of it. There was a long period of silence where they both just stared at the TV. Michael finally set the bottle down on the table and cautiously curled into Brian's side. An arm fell protectively over him, and though he was bombarded with the events that transpired the night before, Michael felt relaxed. They were okay._

_They were really okay._

"This is nice," Michael commented, laying in bed, curled up at Ben's side. "We haven't done this in a long time."

"Then just imagine a whole weekend of this," Ben said.

Michael smiled. "When you promise to leave your book home, I'll think about it."

"Baby," Ben sighed. "I need to work on it some time."

"Does it have to be when we're trying to…," Michael struggled for the right word and came up short. "I thought it was going to be about us."

"It is, but part of me is my work."

"Shouldn't you learn how to put it down, just for a few days?"

Ben didn't want to ruin the moment. They were both so comfortable with each other today. It hadn't been like this since they first decided to settle down and get serious. He needed his book though. He had to work on it, that's what he did. He was a damn writer. What if an idea hit him? If he didn't put it down, he might lose it and he preferred to keep everything in order in his writing, using the same notebook until it was full and moving on to the next until it was completed, each labeled neatly until it was time to type the manuscript up.

"Baby, please don't argue on this," he said finally. "If I'm missing a class I should at least get something done."

Michael stiffened next to Ben, imperceptibly pulling away. He didn't want to be chided and talked down to like a child that didn't understand why he couldn't have the cookie for dinner. Michael understood Ben's work just fine and encouraged it, but this was going to be- What? He had to finally admit it, to himself if no one else. This was probably going to be the last shot they had. He didn't know when or why he decided that, but Michael couldn't stand this anymore and was hoping that if they went through with this little vacation maybe they could work it out.

God, why couldn't they work it out?

Michael sat up and scooted off the bed, pulling together an outfit before leaving the room to head to the bathroom down the hall, leaving Ben frustrated at what just happened. They were just going in circles and it was getting past Ben's point of patient reserves.

"_Well," Emmett said, announcing the arrival of Michael and Brian through the diner. "Look who's back in action!"_

"_Dynamic Duo," Michael smiled, sliding into the booth, Brian following after._

"_Superman needs someone to save," Brian said blandly, looking over at the board near the counter for the specials. _

_Michael sighed. "Why am I always Lois Lane?"_

_It was a well oiled machine of teamwork to pull off this morning in the diner. Relying a lot on muscle memory and ingrained habit rather than acting on what was bubbling on the surface. Yesterday had come to an anticlimactic end with Brian leaving and Michael cooking for Ben and Hunter when they came home. They had decided without saying that they would never bring up that night again. For Michael, it was pure relief. It meant his mistake would fly under the radar. He still had Ben and Hunter and his best friend and that's what was important._

_On the other side, Brian was mentally cursing himself as he left that day for going to Michael's, for thinking the way he had and being as insistent as he had about something Michael didn't want. Didn't want him, not anymore. Shit, was he expecting anything less? Michael got the ring and the kid and upstanding husband of the year, what was the best friend needed for?_

_A nudge in Brian's side tore his scathing look away from the board and the look softened a bit as he faced Ted and Emmett who were drowning the table in playful banter that was wearing thin on Brian's temper. He wanted to be angry at Michael, but they were better off this way, sweeping it under the rug. Still, the things they had said to each other the other day weighed heavily on him._

"_So," Emmett finished his tale of last night's trick with a flourish. "I said to him, 'Honey, if the condom fits…' or doesn't in this case."_

_Ted and Michael were chuckling and Brian completely missed the entire story and why that was supposed to be funny, but he graced the table with a flicker of a smile. He started tapping his fingers restlessly on the table when he perked up at the next bout of conversation._

"_I heard Justin is doing well," Ted commented, meaning to get Brian's attention._

_Brian shifted and settled far back into the seat, the corners of his mouth pulled in a tight smile. "Well, when you learn from the best, Theodore, you've got no place to go but up."_

"_And on your back," Ted snorted._

"_Honey, I think it's great Justin is doing so well," Emmett cooed, reaching over the table to pat one of Brian's hands. Brian just gave him a withering look._

"_Deb!" Brian shouted at the redheaded woman flitting about the diner. "Can we get some fucking service over here?"_

"_You watch your goddamn mouth, Kinney," Debbie called back, barely glancing over her shoulder._

"_Mikey, why can't your mom ever say she just hates me?" Brian asked, faking a hurt expression. Michael shoved him playfully._

"_She doesn't hate you and you know it," Michael said. "But you really shouldn't curse her out when it's busy. You know that much."_

"_I'm fucking hungry," Brian griped, crossing his arms. _

_Ted rolled his eyes. "I think we all are, Brian. But you've got to cut Deb some slack, she practically runs the place by herself."_

_Ted annoyed him. Usually on a daily basis, but with the current mood and situation, Ted really annoyed him. "Yes, Theodore, how rude of me," Brian said, voice dripping with scathing sarcasm as he hoisted himself up and out of the booth and strolled over to the counter where he sat next to another patron. A guy, mid-twenties, Michael noted, struggling to understand what was going on with the dynamic here. He was blond, from the profile Michael could see when he turned to laugh at whatever Brian had said, Michael noticed there was an engaging smile on the man's face._

_There was a brief moment of jealousy, a reminder of Justin and how badly things had gone after meeting him. Michael knew Brian's moves like the back of his hand. There was the raunchy greeting, no doubt. The way Brian turned his body towards the other man, receptive. The other man leaned forward, accepting the attention. They hit it off, Michael knew, and it irritated him._

"_Michael? Michael?" Ted asked, leaning forward towards him across the table. Michael snapped his attention over to Ted, looking confused. "The guy isn't that hot."_

"_I'm sorry," Michael said, sparing one more glance towards Brian and his new friend._

"_Sweetie, you can look all you want," Emmett said, brushing his hands through the air in a 'don't worry about it' gesture. "Just remember you've got that hot hunk of man back home."_

_Michael smiled weakly. Yeah. Ben._

"_Seriously, Deb," Ted called out. "A little service would be nice!"_

"_I know that wouldn't be Ted," Deb shouted across the diner, hands on her hips. "Because Ted Schmidt wouldn't be talking to me like that!"_

_Ted ducked his head down. Emmett and Michael snickered into their hands and he wondered if Brian had looked over. Even passed him –them– a sparing thought. _

"Why the fuck do you go to work on a fucking Sunday?" Michael yelled, busting into Brian's office. Brian looked up from his laptop unfazed. His eyes were hard and jaw set, he was in no mood for interruptions, even Cynthia was still home, but closely attached to her cell just in case. He didn't need to be bothered.

"It might be because I run a business," Brian said evenly, leaning back in his chair, letting the kinks out. The way he hunched over the small laptop was no good for his posture, he was sure.

Michael didn't falter in his anger. "Well some of us waited about half an hour at your fucking Loft thinking you were just fucking some trick or sleeping it off!"

"Sit down, Michael."

"No! You don't even get it, do you? I-"

"Michael, sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up," Brian said, rising slowly from his seat, chair rolling back quietly. "I'm working, Michael. That thing you've been so conveniently avoiding at every chance?"

The shorter man huffed and threw himself into the overstuffed couch, crossing his arms petulantly. "Some of us need to take time off."

"And some of us have to fix what little hotshot pukes fuck up!" Brian barked, tossing printouts on his desk angrily. Michael started to get the gnawing edge of guilt, but he steeled himself. He didn't want it to edge its way into his anger. He wanted to be angry right now.

"Some of us don't have time to listen to bitching and moaning all day fucking long," Brian added, coming around the desk.

Michael bristled, leaning forward on the couch, glaring hard at Brian. "Bitching and moaning? Oh, well fucking excuse me! Not all of us can be power hungry assholes who don't have time for their best friends."

"Mikey-"

He stood up. "No, you know what? This was a bad idea. Just get back to work."

Unfortunately, heading for the door he'd come in from meant passing by Brian who grabbed Michael by his upper arm, wrenching him back. The movement switched their places and slammed the back of Michael's legs into the desk.

"Michael," Brian said, sounding like he was grinding his teeth.

"You're an asshole," Michael responded, locking eyes with Brian. He wasn't going to back away, his glare said as much. That's what Brian loved about Michael. Give him a good reason and he would stand up just as tall as the rest. Taller sometimes.

Brian grabbed Michael's other arm and squeezed tightly and holding before letting go. Like taking in and holding a calming breath before releasing it. He wasn't angry at Michael. He liked having his best friend around no matter the situation, even if it was during a time a duress and he was being an annoying little fuck…

"Michael," Brian said his name again, calmer. "Calm down."

Michael looked as though that was blasphemy. "No!"

"Calm down."

"You can't make me," Michael argued, struggling against Brian now.

Brian lowered his face until he was nose to nose with Michael. "You are acting like a child."

Michael screwed up his face and it reminded Brian of Gus when he had been a baby, just before he would cry. Oh, shit, Michael wasn't going to cry, was he? Brian hadn't meant to make Michael cry, shit.

"Why?" Michael asked petulantly, but quietly.

Brian was taken aback and straightened up. "Why what?"

"Why did you do this to me?"

Deflated. That was how Michael looked now. Deflated, defeated even.

"_What crawled up your ass and died?" Brian demanded when they left the diner._

_Michael walked with his hands shoved into his jean pockets, shoulders hunched forward as they made their way to Brian's car. Some days Brian and Michael would drive to the diner together and Brian would drop him off at the comic shop and then get to the office. Today, they felt like they had to, to bring some normality back to their lives. _

"_Mikey." Michael thought he could hear the hint of a whine in Brian's voice._

"_It's nothing," Michael sighed. "Just forget it."_

_Brian frowned. "Is… this weird? Should we just not even bother trying?"_

_Michael stopped in his tracks. "What?"_

"_Do you think we shouldn't even try?"_

"_Are you saying you don't want to?"_

"_Mikey, that's not it," Brian argued. "You just… you're acting like-"_

"_Maybe if you had actually stuck around instead of running off to chase the nearest thing with a dick you haven't fucked, I wouldn't be so pissed off!" Michael yelled abruptly. Brian was taken aback, startled even. A few people on the street paused to give them questioning looks. Most of them recognized the pair, so the outburst was even more intriguing. Brian had the wherewithal to send the scattered passersby a glare. Nothing a queer liked more than gossip. _

"_Michael," Brian hissed, turning his attention back to his friend. "Could you make it sound anymore like a fucking lovers' quarrel?"_

_It was Michael's turn to be surprised. "Oh? That's what you think this sounds like? Because this seems normal to me, except I've never called you out on it before."_

_Brian caught snatches of murmurs from the people that passed by, even looking back over their shoulders at the friends. Christ, this was not going to fly._

"_Michael, shut the fuck up!" Brian demanded quietly, grabbing him by the upper arm and hauling him off to a side street that he had parked on. Out of the view of what Emmett constantly call his 'adoring public'. _

_Michael wasn't going without a fight, pulling himself free as he was shoved into the nearby wall. "Ow! Asshole," he hissed, rubbing the elbow that had hit the brick. It was doing the tingly numb thing when you hit it in just the right spot. Funny bone his ass._

"_You're acting like the asshole here," Brian corrected, pissed off as he fidgeted with the cuffs of his suit. "So I went to hit on the piece of ass at the counter, and at the same time get served my breakfast a little faster than you guys. Is it my fault that I was hungry and you three demand the booth every single time?"_

_Michael snorted. Apparently hungry had a double meaning. "No, but did you have to-"_

_Brian cut Michael off with a stern look. "Yes."_

_The shorter man's face fell into confusion. "But why?"_

"_Mikey, listen to me," Brian sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Are you listening?"_

_Michael crossed his arms. "Yes."_

"_We fucked."_

"_I remember, believe me."_

"_We agreed that was it."_

"_Well, not in so many words, but yeah," Michael said slowly, nodding._

"_So why the hell are you acting this jealous?" Brian asked._

"And he wants us to go away for a weekend, but he won't fucking leave his book at home," Michael finished miserably.

Brian had walked Michael back to the overstuffed sofa and sat him down. Before he could protest, Brian had settled next to him and pulled him into an awkwardly comfortable embrace. Michael struggled with telling his best friend or not as he tried to relax. It was still strange to have Brian comfort him so… physically. Usually it was from at least an arms length distance, but that was way back when. Recently, Michael's form of comfort from Brian happened in bed, which made this all the weirder. He couldn't picture Brian as someone that wanted to cuddle. Ever. Back when they were kids, well, that was another story.

On the other end, Brian had a hard time listening to Michael. He all but ground his teeth as soon as Michael mentioned Ben, but to try and take Michael away? He had to calm down and rationalize it, though. Ben and Michael were married (in Canada) and they lived together (it was more like glorified roommates, really…) and they had kids together (well, Brian couldn't argue that Hunter wasn't theirs together, but Jenny? Ben hadn't even wanted Michael to have her). Brian had to content himself with the fact that the Professor was fucking up on his own now. Here Michael was, trying his best to keep himself balanced, give his husband the fair shot that he (probably) deserved and Benny Boy was fucking it up. Royally.

"Mikey, it is his job," Brian said after hesitating. Shit, whose side was he on?

"No, teaching is his job," Michael countered. "Writing is what he wants to do."

Brian hummed in thought. "Okay, true. And, you know what? It's an idea he had for you two and all you wanted was for him to leave the notebooks at home for one weekend."

"Exactly!" Finally, someone understood him.

Michael was easy for Brian to understand. He didn't want to be babied or told what to think, or worse yet, what to feel. Gentle prodding would get anything out him, but a nice kick in the ass really let him loose. Nothing was sugar coated then and it was always easier to get the full truth when it came to dealing with Michael. For Brian, acting like he was finally turned on to Michael's viewpoint (when he had been from the start) was a good way to keep Michael appeased until he worked it out without sounding pushy. Because the last time Brian had pushed his idea on Michael, well… they wound up in this mess.

"What are you going to do?" Brian asked, honestly interested.

Michael looked up at Brian, head still resting on his chest. "What do you mean?"

"Michael, you can't just walk away and never give Ben an answer," he said. "He'll never leave you alone about it until you actually tell him yes or no."

Michael started chuckling and Brian looked at him questioningly. "What?"

"No, nothing… it's just," Michael trailed off with another round of quiet giggles. "Well, it's kind of funny you should say it like that."

"I'm still not seeing why," Brian said impatiently.

"It's kind of like you."

"What is?"

"Ben won't leave me alone until I tell him yes or no. Kind of like you."

Brian frowned. "C'mon, Mikey, this is a little different. I'm not asking you away for a weekend."

"I know," Michael smiled gently. "Although, you haven't really told me, straight out, what you are asking me for."

"Are you kidding me?"

_The short drive to the Red Cape was unusually quiet as Brian and Michael sat at odds with each other. Michael didn't think he had been acting jealous. It was just fucking rude to get up and leave the table, conversation and all, to go hit on someone else. Brian didn't see it that way. He was thinking it was residual effects of their night together. Michael argued it wasn't with what he saw was logic and Brian argued it was and he just didn't want to admit it._

_They both wound up in the car, steam nearly coming out of their ears. They were too pissed at each other to even make passing glances. The thick silence continued when Brian pulled up to Red Cape and the car idled while they sat. Michael finally reached for the handle and pushed the door open and got out._

_As Michael was about to shut the door, Brian spoke up. "Mikey?"_

_Brian could see the physical hesitation in the lower half of Michael's body, before he leaned down to peer through the open door, looking at Brian questioningly. _

"_You wanna go out with the guys tonight?"_

_There was a long moment of silence between them as Michael tried to work out the correct answer. _

"_No, Brian," Michael said finally, exhaling loudly as he did so. "No. I don't think I'm ready for that."_

_Brian chuckled, rolling his eyes and taking his head with it to look out the window on his door. Fuck. Michael was supposed to light up, smile and say yes. This wasn't supposed to be hard. It wasn't supposed to be awkward. Michael said…_

"_Okay," he sighed, looking back over at his best friend, giving him a wry smile. "Next week, then." Michael opened his mouth to protest "Nope. Not another word. We're getting back on track."_

_Michael gave Brian an exasperated smile. Fine. As long as Michael knew Brian was in this for real, for the long haul to keep things going between… that was enough. He hated thinking Brian would've just left him, but it had been worrying him. But Brian was staying, was putting in the effort. The least Michael could do was let him._

"Hey, pal," a familiar voice called over the jingling of the door opening at Red Cape. The store was quiet. There had been a steady flow of customers since Rage had hit, new and old, but without anymore new issues coming out, business had slowed quite a bit aside from the school kids or occasional collector. Since the store was empty, he expected Hunter to be flipping through a comic, or just maybe doing homework or cleaning.

Neither. The store really was completely empty. Door unlocked, store empty… Hunter wouldn't be so careless… would he?

"Hunter?" Ben called out, a little more urgently this time as he headed for the backroom door. He found it locked when he tried the handle and heard scuffling and frantic shuffling from behind the door. A surprised Ben came to find a mussed Hunter standing before him with an equally disheveled blonde girl blushing and breathless behind Hunter, fixing her top on occasion in paranoid spurts.

"Hey, dude," Hunter said with a cheeky grin.

Ben frowned. "Hello, Katie."

"Hi, Mr. Bruckner," Katie said with a tiny wave.

"Hunter, out of there now. Katie, if you don't mind?"

"Yeah, sure," Katie said, face falling. Embarrassed, she gave Hunter a quick kiss on the cheek before darting out of the store.

Hunter sighed and walked back into the store and he _knew_ he was about to be torn a new one. He wandered casually behind the counter. The more distance there was, the better in his opinion.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Ben asked, angry in a split second. "You left the door unlocked, the money still in the register! I'm sure Michael told you how to handle it all."

"Yeah, he did," Hunter said with a nod.

"So?"

"Buttons."

"What?" Ben was thrown off track for a moment. "Never mind! Hunter, you can't just leave the place open and unattended! You know better than that. Michael is trusting you to-"

"Where is he?" Hunter asked.

Ben blanched, not quite wanting to answer. "He, uh, he went out for a bit."

"You two were gonna spend the day together."

"Plans get fucked up. This is not the topic, Hunter."

"You guys fight again?"

Ben sighed. Hunter wasn't going to stop unless he answered and there was no easy way to answer this at all. If Hunter knew how upset things were between them… well, Ben didn't want him running off again. That was the last thing he wanted.

"It's just a misunderstanding," Ben explained, waving his hand. "But back to you and Katie."

"I called, she came over, the store was empty so we just… got caught up," Hunter stated plainly.

"You know we like Katie, pal," the older man said gently. "But you can't shirk the responsibility we've given you."

"I meant to lock up, but I got distracted," Hunter shrugged. "Michael said it would be okay if she came over. If she does again, and this happens again, I'll lock up."

"I think, maybe, you're not ready for this yet," Ben said slowly, thinking it over. "It's a big thing and I don't want it interfering with school and you want all your time to be with Katie…"

"Dude, chill out," Hunter snapped, crossing his arms. "It's one mistake, I'm doing my homework. Shouldn't you be more worried about you and Michael?"

"Hunter, don't start," Ben warned.

"Why not?" The younger man demanded throwing his hands up. "This is fucking insane! Every other day you're either at each other's throats or just staring at each other, and man, if looks could fucking kill."

"Enough."

"Where'd he go?"

"I don't know!" Ben shouted, then looked like he regretted doing it. Or admitting it. Hunter wasn't sure. "We were talking about the weekend trip and he wants me to leave my book home and I don't want to and he just got out of bed and left."

"And, as his husband, you have no idea where he would go?" Hunter said dryly.

"I've had enough of your attitude," Ben told Hunter. He was walking a fine fucking line.

Hunter just cocked and eyebrow and tried to look casual. "I might know where he is."

"Was he here?" Ben seemed almost eager to know.

"Nope," Hunter shook his head. "But last weekend, when he came here to set me up, Brian came in. Said some weird shit, man."

Brian, of course. "Like what?"

"Said they 'found a better way to workout'," the young man told Ben with a shrug. "I don't have a damn clue. After that, Michael shoved him out the door. Looked like they were fighting and they got into Brian's car and left. Didn't see him for a few hours until he helped me close up."

There was a stab of doubt in Ben's heart. A better way to workout? Then coming home to a practically destroyed bedroom… That wasn't true at all. Wherever his mind was going, it was the wrong path. Michael said he'd been cranky. It had happened before, messy sheets and pillows strewn. Michael wasn't much of a morning person.

"Alright, pal," Ben said vaguely, still thinking, turning towards the door. "Just remember the next time Katie shows up, okay?"

"Yeah, see you later," Hunter said, watching Ben leave.

Michael was gonna be in deep shit if he didn't turn up soon.

"_Ben!" Michael exclaimed, surprised when he was hugged from behind while reaching up on a shelf for a few comics to check out._

_Ben kissed Michael's neck. "Hey, baby. Thought you might want to go grab lunch."_

_Michael squirmed in Ben's arms. "If you let me go, I'd say yes."_

"_Who said we had to leave for lunch?" Ben went back to attentions at Michael's neck and Michael tried not to stiffen up. They didn't do it often, Ben was usually busy with classes, but occasionally (rarely, really) Ben would show up during lunch hours and Michael was lock up the store and they would sneak away into the backroom. A little afternoon delight, if he was allowed to be corny._

_But after Brian? To make love with Ben again after what happened?_

_Wait, wasn't he the one who insisted things would be normal, he was still in love with Ben and it changed nothing? Sex was something everyone did. Married couples, dating, single people. Sex happened all the time. This was not supposed to be weird. He loved this man and he wanted to stay wi- _be_! Michael wanted to _be_ with Ben, not stay. He wasn't leaving._

"_Babe?"_

"_Hm, yeah?" he tried to relax and pretend he had been absorbed in the light, tickling kisses. _

"_Gonna lock the door?"_

_Oh shit, now or never. Michael wriggled his way out of Ben's grasp, could he even think up an excuse on the spot right now? "Maybe we could get something to eat instead," Michael suggested, giving an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, but the diner was so busy today and I wanted to open up on time. I barely ate."_

"_Aw, baby, you know you need to get a proper breakfast," Ben chastised gently, pulling him back into an embrace. "You've got a crazy metabolism. If you don't feed it, it'll eat you up!"_

_Michael laughed weakly. "I know, I'm sorry. The guys were giving Ma shit about it, but you know that doesn't make her go any faster."_

_Ben kissed the top of Michael's head, smiling. "Well, she's stubborn. C'mon, close up here and we'll grab something nearby."_

_One bullet dodged._

"Whatcha working on?" Michael asked, popping up behind Brian's chair.

Brian sighed. "Why won't you go home?"

"Cause."

"Michael, I'm working."

"Brian, I'm annoying."

"I knew that since I met you."

"Shut up!"

"Ow! You hit like your mother," Brian whined, rubbing the back of his head.

Michael smiled. "You don't know the half of it."

"You really need to go home, Mikey," Brian pushed again. "You know I don't mind you here, but I've got work that has to get done. The presentation is tomorrow, and Big Ben's probably wondering where you've gotten to."

"Brian?" Michael asked, sliding to the side of the chair to sit lightly on the armrest.

"Hm?" Brian had gone back to looking over the campaign. It was almost done, really. A few more tweaks, honestly, a lot more cleavage… there was a joke in there somewhere. He never saw the hand coming at the back of his head. "OW! You little shit, get out of my fucking office!"

"Make me!"

"Don't start this crap again."

Michael stuck his tongue out at Brian, who rolled his eyes. "Real mature, Mikey."

"I'm very mature for my age," Michael insisted, sliding from the armrest into Brian's lap, dislodging Brian's attention from the work as he found himself with a lap full of Michael. Brian held his hands up and away, as if he didn't want to contaminate the scene of a crime.

Michael looked up at Brian. "You look like a dumbass."

"You look like you're doing something you shouldn't."

"I'm inclined to agree," a third voice said, nearly sending Michael and Brian's heads spinning towards the door in shock. Brian was so startled he managed to get up out of the chair, sending Michael tumbling to the floor, one hand reaching out to catch himself on the desk on instinct. This sent the stacks of papers and work Brian had been so focused on previous to flutter around to the floor.

"How the fuck do you people keep getting in here?" Brian demanded to know, sounding exasperated.

"Remember how, when I first moved in, you told me to always lock the door when I left?" Justin said, striding into the room confidently, but slowly as if feeling out the old territory. "You probably should've told Michael the same thing."

Michael clamored to his feet, glaring at Justin. What was he, invisible? Justin beamed back at Michael, all too pleased to have walked in at just the right time. What the hell was he doing here? He saw Brian go over and hug the man, who returned it gratefully.

"How was the flight?" Brian asked, leaving Michael in the background.

Justin shrugged. "Short. I told you I could drive it."

"You would've been too tired to see anyone," the older man argued. "But I'm glad you made it. How's the show going?"

"Opening night was horrendous," Justin sighed. "Pictures, interviews" he waved a hand "I'm glad I've got the status to leave whenever I want now. Almost sold out, though."

Brian clapped a hand on Justin's shoulder, giving him a smile. "Almost only counts in horseshoes and war. Up for a drink tonight?"

Michael cleared his throat, tapping the papers he had silently collected off the floor on Brian's desk, setting the stack down firmly. Justin was here. Justin was here and Brian _knew_ he would be coming. And now? Now he was just… an assistant. A background figure. It felt too much like six years back, suddenly. He was watching, helpless, as Brian reeled the kid in and left him standing there on the sidewalk.

"Mikey, put that down," Brian said, waving him over. "Come out with us tonight."

Michael made his way slowly over to the two, aware of how tall Justin had gotten in a year. His luck in the art world changing for the better instantaneously had affected his wardrobe too. No longer was this a kid playing dress up in Brian's image, this was a full fledged carbon copy. Michael wasn't a label whore like Brian, but he knew expensive when it smacked him in the face. A dark blue silk shirt wrapped in a deep brown leather jacket with black jeans Michael was sure didn't just come off the rack and a pair of undistinguishable (to Michael, anyways) pair of dark brown shoes brought it all together.

Bastard. It didn't have Brian's all black domineering, tailored, don't touch me it's worth more than your life style… but Michael was sure that if you matched price tags, they would equal the same.

Justin raised an eyebrow, giving Michael a hug that was returned halfheartedly. Michael was more upset that Justin was visiting and Brian knew about it and he didn't. Did anyone else know and keep it from him?

"Out with you two?" Justin asked, easing into the next question. "Are you two…?"

Brian couldn't answer quick enough. "No," Michael said, shaking his head. "Still married."

"Ah, well… as long as I wasn't interrupting," the blond said.

"You know how it is," Brian shrugged, an odd mix of emotions Justin couldn't place on his face. "I'm working and Mikey is nothing but trouble."

"Funny, Ma says the same thing about you," Michael muttered. "Hey, I got get going. Help Hunter close the shop and get something going for dinner."

"Well, are you gonna come out with us?" Justin asked. "We could get all the guys together."

"Yeah," Michael said, just wanting to get to the door. "Maybe just Woody's, though."

"Okay," Brian said, leaning over to give Michael a kiss on the cheek. Which wasn't out of the ordinary between them. "I'll get you around eight."

"Yeah. Sorry about work," the shorter man sighed, pulling away and heading for the door.

Justin watched Michael leave and turned back to Brian. "You didn't even tell him I was coming, did you?"

Brian smiled. "Do you really think I should've?"

_A/N: Tada! Now, for the reviewer who said I should bring Justin back, that WAS an original plan. Too much angsty-ness not to. As far as the fiddler boy, I can say with certainty, that no, he will not be showing up. Unfortunately, I understood where Justin was coming from during that breakup and there really would be no way in hell he'd get back with him. But that's all I'm saying. Lol_

_I wanted to thank all the reviewers, because you guys are made of awesome. And to the one who loves Queen: You're my new best friend! XD No one else seems to understand their awesomeness. Lol _

_I'm sorry this one took so long, but I've been sleeping a little more with my very little free time than writing (I have classes six days a week and an overnight job without any days off, so it's hard lol) and this chapter was a little difficult. Without any smexy action going on, I was trying to find the right tone to strike with the inter-character relationships past and present. I hope I found it. I loved the opening scene with Ben, and the voicemails. Those were my favorites to write!_

_Anyways, reviews are very much appreciated!_

_~SL_


	4. Chapter 4

Choose

_A/N: Thank you for the reviews, I know the last chapter wasn't too exciting, unless you're one for reading between the lines and character interaction. And why, pray tell, would I would bring back Justin?! What in the world am I thinking? I personally hated him. I understand the role he served, but meh. He really was a self-serving all about me type of character. And of COURSE that whole getting between Michael and Brian thing, can't forget that! There was always just something about little miss Sunshine that I couldn't stand. I might be alone in this… I fear the BJers (hah, BJ)…_

_I hope you enjoy this one!_

_~SL_

_Chapter Four_

"_Hey, Brian?" Michael called down the hall, stepping out of the bathroom. Brian had stopped over the next week, just like he'd said he would. He was currently flipping through an old copy of Captain Astro on Michael's bed. He grunted questioningly._

_Michael sighed, leaning against the doorway. "Did you hear about Justin's show? Apparently he's, like, the main event in some fancy gallery in New York."_

"_I was there when Theodore mentioned it, yes," Brian said in a bored tone. Michael saw the other man push his tongue gently against a cheek. It was an irritated move. It could've been mentioning Ted or Justin, Michael wasn't sure which._

"_Yeah, right," he said, entering the room and perching himself on the edge of the bed to slip his sneakers on. "Apparently it's a month long thing."_

"_Fancy that."_

"_Mm, big articles being put out about it on the web and-"_

"_Michael, does this have a fucking point?" Brian snapped, tossing the comic down carelessly on the bed._

_Michael turned around, resting his weight on one hand. "Are you gonna go?"_

Brian was tapping his fingers impatiently at his sides as he waited for Michael to answer the door. Justin had gotten a room close enough to Liberty Ave to walk down. No one else knew the blonde was back besides Brian and Michael. Surprises were fun, weren't they? The door started to open.

"About time, Mikey," Brian chided, taking a halting step forward. It certainly wasn't Mikey. Ben was standing in the doorway, a pair of barely put on boxers that he hitched up absently as he looked at Brian.

"He's a little busy," Ben said, obviously annoyed. "Can I take a message?"

"Oh, fuck off, Benny Boy," the dark haired man snapped. "Michael knew we were going out tonight."

"I was trying to," Ben shrugged dismissively. "You've got a knack for interrupting."

"Michael!" Brian called out, leaning over Ben's shoulder. "Mikey, you bastard, you knew I was picking you up at eight!"

Michael came stumbling down the stairs, one hand running through his dark hair while the other was trying to keep himself covered with the unbuttoned jeans. He had just grabbed the first thing off the floor. "Christ, Ben, let him in before the neighbors call the fucking cops!"

Ben's intimidating form cleared the way for Brian and he crossed the threshold, giving Ben a snort of disgust as he walked by. Michael looked… well, he'd looked better. He was currently zipping up his jeans (apparently going commando for the night… Brian found that curiously exciting as he could never remember a time when Michael had been without something under his jeans) and he looked like he'd been put through the wringer. His chest and shoulders were covered in glaring red marks against the pale skin, hair spiked every which way and he looked completely disoriented.

"Mikey, we were going out with the guys tonight, remember?" Brian asked, almost whining about it. He didn't like running into Ben and he liked seeing Michael coming from bed with Ben even less.

"You're usually late," Michael shrugged. The guys. With Justin. Just like old times, how great?

Brian straightened up. "Yeah, well, special occasion tonight. Thought we'd be on time for once."

Michael shook his head slightly, almost bewildered. Ben asked what the occasion was, not having left the room, but watching the interaction closely.

"A little Sunshine decided to stop by and brighten up the Pitts," Brian explained, smiling over his shoulder at Ben. Michael snorted derisively.

"Justin?" Ben asked, Michael rolled his eyes and nodded. "Well, that's a surprise. Baby, you want me to go with you? Haven't seen Justin since he left."

Michael looked at Brian. "Yeah. Most of us haven't."

"_But-"_

"_Michael, enough," Brian snapped, straightening his tie and snapping his wrists out to check the cuffs absently. "I've got business to do."_

_Michael had come by Kinnetik with some lunch from the diner. They had made plans for the weekend since Michael had found out about a comic convention the next town over. They were, on Brian's droll approval, just going to wing it. Michael had rolled his eyes, because Brian didn't understand just how popular these things were, so he had booked a reasonable hotel nearby. He planned on bothering Brian until they were going to leave for the weekend. He walked in to find Cynthia in a flurry and Brian passing on last minute instructions over the phone._

"_I can't believe you're just ditching me this weekend!" the shorter man exclaimed. "Where do you suddenly have to go?"_

"_I told you it was business," Brian brushed off, taking up a duffle bag on the large couch, slinging it over his shoulder. "You caught me just in time. I've got a flight to catch within an hour."_

"_Brian."_

_The quiet tone made him turn around. He didn't think it was lying, really, just… a little omission. Tiny, small. Not worth mentioning. Michael looked curious, almost like he knew, but Brian wasn't sure. It could be his imagination. Sometimes it killed Brian, but he had lived through worse._

"_Mikey, its business," Brian said in a soothing voice, closing the distance to place his hands on his best friend's shoulders, giving a little squeeze. "I'm sorry about the convention, but it was last minute and so was this. Problem is, this is a big client. I can't just blow him off."_

_Michael looked like he had much more to say in the matter, but it was easier to smile. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Just don't pout."_

_Brian smiled, pulling their foreheads together. "Until next time, Galaxy Lad."_

"_Yeah, yeah. Go play hero, Captain Astro."_

_They shared a brief kiss before Brian hustled out of the office, departing Cynthia with a recap of things she needed to accomplish. Michael sighed, sitting on the couch. Maybe Hunter would go with him. Asking Ben seemed out of the question, he was too busy working or writing. Actually, Michael wasn't sure anymore. He was just too preoccupied. _

"_Hey, Michael," Cynthia said, coming into the office to straighten up the desk. "I figured you might've been going with Brian."_

_Michael gave Cynthia a confused look. "Why? It's a business trip. He's never dragged me along on one. I don't think I'd be much fun."_

"_Oh," the blonde said, sweeping some papers into a drawer. "He said he was going to New York."_

"_If that's where the business is," Michael shrugged._

"_Well, I just saw all this info he was screwing with for Justin's show," she explained. "I figured he was going to see it. Even had me book a hotel near the gallery."_

"_Y'know," Michael sighed and then laughed abruptly. "I shouldn't be surprised. And yet… I'm surprised."_

"I dunno, honey," Michael said, trying to calm the dark hair down by running his hands through it. "You've got papers to grade, right?"

Ben shrugged. "I could put them off for an hour or two."

"Sorry, Prof," Brian interrupted. "I've got the Corvette. Only room for two."

Michael bristled. It was probably Brian's fault Justin was here, obviously something was going on there. If nothing, Brian was snidely accommodating with Ben. Considering this was an actual group outing, with _Justin_ no less, why couldn't they all go? Why the fuck did Brian get to pull all the strings?

"Y'know, Brian," Michael said. "Why don't you go on ahead and we'll make our way over later?"

"Michael-"

"Come off it," Michael snapped, wheeling on Brian. "Your little fucktoy is back in town, why don't you go see him already?"

"Michael," Ben stepped towards his husband, a warning tone in his voice. As much as he and Brian were at odds, Michael didn't need to fly off the handle.

"No!" Michael shouted, pointing at Brian. "This jackass just had the little shit show up today! Like it was out of the fucking blue! Like he lived down the mother fucking street!"

"Mikey," Brian tried to reason, gently and hesitatingly took a step forward. "It was a surprise for everyone."

"Not you!"

"No, not me," he agreed. "But I knew he was coming for a week and we decided not to tell anyone. Tonight was the surprise. We were going to surprise your mom later in the week too, or do you want me to go bring her to Woody's?"

Michael balked at this point. Why the fuck did Brian have to make him seem like the irrational one every goddamn time? How the hell did he get away with it? Ben cleared his throat and interrupted the staring contest.

"Baby, I'm just… gonna go back to bed," Ben offered, kissing Michael on the cheek. "You come upstairs and finish getting dressed… I'll help."

Michael smiled briefly over his shoulder at Ben, patting his arm before his husband went back upstairs. Now Brian and Michael were just stuck alone at a tense stalemate. Brian slipped his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and Michael scratched absently at a bare arm, not quite sure what to do.

"You didn't have to talk about me like I wasn't in the room," Michael said sullenly.

"He did that, not me," Brian defended himself.

"You always let him get away with shit."

"And I don't let you?"

Michael scoffed. "Fuck no you don't! You never let me forget anything."

"That's not true, Mikey."

"The ten speed bike," Michael offered. "Borrowing the car, not coming to Hard Heroes, taking in Hunter, moving in with Ben, JR, marriage-"

"Are you coming or not?" Brian cut him off, rolling his eyes.

Michael sighed. "Fine. Give me five- no, twenty minutes. I gotta take care of… something."

Brian snorted.

"_You didn't have to stay in a hotel," the blond insisted, meeting Brian at the lobby of a fairly nice hotel. They were meeting for dinner, time to catch up and talk about the show. Brian had gone with casual for tonight in black slacks and an open black button down t-shirt over a white muscle shirt. _

"_It's only your first show, Sunshine," Brian pointed out, wrapping an arm around the blond man's shoulders. "You haven't hit the big time yet. I think I have finer tastes than your studio apartment."_

_Justin automatically put his arms around Brian's slim waist, grinning up at the older man. "What are you saying? That I couldn't afford you?"_

"_No one could afford me," he stated smugly. "Now, what does the rising star want for dinner?"_

"_Oh my god," Justin sighed, leaning comfortably against Brian. "There is the fantastic little café a few blocks from here."_

"_Is that a 'few blocks' in Pitts or a 'few blocks' in New York?" Brian asked as they exited the hotel and tangled themselves in the constant foot traffic. It wasn't hard to know that the sidewalks were busy day or night in this city, many, if not most, walked. There were a lot of blocks in New York to walk and someone who lived here might think twenty-five blocks was 'a few'. Brian found the idea horrifying. _

_Justin shoved Brian in the side. "Don't whine. We'll be there before you know it."_

"You sure?" Michael asked, pulling on a faded brown t-shirt. "I'll tell him we can see them all another time. Maybe with more warning."

Ben looked up from his book, covers pulled up enough to keep him decent. "Baby, just go and have a good time and tell Justin I said hi. Maybe your mom'll do a dinner and we can all meet then."

Michael flopped onto the bed on his stomach. "We just haven't been able to go out much together, y'know?"

"Trust me, I know," Ben smiled thinly. "Still thinking about that weekend?"

"Still thinking of bringing your book?"

"Go have fun, Michael," Ben sighed, leaning over to kiss his husband. "And try not to get in too late, please?"

"Yeah, yeah," the shorter man agreed impatiently, rolling off the bed. "Night."

"Night, Michael."

Michael shut the bedroom door and took his time getting back downstairs. He really hoped Ben would want him to stay home. For once in this last year, he wouldn't've started a fight about being kept away from Brian. He just didn't want to see Justin. Not with his arms around Brian, or that self satisfied smile he gave everyone and especially not that adoring one he gave Brian. But that really wasn't all. Sure, Michael could imagine that ridiculous things Justin would do, but Brian? Would Brian keep his arm around Justin? Would he still give the blond that small tug at the corner of his lips while looking down at him (although, now it seemed they might be a little closer in height…)? Michael would rather lock himself in a room with Ben while he was writing for the rest of his life than watch tonight's many scenes play out.

He landed at the bottom of the stairs and didn't see Brian. Wandering over to the living room he found his best friend toying with one of his robot action figures left on a mantel on the far wall. Michael smiled, just watching as it looked like Brian was taking up another one, maybe about to do battle with each other. Brian paused, then bent one robot over, balanced precariously and arched the other one back just slightly and left it placed behind the bent over robot.

"This is why I never let you play with my toys," Michael said, irritated now as he entered the room. Brian's shoulders jerked slightly, the only way to know he was surprised and back away from his work of art with a smile.

"Aw, Mikey, you know your mom always said you needed to share more," the taller man said laughing.

Michael scowled and righted the wronged figures, adjusting them until he was satisfied. "You're still a jackass."

"That bug up your butt?" Brian asked, getting annoyed with the treatment Michael was giving him. "You should tell it to move out."

Finished rearranging the toys, Michael stepped back. "Can we just go and get this over with now? I said I'd be home early."

"You're really not gonna come to Babylon with us?"

"I have work in the morning."

"So do I."

"Brian," Michael warned in a final tone. "Don't push me. Woody's, then home."

"_So, tomorrow we can go see the gallery," Justin said, sipping at the coffee he'd ordered after their meal. "The mornings are usually quiet, afternoons are a little busier and at night it's a fifty-fifty shot of running into a crowd or not."_

_Brian had complained once they had walked over five blocks, sneered at the menu and then had gone relatively silent during the course of the meal. The blond had poked and prodded with useless questions, but nothing had broken the silence that had seemed to consume the older man. He didn't have an agenda for being here (well… maybe, but that was more a passing fancy his libido seemed to press on him that died once Justin had latched onto him in the lobby) and not that he regretted this reprieve from home, but did he really want to spend it here with Justin talking?_

"_Mm, maybe the afternoon," Brian finally answered. "I was thinking you'd rather show me the nightlife of the big apple."_

_Justin grinned. "I could show you something interesting to do with your night."_

_Cocky little fucker, Brian thought, raising an eyebrow. There was a tiny moment of familiarity that passed, and was gone quickly when he thought about how he'd left Michael in a rush that afternoon. _

"_That's really not on my itinerary," Brian said smoothly. He watched the young man's face fall. _

"_Everyone else might be good enough, though?"_

"_It's… not that."_

_The blond paused for a minute before a flicker of shock crossed his face. He leaned forward and lowered his voice. "Everything's okay, right? I mean… the can-"_

"_That's not a problem, Justin," Brian ground out. He didn't like thinking about the cancer. He'd been free and clean for awhile now, no problems in or out of bed. He didn't need any reminders of it. "I'd rather just spend a night having some fun, wouldn't you?"_

"_Something's different," Justin commented, sitting back and looking at the older man hard, as if he could see what it was._

"_It's been a hard few weeks," Brian shrugged, leaning back into his seat. "This is kind of a little mini-vacation."_

"_With your ex."_

"_If you have to call yourself something, it may as well be that." Brian couldn't possibly get the young man to change his mind. _

_Justin sighed. "Part of me hoped… well, whatever. I'd still like to think you could talk to me."_

"_Am I not doing that now?"_

"_About whatever's bothering you and sending you running out this way," Justin snapped, crossing his arms. "Because I know you wouldn't show up out of the blue to see my first show. Not that you aren't supportive in your own bastard way, but it's not your thing."_

_Brian rolled the idea around in his head. Technically, Justin was out of the way enough to confide in, and Brian knew he still had a bit of a hold over the blond to keep him from talking to anyone else from back home. He did seem to be out one best friend for this situation and maybe…_

"_Well, if you can keep your mouth shut," Brian said casually, watching the younger man sit up a little straighter to pay attention. "I supposed I could use someone to talk to."_

"_After all that time together, you think you couldn't trust me?" Justin asked, almost haughty with puffed up indignation. _

"_Did I say that?"_

"_No, but-"_

"_Then shut the hell up. If I didn't trust you, I'd tell you. This is just… a fairly delicate situation and you've handled delicate like a screeching harpy before."_

_Justin rolled his eyes. "I get the point. So, do you think I can handle delicate now?"_

"Figured you might be picking up Justin or something instead of me," Michael said as they drove towards Liberty Ave.

"Oh, I didn't get time to tell you," Brian said as he made an easy right turn. "Justin's staying at a hotel nearby. He'll probably be there now. Actually, considering how late we are, he is."

"He's not staying with you?"

Brian lifted an eyebrow. "Why the hell would he?"

Michael had so many half-assed answers ready for that, he couldn't decide which one to use first. He sorted through them and slowly come to the realization that Brian didn't lie. Really, he didn't. He said things he didn't mean, used things in his favor, but when it came down to it, he was always honest about most things. This probably wasn't a set up of any sort and Justin really was here to visit and surprise everyone.

"Never mind," Michael muttered, more annoyed with himself now than Brian.

There was no easy way to get back into a comfortable flow of conversation with only a minute or two left on the drive, so neither tried. Michael stared out his window and Brian kept his gaze on the traffic ahead. They had been making good time until they hit Liberty Ave and slowed immediately as queens paraded down the streets in a casual manner, not caring if the road was actually for cars and not queers. Brian huffed impatiently as he waited every few seconds for a high heeled drag queen to strut by, or a barely clothed group skittered into the road. It was annoying to drive in this area, but the tension was relieved by the time Brian had found a parking spot.

"You think this place would die down a bit on a Sunday," Michael commented, shutting the car door behind him after climbing out.

Brian locked the car and slung an arm over Michael's shoulders as they hit the sidewalk. "Mikey, any chance for those of the queer kind to get out will be taken."

"It still seems like, I dunno, they'd still be like everyone else," the shorter man contemplated.

"What? You mean like the heteros?" Brian said snidely. "Bed by nine?"

Michael sighed. "It's not just straight people that like to get to bed early, Brian."

"Oh, I'm sorry, married couples too. Stepford Fags."

"Brian," Michael warned.

"Alright, cool it," the taller man gave up, too exasperated to get into another fight so soon. The walk towards the bar was fairly content after that, just enjoying the usual sights and sounds.

A realization dawned on Michael. "Y'know what, Brian?"

"No, what?"

"Ass. I think this is probably the first time we've been to Woody's in awhile."

"You mean together."

"Even as a group."

"Nope."

"What?" Michael looked up questioningly.

"We've been going every once in awhile, guess who's been missing?"

"You guys have been leaving me out?"

"No, Mikey, you pulled yourself away. The guys ask about you, but I just stopped trying after awhile."

"Maybe I'm just getting old," Michael groused.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that," Brian agreed, ready to drop the subject as they came to the brightly lit entrance of Woody's. They headed up the short steps and into the bar, finding no one with their group at the bar, tables or pool tables. The place wasn't empty, but one might think it a slow night until they heard the clapping and cheers from the area that was slightly downstairs. The second bar, pool tables and… oh crap, the stage.

"Karaoke," they both sighed.

_Brian regaled, built up and crushed Justin all at once with his stoic storytelling. The edge of nervousness in his voice and the long pauses he took when explaining the encounter with Michael the next day took Justin by surprise. He couldn't tell if Brian was having a hard time spitting out exactly what happened or was trying to think of a way to make himself come out on top in the story. It might've been both. _

_Justin liked Michael. It took them awhile, but he had thought they eventually became friends. With all the help and support that the man had given him in the end, before moving to New York, how could he not have finally seen what everyone else did? Michael may have been overprotective of his best friend, mistaken longtime feelings or what have you, but they had reached an understanding at some point, finding a bond with each other. _

_Still, something like defeat entered the blond when he heard the story. He hadn't been able to keep thoughts of him and Brian starting something again, especially with that call out of the blue. That should've been his first clue. Whenever Brian had tried to pursue him in some manner, it had always been in that distant, casual way. Justin realized he had a better chance with his hopeful fantasy if Brian had just showed up at the gallery without pretense or warning._

"_It's just been a tense buildup towards getting back to normal," Brian sighed, tapping the table with agitated fingers. _

_Justin came back to the conversation, realizing he was supposed to play the friend role now. "Oh, well… that sucks."_

_Brian gave the blond a hard look. "Looks like I'm stuck in this alone, then." Translation: Your head is too far up your ass to help me after all I did for you?_

"_Shit, sorry," Justin stumbled. "It's just… so weird to take in. I mean, you and Michael. Really? And nothing exploded?"_

"_I kind of expected that to happen too," Brian said in an amused tone, almost a hint of a smile. "And the friendship is still there… sort of. I'm not really sure if we're faking it until we get back to the real thing, or this is how it's going to be from now on."_

"_You guys doing anything different?" _

"_Nah. Woody's on the weekends and then Babylon. Random shit, the usual."_

"_What's to fake then? That's how you guys always were."_

_Brian paused to think about this. The motions were right, sure. "It doesn't feel right. It feels like we're trying. That… doesn't happen. Not us."_

"_You can't really do anything but wait it out," Justin told Brian simply. "I mean, what happened was weird. For you two, it was _wrong_."_

"_Watch it, Sunshine-"_

"_No, see, that's what I mean," the blond said, waving a hand at Brian. "Not saying you two together, or what happened, was wrong. But you two always thought it was."_

"_Well, it's not supposed to happen," Brian blurted out. He blinked in surprise before trying to regain his composure. _

_Justin shook his head gently. "But why isn't it supposed to happen?"_

"_You don't fuck your friends."_

"_You fuck anything."_

"_Except my friends."_

"_Hasn't Michael always been your exception?" Justin couldn't even pretend to his the scathing tone in his voice. _

"_Justin," Brian warned, giving the young man a hard look. "It's just not supposed to happen."_

"_Why? Because you grew up together?" he asked, and pressed on before Brian could answer. "Because you two are 'best friends'? Some people say that you can't even date before you're friends."_

"_I don't-"_

"_Shut up, I know. Listen, the point is, you both have this weird stigma about sleeping together and now that it happened and you're both realizing that nothing bad is going to happen, you're both trying to adjust to that fact rather than then both your lives being torn apart," Justin rationalized. _

_It made sense in a weird way. They both went into the next day expecting they would have to try so hard to go back to normal. Did that mean sleeping together was normal? Why put it off for so long then? Brian never wanted to hurt Michael the way he knew he had hurt Justin, because he knew Michael would've clung to Brian in the same way. Well, maybe not as persistently or annoyingly, but he would have nonetheless. _

"_So, just let it go?" Brian asked slowly, taking the bill from the waitress and sliding a card into the little book without glancing at the total. _

_Justin nodded. "You may as well. Has anything changed?"_

"_Not really."_

"_Then let it go, forget about it and move on," the blond told Brian with finality. "What about Ben?"_

_Brian sneered. "What about him?"_

"_You fucked his husband."_

"_And his 'husband' isn't telling, so what's to worry about?"_

_Just couldn't keep the shock off his face. "Michael's not going to tell Ben? Really?"_

"_That's what he says anyway," Brian shrugged, flipping the book open when it was handed back and signing for the card. He slipped his card and receipt into this wallet and left the book on the edge of the table. _

"_What do you think? You know Michael best."_

"_I think he's going tell. It's just how Mikey is," the older man said after some thought. "He keeps it to himself for awhile and then blurts it out. Almost like someone else I know…"_

"_Oh, fuck you," Justin said pleasantly, smiling. _

"_Nah, that was a onetime deal," Brian shot back. "C'mon, show me around."_

Brian and Michael headed downstairs, standing by the entrance as the floor and tables were crowded. They could see Ted and Justin over by the bar, clapping and hooting as Emmett climbing on the stage and taking the offered microphone. The crowd joined into the cheering, more than a few knew Emmett and the ones that didn't were just enjoying themselves being caught up in the shows of the night.

Emmett didn't wait or do any prelude to his song. When the music started, so did he. "You say you love me," the lean man sung softly. "And I hardly know your name."

The crowd tittered, as did the four men who knew Emmett's fantasies with true love.

His voice got stronger now, belting out the lyrics. "And if I say I love you, in the candlelight… there's no one but myself to blame."

Michael and Brian started laughing, leaning into each other. Not loud enough to disrupt the song, but enough to remember the time Emmett had found his one true love at Babylon. They had spent all of an hour together before 'breaking up'. If you could even call it that.

"But there's something inside that's turnin' my mind away," Emmett lowered his voice again before raising it back up with the music. "Oh how I could love you! If I could let you stay."

The laughter subsided between the two, feeling a little awkward. Michael shifted on his feet and Brian leaned back against the wall. What a fucking song choice. Brian didn't want to think about it, this situation he'd put themselves in and with Justin here, it was just throwing grease on the fire. Fucking karaoke night. Fucking Emmett.

_**It's late – but I'm bleeding deep inside**_

_**It's late – is it just my sickly pride?**_

_**Too late – even now the feeling seems to steal away**_

_**So late – though I'm crying I can't help but hear you say**_

"_It's only four," Brian exclaimed when Justin pulled him out of the club. "Besides, there was that guy at the bar, Sunshine. You know better."_

_Justin wheeled around to face Brian. He was angry, mildly annoyed maybe. "Brian, this isn't the Pitts, I don't just have school tomorrow and you weren't going to take that fucker back to your room."_

"_Maybe I should've shared with you," the older man said absently, thinking about the drugs he'd ingested while Justin had run off to play on the dance floor. He had thought about it, but the risk of winding up in bed with the blond outweighed the need for fun and company in his haze._

"_Kinney," Justin said sternly. "That was our dynamic back then. This is where I live now. I have to be at the gallery tomorrow at ten and somehow manage to work on a few things before then and you've gotten yourself worked into such a fucking stupor I doubt you could even get it up!"_

_Brian seemed to accept this offer. "Wanna find out?"_

_**It's late it's late it's late**_

_**But not too late**_

"The way you love me is the sweetest love around," Emmett crooned to the audience, getting into his usual stage presence, directing it at a fairly attractive man sitting at a table at the front of the stage who was with, probably, a boyfriend. The boyfriend gave Emmett a roll of his eyes. "But after all this time, the more I'm trying the more I seem to let you down."

Brian put an arm around Michael, pulling him close. Michael wasn't sure what to do with himself. He tucked his hands into his jean pockets, trying not to lean too much into the taller man. It was silly, really. Trying to find some way to keep distance between them. Why should they? Ben was at home, their friends were all here and weren't they always with each other anyway?

"Now you tell me you're leaving, and I just can't believe it's true," Emmett sang, spotting Michael and Brian in the back and giving them a little wave. They smiled back, acknowledging the wave. Ted and Justin turned around and saw the two. They didn't make a move towards the two in the back. It was too crowded and neither pair wanted to miss Emmett's performance. "Oh! You know that I can love you, though I know I can't be true."

_Justin had a few drinks that night, sure. Maybe a little hit of something offered on the floor, but to actually take Brian up on his offer after what was confessed to him? Could he really? Well, it seemed that way as he got a cab. The blond told himself it wasn't anything but getting Brian back to his hotel. Walking him through the lobby was necessary as Brian was more likely to deviate off the course if left alone. The elevator was when it got weird, though._

"_Mikey always picks up after me," Brian sighed, slumping against one reflective wall of the lift. "He was making sure I got home okay that night."_

"_He loves you," Justin said, tired. _

_Brian made a childish raspberry noise. "Nah. He's got Big Ben for that."_

"_Doesn't mean he can't love you."_

"_Who?"_

_Justin sighed. Brian could usually stay on track with his stoned ramblings, but he was too out of it with his life to begin with to think drugs would help him. The blond helped Brian to his room, watching the older man fumble repeatedly with the card key, always just missing that little green light that told him the door was unlocked. It took Brian five tries before he was able to turn the handle at the right time to open the door. Brian stumbled into the dark and Justin followed behind and turned on the light. He couldn't help but be surprised. Brian often liked to go out in style as it were, the blond couldn't help but guess that this was all so last minute, there wasn't enough time to get something more to his standard. _

_There was a large king sized bed in the middle of the room, the bathroom right near the door with a small vanity area inside that, a TV across the bed and a desk nearby with a chair tucked into a corner along the same wall as the bed. Then again, Justin thought, with so many hotels aiming for keeping more people and not how good the rooms looked this probably _was _one of the better rooms. _

_Brian had flopped over on the bed. "Cynthia booked it. Told her I needed the biggest bed, she made a dirty joke."_

"_Cynthia was always good like that," Justin smiled. "How is she?"_

"_Good. She'd probably take my job if I wasn't the boss."_

_Justin laughed. "You liked her for that."_

"_She's honest, too," Brian added. "I like that."_

"_I know you do."_

"_He's lying."_

"_You think so?" Justin figured they were going on another tangent now. _

"_Yep," Brian sighed, sitting up to peel off his shirt, the button down having fluttered to the floor at the bottom of the bed. He tossed the white undershirt to the floor and laid back down. "Said he was over me. _Was_. So if he was then, what is he now?"_

_Justin shrugged and sat on the edge of the bed. God, it was too early for this shit. And he lived a few (New York) blocks away. The blond glanced over his shoulder when he heard rustling and found Brian getting off the bed and undoing his pants, fluidly slipping them off and stepping out of them. He turned to Justin, arms out, almost proudly displaying the erection Justin said he wouldn't've been able to get. For a moment, the young man thought of his first time back at the Loft._

_**Oh you made me love you**_

_**Don't tell me that we're through**_

"It's late – but it's driving me so mad," Emmett sang, and some people in the crowd join in. "It's late – yes I know but don't try to tell me that it's, too late – save our love you can't turn out the lights, so late – I've been wrong but I'll learn to be right!"

"I'm starting to hate Queen," Michael muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.

Brian smiled thinly. "You were more of an ABBA fan anyway, Mikey."

"Even you like Dancing Queen!"

"I like dancing with you to Dancing Queen."

Michael settled down again, resting more on Brian than before. Had a stranger walked by, they might have assumed them a regular couple rather than friends who were trying to act normal in mixed company. Emmett was loving the attention on stage, always a performer in his own right.

"Did you give Ben an answer yet?" Brian asked, unconsciously tightening his hold around Michael's shoulders.

"It's late, it's late, it's late, but not too late!"

_**I've been so long**_

"_That's very nice, Brian," Justin said patiently. "Time for bed."_

"_You're not my mother," Brian said, posture deflating and taking on more of a protective one. But he did settle himself back down on the bed. Justin tried, but couldn't keep his eyes off Brian. It wasn't like they had spent so much time away from each other, but enough where he wanted to remember everything._

"_I wouldn't want to be, she's frigid," the blond retorted, slipping off his shoes and sliding up to the head of the bed to lay next to Brian. _

_Brian barked out a laugh, rolling on his side to face Justin. "And you are nothing of the sort."_

"_I learned well," Justin agreed, turning on his side to face Brian. "I miss you a lot."_

_There was a moment of silence, Brian's eyes taking the time to search the young man's face before he seemed to come to a decision on what to say. The kid had been annoying, persistent, intrusive and in his way. But, in a lot of ways, Justin had been his first in many things. Things he wanted to avoid the rest of his life (after his gym teacher) and found himself thinking fondly back on them. They shared that, those firsts, and Brian wished, for a moment, that things could be as disruptively easy as that again. _

"_What would've happened if we had the wedding?" Brian asked and Justin looked startled at the question._

_**You've been so long**_

"I'm still holding out that he'll leave the book home," Michael said, shifting uncomfortably in the embrace.

"Do you want to go?"

"Doesn't he deserve a chance?"

Brian held back a sigh, instinctively pulling Michael closer to him. "I dunno, Mikey. Does he?"

"We've been so long, tryin' to work it out!" Emmett sang dramatically, the crowd cheering him on.

_**I ain't got long**_

"_I don't know if you would've been happy," Justin admitted. "You were trying so hard to be… I dunno, like Ben? A husband in the technical sense."_

_Brian made a face at being related to Ben, but there was some truth to it. "Would you've been happy?"_

_The blond sighed. "I don't know. I love you, Brian. Not who you were trying to be. I would've been… No. No, I don't think I could've been happy to marry the real you. And I hate to think of you holding back, so we wouldn't've been happy either way."_

"_Find anyone here?"_

"_There's no shortage," Justin said. "But, nothing long standing. It's hard to find that middle ground."_

"_What middle ground?"_

"_I left Ethan because he lied to me, you never did and trying to find that again in a relationship with no fucking around on the side… it's hard," the younger man sighed._

"_Why do you want it?" Brian asked, honestly curious. He never understood the need people had to be with someone. _

"_Maybe it's the romantic in me, I don't know. I can't explain it when I know you don't understand it," Justin said._

"_Mikey said once that he didn't want to be alone," Brian murmured. "That's crap. I'm here. I'm always here."_

_**You ain't got long**_

"Brian, don't start," Michael said, trying to end the conversation as best he could. He felt Brian tense up. There was no end in sight.

"Why shouldn't I?" he demanded, frowning as he kept his eyes on the stage. "I didn't think this was going to be so fucking hard for you. It's Ben. You've been married to this man, living with him, for how long now? How much has changed?"

"Maybe because I haven't given it a chance to change," Michael shot back.

Brian sighed. "Do you want it to change?"

"Why wouldn't I? I love him and at some point, I loved him enough to try and spend the rest of my life with him."

"We gotta know what this life is all about!" Emmett flailed on stage for the musical interlude.

"_But it's different," Justin insisted. "You love him, but you won't stay with him."_

"_Hey, I've fucking been there since we were kids," Brian spat._

"_No, in a relationship. He loves you, but he wants someone to give him everything and give that right back."_

"_I give him a lot."_

"_Do you share your bed with him?"_

"_I did… at some point," Brian muttered._

"_Every night, Brian. Would you be there to come home to every night or would you be out at the clubs? Would you want to keep it in the bedroom, or spend your time in the backroom? Would you really want to have dinner at home, leave work early, raise your kids together?" Justin demanded, voice getting more accusatory as the list went on._

_Brian grunted and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling. Justin did the same. They were getting worked up over nothing. _

"_Hey."_

_Justin rolled his eyes. "What?"_

"_Are you staying the night?"_

_**Too late much too late**_

Michael looked up at Brian, obviously torn between annoyed and hurt. "You shouldn't care so much."

"Mikey, why the fuck wouldn't I care?" Brian asked, sounding annoyed. "I never wanted you with him in the first place."

Emmett's voice came in when the music timed just right. "You're staring at me, with suspicion in your eye. You say 'What game are you playing? What's this that you're saying?' I know that I can't reply."

"Why is Justin here, Brian?" Michael asked quietly. "Why the fuck is he here and why do you visit him so damn much?"

"What are you-"

"You think I don't fucking know?! You think I didn't know that you went to New York for his first show? I'm not fucking dumb, Brian! And every few months after that, or whenever a show was in the city. You suddenly had out of town business. How was it?" Michael asked, changing gears.

Brian was caught off guard. "How was what?"

"Your out of town 'business'. Was it good? Everything you remembered?"

"If I take you tonight, is it making my life a lie?" Emmett crooned in a low voice, almost sad until the music picked back up.

Brian looked at Michael, all fury and nothing like forgiveness in his eyes as they stared at each other. Guilt pulled at Brian. For never telling Michael about the trips, now for having Justin show up out of the blue. He never expected Michael to blow up about it, but that didn't matter, he shouldn't've done it to begin with.

_**Oh you make me wonder**_

_**Did I live my life right?**_

_There was a long moment of pause between the two, Brian still staring up at the ceiling, Justin on his back with his head turned to stare at Brian in disbelief. Really? Was he really asking that? Justin got off the bed and reach for the light switch, pulling off his clothing in the dark. It wouldn't be the first time he'd run late somewhere or wear the same clothes due to passing out in exhaustion. He was an artist. It was half expected._

_The bed dipped again and Justin climbed under the covers this time, leaving Brian to his own devices for the time being. _

"_Brian?" the blond asked softly and again when there was no answer._

"_Yeah?"_

"_Did you love me?"_

"_I wouldn't've said it unless I did."_

_**It's late – but it's time to set me free**_

"Michael, calm down," Brian said under his breath.

Michael visibly tried to hold himself back. "I don't hate him."

"I know. You treated him better than I did."

"He reminded me of myself."

"I know."

"It's late – yes I know but there's no way it has to be," Emmett's voice rang out.

_**Too late – so let the fire take our bodies this night**_

_There were three times in Justin's young life that he could say Brian had made love to him. Three. They were together for so long, it should've been more, but that wasn't Brian's style no matter how hard he tried. There was his first time, slow and informative. It was good, but mostly for Brian's pleasure. The night Justin had left for New York was next, on the couch for what felt like hours in the dark with the street lights coming in through the window. And now. He tried to tell himself that he didn't want to. He was going to bed, after all it was five, well… almost six in the morning. Work was more important than an old flame, right?_

_Justin would admit, when recounting the story to new close friends, that the night he left there was something oddly final about it. This was it, the end. If anything, keeping the rings like Brian had fueled his hope, but the sex… that changed his mind. He knew that Brian had kept the rings to give himself hope more than anything, that Brian had walked away from this relationship learning something, even if he hadn't wanted to. Just like that night, there was no way he could've stopped it. It just happened._

_Something about Brian still pulled at him, even though he knew it was wrong. You didn't take advantage of someone in a weak moment, and that's what Brian was having. But wasn't it a need with the older man? Wasn't it how he handled his problems? If Justin had withheld, wouldn't he have been the worse person for not helping the only way Brian knew how to help himself?_

_He didn't know. They were only half formed thoughts in his head, unable to find answers when Brian was inside him, making cautious eye contact in the dark. The older man made slow drawn out movements, almost in a way that Justin would've found contemplative if he hadn't been too busy and eager to meet the thrusts. The blond had hoped, wanted this for so long from Brian, but knowing it wasn't going to last, it wasn't meant to be… he pushed that aside and enjoyed himself. That's what sex was for, right?_

_**So late – let the waters take our guilt in the tide**_

"Mikey, it's not what you think," Brian said simply. It was true. Once or twice, maybe. But he'd pretty much steered away from blonds in his bed from then on.

"What is it then?" Michael demanded, sticking to the argument.

Time to change gears. "Why would it matter? You're still with Ben."

The seemed to strike Michael dumb, as if he'd never thought about that. Did he really think Brian was going to be satisfied with just him? Was that what he was really going to get himself into, a relationship like Justin's had been with him? That wasn't fair though. He was still with Ben, still sharing a bed with him. He couldn't claim innocence.

"It's… him," was all Michael could come up with. "Anyone else, fine, Brian. But… Justin?"

"It's late, it's late, it's late, it's late," Emmett sang, pitch rising and falling with the music. "It's late, it's late, it's late, it's late."

Brian sighed, wrapping Michael in a full hug now. There was no polite way to explain it, not in public anyways. The taller man tucked his head down, resting his cheek on his own arms that held Michael by the shoulders. Hesitantly, Michael looped his own arms around Brian's waist.

"Is this… Is this it?" Michael asked, voice trembling just slightly. "Is that why he's here?"

"_Oh, fuck," Justin gasped, writhing under the older man as he rode the blond hard and fast at this point. Tales of Brian's sexual prowess was greatly exaggerated except for a few things. First, his partners always walked away without complaint and second was that he could last. Not the fabled hours upon hours that circulated among the masses (some claimed days), but longer than most. _

_Brian took his time, already familiar with Justin. Building him up at a steady pace, panting as he easily brought the young man to his first orgasm, working into him further to reach his own. He didn't want to think or remember. He didn't want to see Michael crushed look when he bolted out of the office, or remember how his nose kid of scrunched up in a cute way when he came. Fuck, he didn't need this. There was an ass, a great one, right under him available to him, easy to get… Fuck, Michael. He didn't need this. _

_Unfortunately, just like that Brian stopped. Justin, disoriented, eventually looked up at Brian completely confused until he felt it. Oh fucking hell, if it wasn't going to be awkward before when it ended, it sure as hell was now. Brian had gone completely soft, swearing up a storm as he slipped out of Justin and slammed his way into the bathroom leave Justin in the dark to what had just happen. Brian was here, hard and close to his own climax and now he locked himself in the bathroom?_

"_Brian?" the blond called out, not willing to move from the bed. "Brian, everything okay?"_

"_Shut the fuck up, Sunshine," Brian barked through the bathroom door. Justin heard some clattering around behind the door, bottles being moves around or searched through, a loud thump that made him sit straight up on the bed._

"_Shit, Brian, what the hell are you doing in there, fucking the wall?"_

_There was a muffled answer from behind the door and more slamming. Justin got off the bed and tapped cautiously on the door, calling the other man's name. The door swung open, startling the young blond, forgetting just how intimidating Brian could look when he jumped between moods. _

"_Uh… is everything alright?" Justin asked, tongue fumbling over the words._

"_I fucking lied to him," Brian said. "I fucking lied to him and now I'm here and look at what I'm doing!"_

_What you aren't doing anymore, Justin thought, backing away a bit to let Brian walk by if he was going to. Brian stayed where he was. _

"_You think I could change?" Brian asked seemingly no one, obviously not waiting for an answer. "If I wanted to, I probably could. This bullshit about people saying 'for the right person'. I didn't get it. I don't think I get it now."_

"_Maybe you should lay down, Brian," Justin suggested, motioning towards the bed. "You're strung out and tired."_

"_Fuck you, I'm not."_

"_You were fucking me! What the hell happened?"_

"_Shut up, you got off."_

"_Yeah, but-"_

"_Drop it, Sonny Boy."_

"_Brian, don't you-"_

"_Fucking drop it!" Brian shouted, slammed the side of his fist against the doorjamb. Justin jumped. "What the fuck do you want from me?"_

_The blond tried to screw up some courage, but he was taken so off guard it was hard. "I want you to go get in bed and get some fucking sleep!"_

_Brian paused, seeming to think about it now. "Yeah. Yeah, that's probably better." He ran a hand through his hair, the anger seeming to dissipate immediately as he crossed the small distance to the bed. Justin shut off the bathroom light, but noticed the scattered contents on the vanity table under the mirror that held the sink. Justin saw Brian's phone among the items, flipped open. He didn't want to guess what had happened._

_When Justin got back into bed, Brian was on his side facing away. It was expected after that tantrum. But, Justin left it alone, settling down and letting exhaustion wash over him. Just as the blond was about to fall asleep he heard Brian say something._

"_Sorry."_

_**It's all too late**_

Brian sighed, smiling just faintly. "No, Mikey, that's not why he's here. C'mon, let's go congratulate the princess."

They pulled apart, the crowd cheering as Emmett took his bows, Ted helping him off stage when he was done, Justin embracing the tall man tightly. From the back of the room, both Brian and Michael could see Emmett flailing about in his usual excited flamboyant manner in greeting the blond. Ted was clapping the young man on the shoulder, smiling from ear to ear, obviously talking Justin's ear off about something.

"Hey, we almost didn't see you from back there," Ted said, giving Michael a kiss on the cheek and Brian an offhanded pat on the arm. Emmett practically squealed, diving for Michael, mouth going a mile a minute about how great it was to be on stage, how wonderful the song was and on and on. Emmett could talk circles around anyone when he was really going.

"And, oh my god, honey," Emmett exclaimed, hands fluttering as he leaned back and tittered. "Did you see that cutie in the front row?"

"The one with the boyfriend?" Michael asked wryly.

Emmett made a noise like air escaping, clearly blowing off the supposed boyfriend. "Please, Michael. If that's his boyfriend, then he's doing something wrong cause that hottie had wandering eyes and they were all over this body."

"What's it like to be back after getting all famous on us poor schmucks?" Ted laughed, sipping his beer while Justin gave him a smile.

"It's… weird," the blond admitted. "Not like I expect instant recognition or anything, but… it's like stepping back in time. I almost feel seventeen again."

"Sunshine, you will never be seventeen again," Brian stated firmly. "You're already getting wrinkles."

"Asshole!" Justin said, hitting Brian in the arm. "I'm still just as perfect as I was the night you met me, admit it." He lifted his chin in classic teenage-like defiance.

"Oh, sweetie," Emmett gushed, putting an arm over Justin's shoulders. "I know we raised you to have a high opinion of yourself, but… tone it down? Just a little?"

All five men laughed before heading upstairs to the main bar as the next singer was starting. They were better for it as the poor guy sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Glancing back, Emmett and Michael laughed, holding on to each other when they realized it was the boyfriend trying to sing a love song to the cutie in the front row, who was obviously embarrassed.

"Beers all around," Brian told the bartender while Emmett and Ted went to line up a pool table. The two of them didn't play much, but they knew Brian and Michael would wander over to it at some point, maybe Justin, depending. The three men let a silence fall over them as they shared a drink, clearly an uncomfortable point settled in between them as they realized that each of them had no idea what to say.

"Sorry for being late," Michael said finally, looking at Justin. "Brian was-"

"Don't you put this on me, Mikey," Brian shook his head, turning to Justin. "He was busy spending 'quality time' with the hubby."

The blond was obviously confused. With all the phone calls and emails and drunk dials (and there had been quite a few of those), he was left looking at one and then the other, smiling in that slightly confused manner. Justin had assumed that the two would be more… couple like in person without Ben around. Michael's face fell and he looked at Brian.

"He knows?" Michael demanded.

"Mikey-"

"Was I not supposed to?" Justin asked, shrugging.

"Brian, you're a fucking moron!"

"Hey, c'mon Mich-"

"Sunshine," Brian said and that shut him up, focused back on Michael now. "I was down a best friend, what was I supposed to do?"

"I was here!" Michael insisted.

Brian sighed, closed his eyes and tried to remember to be patient. "Mikey, you were what I needed to talk about. How could I do that _with_ you?"

"I-" Michael paused to think about it. He didn't want to get replaced in any sense with Brian, especially with the title that he held for so long. "Yeah."

Brian rolled his eyes and pulled Michael over to him, arm around his shoulders. "You're still my best friend, Michael. Stop pouting."

"I'm not pouting," the shorter man muttered and Justin tried to hide a smile by taking a sip of his beer. Michael was pouting.

"So… I take it no one else knows, then?" Justin asked cautiously this time.

Brian shook his head. "Not a chance. I was betting on the wrong horse when I said Mikey would spill it."

"You don't think I could keep a secret?" Michael asked, still irked. "Especially one that would rui- Hey, guys!" Emmett and Ted came back over to the bar and took the two beers left on the bar top. Emmett made a dramatic role of his eyes. He'd rather a Cosmo, of course.

"We got a table," Ted explained their return.

Emmett did a happy wiggle of his hips. "And a number," he added in a singsong voice.

"Who's the poor sap this time, Honeycutt?" Brian asked, letting Michael go.

"My name is not Honeycutt," the taller man said, giving Brian a glare with eyeliner enhanced eyes. "And it's not me. It's Teddy!"

"What about Blake?" Michael asked.

"Oh, honey, as soon as a man is taken, the rest of them just wanna eat him up!" Emmett exclaimed, rubbing Ted's back affectionately as he laughed.

Ted gave an awkward shrug. "The attention's nice, but I like what I've got."

"I still can't believe you two are together," Justin said in an admiring tone. "Think you'll get married?"

Ted snorted. "Yeah, sure. The day they legalize marriage for gays here will be a cold day in hell."

"Proposition 14 just barely got turned down as it is," Emmett agreed solemnly.

All five men took a moment think. Prop 14 seemed so long ago. Brian had put his arm around Michael again, remembering them wheeling him into the back of ambulance. Trying to beat the living shit out of the doctor who refused to let him give blood and finding Justin later that night to tell him that he loved him. Justin remembered the same thing, reaching out to touch Brian's arm gently. Ted and Emmett watched the three of them and Emmett took Justin's hand and put his arm around Ted. It was better that they were able to remember, they had realized, than to be dead. As sad as it was, it was true and they were grateful.

"Alright, who's getting their ass kicked?" Michael asked, breaking up the silence.

Brian snorted. "You mean by me?"

"Here they go," Ted said, rolling his eyes. The three men watched the two best friends go set up their game, throwing insults back and forth at each other.

"Oh, honey," Emmett said to Justin, who was leaning up against the bar. "How's the big city? Find anyone?"

Justin smiled and set the beer down. "Well, there's no shortage of work. People are jumping through hoops to get my pieces. The nightlife is great. You guys should all come out to visit me there's-"

Emmett gave him a stern look. "Sweetie. Did. You. Find. Anyone."

"Em, leave him alone," Ted told Emmett. "Why's it so important?"

"No, it's fine," the blond insisted. "Emmett loves getting into people's business, that's why it's important. And-"

"And," Emmett interrupted. "I want to make sure you're not still playing hopeless romantic. That's my job."

"Hey, I'm sure he'll find someone when it's right," Ted offered. "That's how it happened for me."

"Yes, well," the tall man said briskly. "Not everyone can find a Twe- generous person like Blake turned out to be, honey."

"What happened to that guy from your town, Em?" Justin asked, trying not to giggle at the almost slip. "It seemed like you might've had something. A little piece of home."

Emmett laughed. "Well, a little something is right. Oh, no, not really I guess." He was just so used to being the snarky bitch. "Things just… didn't go. It's alright, though. I'll find someone in my own time, but what about you?"

"Well, that's why I'm here," Justin admitted to Emmett and Ted's surprise.

"Justin… c'mon," Ted said cautiously.

"Honey, don't tell me… still?" Emmett asked.

Justin didn't get it at first, and then it hit him. "What? No! Oh, shit, I mean he's with-"

Oh. Uh-oh. Shit, shit, shit.

"Honey, are you okay?" Emmett asked. "You know we mean Brian, right? He's not with anyone."

"Wait a minute," Ted said, thinking about it. "Come to think of it, when was the last time Brian hit the backroom?"

"Teddy, Brian's probably getting it in the VIP lounge he made back when he bought Babylon," Emmett said, exasperated.

"I dunno, Em-"

"Oh, god, you know Brian," Justin said. "He's probably found some place new."

"Exactly," Emmett agreed. "Anyways, so why are you here if it's not Brian?"

"It's a secret," the blond explained to Emmett's outraged shock. "Don't worry! I'm setting something up. It's a surprise for everyone."

"Well, I guess good luck," Ted told the younger man. "C'mon, let's check on the Wonder Twins."

Brian was leaning up against the side of the pool table that Michael was trying to line his shot up from. Michael was obviously annoyed as he was losing by a lot. He'd only gotten two balls in since the break and Brian would not let him live it down. Beer in one hand and pool stick in the other, Brian smiled with a familiar predatory look in his eye, glanced over at the bar and saw the group making their way over. He leaned over Michael as he was trying to make sure his aim was right and put his lips close to his best friend's ear.

"I know you're not wearing any underwear," Brian murmured. Michael jumped and his cue hit the ball, that hit the eight ball with a resounding crack and it flew across the table, skipped against the rim and flew off the table.

"Shit!" Michael yelled, thumping the end of his stick on the floor, face red.

"Whoa, Mikey, trying to kill everyone?" Brian laughed, standing up straight. "That makes game, and in my favor of course."

"You're an asshole, Kinney," Michael snapped sourly. "Rack 'em up again. I'll get you."

"I was hoping to get a round," Justin said, looking hopeful.

"Whatever, Boy Wonder," the shorter, flustered man said, passing his cue stick off. "He's a cheater anyways."

"Or maybe you're just a sore loser, Mikey," Brian said in a condescending manner. "Rack 'em, Sunshine."

Justin rolled his eyes and set up the table, Emmett soothing Michael out of his annoyed state (which, if you ask Brian, had been going on all fucking day). Ted made the conversation in between and Justin enhanced it with stories from New York while Brian catered to everyone's drinking needs for the night, spicing up the conversation with his own style of liners that just seemed too smooth to not be practiced. All in all, when ten (or maybe it was eleven, they were all rolling with laughter as the drinks kept coming, giving up on pool at some point) rolled around, they made their way out of the bar and onto the still busy streets in the night.

"Oh, shit, wait," Michael said, fishing his phone out of his pocket to check the time. "Guys, I gotta go."

"Aw, honey, just a little longer," Emmett pleaded. "A few hours at the club won't kill you. When was the last time you've been?"

"But I promised Ben I'd-"

"Fuck Ben," Brian announced loudly to the street. A man walked by and offered to be whoever Ben was for him if he wanted.

"Brian," Justin said in a calming tone. "If Michael said he'd go home, he should go. Gimme your keys and I'll take him. I'm good."

"I don't want him to," Brian admitted, clearly intoxicated beyond the point of controlling himself. "He always goes home, Sunshine. I don't want him to."

"Bri, I think you've had too much drinky," Ted told his boss in a singsong voice. "He's got 'maritals' to take care of. You've got a club full of waiting men."

"Ted, I don't think-" Justin was cut off.

"Theodore," Brian said clearly, straightening up. Obviously the alcohol couldn't hide the hard look of command he had. "Why don't you shut the fuck up? If I want Michael, it's my business."

The group met Brian with resounding silence on the loud street. Each were trying to work their muddled way through the alcohol and figure out what Brian had said and how he meant it. Did that mean foregoing the 'waiting men', as Ted put it, for Michael? Was he just missing a few words to clear this up due to alcohol? Because it sounded like-

"Honey, just give Justin the keys," Emmett said and started walking off down the club. Ted gave Brian one last look and followed after. Michael was left staring at Brian, who was trying to clear his head.

"Sonny Boy," Brian said, passing Justin the keys. "Scratch it and I'll have your balls."

"They're not yours to have," Justin quipped, taking the keys. "C'mon, Michael. I wanted to see Ben anyway."

"Fuck Ben!" Brian shouted, stalking off in the direction of Ted and Emmett. Michael and Justin watched his hunched form disappear in the mingling crowds.

"He's drunk," Justin said.

"I don't know what to do," Michael replied.

Justin gave Michael a questioning look, walking with him down the block in the opposite direction where Brian had parked. "What do you mean?"

"Ben wants a weekend away."

"Doesn't sound so bad. Oh, y'know what? You guys could do a Bed 'n' Breakfast thing! I've always wanted to do that," the blond said pleasantly.

Michael shook his head. "He won't leave his book at home if we go and Brian…"

"Oh, shit," Justin sighed. "That's right, he wants you to get rid of Ben."

"It sounds harsh when you say it that way."

"Is there any nice way to say that your secret lover wants you to ditch your husband?" Justin asked, shrugging. "It's life. It's Brian. But what do you want?"

"I kinda liked things the way they are," Michael confessed honestly. "I had the marriage and family part with Ben, then I still got what I wanted with Brian."

"Got your cake and ate it, too," Justin nodded. "Great feeling, isn't it?"

Michael's stomach rumbled, not willing to comment on just how great it was. "You wanna go to the diner first?"

"Is Deb working?"

"I don't think so. Horvath made her cut back to a regular schedule."

"Hah! How long is that gonna last this time?" Justin laughed as they turned a corner to head to the diner.

Michael smiled. "You know, Ma."

"Still a freak?"

"Still a freak."

"Won't be too long before she's running the place again, then," the blond decided. "Are they thinking about setting a date yet?"

Debbie and Horvath had been engaged for so long now that it seemed insane they would stay together without reason, but just the mere promise that one day, maybe, if the government allowed gays to marry, they would finally wed? Horvath might be waiting a long fucking time under Debbie's rule.

"I think he might be wearing her down," Michael admitted. "She's been positive since Prop 14 was shut down, but it's still not gay marriage. It could go either way if he plays it right."

"Well, you've got Ben, right?"

"I guess."

The entered the diner, slow and nearly empty as these were prime clubbing hours, Sunday or not. They took a booth and waited, enjoying the quiet from the insanity outside. Michael wondered if he was getting old if he found himself actually wanting the respite from the life he used to live here on Liberty Ave. Justin was thinking that maybe he had grown quite a bit seeing as he had no urge to dive headfirst back into the scene he once romanticized with Brian. Both men sat thinking in the silence as a waitress (or maybe a waiter…) brought them menus. They waved them off, going for burgers and fries. Justin with a soda and Michael with a milkshake.

"I didn't expect him to make me choose," Michael sighed, alcohol weighing heavily on him now. He was still hungry, but sleepy now too.

"I think, sometimes, he likes to keep things he wants," Justin said, wondering if it made any sense at all.

Michael snorted. "So I'm just something to keep? That he has all to himself, knowing I won't fuck around while he's out fucking the entire gay populous of Pittsburg?"

"He hasn't been doing that."

"Oh, c'mon, Boy Wonder. You're not so naïve, anymore. One hole to fill doesn't satisfy Brian Kinney."

"Maybe it takes the right hole."

"After all these years, I'm the right one?" Michael asked, grinning in a loopy manner. "It's like a perverted version of Cinderella. Only one ass is the right fit!"

Justin laughed, shaking his head. "Mike, c'mon, you know Brian better than anyone. You've been with him this last year. He has to have changed just a little."

"I dunno, you see him quite a bit yourself, don't you?" Michael shot back and the young man averted his eyes. "Yeah, exactly. How much could he have changed?"

"He was fucked up, Michael, and hurting."

"Yeah, he was fucked up when we did it, too. Doesn't really mean much, just reinforces the point."

"What point?" Justin asked, thanking the server for the soda. Michael sullenly played with the straw in his milkshake.

"That I'll never be enough," the smaller man shrugged, seeming to get smaller. "I just… I wanted it for so long, but I knew he could never… wouldn't commit. The most I could get was friendship, and I was grateful for it, but… well, he wavers on that, too."

"Where do you get that from?"

"My thirtieth birthday ring any bells?"

Justin worried his bottom lip between his teeth. "That was your mom."

"Nooo," Michael drew out. "That was the waiter… or, waitress. I forget. Ma's at home."

"No, Michael, your party," the blond clarified. "She asked, mm, well more like told, Brian to let you go so you and David would live happily ever after. Brian just did the usual and took it to the extreme."

"He does that a lot."

Justin stared at the man across from him. Was he just not listening? "Mike, you heard me, right? Your mother told Brian to ditch you. On your birthday."

"She's been warning us to stay away from each other since we met," Michael sighed, rolling his eyes. "I can't really be surprised, although, I take back what I said about Brian and my birthday because of it."

"Why do you let her do it?"

"She's my mom, what else can I do? I mean, it turned out fine in the end. Still friends and, hell, I even married a guy she approved of, even if it took some time."

"There are so many things wrong with that, I don't even know where to start," Justin said, nearly struck dumb. "I like Ben, Michael. And you know I love Deb, but… given the chance, really, would you have married Ben all over again?"

"I dunno. Would Brian and I still have eventually fucked?"

"Michael-"

"No," the shorter man said, sitting up straight. "Because what were my options? Find someone before I got old, or wind up in Palm Springs with Brian, best friends forever, two fat, old queens on the beach. You might've been there, too, if you guys hadn't called it off."

Justin rolled his eyes. "That never would have worked and everyone knew it."

"They didn't seem like it," Michael said. "They were cheering you two on all the way."

"Doesn't make them right. It just took them longer to figure it out," the blond laughed, leaning back as the server brought over their food. He was tempted to ask what, exactly, the person was seeing as their nametag only read 'Jamie', but thought better of it.

Michael was already digging into his fries. "Yeah, like you knew right away?" He snorted. Justin could sit at the grown up table now, but he was still a kid to Michael and playing off the relationship he'd had with Brian like he knew it was going to end the way it did… well, Michael didn't like it. That's a hindsight opinion, not what you knew during.

"I knew I loved him," Justin admitted. "But that's not enough."

"Why?"

Justin shrugged. "We didn't really know each other, we didn't understand each other… I mean, the list could go on. We met, we were attracted, I forced myself into his life, but I could never be a good longtime partner for Brian."

"What do you think it takes?" Michael asked, grabbing the ketchup on the table and adding a thick layer to his burger. "Everyone makes it seem like Brian is so fucking unattainable and even harder to keep. What does it take, in a survivor's opinion."

"Survivor," Justin smiled, adding salt to his fries. "Nice. I dunno. He needs someone who knows him, to take care of him. He needs that even if he won't admit it. I think he needs someone who's going to make him feel like it's really worth his time, that he's actually getting something worthwhile and not just giving."

"So, he wants it all about him?"

"It'll seem that way on the outside, but I think he would know better."

They ate in silence after that, alcohol clearing away from Michael's head, Justin catching a glance at his watch. It was almost one in the morning. Sure, the guys might still be at Babylon when he got back, but it was more likely Justin would be going back to his room for the night. He was more tired than he thought. After spending the afternoon with Brian and making plans to see Debbie and being treated to an early dinner, the young man was tired.

Michael waved over for the bill and Justin was reaching for his wallet. "Stuff it right back in there, Boy Wonder. You're a guest."

"Remember when you took me here after I went to find Brian again?" he asked, smiling as he tucked his wallet away.

"You called my mom a freak and insisted how magical sex with Brian was," the shorter man said, pulling out a few bills. "You can leave tip." Fair trade that way.

Justin nodded and set a few bills on the table under his empty glass as Michael got up to hand the bill and money to the server who was waiting for them at the register. Michael was getting his change back when the one to two am crowd began to file in, slowly filling the quiet diner with a wave of sound. Yeah, now was a great time to call it a night.

"Ready to go?" Justin asked, sidling up to the shorter man.

Michael groaned. "Is it just an early hangover, or is it really fucking loud in here?"

"Yeah, you're ready to go."

Liberty Ave was still bustling when they left to find the car, and it was a slow crawl out of there before they hit dead roads and the quiet, sleepy suburb Michael called home. They pulled up to the house and Michael saw a light on inside. The kitchen. Had Ben been waiting for him? Was he writing?

"I guess Ben's up," Michael said. "You wanna come in for a bit and say hi?"

Justin mulled this over, hand on the key in the ignition. He really should get the car back to Brian, but then again, the older man did have his cell phone and could call and bitch at him to get the car back when he was good and ready.

"Yeah," Justin agreed, turning the key and shutting off the engine.

Michael opened the door gently. Justin thought cautiously would better fit as he watched the man peek around it. They went inside and found Ben in a pair of sweats working over yellow legal pads with a cup of cool coffee on the table, glasses perched precariously on the tip of his nose.

"Hey, honey," Michael said, not wanting to disturb him, but they had a guest.

"Hey, baby, have a nice night?" Ben replied, not looking up.

"Well, if I'm not welcome, I can just go," Justin said with a smile. Ben looked up and grinned.

"Hey, Justin! Long time no see," Ben greeted, getting up and pulling the young man into a hug. "Look at you. First a comic book artist and now you're famous."

"Everyone keeps saying that," Justin brushed off, rolling his eyes. "I'm no Warhol."

"And I'm no Dan Brown," Ben said with a smile.

Justin pulled a face. "I hope not, have you seen the picture on his books?"

Ben ruffled Justin's hair, now grown out longer again, framing his face. "So, sit down. I'll get coffee."

Michael looked cautiously at the mug on the table. "Hon, when did you make that pot?"

"Oh, when I came down," his husband said offhandedly, going into the kitchen.

"When was that?"

"After you left. Why-"

Michael sighed. "Yeah. That's why. It's one in the morning. You want me to make a fresh pot?"

"No, I got it," Ben called from the kitchen. The coffee from hours ago had cooled and gotten thick and took a quick rinse before it was useable again. In the dining room, Michael took a seat next to Justin and covered a yawn behind his hand.

"Been awhile since you've been out?" The blond asked.

"You tell me," Michael shrugged. "Brian must be keeping you up to date."

"Still cranky when you're tired, I see," Justin commented, resting an elbow on the table and a cheek on a loose fist. "How's Hunter?"

"Good. Better grades, new girlfriend."

"Really? How long?"

"Probably going on about a year now."

Justin whistled. "Jeez, kid's in it for the long haul, huh?"

Michael laughed. "I dunno. They're just being careful. After that whole fiasco with the first one… it's better this way."

"Baby, you want hot chocolate?" Ben called from the kitchen. The sound of coffee percolating and hissing filled the room. "I don't want you up all night."

"All of a sudden?" Michael teased. "Yeah, that's fine."

"You two okay, really?" Justin asked, keeping his voice low.

Michael shook his head. "I don't know. That's what makes it hard. Am I not trying hard enough or is there no point in trying?"

It really wasn't Justin's place to advise where he wasn't asked to. And he did only have Brian's side of the events. Michael was obviously torn up because he did love Ben (actually, Michael loved everybody which made it harder) and the problem was the he didn't want to pick one over the other without being fair, but there weren't any rules for this. No milestones to mark when your secret lover was pulling ahead to win you over or when you knew your husband was trying to keep things together. There was no place for Michael to get help from and would it seem dishonest of Justin to push Michael towards his husband? Probably. That was more of a reason that he should keep his mouth shut, really.

"You should go away with Ben."

_A/N: Oh man, sorry guys. I'm not really conscious of time (my sense of it is kinda fucked up), but I think this took awhile to write. I'm not sure. Did it? I don't know. I've got some school projects to finish before Spring Break hits and a friend flying in from across the country today so it's been really hectic and I miss sleep (I've got 15 hours of it for this week so far and that's from last Sunday to now). The good news for you guys? I was able to find someone to fill in for me for the week my friend is here, so while I do still have school at the moment (my school still lines up the break with Easter) I'll be getting a little more sleep and more time to work on the next chapter! Yay! I'm a good multi-tasker (obviously lol) so even with my friend here, it should be fine. If not, you'll have a new chapter after this week._

_Now, the song credit goes to Queen again, it's called __**It's Late**__ and it's one of my favorites out of their awesome collections. The song for this chapter was tied with the one I used and __**I Can't Live Without You**__ and __**Good Old Fashioned Loverboy**__ and__** Don't Stop Me Now **__and __**Someone To Love Me **__(my ultimate favorite). Since I don't really plan these chapters out (every turn is kind of a spur of the moment decision), this would've turned out completely different had I used any other song. I think it worked out well clashing with Brian/Michael and Brian/Justin. I really like it, actually. Will I be using more Queen? I hope so! It's so much fun and I'm loving it so far. What song do you guys think might have been better (doesn't have to be Queen), or what songs do you think fit Brian and Michael, personally? I'd love to know._

_To the two reviewers who've been emailing and PMing me, thank you so much for trying to get my work out there on other sites! I'm sorry it's not quite working out too well. For everyone else, there's a specific Brian/Michael fandom fiction site that's at (always-fanfic . net) or some such name. There are some amazing writers on it. I haven't quite figured out why my work won't publish there, but it's not a big deal to me. If anyone else knows of specific Brian/Michael fiction sites, please feel free to email me (I prefer it over PMs, honestly) about them. I'm always looking for something good to read or a new place to put up my work! And don't feel weird about it. Lol Like I've mentioned, my schedule prevents sleep and actual emails over spam can really make my day. _

_On to the story. I'm thinking some of you might be wondering about Brian. I know we're probably all old enough to know this by now, but Imma say it anyways: Don't do drugs. Lol I've got a very long history and a fairly hands on experience with people that can act like Brian has when under the influence. Emotional state before getting high really effects how you are with the drugs. While on the show, he always seems to have it together, well… nothing was really wrong then, was there? Now there's distress and whatnot, so yeah. He's in and out of it a lot more. I guess… more willing to forget himself in the high than use it to keep sharp. If that makes sense. So, don't do drugs… you'll wind up fucking blond brats!_

_Feel free to leave a review!_

_~SL_

_Edit: 11:39pm on 03/28/09 I've had the worst day ever! I might be taking this entire week off to relax and spend time with my friend, so it might be two weeks until you get the next chapter as I assume the week after (my Spring Break) will be my writing time and posting will be after that. Not sure, though. Stick with me! I promise it'll be fun. Lol Thanks!_

_~SL_


	5. Chapter 5

Choose

_A/N: Thank you guys so much for understanding about my worst day ever. Lol I'd get into fun detail, but I'm a moving on kind of person. It happened, it's over, next chapter! I doubt this'll be up soon, but my friend has gone off to the next state over to visit his ex (please don't ask me why) and will be back in a day or two. So, until then, I'm here and writing for you! It's a great distracter for me anyways. Lol Enjoy!_

_~SL _

_Chapter Five_

_The next morning left Brian without a pounding head in time to an unknown beat, thankful the curtains in the room were thick enough to keep it dark. He rolled over, expecting a known weight, for a moment reminded of the morning after Justin's first night at the Loft. Almost expecting to come face to face with the blond. The other side of the bed was empty, save for a note._

_**Brian-**_

_**You didn't trash the room this time. Must've been the real shit. I'm at the gallery, come around whenever, or don't. **_

_**-Justin**_

_Brian groaned, letting the paper flutter back to the bed. At least there wasn't an after school special speech about drugs and how bad they are for you. The room was in place, aside from skewed sheet and a glass of water on Brian's side of the bed. Little shit always thought of everything, didn't he? He wouldn't admit it, but he was grateful as the drained the glass. Last night was… he didn't want to think of it. _

_Instead, he prepared himself to get out of bed. It was a process at this point. Movement hurt his head, his body felt like it had been filled with lead and mouth was gritty and sour. Thinking hurt, blinking hurt… all he wanted to do was lay back down and sleep until it all went away. Unfortunately, he really had to take a leak. That's that had woken him up from his drug induced blackout into sleep. His bladder was so full, it hurt and it was screaming for relief. Brian knew he couldn't ignore it. Even though the room had been comfortably warm before, it felt freezing now, his skin pinching into goosebumps as he threw off the covers. He stood up and his insides lurched weightily as he broke out into a cold sweat._

_The morning after always made him feel like he was hit by an eighteen wheeler. Brian shuffled into the bathroom, finding it turned completely upside down. The products he set neatly aside the sink for his morning regime were toppled to the floor or in the sink, his toiletry bag was dumped across the bathroom floor and his cell phone, still flipped open, was sitting on the edge of the vanity counter, just teetering on the edge._

"Really?" Ben asked, looking up from his book in bed.

Michael slipped off his boxers, leaving them in a pile with the rest of his clothes as he climbed into bed. Seeing Justin had been a shock, but talking with him had reminded him of all the good times they eventually had together. He may be an adult now, and it was hard to see him that way, but it wasn't cause to throw out advice from a friend.

"Yeah," Michael nodded, smiling. "You're right, you have to work on your book sometime, and it's never interrupted us before, right?"

Ben grinned, pulling Michael into his arms. "Baby, you have no idea how happy I am."

"Because of the book or me?" Michael teased.

"You," Ben answered, kissing Michael. "You. Always you."

"It'll be good," the smaller man agreed, settling against his husband. "When did you want to go?"

"As soon as we plan it," Ben told Michael earnestly. "I'll start looking between my classes tomorrow."

Michael laughed. "I guess I can search the web at the shop while I wait for customers."

"I love you," Ben sighed, happy about the events.

"Mm, love you too," Michael replied.

_**Didn't call. Get there okay? Love you**__ was left on the small screen of his phone, Michael's name under it. Fuck, he didn't call Michael when he landed. He always called Michael when he was doing an out of town trip that his best friend knew about. It was just what they did._

_**Sorry, tired. Late night. Me, too **__Brian sent back and snapped the phone shut, tossing it back on the counter and stared at it, waiting for it to start ringing. It was later in the… oh, shit, it was the fucking afternoon! Michael would be awake and he would probably call out of need to just make sure Brian was okay… but it sat there, quiet. Brian let out the breath he'd been holding and grabbed a towel off the rack in the bathroom and turned on the shower. It was just weird to think about._

_Last night wasn't worth thinking about, he had decided that back in bed. The hot water came on in the shower and Brian tested it with an outstretched hand. Too hot. He turned the nob and took his morning piss in quiet peace. Running water was a great way to get drug blocked kidneys going. He let his head lean back and wondered why his phone hadn't gone off. Did Michael know why he was really here? Probably. Was he going to be angry? Maybe. Thinking about it, and all those stupid rules society liked to enforce on relationships of any kind, Michael had no reason to. Not a leg to stand on to give him shit over this. _

_Except when Brian thought about the look he would give when he would show up at Woody's next week. Disappointment? Hurt. Definitely hurt. Then he would smile, blow it off because he wasn't supposed to know. Forgiveness and love, booze. There would be a dance later that night at Babylon, maybe they would even-_

_**You can't always get what you want**_

"_Fuck," Brian spat, glad he finished in time. His phone was ringing. Justin. He had been too wrapped up in planning his return and the ringtone scared the crap out of him. Michael had suggested it jokingly after the kid had left for good. They were high, they laughed… Brian still hadn't changed it. He could wait, Brian decided, collecting the travel items he'd packed for shower use. He really needed a fucking shower._

Michael was bored the next day at work. It seemed like so much had happened so fast, being here in the late morning haze of a Monday morning seemed pointless. He tried cleaning and got bored, then he moved on to organizing the comics and then stopped. Eventually, he had nothing left to do but sit behind the counter and click aimlessly for places to go for a weekend. He wasn't really into it since he didn't know when they were going, so he couldn't check availability, where they wanted to go, so he couldn't pick an area, or how much they wanted to spend, so he couldn't pick a type of room. It was more of an annoyance than anything.

He figured Brian would be at work, powering his way through projects and meetings, so he was out. What about Justin? After all, he was visiting and Brian was still working. What the hell else could he be doing right now? He was pretty sure it was the same for Ted and Emmett. Michael highly doubted the blond had gone back out to pick someone up. Weight the options in his head, he closed out the multiple screens between webcomics, new movies and hotels and fished his phone out.

Maybe he could close up for an early lunch? Play it by ear, he decided, dialing the last number he'd had in his phone for Justin. He was fairly positive that the blond hadn't changed the number, otherwise it would've been in an email or something, he was sure.

"_Yeah, what?" Brian asked, clearing his throat as he rubbed the towel over his body absently. His ear was pressed into his phone that was resting in the crook of his shoulder. After showering, he'd decided to get back to Justin when he got out. _

"_**Are you coming today, or not?"**__ Justin's voice demanded to know. He sounded a little frantic, but trying to hide it._

"_I said I was going to, wasn't I? Shit, can't I even take a fucking shower?" Brian sighed, wandering back into the bedroom to pull clothes out from the small closet. He liked being organized and ready and that meant not leaving all of his clothes in the suitcase to come out wrinkled. _

_There was a sigh on the other end of the line. __**"I don't know why I put up with you, Kinney."**_

"_You'd be nothing without me, Sunshine," Brian reminded. "That's why."_

"_**Asshole."**_

"_Twat."_

"_**I don't know why you like that word so much,"**__ Justin laughed, Brian smiled, pulling out a pair of loose black slacks. _

"_How formal is this bullshit?" Brian asked, contemplating the wardrobe he had packed._

"_**You could come in with jeans on, it doesn't matter."**_

_Brian sniffed. "I don't know how you present yourself, but I've got better things to wear than jeans to a gallery."_

"_**Brian,"**__ Justin said flatly. __**"You were wearing jeans to my first exhibit."**_

"_Shut up."_

"_**And the very first time my work was shown? At the Gay and Lesbian Center? You looked like you had just walked in from clubbing."**_

"_Sunshine?"_

"_**Yeah?"**_

"_Shut the fuck up."_

Michael left the shop, having called Justin and agreeing to something to eat at the diner. The blond had sounded relieved to have something to do with someone else as it was, which made Michael question why he was even here. It wasn't a holiday it wasn't any special sort of week, was it? Obviously the blond had to know everyone would still be working, especially since both Justin and Brian decided to have the drop in be a surprise.

He had almost walked by the diner, too lost in thought. He backtracked a few steps and opened the door, the crowd inside starting to settle into the afternoon routine. It wasn't hard to notice his mom was working before he even saw her, because a table erupted with a slew of laughter that made Michael turn to them to watch his mother walk away and on to the next table. He rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but smile. When she noticed him, she waved him over.

"Hey, honey!" Debbie called out, waving at Michael with her order pad. "Got a booth for you right here."

"Hi, Ma," Michael said, leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek before sitting down.

Debbie cracked her gum before realizing her son was alone. "What's up? You're missing… everyone!"

"Oh, I'm meeting someone here," he said, remembering that Brian had mentioned that Justin was going to surprise Debbie and coax her into a dinner for something.

Debbie laughed. "Y'ain't cheatin' on Ben, are ya?"

Michael felt his stomach pitch, but knew his mother didn't know a goddamn thing. He smiled up at her, shaking his head. "C'mon, Ma. Cut it out."

"Yeah, yeah. You want something, or should I wait?"

"Soda."

_Eventually, Brian decided to keep the soft, loose black slacks and paired with matching shoes and a dark blue silk button up with a black casual suit jacket. He looked himself over in the mirror, adjusting his hair just slightly and flashed his reflection a smile._

_The gallery was within walking distance, if you lived in New York your whole life, but Brian was feeling much better in comparison to last night. The walk didn't feel like it took that long at all, and it was more fun this way, being able to pick people out from the herds. Gay, queen, ugh diva, straight, straight… Ah, but how many repressed? It was actually a great way to kill time, seeing the looks he got back in return. The hilarious commentary had to be kept to himself though, only turning to the side just once, expecting Michael to be there to talk with. He really needed to stop doing that._

_It made for a mental note to call Michael when he was done with Justin for the day. He was seriously considering to cut his losses with this failed attempted (at what, he really wasn't sure) and going home earlier than planned. _

_When he came to the steps of the gallery, he debated on leaving now, just briefly. The screaming calls from Justin wouldn't help his problems any. More than likely, make them worse. He walked up the steps with a graceful boredom in his step. The inside was cool and overwhelmingly crowded for a late afternoon weekday. Looks like the kid could bring in a crowd, go figure. Brian was making his way to the counter (ticket prices were going up, Christ! That much to look at shit?) when Justin blindsided him from wherever the people were going after they got their tickets._

"_Brian, what are you doing?" Justin asked._

_Brian rolled his eyes. "I was about to contribute to the arts and go see your exhibit."_

"_You think I didn't put you on the list once you called me?"_

"_I figured that was an opening night deal," Brian shrugged._

_It was Justin's turn to roll his eyes. "Shut up and come look at it already."_

"_Sunshine, how long is this going to take? I can't spend my time here until closing," the taller man warned, not wanting to be here all day. He hadn't eaten yet, figuring he could sneak in and out and grab a late lunch or an early dinner. _

"_Hey, you wanted to go, and I don't have to stay until closing. Just take a look and we can leave," the blond assured him._

_Brian tried not to wince. He really wasn't looking for a 'we' when he had wanted to leave. Honestly, he was thinking of heading home tonight, by car if need be. He'd probably given Justin the wrong idea the other night and he wasn't going to humor the blond again, he was resolved in that. Ignoring the fact that he pretty much asked the blond into bed._

"_Michael call?" Justin asked._

Every time the bells over the diner door jingle, Michael waited for it. His mother's overexcited shriek that would surely come once she recognized Justin. He debated on calling Justin again, he was about ten minutes later than they said they would. Probably spending too much time in front of the mirror if Brian had rubbed off as much as they all thought.

Michael missed the next person coming into the diner. "Oh, shit! Sunshine!" Debbie cawed, Michael's head snapping up to see Justin smothered by his mother.

"Hey, Debbie!" Justin laughed, trying to pry himself away.

"My little artist came home," she announced, letting go and looking around the diner.

A man at another table snorted. "Yeah, fan-fucking-tastic! Get we get some fucking service?"

Debbie smiled politely. "Of course, honey. You'll have the 'shut the hell up' with a side of 'mind your goddamn manners' cause my baby is home!"

"Deb, c'mon, enough," the blond said, nudging her away from the table. "Is Michael here yet?"

"You're the one he's meeting? That little shit," Debbie snapped. "Michael, why didn't you say something?"

"Ma, last night he said that-"

"Last night?!" She turned on Justin. "Why didn't you tell me you were here?"

"I was trying to surprise you?" the blond shrugged, smiling.

Debbie smiled, pulling him into a hug. "Asshole. You surprised me alright. Go! Sit, I'll get you a sundae."

"No, Debbie, seriously," Justin said sitting across from Michael. "I'd like some real food."

Debbie rolled her eyes. "Well, la-de-dah. Can't even get my baby fucking ice cream! Alright, fine. What'll ya have?"

"Waffles, bacon, two scrambled eggs," Justin listed off. "Whole wheat toast with butter and a milkshake. There, that's like ice cream."

"Well, good enough," Debbie scribbled. "You could stand to put on a few, Sunshine. You need to get some protein off a plate, y'know."

"Oh, Christ, Ma," Michael groaned. "Give it a rest. He just got here."

"No he didn't," Debbie said stubbornly. "Because my son didn't even tell me he was here."

Michael rested his head in a hand perched on the table. "Can I just get pancakes, please?"

Debbie gave an annoyed noise in response to her pen scribbling across the pad. "Fine." She leaned over and patted Justin on the cheek. "Baby, your order'll be right out."

"No rush," Justin said, shifting uncomfortably. "Really, it's a full house."

By the time Debbie left, Michael had crossed his arms on the table and laid his head down on top of them. She was ridiculous and it was pointless to get angry at her pouring favor on the 'Prodigal Son' as it were. Chalk it up to lowered expectations, but Michael hadn't expected anything less.

"Didn't think she'd be working today when you suggested here," Justin told Michael, clearing his throat.

"Does it matter?" Michael's muffled voice asked. "You needed to talk to her anyways."

"Well, yeah, but Brian and I were going to-"

Michael looked up. "What the fuck are you two planning?"

Justin looked taken aback. "Nothing. Wow, calm down. We were just going to ask her about a dinner. Shit."

"And then you magically convince me that I should go away with Ben for a weekend."

"You said yes?" Justin asked, smiling. "Michael, that's great!"

"Why?" Michael sighed. "He's bringing his book."

"Because maybe you two just need the time to work things out," the blond offered gently.

Michael looked him over carefully. "And where does that leave you?"

"Um, in New York? You guys wouldn't be leaving this weekend, would you?"

Goddamnit, his mouth got the better of him. Again. Was he really expecting Justin to move back to the Pitts after making a huge name for himself in New York? That was just grasping at straws and even he knew it. He was making something out of nothing.

"No. Why do you care so much about Ben and I?" Michael asked. He had to.

"I haven't known a gay couple that really stuck together… no one that I knew personally," Justin explained. "Long term, sure. People make it a few years… but you two are married. That means something and if you can't make it…"

"Justin, you know you'll find someone," Michael consoled after seeing the look on the young man's face. "It takes time."

"But if you can't make it work, how can I?" Justin blurted out. "I mean, that's marriage. That's forever, not just a year and call it quits. You love Ben, don't you?"

Michael looked shocked. "Well, yeah, but sometimes things just…" He made a falling flat motion with his hands. No real words to describe what he was feeling about Ben, but enough Italian gestures to make up for it.

"But you have to try," Justin said, almost pleading. "Counseling, therapy. There are so many things to help."

"Justin, I know, believe me. I've thought about them all, but that means-"

"Brian."

"I think the main point of getting through a 'relationship crisis' like this is to break if off completely with… the other person," Michael explained.

The blond crossed his arms. "And you can't let him go?"

"What? No! I can stop that any time I want, I know I can," the shorter man said stubbornly. "But he's still my best friend and when I say 'completely' it means completely. Everything. Ben didn't have anything real to keep us apart before… but this? He has every right."

"Lose a friend or save your marriage?" Justin said it like it was the most obvious choice in the world.

"He's not 'just a friend'!" Michael snapped. "I love-"

"Order's up, boys," Debbie interrupted, placing plates in front of them.

"_Why are you so interested?" Brian asked, letting his eyes roam over the various works Justin had created. Brian didn't know how to make heads or tails of art to begin with if it wasn't straightforward, like in his line of work. It was a pretty… green color? _

"_Seems like it should've been something on the front page," Justin said casually. _

_Brian snorted. "Yeah, I'm sure everyone in the Pitts wanted to know Mikey made it into my bed."_

"_You'd be surprised," the blond retorted, wandering off to the next large painting on the wall._

_Damn the kid, Brian thought. He really picked up all the tricks, didn't he? Brian followed after at a leisure pace. "Wanna tell me what that means?" he asked when he stood next to the blond._

"_What what means?"_

"_Don't be an asshole, what did you mean when you said I'd be surprised."_

"_Oh, there's been an ongoing… bet, I guess you'd call it," Justin said smoothly, as if commenting on the painting in passing._

_Brian rolled his eyes. "A running bet on Liberty Ave that I didn't know about? C'mon, Sunshine, you're leading me on."_

"_Why would anyone tell you about a bet that was about you?"_

"_I would've heard something."_

"_The rest of the world on Liberty Ave can keep their mouths shut," Justin said in his defense._

_The taller man chuckled deeply. "Sonny Boy, you've got a lot to learn. No queer can keep their mouth shut, whether for cock or gossip. It's what they live for."_

"_It's a small place, when people get bored enough, they're willing to stick with it," the blond shrugged._

"_Why, though?"_

"_Everybody's slept with everybody else. It's a chain reaction. Y'know, like six degrees of whatever," Justin said, waving a hand absently. He moved on to the next piece, Brian followed._

"_So, what? Six Degrees of Brian Kinney?" the older man asked, unable to help the smile that crossed his face._

_The younger man sighed. "More like Six Degrees of Michael. He's actually gotten around more than you know, but it's not even that."_

_Brian was irked that Justin was talking about Michael like… well, like he was Brian. Michael wasn't like that. Sure, a few people here and there, but did the blond have to make it sound like he'd slept with the entirety of Pittsburg? _

"_See, that thing you're doing right now?" Justin interrupted. "Stop it. I'm not talking shit about Michael."_

"_You don't have to make him sound like-"_

"_Like, what? A human being? We fuck, Brian. We live, we work, we fuck. Michael's no different. He's gotten around. We all have."_

"_Whatever, can we finish this game?" Brian said, almost petulant at this point._

"_I'm saying that a lot of people are curious about that connection to Michael, not you," the blond finished. "He's great to look at, but selective in bed. He's had his share, but not like you. You'd be Liberty Ave's connection to Michael if you two ever slept together."_

"_So… I'm old news, is what you're saying," Brian sniffed, determined to find something horrible about the artwork now. But he really couldn't. It was nice, but he didn't know enough to snub it._

"_Not old news, but even the ones you won't fuck can piece together a fantasy night with you based on talk, no one can do that with Michael. It makes him more interesting."_

_Brian pondered this in silence. It made sense. There was really no mystery left to Brian except what it would be like in real life to get an invitation into his bed. He used everything to his advantage. Dirty laundry? Didn't exist. But Michael? Michael who almost never went into the backroom, Michael who was rare to bring someone home or be taken home… that could be tempting though. He had to agree with Justin, Michael wasn't bad to look at… not at fucking all. How many people had he ignored watching Michael dance? Or staring at his ass when he left for the bar? How many people went home and wished Michael was with them for the night?_

_Actually, it was getting Brian a little riled up._

"Have you guys picked somewhere?" Justin asked after a long silence, sure Debbie was busy with other customers.

"No. I have the feeling he's planning it all on his own," Michael said around a mouthful of pancakes. "He didn't let me in on any requirements or dates, so I don't know what to look for."

"You could surprise him by picking something," the blond offered, cutting into the waffles.

"Or I could forget this nonsense and get on with my life!" Michael snapped. "Either way, he wants to do it, he gets to bring his fucking book, he can pick the damn place."

"See, that's what bothers me," Justin said casually.

Michael rolled his eyes. "What now?"

"You're not putting any effort in."

"I said yes, didn't I?"

"And now you're just sitting back for the ride. It's a team effort, Michael."

"I'm letting him bring his fucking book, I think it's more than enough."

"Why don't you just give up?" Justin asked, laying down the fork and knife. He wasn't very hungry anymore.

"And lose everything?" Michael questioned. "With Hunter, the house… everything. We're tied together as it is, do you know how long it would take to untangle it all?"

"Paperwork and years, maybe. Not that long a wait," the blond rationalized.

Michael knotted his hands together after setting his silverware to the side and spoke softly after a pregnant pause. "The adoption papers haven't gone through yet."

"So? You're still foster parents."

"No, Justin, they haven't gone through yet and they probably won't go through if we separate," the smaller man explained, heartbreak clear in his voice. "The odds they'd let two gay men foster a teenager bordering on being a legal adult was slim to begin with. But to fully adopt? It's almost crazy. Now, if the 'parents' are 'divorced'… who would he live with?"

"Well, both of you! It's like… y'know, you each get him…" Justin stopped, thinking about it. Really, the adoption papers had been taking a long time. Was it their sexuality? And single parents had such a hard time to adopt as it was, but a gay single parent?

Michael shook his head. "Ben has no substantial support system. I've got Ma, but that's it. We wouldn't even be considered under normal circumstances."

"You really love Hunter," the blond sympathized. "What about Brian? What does he say?"

"You really think I want to bother him with that? Hunter isn't his," Michael sighed. "He barely wanted Gus, what would he do with a teenager on his way to college? I mean… he'd have to give up the Loft, everything. I couldn't…"

"What if he wants to, Michael?" Justin asked. "Maybe all he's waiting for is for you to ask."

"Privy information?" Michael asked, raising an eyebrow.

Justin shook his head. "All I'm saying. You're stuck. You don't want to work with Ben and you don't want to work with Brian. Just remember who you made the commitment to."

"When the fuck did you grow up?"

_Justin wandered the gallery with Brian trailing behind him, occasionally commenting on one of his paintings or another. He didn't have much to say about them that wasn't complete art bullshit, but Brian has lapsed into thoughtful silence and the blond needed to fill the void in with something. When Brian had turned down going to see the rest of what the gallery had to see, he suggested something to eat._

"_Read my mind," Brian replied._

"_Rushed out the door?"_

"_Don't flatter yourself. With you nagging me on the phone, I figured it was best to-" Brian stopped mid sarcastic coated comment to pat down his pockets, then his jacket. He swore loudly, heads turning and quiet murmurs of appreciation went silence. _

"_You okay?" Justin asked, wondering what Brian was looking for. He bit his tongue as the next thing to come out was him offering to help find it, whatever it was, as long as it meant joining in on the pat down._

"_Left my fucking phone at the room. Shit!"_

"_Expecting a call?" Justin asked, unable to hide a smile._

"_Sonny Boy, don't push me," Brian snapped._

_Justin shrugged. "Just asking. Wanna head back to the room then?"_

"_Yeah," Brian said, pulling out his wallet and pushing a few bills into Justin's hand. "Get a pizza on your way."_

"_Are you kidding me? Brian-"_

"_Sunshine, don't start," the older man grumbled. "Get the fucking pizza and meet me back at the hotel, alright? I'm starving and I need my fucking phone."_

_Justin stared at Brian for a minute, who proceed to pull out a cigarette and light it. After tucking the pack and lighter away, he nudged the blond in the opposite direction he was going and walked away. After turning the corner, he grabbed a cab back to the hotel. The cabbie tried yelling at him to put the cigarette out, but he did that in his own time. Fuck him, he needed a smoke. Brian tipped the guy extra for it before going into the hotel and waiting impatiently in the elevator. It didn't hit the floor soon enough and he cursed at the door until it opened, scaring the living shit out of the young woman looking to board the lift as Brian dashed off it and down the hall to his room._

_The phone lay on his bed, the little light at the top blinking red. New voicemail._

"_Fuck me," Brian groaned._

"Oh, Sunshine, that sounds like a wonderful idea!" Debbie exclaimed, throwing her arms over her head. "Oh, you and Brian, Teddy and Em, Michael and Ben… oh, shit. Carl better be ready to move some shit around this weekend."

Justin laughed. "Don't work too hard at it. Just us, y'know?"

"What did you want everyone together for, anyways?" Debbie asked, snapping her gum on one side of her mouth.

"He won't tell anyone," Michael said flatly. "I think Brian knows."

Debbie's eyes lit up at the mention of Brian. Justin and Brian were planning this? That would explain the blond here out of the blue. She couldn't contain the grin she had and was congratulating Justin before she knew.

"Kid, I knew you could break him with enough time," she said. "After that whole wedding thing… well, I knew you two had to be made for each other. No one goes through that without a reason."

Justin shifted uncomfortably, glancing at Michael. "Yeah, Deb. Sure. So, Saturday then?"

"Sunshine, I'd do it tomorrow if you wanted!"

"_Tomorrow," Brian snapped into the phone. _

_Cynthia's voice rang back irritated. __**"Brian, that's a rush! I don't think I could-"**_

"_Then get me a fucking car, Cynthia. Now!"_

"_**I take it things didn't go so well with Justin, then," **__she threw back, annoyed._

"_Who signs your checks?"_

"_**Brian, don't pull the boss routine on me."**_

"_Then do what I'm telling you to!"_

"_**I'm telling you it's near impossible! The only thing I'm finding is-"**_

"_Book it," Brian demanded. "I don't care, just book the fucking flight and email me the info."_

"_**It's for the day after tomorrow, can you handle that?"**_

"_Fuck! Cynthia, didn't I just say tomorrow?"_

"_**Too late, you had me book it," **__Cynthia said snidely. __**"I'm emailing it now. So, gonna tell me what happened with Justin?"**_

"_Absolutely nothing," Brian told her firmly._

"_**Sorry to hear."**_

"_Don't be. I'm not."_

"_**Then why did you-"**_

"_Are you my mother?"_

"_**No, but I-"**_

"_Would you happen to be anyone I associate with outside of work?"_

"_**Alright, Brian. Enough. I was just asking," **__Cynthia snapped. __**"I always liked Justin."**_

"_You can have him," Brian said, rubbing his temple. "I just want to get home. Any messages or impending doom of projects?"_

"_**No impending doom, but Michael called," **__she drawled. Brian could hear the flutter of paper in the background. __**"Said he didn't want to bother you and let you have the message when you got back."**_

"_What did he say?"_

"_**You're not back yet."**_

"_Don't make me put a want ad in the paper, Cynthia."_

"_**You couldn't find anyone else to put up with your shit, Kinney."**_

_Brian thought about this. True. "What did Michael say?"_

_Cynthia hummed on the other end of the line, more papers ruffled. __**"Just wanted to let you know that he and Ben were taking Hunter to go see a few schools in state. He wouldn't be here when you got back and didn't want you to worry, so you don't have to call him."**_

"_Shit," Brian muttered. "Isn't it early for the homo that was to be looking at schools?"_

"_**He's in his junior year, Brian," **__Cynthia reminded him. How did she know this shit? __**"It's the best time to look at places."**_

_Brian sighed. That explained the voicemail anyways. Michael just, not wanting to interrupt anything of course (he knew. Brian was sure that he knew), let him know he left a message with Cynthia, for when he got back. Hoped everything was going great! (oh, god, he knew everything, even last night) And try not to be an ass to the client, had to treat him like he was special if Brian wanted him to stick around… with the company, of course. _

"_Alright, you emailed me the flight info, right?" he asked, pacing the room._

"_**Unless the internet broke the minute I clicked, it should be in your inbox."**_

"_You're a smartass."_

"_**You wouldn't have me any other way, Brian," **__Cynthia informed him firmly. A knock sounded at the door._

"_Mother fucker," Brian groaned. "I gotta go. Thanks."_

"_**Tell Justin I said hi!"**__ Cynthia voiced before the line went dead._

Michael and Justin left the diner, Justin with a baggie of lemon bars and Michael with a headache. Saturday was the dinner, between then and now, he had to work out a weekend with Ben. Between planning the weekend with Ben and the dinner on Saturday, he had to spend time with everyone and play nice and act like he and Brian weren't sleeping together. That's why he stopped going out, really. It was hard and so much effort to keep so many lies in place. Things to explain the difference he knew some of their closest friends might pick up on, planning ahead with Brian and keeping all the stories straight.

"I noticed you didn't tell Ma you weren't planning anything with Brian," Michael sighed as they walked down the street.

Justin shrugged. "Why bother?"

"Cause it's a lie. To my mom."

"Don't be a hypocrite, Michael."

"Don't talk to me like I'm younger than you, Boy Wonder."

They plodded down the street in silence, the bag in Justin's hand crinkling as he opened it, pulling out a lemon bar. He offered the bag silently to Michael, who raised a hand in a 'no thanks' gesture. When they got to Red Cape, Michael looked back, inviting Justin in.

"It's weird to be back here," the blond commented, finally breaking the silence.

Michael shrugged. "Still nothing special."

"Are you kidding me?" Justin asked, setting the bag on the counter. "This is where Rage happened, Michael."

"And where it ended."

"What crawled up your ass and died?"

Michael rifled through some comics in a bin. "It's just been a hard week or two, okay? Not all of us get to waltz in and out of here on a fucking whim."

"You're taking a vacation, too," Justin retorted.

"That fixes nothing!"

"Because you won't let it," the blond snapped. "You're already assuming it's going to be shit. Why? Because Ben's bringing his book? Well, you know what? Make him _forget_ the fucking book, Michael."

Michael was tired of unasked for advice from Justin. Why should he take romantic advice from the kid who freakin' stalked Brian? Then again, hadn't he done the same thing only with Brian in the position Michael had put Ben in?

"Justin?" Michael asked, looking up from the bins of comics.

"Yeah?" Justin had wandered over to the figurines.

"When you were with that kid behind Brian's back-"

"Ethan."

"Yeah. Ethan. When you were with him… well, what made you pick him over Brian?"

"Michael, I want to help you, but the situations are different," the blond said stoically, not wanting to dwell on past mistakes.

Michael went to sit behind the counter, opening up the internet on the computer, annoyed. "I don't see how. I'm cheating, you cheated. I'm in a relationship, you were at the time, too. What's different?"

"Brian."

"Boy Wonder, I doubt Brian is any different."

"You haven't been paying any attention at all, have you?" Justin asked, facing Michael who was peering into the bag of lemon bars.

"Everyone keeps fucking telling me that!" Michael sat up, irritated as he pulled a lemon bar from the bag.

"I really didn't know you could be that selfish, Michael," the younger man said in earnest disbelief.

"_Prick," Michael muttered, trailing behind Hunter and Ben as they walked the grounds of another campus. This was boring and all he could think about was Brian. Brian ditching out on the comic convention and going to New York to see Justin._

_It was pretty obvious where Michael stood. He had to wonder if the trips were an ongoing thing, if this wasn't the first time. Of course, Brian had the habit of disappearing, but Michael never pestered. It never seemed to… matter before. Shit, it shouldn't even matter now._

_Hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans, he tried not to be annoyed as Ben explained where they were, what the school was best for and on and on. Michael hated school. Even stepping foot on a campus had him breaking out in goosebumps from memories past. The stress, the social fear, being lost in a crowd…_

_How had Brian enjoy- Oh fuck, not him again. His phone hadn't even rung in the last two days. Why is it that, no matter what, Michael would call Brian even if he said not to, but Brian would always do what Michael said and not call… even when he wanted him to?_

"_Baby?" Ben called, Michael looked up and smiled. "Keep up, babe. We're gonna go meet up with my friend now, he'll take Hunter around from there."_

_Michael picked up the pace and came to Ben's side. An arm wrapped around the shorter man's shoulder, holding him close. "So, Joe's gonna take Hunter for awhile and I figure we could head back to the room," Ben murmured._

_Oh, shit. Not this again. Michael was too irritated to be in the mood, but… he hadn't slept with Ben in a week. So many excuses. Early days, late night, sporadic deliveries… it was a never ending cycle of lies. But now they had taken some random time off, a culmination of days they decided they could work out. Michael had known about the trip before hand, the comic convention was going to be a weekend out with Brian before it. But he was too busy._

"_Yo, are we going or do I have to wait for you two to finish back there?" Hunter called out, startling them both._

"_Keep your pants on!" Michael called out, rolling his eyes. _

"_I can't wait to get yours off," Ben said, voice low._

Michael sulked in the comic shop after Justin left (it was better than he did), but he'd left the lemon bars by mistake. Michael didn't really want them and they weren't his to give away, so he tucked them under the counter. Justin had given him the name of the hotel he was staying at and it really was only a few blocks from Liberty Ave, so it wouldn't be a long walk at night when he closed up. Anything to prolong going home.

He moped around the shop, ringing up the few customers that bustled in on late Monday afternoons. Mostly school kids that did a few extra chores on the weekends for a little extra cash for their comics. The busiest days were Friday's though. That seemed to be allowance day, and from the occasional long time customers like Michael had been and the avid collector, this business was sort of a dying trade. Michael flipped through some order catalogues, debating on bringing some of that Japanese shit into the store. They weren't really comics if you asked him, but they did have a large collection of gay stuff… 'yaoi' they called it. Might be interesting.

When five rolled around, Michael cleaned up, cleared up the register and locked everything up for the night, taking the bag of lemon bars with him. There were a few missing (he was an eater for all occasions. Worry, anger, annoyance… It was an Italian thing) but enough to drop off to Justin. They hadn't left on bad terms, per se, but both men had done worse to each other. Arguing over their infidelities and the effects of them wasn't the worst.

Michael just didn't understand how Brian could find Justin so useful for talking to. It felt like talking to a brick wall most of the time. No one seemed to be able to understand his frustrations. Was he being selfish? Leaving himself in this state of in between where both sides worked in his favor just to keep it? Was a choice really so hard to make? Sure, he could put it on Hunter, but was that really the case?

His thoughts kept him occupied until he came across the hotel. Nothing fancy, more like borderline motel when he assumed Justin's tastes. But the blond had probably sacrificed comfort for location. He wanted to be close to the action of Liberty Ave-

Oh. What was stopping Justin from having a 'guest' over right now? Actually, how did Michael even know he was here? It was still early in the evening, and a weekday, but still… the bars were open.

Well, take a shot and leave the bag at the desk, Michael decided. He walked in, things were remotely clean and extremely dead in the place. The guy behind the desk seemed intent on staring off into space. Michael was actually tempted to snap his fingers in front of the guy's face to get his attention, but he looked up. And just stared.

Well, the people who worked here could use an attitude adjustment, Michael thought. "Yeah, I was wonder if you could tell me what room Justin Taylor is in?"

"What for?" The guy asked, as if Michael was intruding on his time.

Michael held up the bag. "Old friend. Brought him a snack."

"He expecting you?"

"Yeah." Christ, this is what they considered security?

"Room 212. Elevator is around the corner," the guy said, pointing obscurely around the corner. Michael waved a hand at him and pushed the button to the elevator to get up to the second floor. It smelled a little musty, but that was easy to ignore, the slow grind of gears in the lift made him nervous, though. There was a whoosh of air that escaped him when the lift locked when it hit the second floor and the doors opened.

He instantly felt the need to be quiet, the muffled sounds of the carpeted hallway making him feel like an intruder in the place. There was no reason for him to feel that way, but he did. Michael's steps were muffled on the thick carpeting as he counted the numbers on down the hall until he found 212.

"**That's it?!"** Justin's voice came through the thin door as Michael approached it. He paused, wrestling with himself to listen in. But… what would he do? Go wait downstairs? Justin was probably on the phone or something.

"**Can we not do this now?"** A second voice asked, loud and clear. Justin _did_ have company over.

"**You're just ending this now? Giving up, the end! What about Saturday?"** the blond's voice rang out, accusing.

"**Why the fuck did you go and make the plans? I fucking told you we would do it together!"** the other man snapped.

"**Fuck you, I was there with Michael and Deb just happened to be there!"**

"**Oh, I'm sure he felt great about himself after that run in."**

"**Don't you put this on me. It's not my fault that she-"**

"**Sunshine, she worships the fucking ground you come on and you know it."**

"It's nice to know someone else can fucking see it," Michael announced to the door loudly. The voices and rustling noises stopped immediately. Michael rolled his eyes. "Yeah, it's me."

Justin swung the door open, looking shocked. "Mike, what are you-"

The bag of lemon bars were shoved against the younger man's chest. "You left these at the store and I was looking to kill time before going home." He peered around Justin's body. Brian was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking like he came straight from work, tie loosened around his neck, hair mussed and shirt almost unbuttoned. "Figured."

"Well, don't just stand there, Sonny Boy," Brian said loudly, shaking Justin out of his shock with his condescending manner. "Be polite and ask him in. Sorry, Mikey, you know he needs work on his manners."

"I'm not staying," Michael said stubbornly, shaking his head.

Brian got off the bed, leaning in the doorframe next to Justin, smiling down at Michael. "C'mon, Mikey, we were just talking about you."

"And how pathetic I am, I'm sure," the shorter man said gruffly, fidgeting with the edge of his shirt. "Anyways, I just wanted to drop those off. You two… have fun."

Michael turned and started to walk away. "Wait!"

Justin had pushed the half empty bag into Brian, who held it automatically. The blond was coming down the hall to meet him. Michael stopped him with a raised hand, taking an obvious breath to keep his mouth and temper in check as Justin deflated, keeping his distance.

"Justin, whatever. Okay? You two… just whatever," Michael fumbled, lowering his hand. "I'll tell Ma you two are calling the dinner off, but it's up to you to tell her why. I don't even want to know what's been going on."

"Mikey-"

"No, Brian," Michael cut off. "Fuck it, right? I've got Ben."

Justin looked back at Brian hanging in the doorway and then back at Michael. "You're going away for the weekend, aren't you?" Brian asked, but he already knew the answer. The Weekend.

"Yeah," Michael laughed. "Boy Wonder really wants me to make a go of my marriage. Who would've thought?"

Justin cringed. It sounded as bad as he thought it would, especially in this position they had all found themselves in.

Brian snorted. "Ah, we all knew deep down, no matter how he acted, Justin would always keep us apart, wouldn't he?"

Michael and Justin stared at Brian in complete shock. Brian had set the bag down somewhere in the room nearby, buttoned up his shirt slowly, leaving the two other men gaping and straightened his tie securely around his neck. He tugged at the sleeves of his suit jacket, combed a hand through his hair and stepped into the hallway. He looked at Justin and then Michael.

"Brian, what the fuck are you talking about?" Justin demanded when he found his voice.

The taller man wrapped an arm around Justin's shoulders, pulling him close. "Come now, Sunshine, why keep Mikey out of the loop? He's going with Ben, we don't need the dinner to tell everyone now."

"Are you shitting me?" Michael asked, incredulous, eyes on Brian alone, missing the complete look of confused horror on Justin's face. "I… I thought, but…"

Brian released Justin from his grip, smile falling. "No, Michael. It's not what you've been thinking and fuck you." The taller man breeze by and Michael thought his exit would be stalled by waiting for the elevator, but as usually Brian had disappeared down the short extension of the hallway that led to the ice machine… and the stairs.

"_Michael," Ben sighed, and paused, realizing he wasn't going to make headway with this line. "Baby. Is something wrong?"_

_Michael sat on the edge of the bed, stripped down to his boxer briefs, hunched forward. They had gotten back to the room, leaving Hunter in Joe's capable hands (who the fuck was Joe, Michael wanted to know), Ben trying to keep a playful mood going the whole way back. It was rubbing Michael the wrong way. When they had entered the room, Michael had dutifully slipped off his shoes, socks, shucked the light jacket he had worn and peeled off his shirt, sitting on the bed to take his pants off. _

_Ben had watched the entire ordeal in silence, twirling the silver ring on his left hand nervously. Things had just been so fucking awkward, Ben didn't know how to approach it. Where they used to relish every moment alone to be together, especially with Hunter around, Michael was now avoiding him. He wondered if maybe it was just a bad week, they happened sometimes. Nothing went right, forgotten shipments coming in or… _

_Christ, Ben knew it wasn't that. You could only have so many deliveries in a week, and with a store that small, there wasn't that much upkeep. Logically, this all made sense, but without that logic, Ben could keep pretending his husband wasn't acting like he was on the verge of… the end. Like his world was about to crack._

"_I'm just tired," Michael said. His shoulder shook just slightly. He was giggling, thinking that for a moment he had been going to say 'I have a headache'. _

_Ben pushed his glasses up slightly. "Baby… I hate to say it, but you've been acting… well, not yourself."_

"_I'm just annoyed, then, I guess would be better."_

"_Why?"_

_Michael couldn't stop himself before the name escaped his lips. "Brian."_

_He heard Ben heave a sigh before he had finished saying the name. What else interrupted their lives more than Brian? If you asked Ben, nothing. Forget that he's buried in papers and books most of the time, or spending every hour he could guiltlessly squeeze out of his day writing and holing himself up in his office at work. Not to mention the workout regimes that had him leave before the crack of dawn in the mornings and, more often than not, ate up every weekend. Why was Brian the only problem Ben could ever see?_

"_Michael, what will it take to get rid of him?" Ben asked, voice heavy with annoyance, like they did this every day._

"_I don't want to get rid of him!" Michael snapped, looking over his shoulder to give Ben a scathing look. _

"_Then you need to find a goddamn balance!" Ben commanded, raising his voice. "When he fucks up, I don't get my husband. Hell, when he doesn't fuck up I still don't have a husband!"_

_Michael flopped to his side on the bed, curling up. "Don't start this shit again, Ben. I love you, I married you, I'm here."_

"_Do you even want to be anymore? Because all your time is spent with Brian. And if it's not with him, it's thinking about him or whatever happened with you two this time."_

"_Real easy to say when it only affects you when you're fucking home," Michael said, defeated already._

"_I have work, Michael!"_

"_And I don't? But you don't have-" Michael stopped himself, rolling onto his stomach. "Can we just drop it? We've got a few more days of this, I'd like it to be on good terms."_

_Ben crossed his arms over his broad chest. He was right. They had two more schools to look at before they'd be back home, did he really want to spend it fighting? Wasn't there enough of that at home? Ben went to sit on the opposite side of the bed, turning to face Michael who eyed him warily from the crook of his arm._

"_Okay," Ben said, taking his glasses off and setting them on the table next to the bed. "Maybe I have some problems dealing with Brian."_

_Michael snorted. "Understatement of the year."_

"_Michael, please," the larger man side. "I'm trying to meet you halfway. But for the last week or so you've just been… everywhere but here."_

"_Things've been busy," Michael muttered, pushing his face into the pillow. Sleeping with Ben just… didn't seem right after being with Brian. How did people get over this? Admitting it would mean leaving Brian completely, no excuses left._

_Ben reclined into the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "Baby, if there's something wrong, could you just try and tell me? I won't snap, I promise."_

"What… the fuck just happened?" Michael asked, still staring in the direction Brian had walked off in.

Justin sighed. "You weren't… Michael, I don't know if I should help you anymore. I think I fucked everything up enough."

"What?" the shorter man asked. "Was it never supposed to cross my mind that two ex-lovers just _might _get back together?!"

The blond shook his head. "No… but you were supposed to trust him. You were the only one that ever did."

Justin was right. Michael knew he was, but it never crossed his mind that he was… the he disappointed Brian. They were… Fuck! This was too hard. Honestly, Michael just wanted to tuck his tail between his legs, go home and forget this happened. Watching Brian's face when he walked by had left Michael feeling like he needed to crawl back to his best friend and apologize profusely. He felt like he ruined what made them… _them_. The Brian and Mikey show. Dynamic Duo. Them against the world!

But to do that… they had relied on a strong, if seemingly unequal balance, between them over the years. Michael backed Brian up at every turn, even when Brian shut him out. Brian pushed Michael forward, even when Michael wanted to hang on forever. There was a subtlety to them and how they worked that made it interesting to watch. No one could say how they lived was right or wrong… it just was. They might've made bad decisions in their lives, but they made them together, supporting each other and never questioning what the other was doing. They never needed to, because the one thing they had, the one thing Michael didn't give to Brian this time, was a completely loyal sense of trust that both of them thought would always be there.

And Michael just broke it.

_Ben was offering him the chance to come clean. He was sitting there making himself open to let Michael tell him everything. He could spill it and then they could work on fixing things, couldn't they? After all, Ben had that 'almost' cheat with that college kid. Maybe he'd get a free pass, so to speak. The idea was tempting, even forgetting the fear of having to lose Brian completely._

"_He went to New York," Michael confessed. Last minute, thinking about Brian not being there anymore scared him too much. _

"_That's it?" Ben asked, thick lines furrowing his brow. "Michael, what the hell-"_

"_You said you wouldn't snap," Michael cut him off. "But he left the day we were supposed to go to the comic convention."_

"_It's a comic convention, baby," the larger man replied with a sigh that indicated an unspoken 'get over it'._

"_Justin has his first big show in New York this month," Michael said sourly._

_Ben realized what it was about now. It aggravated him, of course, but he had to understand Michael's position as best he could. That was his best friend who ditched him to run off with his ex. Nothing in the world could make that right for Michael and Ben knew it. It really didn't explain the lack of affection, but it explained Michael's mood now and that's what he had to work on. At least, he thought so. Michael just wanted to be left alone._

_He slipped off his shoes and went to pull Michael up, cradling him awkwardly. Michael reluctantly accepted being held. He didn't want to be coddled right now. This was not a private moment to share with his husband and this all felt wrong. He didn't care Brian went to see Justin, honestly, Brian could do whatever the fuck he wanted. Michael just didn't want to be left for Justin. And after what they did? Did Brian have any reason to stay?_

Brian headed straight for a bar after leaving Michael and Justin to air dirty laundry in the middle of a hotel hallway. This day had not gone as planned and Brian thought the best way to end it was finding his way home too drunk to count, let alone recite the ABC's. It was a hole in the wall place off of Liberty Ave, not the smoky jock bar his father used to frequent, it was just old, forgotten and for the love of God, quiet. He had found himself here more often than not while playing this stupid fucking game with Michael.

That's what it was, a goddamn game. He didn't like being fucked around with by Justin, and from Michael? Looking back on everything, having it tainted with the rage he was feeling towards his best friend, it wasn't a pretty picture. Whoever said actions spoke louder than words needed to be shot. Once… once Brian used to swear that he and Michael could've lived by that. It didn't matter what they said, it was what they did for each other that had mattered. Michael could've yelled at him when they were kids until he was on the verge of an asthma attack and that wouldn't phase Brian, but when Michael looked at him. Disappointment, hurt, the unable to answer question of 'why?'… Brian couldn't take it. His heart would break and he knew what a shit he'd been.

Brian set himself up at the bar, throwing the bartender a careless hand motion, indicating he wanted something and he didn't give a fuck what it was.

The bartender set a beer down in front of Brian. "Here a little early, aintcha, Boss?"

"Bad day," Brian muttered.

"Well, ain't no one else here," the bartender – Brian recalled his name now, Jim, that was it – offered. He was a large man, ruddy complexion and a hairline receding so far back, it didn't exist anymore. Jim was in a grungy grey t-shirt and who knows what below Brian's line of sight under the bar, but he was good man. Worked hard, knew when to talk, knew when to shut up. A bartender Brian liked.

Brian took a long drink from his beer. "You don't need me ruining your peace and quiet, do you?"

"Boss, I seen you come in here for months straight way back when," Jim said casually, leaning on the bar top with one beefy arm. "Too shitfaced to talk, let alone get home. I keep saying to m'self 'Imma talk to that guy. One day, 'fore he breaks.' You look like I mighta caughtcha just in time."

"Maybe I'm an alcoholic in and out of rehab," Brian grumbled, desperately wanting to avoid conversation.

Jim snorted. "Yeah, and I gotta mansion hidden in the back. Wanna see? You ain't no dummy, Boss. You know when to put down the drink, you just overdo it when thinkin' gets hard."

"You married, Jim?" Brian asked, if nothing else to stop hearing about his own flaws.

Jim chuckled. "Nah. Got the old lady at home and happy, but we didn't need none a that bullshit. We knew what we had."

"She your best friend?"

"One and only," Jim said with a nod. "We never been happier than the day we found out, no matter what happened, we'd be t'gether."

Brian spent a long time staring at his beer before he drained it empty in one shot. Jim set him up with another, clearing the empty bottle. He'd known types like Brian, in and out, mood swings. Came from worrying yourself raw, as Jim's mom would've said. Guy looked like he'd had a bad fucking life, if you asked Jim.

"How long you known her?" Brian questioned in between long drinks from his beer. He had to remember the goal: Get drunk.

Jim smiled. "Since we was kids. Lived right next door all our lives. Didn't have th'balls to ask her out 'til high school."

Brian felt the corners of his lips pull up. "Friends before that, though?"

"Can't live next to someone yer whole life an' not be," the bartender replied gruffly. "Whatcha getting' at, Boss? I could tell you my life story, but I think I asked you first."

"Gotta problem with faggots, Jim?" Brian asked abruptly, tempting fate.

"What you do ain't my business," Jim told Brian solemnly. "'Sides, that shit's been around for years. Ain't gonna go away now."

Brian barked out a laugh as he finished the second beer. Jim set him up with another one just as smoothly as before. "Damn fucking straight."

Jim chortled. "Now, you try gettin' a chick ta let you in that way… well, you'd be a better man than me."

If the position wasn't already taken, Brian might've made this his favorite bar. Despite the dark atmosphere, low radio tunes flowing in on an old beat up stereo on the self behind the bar and the utter lack of people more often than not, the place was clean, quiet and he never had problems in here.

"So, Boss, what's up?"

"Best friends since we were fourteen," Brian sighed, twirling the bottle on the bar by the long neck. "I don't know why. I don't think I'll ever know why. He was a dork. Comics, cartoons, scrawny looking… he screamed dork, Jim." Brian smiled faintly "But he held on to me like I was gonna drown without him."

"Were you?" Jim asked, curious.

Brian pondered the question in silence. "Yeah… I think I was. He was sent along to rescue me."

"Did a good job."

"I think so," Brian agreed, finally taking up the bottle to drink. He set it back down with a light 'clack'. "He loved me. He loved _all _of me. Not just the pretty part, or just the smart part, or the part that was good in bed… all of it. He loved me so much… it fucking hurt. And I screwed up a lot."

"We all do," Jim sympathized. "Kids do stupid shit. Ain't a big deal looking back on it."

"You've never seen his face," he countered, taking another drink. "I think it killed him a little every time I fucked up, no matter what it was. But he always came back and loved me more than ever. You know how fucking scary that is?"

Jim knew there was no point in actually answering the question, he just nodded absently.

"I didn't wanna ruin it," Brian muttered, toying with the bottle again. "I was a shit, I still am a shit. I fucked everything, I don't know why. The experience, the rush. New people, new places. In and out and it's a good time for everyone. Started to be a game after awhile." Brian laughed "I think I even made a list of things to accomplish, y'know, sexually. Kept a tally runnin'."

"But not him," the bartender said aloud, realizing what Brian was trying to say. "Didn't wanna ruin 'im."

"Drag him down the way I was?" Brian asked absently, shaking his head. "Couldn't do it. Never. We were too young for me to stay in one place like that."

One more bottle down and the fourth appeared like magic in Jim's capable hands. "So, what? Hitcha over the head jus' now that you want 'im?" Jim had turned his back after serving Brian again to fiddle with the radio. Static burst forth and the low hum of an announcer's voice came on. Jim paused hand on the dial before deciding this was good enough.

Brian lolled his head to one side. "I wish."

The announcer's voice faded out at the introduction of the next song. Brian groaned as Jim raised the volume just a notched to hear the music a little better.

_**It started off so well**_

_**They said we made a perfect pair**_

_Ben placed a kiss on Michael temple. They hadn't done much but cuddle together in the few hours before they had to get Hunter. The plan had been to get Hunter, go out to dinner with Joe (still, who the fuck was Joe? Michael never got an answer, not a real one. 'Just a friend from way back' Ben told him) sleep in and get started on their way to the next school. Michael just wanted to stay in bed. Ben allowed him that much, at least, letting Michael eventually squirm away and bury himself under the sheets. _

_It felt suffocating to Michael, to have someone else around him when this man didn't know a goddamn thing about him. The way his mom adored him now, how much his friends liked him… how Brian kept pushing him towards Ben. That was the worst, Michael thought. That Brian continually had that faith that Ben was what Michael wanted, he would be able to get it. And he did… but now what?_

"_Baby, I'm gonna go get Hunter, you okay here?" Ben asked softly._

"_Yeah… I'd like to go with you guys to dinner, but…" Michael trailed off._

"_I'll bring you something back," his husband said decisively, placing another kiss to his temple._

"_Thanks."_

_Ben slipped his shoes back on after he sat up. There wasn't really room to argue in this situation. Michael was as stubborn as Debbie on some things. Usually Brian and when he didn't want to do something. He wouldn't've been able to get his husband out of bed for anything short of his best friend's triumphant return. He shut the door quietly behind him, already deciding on telling Hunter that Michael was tired from the drive and being around all day. He would understand._

_Once Ben left, Michael sat up in bed, leaning over to grab his jeans off the floor to get his phone out of the back pocket. He couldn't help it, he just had to check. His phone remained blank save for the picture of JR on the screen. Sighing, he set the phone on the side table nearest him and laid back down. Why was he hooked on this man?_

_For all Michael was worth, love couldn't blind him. He wasn't unaware of Brian's faults (the many of them that there were), in fact, Michael loved Brian all the more for his faults. He didn't pretend they didn't exist, he flaunted them. He was good looking, almost perfect at first glance. A crooked tooth was revealed under that, a doing of Jack's once upon a time. He was well maintained, but not built like Ben, stretching his shirts to the seams when he did the simplest of tasks. Brian had the attitude, but he could still come pounding on Michael's door in the middle of the night._

_There were simple things that people might think brought them together. Both lonely separated kids in school, the opposites attracting theory… none of it matter. There was a simple, easy give and take between them that they had never had to work at, and that's why they worked. Brian hated, Michael loved. He loved Brian so much that it didn't feel like those words actually fit it. He knew how Brian felt about him, it was simpler, plainer love without the dustings of other feelings in the way, like Michael had. But he wished, he wished it was different. Especially after being put in this position. Brian was just someone who was in constant turmoil, surprisingly, the smallest things would eat at him where no one could see it but Michael, but sometimes… sometimes Michael felt like he was left in the lurch. He didn't need anything given back, but the occasional bit of consideration, a call, fair warning. Those things are nice sometimes._

_You take the good with the bad, Michael rationalized. He didn't begrudge Brian for it, he didn't know better, really. Once they had formed the lifelong friendship so long ago, Brian had held on to Michael like he would never let go no matter what. And he hadn't. They always had someone to pick them up when they fell, to cry on, to help each other grow up. It may have been a fucked up childhood, but they wouldn't've changed it if it meant never getting to have each other._

_**I clothe myself in your glory and your love**_

_**How I loved you,**_

"So, what's the problem, Boss?" Jim asked, pulling up a seat behind the bar. "Y'know whatcha got."

Brian grimaced. "He's married."

"Shit!" Jim exclaimed. "You c'n do that here?"

"No, no," Brian shook his head. "They got hitched in Canada, doesn't mean shit here, but they're standing it by it… mostly."

"Bet ya played best man," the bartender guessed. Brian nodded. "Didn't speak up?"

"His mother threatened my balls. I was gonna," he sulked, finishing his beer. "Whisky this time, Jim."

"What were you gonna say?"

Brian laughed as Jim got out a glass and poured. "I don't have a damn clue. Anything to stop it, disrupt it. It was a spur of the moment wedding. Not a lot of time to plan ahead to get the guy in the end."

Jim shook his head and slid the glass towards Brian. "Never works like th' movies, Boss."

"Fuck no it doesn't," he agreed, tipping his head back to drain the glass. His eyes watered and he cleared his throat roughly. "No it fucking doesn't. So they got married, watched my best friend marry this guy I fucked years ago."

"No shit?" Jim asked, pouring another slosh of whisky in the glass. "Small fucking world."

"Literally," Brian chuckled. "Didn't like him then, don't like him now. He was… he was me, if I partied that hard. I like goin' out. I like drinkin' and I like the drugs. I fuck, but I'm safe. Tested every six months, clean bill all the time. He put me to shame with half the shit he was loaded up on and all the men he was running through at the time."

"Why'd ya let him get the guy?"

Brian swallowed his drink, clearing his throat again. "Didn't. They found each other, turns out the guy's HIV Positive now-"

"AIDS?" Jim asked, startled.

"Nah, it's like… the step below AIDS," Brian gestured with hand, raising it up and then lowering it. "It's still pretty fucking bad, though. When we found out, I told him. I told my friend to fuck him and forget him. I didn't even want him to fuck him! It's too scary to even think about if he… if he got it."

Jim nodded quietly and Brian continued. "He couldn't do it in the end. Went together for awhile, but my friend just couldn't do it, so they ended things. I figured we were in the clear, but I dunno… maybe he thought this guy was his best shot, cause he worked so fucking _hard_ to get him back." Brian slid the empty glass towards Jim, who poured easily. "Karaoke! If you can fucking believe it, he got up on stage after dragging the guy to the bar and sang horribly to him in front of the entire crowd."

Brian's shoulders started to shake as he let himself curl over the refilled glass. Fuck. He hadn't been waiting for any of the alcohol to hit, like a fucking sane person would, it was just one after the other. And it all felt like it just exploded into his system at once. The mixture of beer and whisky didn't upset him as much as thinking he was going to be piss ass drunk and talking about Michael. Mikey. Fuck.

A tear escaped silently, unable to control it, as it slid down the side of Brian's face. A twin from his other eye followed close behind. Motherfucker.

_**How I cried**_

_**The years of care and loyalty**_

_What if Brian didn't come back? What if he and Justin got their happily ever after? Where did that leave him, the best friend? He couldn't trail behind all the way in New York. Phone calls, email? None of that shit worked when he left for Portland, why would it work if Brian went to New York? He'd finally get his dream though, making it big in the Big Apple._

"_Fuck you, Kinney," Michael muttered, glaring at his phone on the table while he was curled up on his side. He needed to move on. _Had _to move on. If he could work past Brian's faults all these years, why couldn't he work past Ben's? So he worked a lot, he had a family to support. He worked out a lot, but he felt a compulsive need to take care of himself considering the sickness. That was fine, when Vic was still around, he had his own ways to cope with it, too. _

_He had to stop living for Brian. It was time to be up front about it now, rather than lead to more disappointment and a broken home later. Brian could stand on his own now, there was no need for him to be used as a crutch anymore. He had Ben, the man Brian told him to marry (he never said that, a little voice in his head countered). Brian had trashed his views on life, being married, having kids (probably didn't understand it. You knew what his home was like, that small voice continued)._

"_He called me a fucking 'Stepford Fag'!" Michael spat, rolling away from his phone. He lay in silence trying to quiet his thoughts. Drive away that little voice._

_It didn't work. (Well, wasn't that what you were _trying _to be? The voice asked. Shit, what _was_ wrong with Liberty Ave, exactly?)_

"_It was time to grow the fuck up."_

_(Says the man who still owns toys.)_

"_Collector's items, action figures, replicas," Michael corrected by habit._

_(What the fuck ever. Does that seem like growing up to you? You got a bigger house to put your childhood shit in. It's a-)_

"_Don't."_

_(Sham. Farce. Lie. Fake. Smoke and mirrors. The voice taunted. Can't bullshit a bullshitter, kid.)_

_Oddly enough, that last part reminded Michael of Vic. It was something he would say, but that was beyond the point, really. The point was that he needed Brian to have less of a hold in his life. _

_(He doesn't.)_

"_He does."_

_(I don't wanna play this game, the voice said, sounding a little worn out. It's stupid and no one wins. You let him in, but does he control you?)_

_Michael had to think about it, because automatically he wanted to say no, but everyone else for years would've said yes. Was Brian really holding the reins in this friendship? "No," Michael admitted aloud._

_(You just love so much, kid, the voice consoled. Not a bad thing, mind you.)_

"_Ugh, then why is Ben so fucking intent-"_

_(Remember Justin?)_

_Michael shut his eyes. "How could I forget him?"_

_(Same thing. He's threatening the position.)_

"_What?"_

_(Ben, the voice clarified slowly. He wants all or nothing, no compromise. You were willing to make room for Justin. But Ben? He wants you, all of it, no one else gets it.)_

"_I need my friends," Michael murmured._

_(He doesn't know… you ever meet his friends? Family? Ever wonder where the fuck he came from?)_

"_Doesn't matter," Michael said stubbornly. "I love him, I married him. We have each other, but we can't move on as a couple as long as Brian still has me."_

_**Were nothing but a sham it seems**_

_**The years belie we lived our lives**_

Jim couldn't claim to have some innate sixth sense about his customers. He couldn't read minds or body language (professionally anyways). He was just a guy who served drinks and had what his mom would've called a 'knack' with people. He had his own share of shit in his life to find someone else hurting just like he had once. Years of agonizing over shit that seemed like nothing now. But this guy? He was dying.

Jim watched as Brian tipped the drink back and set the thick glass on the bar top, pushing it away in disgust as his other hand wiped at his face. "Sang to him and then they made up like nothin' happened. Fuck. I just… I wish, just once…"

"It coulda been you, Boss," Jim said sadly. "Y'never know. Few different cards dealt, it coulda been you."

Brian snorted derisively. "Not done yet, Jimmy! This was… forever ago" he waved his hand absently "They got together, I hit some shit with a little punk who wouldn't leave me the fuck alone." Brian went quiet, thinking about it for a moment before continuing, "He's a good kid, though. Turned out fine even though I was there. Anyways, we just… drifted and then the guy proposed. Wanna know how he did it?"

Jim nodded while he busied himself with cleaning out the glass Brian left.

"On a bus!" Brian exclaimed, slapping a hand down on the bar. "Liberty Ride, Jimmy. They got on that bus and he popped the question. Ain't that the most romantic fucking thing you ever heard of? He deserved better."

"How would you've done it?" Jim asked, setting the glass away under the bar.

Brian shrugged. "I don't want to get married. I don't need a fucking piece of paper to tell me who I fucking love."

"I hear ya."

"Liberty Ride started in Canada and went back down here. I wasn't supposed to go. Got cancer before the ride, went through treatment. I wasn't in any shape to fucking do that, you'd imagine. But they went to a bar that night, some anniversary party going on, and I showed up like magic. Figured I would make the best of it, got my best friend by my side, what the hell could stop me from riding across the fucking country? That's how he makes me feel."

"Amazin' guy, then?" Jim cracked a smile. Brian smiled back, swallowing the lump in his throat, more tears threatening to brim over.

"My hero," Brian choked softly.

_**I love you 'til I die**_

_After lying in bed arguing with himself for another hour, Michael surprisingly felt better. Like he'd come to a decision, finally. He hadn't known the weight he'd been dealing with all this time until that little chat. Feeling that much better, he'd gotten out of bed, straighten up the room by picking up his discarded clothes and opted for a shower. Might as well start clean._

_There wouldn't be time to try and rekindle anything Ben had wanted from this afternoon. They were in a double bed room with Hunter taking the one on the other side. When the two of them got back, it would mostly likely be catching Michael up on the rest of the evening before heading out in the morning. Michael liked the idea. It was amazing what a slight change of attitude could do for your mood. Brian hadn't called? Ah, fuck it. Justin was probably having a great time. Let them… let them be happy together, there was Ben and Hunter. His family. _

_Michael had tugged on a pair of flannel PJ bottoms over himself once he finished drying off and decided to settled back into bed with a comic book. He was halfway to the bed, comic in hand when he paused. He looked down at the worn comic in his hand. Hadn't he just been arguing that he was trying to grow up? What was he doing with this? He didn't really read in bed like Ben. He preferred to be entertained visually and quickly. That's why he liked comics. There was a TV, but he didn't feel like being a vegetable in front of it, a lump in bed._

_Well, there was a little time before he assumed Ben and Hunter would be back. Going back to his small suitcase, he pulled out a notebook. Without Justin and the ending they had created for Rage (the ending Justin wanted), there was little left to create, but from time to time he liked to go back to his previous works and look over the original ideas he had when they first started the project and add on as he would've seen fit. _

_Michael wouldn't say there was something stopping him from recreating Rage, after all, DC and Marvel did it all the time. New creators, writers and artists came in all the time to rework the old favorites. He didn't know the effort it would take to get a new artist, it's not as though Michael and Justin had made a killing on the comic, but he daydreamed about it sometimes._

_Settling on the bed, he flipped the old notebook open to the last page he'd written on, all scribbles in different colored ink. Things circled and stared. The more he thought about, the more he was sure Brian would probably know where to find a great artist to fill in the shoes Justin left. Maybe one that didn't try to take over his dream… Michael snapped the notebook shut. He was starting to feel miserable again. It was like, no matter what it was, it always came back to Brian. _

_How was get going to get through this?_

_**Save, save, save me**_

_**I can't face this life alone**_

Brian was starting to feel woozy. Alcohol and emotion did a number on him. He leaned heavily against the bar with his forearms, knotting his hands together as though he were in prayer. He snorted, tears falling at a steady pace now. Prayer couldn't save him before and it wouldn't save him now. Mikey was always the one to do that.

"Did he say yes?" the bartender asked, resting his cheek on a large balled fist. "Your guy."

Brian shook his head, still staring at his entwined hands. "Not right away. Think he was waiting for me. I know it's fucking crazy. He knew I wasn't supposed to go, but I would bet my life he knew I was going to show up. Came up to me in the bar, told me about the proposal and I-" Brian's voice cracked. He was sorely tempted to lay his head down on the bar.

"Boss, you just take your time. I don' get a crowd here 'til eight," Jim consoled Brian, the urge to pat him on the arm, something, was strong.

Brian inhaled deeply, trying to get control of himself. It was barely there. "I made a joke. I always do, it's… us. That's how we say what we mean without… hurtin' each other. I guessed that he told the guy no cause he still loved me best. Because… he _did _still love me best. He had to. I was there first!" He knew he sounded like a child, but he didn't care "I was there always. And he just looked at me and it was one a'those looks. Broke my fucking heart, Jim. Thought I pushed too hard, but he didn't go yet. Wanted my blessing."

Jim shook his head. "That was your now or never moment?"

"Maybe, maybe not," Brian sniffled, unclenching his hands to rub at his wet eyes. "Told him to do what made him happy, basically. He rewrote the ending, y'know? Next thing I know they're hugging and I'm playing best man at a shotgun wedding with all eyes waitin' to see if I'll fuck it up, knowing that I would try. Then we did the ride, broke my collar bone, fell off the bike trying to show off for some guy. I was suppos'd to go home."

"Gotta feelin' there's a lotta 'supposed to's in your life you ain't listened to before," the bartend cracked.

Brian shrugged miserably. "Pretty much. Pain was so fucking bad and riding with one arm felt like it woulda killed me worse than the cancer might've. But he was there, right next to me the whole way. We didn't get a cheering section. We didn't get in until almost the next morning it was so late." Brian held back a quiet sob before continuing, "He missed the birth of his daughter… for me."

"Y'said-"

"Surrogate mom. Friends of ours," Brian cleared up with a dismissive wave, going on. "That little punk stayed around. I didn't have anyone but the kid when my friend got married. Had to move on and make his own life, away from me. Had kids, they took in a fuckin' stray." He clarified at Jim's lost look "Another kid, before he got his biological one. But none of it meant shit, y'know? Still lived in that apartment and went on like nothing else had happened. Didn't mean shit. Then they bought a house, moved to the 'burbs. Good ole married life!"

Brian rapped at the bar top with his knuckles, debating. "Gimme a bit a'Jack."

Jim was hesitant. "I dunno, y'plan on drivin'?"

"Nah, plan on gettin' too fucked up to stand. Set it up," Brian demanded, clearing his voice. It was getting rusty with the bouts of tears. He felt raw. Vulnerable. More alone than he ever thought he could feel. "So, they move and I've got this kid breathin' down my fucking neck. Commitment, love, marriage. He wants what my friend and this asshole have. Fucking lies. My friend and I… we got in a bad fight, hadn't spoken in I dunno how long. Last time we did… my club, on Liberty Ave, exploded. Fucking bomb. Everyone was there. My friend, the kid… everyone I knew. The kid had moved in with my friend and his husband at the time." Brian snorted. "Trying to be his own man or some crap, I say good for him for trying. Most don't. Heard about the explosion as I was leaving for the airport, turned my ass around and headed straight for the club. Jim… the panic. The fucking screaming, people pouring out, black with soot and pissin' their pants."

"Shit, Boss, you've had it worse than I ever thought," Jim told Brian quietly as he slid him the drink.

"Yeah," Brian sniffed. "Sounds impossible, right? Run to the club, ran into the kid's mom, beggin' me to find her kid. First it was 'leave him', then 'keep him', leave him, keep him and now it's 'find him'. Fuck if that woman knows what she's doin'. Ran into him, started draggin' out the people my best friend spends time with, now that my responsibility is done, I want to know where the fuck my friend is. He's there. He has to be. Yelling, screaming, searching… we get back out and they're loadin' him…" Brian had to stop, mouth going dry. He felt like he was going to rid himself of every drink he'd just had along with lunch and that protein crap he'd had this morning for breakfast. He took the drink Jim poured and didn't even think as he empted the glass, letting it hit the bar top hard.

Brian felt his face heat up. The first few glasses of whiskey had been a brand he didn't prefer. Something his body didn't recognize besides alcohol content, but Jack… well, he knew good old Jack like the back of his fucking hand, didn't he? The taste, the texture over his tongue. The way it smelled and stung his throat and burned a hole in his chest. He knew Jack.

"Putting him on a stretcher," Brian said, voice hoarse. "Loading him into the ambulance… and I wasn't there. My club, something I should've been there for. I could've… fuck, I could've-" He broke down again, this time letting his head fall on his forearms on the bar. He could've fucking been there for Michael. Maybe gotten him out of the blast, something. Rescue him from what happened instead of some stranger.

_**Save, save, save you**_

_**I'm naked and I'm far from home**_

"_Honey, I'm home!" Hunter called out as the door was shoved open, Ben shushing him as he trailed behind, a takeout bag in his hand. Hunter dove on the bed that Michael was perched, comic in his hands. It was the only thing that kept Brian out of his head in the long run. If he had to change one crutch for another, so be it. _

"_Hey, kid, how'd it go?" Michael asked, slipping the comic on the side table where his phone had lain silent the whole time. _

_Hunter rolled onto his back, sprawling out on the available room. "Meh. Joe showed me this and that and all the shit around campus. Woo hoo." He twirled a finger in the air._

_Michael laughed. "Anything interesting?"_

_Ben set the bag down on the dresser that held the TV. "Despite what he says, Joe said he was really interested in the English programs, writing classes…"_

"_Hey, you meant it?" the smaller man on the asked, leaning forward onto his knees. "Wanna be a writer like your old man?"_

"_You're not that old, Michael," Hunter argued. _

_Ben cleared his throat. "Hey, pal, a little respect for the published author?"_

_Hunter rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. So, what's up for tomorrow?"_

"_Figure we'll hit up the little place across the way for breakfast and get a move on pretty early," Ben said, stretching his arms over his head. _

_Michael perked up. This was the perfect time to make it up to Ben. "Or Hunter could scram for an hour for breakfast."_

"_Aw, man, is that all I mean to you?" Hunter asked, placing his hands over his heart. "I can't believe it."_

_Ben shook his head. "We should get going pretty early, baby. Traffic, y'know?"_

"_Alright, alright," Michael said, folding in. "Just trying to, y'know, do something for us."_

_The larger man smiled, sitting on the bed with Michael and Hunter. "I know, baby, but this is important for Hunter. Maybe when we get settled at the next one…"_

"_That's my cue to run very far away," Hunter interrupted, rolling off the bed gracelessly. _

"_Hey, pal, where are you going?" Ben asked, taking his eyes off Michael._

_The young man shrugged. "Dunno. Doesn't seem like a bad place to go for a walk."_

"_Need cash?" Michael asked, reaching for his wallet on the side table. "Saw an arcade, café, hang out place a few blocks down."_

_Hunter grinned. Michael always knew where the fun stuff was. "How could I turn down an offer like that?"_

_Michael smiled getting off the bed and slipping a few bills into Hunter's hand. "Be good, don't pull any stupid shit, I want you back in an hour. Got your phone?"_

"_Right here," Hunter said patting his back pocket. "Call you if the cops come?"_

"_Nah, by then it's too late for us to help," Michael snickered. "Go on. Be careful, okay?"_

"_Yeah, yeah," the young man brushed off. "You too."_

_Hunter left Ben and Michael alone and Ben looked a bit ticked off at it. "You just let him do what he wants, don't you?"_

_Michael put his hands on his hips. "Ben, it's a college town. The worst they've got is drunk kids. I think Hunter's been through worse."_

"_Don't remind me," Ben sighed. Michael sat next to him on the bed. _

"_C'mon, don't be like that. I wanted to say I was sorry for earlier," Michael murmured, kissing Ben. "You're right. Brian's in the way too much. I shouldn't let him ruin our fun. Let it ruin us."_

_**The slate will soon be clean**_

_**I'll erase the memories**_

Jim reached out and patted Brian's shaking shoulder awkwardly, pouring another drink and then a second. He felt like he needed one for himself. The bartender pulled a wad of paper towels out from under the bar and nudged Brian with them. He lifted his head from his quiet turmoil, only muffled snuffles and coughs being heard and gratefully took the offer from Jim, wiping the harsh material at his sticky face. Fuck this was harder since he already knew the end of the story.

"So?"

Brian blew his nose noisily. "So, I went back to the club after spending some time goin' batshit on a doctor who wouldn't take my blood for him. Found the kid again. I was so… messed up. Knowing I was God knows how close to losing my best friend, cause none of us knew if he'd make it. He was the best thing I ever had. But in bad times, sometimes we can only remember the good. I was a shit, but the kid had stuck around, y'know? Said he loved me, for all it was worth, but… it wasn't bad. Some days it was… nice to have someone around."

"Y'love 'im?" the bartender asked gruffly, wiping his mouth after finishing his drink.

"Not like that," Brian shook his head. "But if I was gonna lose my best friend, I needed someone else and… the kid was close. They had… they were… I can't explain. Sometimes I could see a little of them in each other. It might be all I had left, so I told the kid I loved him. I cracked, gave in. Fucking pressure from all goddamn sides, so we – I – decided fuck it. I've got nothin' left to lose at that point. Explosion took my club, almost my friend, the kid… everyone. I, literally, had nothin' besides work left to lose. So, I did it. Was gonna be a married man."

Jim shook his head while Brian played with the rim of his full glass, looking into the dark liquid miserably.

_**To start again with somebody new**_

_**Was it all wasted, all that love?**_

_After Michael's statement it had been a flurry of fast hands and clothing pushed aside. Preferably, Michael had wanted to face away from Ben, on his stomach, maybe. It didn't feel right, just yet. It didn't make his stomach lurch like the first time he had thought about sleeping with Ben after Brian, the guilt was still there, but it was worse when he had to look into Ben's eyes when he entered, pressing their foreheads together. Michael had to shut his eyes tightly and found a place in the back of his mind to enjoy it._

_It felt like an eternity._

_**I hang my head and I advertise**_

_**A soul for sale or rent**_

"Well, I don' see no ring," Jim said as the silence stretched on.

"Called it off last minute," Brian said. "Drove the kid nuts trying to be a 'good life partner'. Pretty sure I did it on purpose, but he never said anything. Got me and my friend back together, though. Showed up to congratulate me at work after he got his invite. If I didn't know before, I knew then. The way he smiled, Jim. That's all I needed."

Jim nodded. It's how it had been for him and his girl. Just watching her proved how much he loved her more than anything.

"I was gonna sell the club. After what happened…," Brian's throat closed. "But my friend talked me out of it. Loved him more for it."

"So, yer jus' stuck then," the bartender guessed, figuring that was the end.

Brian shook his head. "Nah. I lost myself after awhile, going out too much, drinking, druggin'. All of it, and I dragged my friend along with me. Nearly killed his marriage at one point, I'm sure." He sounded a little smug at that "But then, we… we drank too much, partied a little too hard and I… fuck. I fucked up, Jim. He was helpin' me get home, gonna spend the night. We do that, sometimes. And it was the best fucking night of my life."

"Left in the cold after, huh?"

"For awhile. It was weird. We didn't know what to do because nothing happened," Brian explained, sighing. "The kid went to New York when we called it off, he's an artsy faggot type. I went to see him right after. I dunno, maybe to find a difference. It was all wrong. Couldn't get my friend out of my head no matter what. So I left early, was gonna tell him everything…"

"I feel 'nother 'but' comin' on," Jim sighed, feeling weary from this story.

"He left town. Family trip or some shit. I don't remember now," Brian was starting to slur a little. He eyed the drink cupped in his hands and left it alone for now. "But he wasn't there and I had time t'think, y'know? He was married, kids and a life… couldn't take it away from 'im. What kind of bastard would I be? He already gave me so much, Jim. Couldn't. I ignored him, left him and figured we'd both just move on and it looked like he did."

_**I have no heart I'm cold inside**_

"_What?" Brian snapped as Cynthia came into his office. He was tired, he was busy and he was craving something he could never have. _

"_You have someone here to see you," the blonde snapped back._

"_I'm busy, tell them to fuck off," he replied. He had no appointments today._

"_You already did," Michael said, following in behind Cynthia. "Just not to my face."_

_Brian's head snapped up from the computer screen. Michael wasn't supposed to be here. The trip had gone… as well as could be expected. He and Ben had found their place again and he had tried to avoid Brian like the plague for about a week, sitting at the counter with Ben in the mornings at the Diner for breakfast, or only going out when Ben wanted to come with him… it was hard, he thought he was home free until he'd gotten an email from Justin. Nothing serious, just asking if he knew what was wrong with Brian._

_He would've laughed if it hadn't been such a loaded question._

_So, Michael tried calling Brian determined just to be the go between for him and Justin. Tried to make lunch plans, dinner, find him in the club or bar. But when he tried to sit at the booth for breakfast, Brian would leave, taking his order to go. The backroom seemed mysteriously devoid of his presence and he wouldn't take his calls at work or return his personal ones._

_Before Michael knew it, he was sucked back in right where he started._

"_Michael, go home," Brian told the shorter man who was doing the opposite by coming over to his desk and sitting in the chair on the other side of Brian's desk._

"_Why won't you answer my calls?" Michael asked._

"_I'm busy."_

"_Why do you keep leaving the diner when I get there?"_

"_Running late these days."_

"_Why the fuck aren't you at the club?"_

"_I pay people to fucking run it for me!"_

"_Well, why won't you even talk to me?!"_

"_Because I have a life!" Brian shouted, slamming his hands down on the table as he stood up. "Now get the fuck out of it!"_

_Michael figured he was supposed to crack at this point. Brian knew how to hurt him, but they'd been through this game before and it was nothing but an annoyance. He just had to remember he wasn't here for himself, he was here for Justin. It was almost a month, going on two since he'd started going after Brian, but he was going to get him now. _

"_I'm not asking to be let back in it, asshole," Michael said scathingly. You left me first, he thought. "Justin sent me an email-"_

"_Oh, what the fuck?" Brian asked, letting his head fall back. "Can't the princess take care of himself?"_

"_He's worried about you."_

_Brian hesitated, looking Michael over. Justin wouldn't… maybe? No. "Well, good for him. You can tell him I'm fine."_

"_You should probably tell him yourself."_

"_Then he should've asked me."_

_Michael was getting fed up with this. "I know you're trying to keep me out. That's fine, but Justin needs someone who's going to be honest with him."_

"_And?" Brian arched an eyebrow, taking his seat again. "How do I come into that?"_

"_Well, aren't-" Michael stopped, looked at Brian and then groaned. "Is he making something out of nothing again?"_

_The taller man couldn't help by smile as he leaned back in his chair. "Answered your own question, Mikey."_

"_Guess you didn't see him on your trip then?" Michael had to ask._

"_I was meeting a client," Brian shrugged. "No time to go play."_

"_You always make time to play, Brian."_

"_I came home early," Brian muttered, eyes wandering back to the computer screen. He was opening up his email account now. Gonna give that little what was coming to him. _

_Michael felt relaxed, as if the last month or so had been nothing but a tense nightmare. "What for?"_

"_Closed the deal early, you were away with the family," Brian told his friend, trying to keep any sort of tone out of his voice. "Told me not to call you."_

"_Why do you do what you're told when no one wants you to?" the shorter man asked, exasperated. _

"_Why does it matter?"_

"_Because I was waiting for you to call!"_

_Brian hid his smile behind the computer screen. "Don't be a fucking lesbian and tell me not to call you, then."_

"_You're impossible," Michael told Brian, frowning. "What are you doing?"_

"_Ripping Sunshine a new asshole," Brian told him honestly. "You didn't need to be bothered with this."_

"_Not a big deal, I mean-"_

"_I'm sure Big Ben's missing you," Brian clarified quietly, sitting back as he hit 'send'._

_Michael shrugged. "He's starting a new book. I don't exist."_

"_Wanna go out tonight?"_

_**I have no real intent**_

Brian's stomach was heavy and he had to push the drink away from him before he threw up all over the bar he couldn't take it. Jim took the drink for him instead. During this time, one or two stragglers had come into the bar as it neared eight. Commuters having a drink before going home to see the wife and kids. Jim tended their needs quickly, striking up simple conversation to let Brian stew in his own thoughts for a bit.

"So, Boss, where does that leave you now?" Jim asked, rounding back on Brian.

"We got back together, like old times," Brian smiled, red rimmed eyes looking up at Jim. "And we slipped up again and… we never said anything, but… we couldn't let go. Been sleeping with someone's husband for nearly a year." He flutters a hand, time was irrelevant right now.

"Got the short end a'the stick?"

"Maybe," Brian replied thickly. Goddamn he was tired from this. Too many emotions wore him out. "I guess so, cause I asked 'im to make a choice."

Jim sighed. "Never turns out right."

"Nope!" Brian agreed, almost happily. "Cause him and the hubby are goin' 'way for a 'romantic weekend'." He snorted "It's crap, but I could live with that. He just… I didn't think it could get worse."

"Y'tellin' me it gets worse than this?" the bartender asked, incredulous.

"Can't do anything quietly," Brian said proudly. "I was plannin' on expanding my business, y'know?"

"What, the club?"

Brian shook his head. "It's a thought, Jimmy, but nah. I run an ad firm here, was gonna expand it out to New York. The kid's visitin' right now, so I figured a big 'family' dinner, y'know. All the friends and whatever and I'd tell 'em the great news."

"And?"

"And the kid fucked it up," Brian said sourly. "Went to hang out with my friend, his mom was who I was gonna ask about the dinner, she works at the diner they had lunch at and asked about the dinner. She thought we – me and the kid – were getting back together. I went to his room to tell the kid I wasn't doin' the dinner. Fuck it, why bother, y'know? And my friend showed up at the wrong time, thought somethin' was going on-"

Jim snorted. "Don't sound like he got much a place to talk."

"Don't," Brian warned, glaring at Jim.

"After all that, still standin' by 'im?" the bartender asked seriously.

"Whatever happened, he was my best friend first," Brian said stubbornly. "Even if… he can't trust me."

Jim nodded in agreement. Rarely were there partners that left truly amicable. There was very little sense of friendship sometimes, making it awkward to keep up appearances and they usually fell flat. But, to Jim, Brian looked like a man who stuck by it. Sounded as though his entire life had been nothing but this friend and it meant everything to him. If Jim had to guess, Brian was feeling like he was strung along by his friend for most of his life since he realized he didn't trust him just this once.

The alcohol probably wasn't helping any, nothing would.

_**Save, save, save me**_

_**I can't face this life alone**_

"_Mikey?" Brian asked in the darkness. They were stretched out on Brian's bed after spending the night in their usual haunts. Emmett and Ted had acted like nothing had been different. They loved Michael to death and tolerated Brian as much as they could, walking that tightrope between liking him and hating him, but they didn't exist on the same plane of friendship Michael and Brian did. _

_Brian and Michael needed each other. One couldn't be without the other and know else seemed to understand it and they were tired of questioning it. The night had played out almost like the first time. They were drunk, but Brian was the only one buzzed on something special. By the end of the night, Michael had been able to drive home, but not Brian, so the logical choice, after picking up after his best friend, was to spend the night. _

_There was a cautious air that Brian choose to ignore when they entered the Loft. He was already pulling off his clothes and heading for the bed. Michael paused, watching the retreating form before picking up the clothes left behind, ending with the jeans Brian had taken off in his room. He put them away in the hamper tucked in the bathroom and came back out, taking his own shirt off and grabbing a pillow off the bed, heading for the living room. Brian watched Michael curiously, waiting. Wondering if… maybe…_

"_Where ya goin', Mikey?" Brian asked as Michael reach the steps of the bedroom. _

"_The couch," Michael answered, not turning his head to look._

"_Why?"_

"_Cause I'm tired."_

"_Got half a bed right here."_

_Michael turned around and hugged the pillow close to his chest, unsure of himself. "And you're naked in it."_

"_I sleep naked," Brian agreed, lacing his fingers together to cradle the back of his head as he watch his best friend._

"_It's not a good idea."_

"_Why?"_

"_Brian… don't," Michael said, holding the pillow tighter. Had it been alive, Michael would've squeezed the air right out of it._

"_I'm not doin' anything but offering my best friend a more comfortable place to sleep."_

_Michael looked Brian over. "And nothing else?"_

"_Depends on you."_

_The smaller man released his hold on the pillow and walked back to the bed, tossing it at Brian's face. They laughed as Michael took off his jeans, careful to leave his boxer briefs on before climbing into bed. When he asked for the pillow back, Brian whacked him in the face with it. They wrestled with each other before exhausting themselves, laying comfortably against each other. _

"_Who knew you could have so much fun in bed?" Brian joked, running a hand through Michael's hair as he rested his head on Brian's chest._

"_Brian?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Go to sleep."_

_Brian had tried, really. He hadn't been asking for anything, he wasn't looking for anything. Somehow… trying, or maybe expecting, to get Michael in bed felt wrong. But this? Holding Michael while he stared into the darkness? That felt right. Laughing bed, that was right. All these thoughts kept him awake, leading him to call out Michael's name in the night. _

_The deep breathing continued on his chest. Brian tried again, nudging Michael just slightly with his body. "Mikey?"_

_Michael slept like a rock, always had. Tonight was no different when dosed with alcohol. _

_Brian sighed. "Not exactly how I pictured our next night together."_

"_You'll live," Michael said thickly._

"_Tell that to my-" Brian paused. "Shit, Michael. You're an asshole."_

"_And you're a dick. Match made in heaven," the smaller man joked sleepily. _

_Brian couldn't help but smile. "I missed you."_

"_I know."_

"_What are we going to do?"_

"_Sleep?" Michael asked, half hoping that would be the right answer._

"_I'm trying to be serious," Brian said. "I don't… Michael. This is-"_

"_I know. Go to sleep, Brian."_

_**Save, save, ooooh**_

_**I'm naked and I'm far from home**_

Eight o'clock ticked by, then fifteen past. Brian still sat at the bar, miserable. He felt lighter, but it didn't help his predicament any. Jim was tending to the new customers filtering in. He wanted another drink, but his mouth was dry and the mere thought sent his stomach heaving in a preemptive strike.

Jim made his way back to Brian. "Whatcha gonna do now, Boss?"

Brian looked up at Jim blearily. "Sit here until I know what to do."

"Well, you was talkin' 'bout the dinner and that kid screwing it up."

"Yeah, and?" Brian asked, confused.

The bartender laid a large hand on Brian's shoulder. "So fix it."

_**Each night I cry I still believe the lie**_

_Sleep evaded Brian for most of the night, glad he had a clear schedule in the morning. He had already decided to go in late. But he was in tune with his bed partner. Usually, Brian kicked them out before spending the night for a simple reason. He didn't want this with anyone else. Yes, he liked sharing bed space with Michael, always had, but his eyes had opened the moment Michael stirred from sleep, the smaller man's internal clock going off._

_They had shifted during the night, laying face to face, foreheads gently touching. Brian looked into Michael's bleary eyes and smiled. "Morning."_

_Michael turned his head away to yawn. Nothing worse than waking up with morning breath blasted right in your face. "Mornin'. Y'good?"_

"_Could be better," Brian replied, finding it cute that Michael's first instinct was to check on him._

"_Why?"_

"_Never got an answer last night," he told Michael, half serious and half joking. In the sober morning light, he wasn't sure he wanted to know._

_Michael shrugged, sitting up in bed. "I wouldn't question it, Brian." He yawned again "C'n I use the shower?"_

"_Do you have to ask?"_

_Michael threw a pillow at Brian's head as he made his way to the bathroom. He left the door opened a crack in case Brian had anything to take care of in the bathroom and stripped off the last remaining layer that had kept him and Brian apart. He turned on the shower, adjusting the nob and the glass steamed up and he stepped inside, enjoying the hot water._

_He just stood there for a minute, hands pressed up against the glass, letting the water cascade over his body. Michael didn't want to, but he found himself tearing up at the thought of last night. It was one of the lesser known fantasies Michael had imagined. Just him and Brian, nothing sexual. It made it harder thinking about having to go home._

_**I'll love you, 'til I die**_

"He doesn't trust me, Jim," Brian told the bartender, sure that was a perfect explanation.

Jim shrugged. "If you two are like ya say, I'd bet money he knows he fucked up."

"Wanted him to go with me," Brian muttered, staring at the bar. "Maybe branch out his shop."

"Only one way to find out if he would. 'Sides, you'd need someone t'keep ya company out there."

_**Save, save, ooooh, save me**_

_**Don't let me face my life all alone**_

_Michael came out of the bathroom a little while later, cleaner but not feeling much better. Brian had left the bedroom, wandering into the kitchen to see if there was anything to eat. He was negligent when it came to stocking the place. There was cereal that he pulled from a cabinet and Michael smiled as he watched Brian sniffed the milk questioningly and deciding it was good._

"_Bathroom's free," Michael said, announcing his presence. Brian turned around and saw Michael standing on the edge of his bedroom and the stairs, towel wrapped around his waist. _

"_Found something for breakfast," Brian offered, lifting the milk in his hand. He was still staring, knowing Michael was naked._

_Michael shook his head. "Don't really have time if I want to open up when the sign says I do. I need clean clothes."_

"_I'm going in late," the taller man said, setting the milk down. "Great thing about owning your own business – Oh wait! You do too."_

"_Brian," Michael warned. "Run a comic shop. You run a multi-million dollar business. I kinda need all the business I can get."_

"_Sit down," Brian demanded._

_The smaller man raised an eyebrow. "Or what?"_

_Brian backed down, the next words out of his mouth would've made things awkward. "C'mon, Mikey, please? Have breakfast with me, I'll drive you to change and drop you off at work."_

_One hand went to adjust the towel around his waist as he pretended to think about the offer. "Alright, fine. Lemme put on something."_

"_I've got sweats on the bottom drawer," Brian called out when Michael went back into the bedroom and went in search of bowls._

_Michael sat on the bed after retrieving a pair, the urge to cry stronger than ever. "Hey, Brian?"_

_Brian made his way into the bedroom after a minute, leaning in the doorway. Michael noticed he'd put on jeans at some point. "What's up?"_

"_Can we just stay here today?" Michael asked, looking up at his best friend, almost pleading._

"_What about Ben?"_

"_I'm… trying, but," he sighed, looking over at Brian. "I would rather be here, right now."_

_Michael let the pants find a place on the floor and unwrapped the towel before getting back under the sheets. He patted the other side of the bed, eyes still watering. Brian hesitated. He could take off for the day, that wasn't an issue, but what was Michael asking of him? He couldn't make any promises._

"_Stop thinking," Michael said, snapping Brian out of it. "I think we deserve this."_

"_Why's that?" Brian asked, pushing himself off the door frame he leaned on and going to the other side of the bed. His fingers hesitated at the waistline of his jeans._

"_I tried to forget you," the smaller man admitted, and Brian could swear he heard just how miserable and guilty the idea made him. _

_That sealed it for Brian, removing his last line of defense and climbing in the bed with Michael to console him. Holding the smaller man just made him feel better. Closing his eyes, he buried his face in the damp, dark locks. He hated when Michael was upset, even hurt that his best friend had tried for this long, but hadn't he done the same?_

"_It's okay," Brian murmured. "I tried to get rid of you."_

"_We're pathetic," Michael croaked, sniffling as he held on to Brian. _

_They didn't leave the bed all day, ignoring their phones and only finding comfort that they had been missing for the last month with each other. There were heated moments that passed, but they restrained themselves. Now that the door had been opened, it seemed so much easier to enter, but there were others they had to think of. No, it wasn't how Brian expected their next encounter to be, but it had solidified the fact that there would be more of them._

_**Save, save, ooooh**_

_**I'm naked and I'm far from home**_

"I gotta go," Brian announced, pushing himself up straight on the barstool. He was done with this.

"Anyone I can call, Boss?" Jim asked.

Brian thought about it before patting down his pockets and found his phone. "Nah, I got this." He found his wallet and looked at Jim for the grand total. The man shook his head and held out his hand.

"I'd like t'think my payment will be you comin' for a drink with yer guy," Jim stated. "When ya get 'im. You're a determined shit."

Brian grabbed the other man's hand firmly even though Jim's nearly swallowed his, smiling. "I usually don't take advice unless it's someone's overbearing mother, but I'm makin' an exception, Jim."

He got up and left a large bill on the counter anyways, despite the protests. Brian wasn't a gambling man or one who liked to be indebted to someone else. So, in case it all fell through, he and Jim could call it even. The street was dark when he left the bar and seriously contemplated getting behind the wheel. He thought he'd driven under worse conditions, but considering his emotional state along with the drinks… it was better to have someone pick him up.

Lighting a cigarette as he pressed the phone to his ear, he listened to the dial tone before the recipient picked up on the other end.

"Sunshine? Yeah, I need a favor."

_A/N: The top A/Ns were done previously (obviously) as my friend went home and I'm on the last dregs of my Spring Break. And it's currently raining. Gotta love it._

_Anyways, thank you guys again for sticking with this (if you have. If you're like me, you've wandered off for a snack and forgot what was going on here completely) and we're almost done. I know there are better things you could be doing, so I really appreciate the readership._

_The song this time is __**Save Me**__, again, by Queen. It seemed like a good choice for the moment, I couldn't help it. Um… I dunno what else to say honestly. Lol Weird, I know. It's odd writing this, seriously. I've been in every position but Michael's, so it's mere speculation on that part when thinking about this and trying to get it to be as real as possible. _

_Justin… well, I don't particularly like Justin, but I have hopes the kid would mature with distance and time between him and Brian, that's why I chose him as the confidant. Michael and Justin eventually found footing in a reliable friendship. Maybe not close, but honest. Michael was trying to help the kid from day one as it was, so their interaction is natural. _

_As a character, Ben is hard to nail down. For those of you that've seen the whole series, you know why. The back story is sporadic and his actions are just… out of left field sometimes. This is all my opinion, not looking to start arguments. Just saying, so you know where I'm coming from on the character. I liked Ben in general, though, even with all the weird ups and downs._

_Brian, well, I adore Brian. And being the other person in the relationship is weird, confusing, especially when you have a built-in sense of control like he does. And right now, but giving that up, he's feeling a little tormented, strung along and lied to. Even though it's Mikey, it can still hurt pretty bad. _

_And Michael. Where to begin? I don't know, really. I've been changing gears so much with this story from the purpose that brings him to the point of cheating to why he'll stick around. But, the main focus I'm getting a lot is that some people make themselves miserable in a situation by doing nothing and just letting them get rolled over and they don't help at all. Getting him to move on somehow, actually make the decision (no hints as to what it'll be… cause I don't even know), that's fucking hard, man. He's stubborn and angry and a little depressed right now. Whoo. Trifecta right there._

_I like Jim! ^.^ What can I say? The main cast, besides Emmett, has no inflection or certain dialect to use, and I really love when a character has something like an accent or just slang from another part of the country. It makes them so much more fun to write, because you start to hear it in your head as you write it. I was just having a 'J' day I guess, starting with Joe and ending with Jim. Joe, even though he's not shown, is pretty much based on my dad of the same name. Was just in a mood, I guess. Lol But Jim is sort of… Oh, maybe an amalgamation of an uncle of mine from another part of my state that has you winding up with a bit of an accent and just gruff, burly bikers or something. Dunno if he'll make another appearance, but I liked him._

_And, uh… that's it, I guess! I now have other business to tend to before school starts again on Monday. It might be a bit sporadic (if you know how teachers are after a break… they're worse than students sometimes, I swear) and all the fun that entails. I hope everyone has a great Easter if you celebrate it, if not… Um, have a great whatever you do on that day! I just like the Easter Bunny. _

_Feel free to leave a review!_

_~SL_

_PS – I will steal your candy. _


	6. Chapter 6

Choose

_A/N: Hope everyone had a good holiday and breaks and whatnot. And thanks for the reviews! I hope you like the next chapter. I would just like to make a special thanks to two people who are helping me clear up some personal question to help me give a better perspective and understanding of the Ben/Michael/Hunter relationship questions. I know I haven't used Hunter too much, cause I'm still trying to figure him out, but still. Thanks to them for helping me! ^.^_

_~SL_

_Chapter Six_

"How fucking drunk are you?" Justin asked, finally finding the bar and taking the keys from Brian. Walking around at night trying to find this place had been hell.

"Don't get an attitude, Sonny Boy," Brian warned, pushing himself off the wall he slumped against. "My fucking business how much I fucking drink."

"Well, at least you called me," the blond sighed, letting Brian lean on him as they walked to the car.

Brian stumbled, throwing Justin off balance for a minute before they righted themselves. "The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"That it's better you didn't call Michael when you're this fucking drunk," Justin clarified, angry. "You think he wants to have to pick you up when you're fall down drunk when he's falling apart?"

"Sunshine, Mikey's fine," the taller man assured, a slur in his voice. "He's great! Good ole Benny Boy is gonna pick him right back up!"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure," the blond said scathingly, rolling his eyes. They found the car and Brian leaned against it as Justin unlocked the car. "He's thinking about leaving this weekend."

Brian fumbled with the door handle, opening the door with a bit of work and tumbling into the car. He relaxed into the leather seat and shut his eyes, only to have them shoot open when Justin slammed his door shut.

"Watch it!" Brian snapped, sitting up in his seat. That little moment of peace to actually enjoy his inebriated state of minded ended abruptly.

"Maybe you didn't hear me," the blond said calmly, starting the car as he ignored Brian's annoyance. "But I said that Michael is thinking of leaving this weekend."

"Do I look like I control his life?" Brian told Justin pointedly. "I know you all fucking think I do, but I don't. Mikey's a big boy with kids and husband and he can make his own choices."

"He thinks you hate him."

"Are you a goddamn mind reader now?"

Justin sighed. "He was crying when he left. He knows he was wrong."

"Oh, so now I'm magically supposed to forgive him?" Brian asked. "Cause he's run off all weepy back to his hubby?"

"You're an asshole, Brian," Justin stated, pulling the car on the road and heading towards Brian's place.

"Where're we goin'?" the older man asked, looking out the window.

"I'm taking you home."

"Wanna go to Mikey's."

"No," Justin said, slightly amused that Brian was saying one thing, but doing another.

"But I want to!" Brian exclaimed, making Justin jump behind the wheel. "Take me there."

"He doesn't need-"

"He does need me," Brian said, voice solid and sober. Justin glanced over to see Brian watching him intently. It reminded him of a petulant child that was dead set in one idea and wouldn't budge on it.

Justin smiled. "I was going to say he didn't need to see you falling all over yourself."

"What did I say?" Brian asked, looking perplexed.

"Never mind, Brian."

"_I said don't worry about it," Michael insisted for what seemed like the millionth time as Brian insisted on apologizing over the phone. It was rare, but not unheard of these days. A few months had passed and they had worked out a rhythm to their… meetings._

_Brian would get home by six on a good day, maybe seven if he was running late. Michael would close shop by five, get home to set up some semblance of taking care of dinner or laundry or taking care of Hunter with school work which left him enough time to slip out before Ben's return around seven or eight (although it was slowly extending as he worked more and more on his next book) with a note saying he had just gone out. _

"_**But, Mikey, tonight was going to be-"**__ Brian stopped himself. He wouldn't be able to get away from work tonight and it was actually six month to the day that Brian had accidentally started thinking of him and Michael being… together. But Michael didn't need to know that._

"_What?" Michael asked, turning the dial on the washing machine as the load of whites thumped softly._

"_**Nothing, never mind," **__Brian said, clearing his throat. __**"Wanna go to Babylon tomorrow night? We can do Woody's beforehand. It's another strip for charity thing."**_

_Michael tried to laugh it off, ignoring the nagging that ate at him. He had started avoiding nights out with the guys, especially if Brian was going to be there. Not that he wanted to cut them out of his life, but he wanted to keep everything between him and Brian locked up tight, nothing could get back to Ben. Emmett wouldn't be able to help himself from spreading it around and Ted had that oblivious way of stumbling onto information and passing it on. From there, it would only be a matter of time until his mother found out and came flying at him._

_At least that's what Michael conjured up._

"_You think they would've learned after the last time they did that stunt," he said jokingly. _

_Brian chuckled on the other end. __**"Well, I did promise not to bribe any of the strippers this time."**_

"_And I'm pretty sure the heat is off us gays these days," Michael added, tucking the phone between his ear and shoulder to start awkwardly folding clothes. _

"_**So?"**_

"_I don't know, Brian," Michael sighed. "I've just been… a little worn out lately."_

_Brian made a self appreciating noise on the other end of the phone that made Michael blush. "Stop it, not that. Between Ben, Hunter, the house, work AND you… I'm just a little tired for any more extracurricular activities. I'm finally getting caught up on what looks like a week's worth of laundry."_

"_**There are two other people in that house, can't they help keep it in shape?"**__ Brian asked, borderline demanded to know, as if he would've done the laundry for Michael if he had been living in that house with him._

"_Ben's working on the book, Brian. You know that. And Hunter's being a teenager, got a girlfriend and everything. His attentions are otherwise occupied," Michael laughed, completely understanding what it was like to be a kid and bogged down with chores when all you wanted to do was go out._

_Brian sighed into the phone. __**"Well, besides playing wife, will you be too busy to make it to the diner tomorrow?"**_

"_Yeah," he replied casually, folding a t-shirt. "I'm thinking of doing breakfast at home to… I dunno, even out the time spent between?"_

"_**Mikey?"**_

"_Yeah, Brian?" He was busy neatly stacking clothes._

"_**If you just… y'know, maybe we shouldn't even be doing this," **__Brian said gruffly._

_Michael froze on the other end. "What are you talking about?"_

"_**Will I ever get to fucking see you outside of bed?"**_

"_Am I talking to Brian Kinney?"_

"_**Low blow, Michael,"**__ Brian muttered. __**"I thought we were best friends."**_

"_Well, I didn't want to tell you… but I'm returning my 'BFF' necklace," Michael laughed, gathering the folded clothes in his arms to put them away in Hunter's room._

"_**No, Michael, I mean I thought we were still best friends."**_

_Michael paused at the bottom of the stairs. "Always, Brian. You know that."_

"_**And that this wasn't weird anymore."**_

"_I didn't think it was," he agreed cautiously. In fact, it almost seemed natural, he added to himself._

_Brian sighed. __**"Then I ask again: Will I ever get to see you outside of bed?"**_

_Michael didn't know the answer to that. He hadn't planned on any of this, he still had Ben and Hunter to deal with here and things were… functioning. Brian wasn't a relationship type, but Michael had lost place of the one relationship Brian had always needed. _

"_We can do lunch," he answered after thinking about it. He really did need to spend more time at home. "I can come by the office with something from the diner. Can that fill the best friend quota?"_

_Brian muttered a few indistinguishable things over the line before speaking clearly. __**"If it's all you can **_**spare**_** for me-"**_

"_Listen," Michael said, cutting Brian off. He didn't have time to handle this as nicely as he normally would. "I'm sorry you're feeling a little left out, but I'm still working out the kinks to this whole thing. If you want, you can pick me up a fucking copy of 'How To Cheat On Your Husband', but at least I'm trying." What the hell was he saying?_

"_**When are you going to tell him?"**_

"_Tell who what?" he asked, annoyed as he finally started up the stairs._

_Brian's grip tightened around the phone. __**"Ben."**_

_Dead silence filled the space between their phones as Michael made his way to the top of the stairs. Tell Ben? Why? What purpose would that serve? He was positive Brian would be tired of him soon, resigned himself to that fact. He couldn't stand going out to the bars or clubs because the idea of Brian going into the backroom, especially while he would be there… after what they were doing… it would kill him._

"_Brian, I have to go."_

"_**Mikey, that's not an answer."**_

"_I'm hanging up now," Michael said, awkwardly maneuvering the phone from between the cradle of his head and shoulder, ending the call. He stared at the phone before heading into Hunter's room, setting the clothes on the bed and joining them, unnerved. _

_What the hell did Brian want from him?_

Justin had gotten Brian to the Loft with minimal arguing at that point. When they arrived, he was actually breathing quietly in the passenger seat, head dropped on his shoulder, eyes shut. Justin parked and shut the car off, debating on leaving him for a while, but he was expected at Babylon with Ted and Emmett in a few hours. It was better to get Brian up and settled before he left.

"Wakey, wakey!" Justin announced loudly in the small confines of the car, making Brian groan and try to curl up on his side in the seat. It didn't work.

Rolling his eyes, Justin got out and opened Brian's door, nearly having him tumble out onto the street from leaning on it. He sat up sluggishly and looked around.

"This isn't Mikey's house," he complained.

"Gold star," the blond said, helping him out of the car and onto his feet. "We're at your place."

"I didn't wanna go here!" Brian shouted, pushing Justin away. The blond was able to stay on his feet, but Brian wound up on his ass next to the car. He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, peeking up at Justin over his knees.

It reminded Justin of Gus. God, they could be twins from the last memory Justin had of the child and Brian huddled right now.

"Get up, Brian," Justin said, offering him his hand.

"I wanna go to Mikey's," the older man said stubbornly.

"You're going to bed."

"I wanna go to Mikey's!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Get off the ground, Brian. Right. Now," the younger man demanded, actually stomping one foot on the asphalt.

"You can't make me," Brian taunted. "I'm not leaving until I go to Mikey's."

"That…" Justin paused, unable to help the smile crossing his face. "That didn't make any sense. Get up. You're drunk, you need to get to bed."

"I need Mikey," Brian muttered miserably, dipping his head so his forehead rested on his knees, hiding his eyes.

Giving up, Justin took a seat against the car next to Brian. "Have you told him that?"

"Shouldn't have to."

"Then how is he supposed to know?"

"_Hey, dude?" Hunter asked, nudging Michael after a minute of staring at him splayed out on the bed. "Y'dead?"_

_Michael had heard the front door open and shut, but hadn't been able to move. His mind was too bogged down with the stress of how to handle the situation. For the most part, Ben and Hunter were self sufficient, Michael was just here to tend house and keep a daily routine in order. Clear away the clutter so they had nothing to worry about, not that he minded. Ben had to work and he didn't want Hunter being stuck in the same teenage ruts he had been. His workload wasn't so heavy that he couldn't handle it. _

_But Brian? Brian had always needed him. His time, attention, love. Most of him, and his life, had been tied to Brian and he had happily gone along, enjoying it. But the added stress of Brian's wants and needs on top of his responsibilities… it felt like he was tearing in two. That was one part of his life and this was another. It felt like he was living in the past and present all at once, if he had gotten Brian a few years earlier._

"_I guess you're dead," Hunter sighed, shoving some of the clothes over on the bed to sit down. "What will I tell Ben? You don't think I'd become his new bed warmer, do you? I dunno how much Katie would like that."_

"_Shut up," Michael said, giggling. "If she's like any other female I've met, she'd love it."_

"_The only other woman you know that's straight is your mom."_

"_And does she, or does she not, love gays?"_

_Hunter thought about it. "Okay, yeah." Silence fell over them. "Any particular reason you're countin' the cracks on my ceiling?"_

"_What do you think of Brian?" Michael asked, honestly curious. _

"_I'd fuck 'im!" Hunter replied enthusiastically, grinning as he held two thumbs up._

_Michael rolled his eyes. "Not the answer I was looking for."_

"_Well, I dunno. What should I say? He's a great guy? Hot, rich, probably the best fuck ever?" Hunter listed absently, shrugging. "I don't know him. I think he's an awesome dude for helping with that case, but other than that, what do I know?"_

"_Probably more than me," Michael sighed._

"_What's goin' on?"_

"_Nothing you need to worry your pretty little head over," the older man grunted as he sat up on the bed. "Staying home for dinner tonight?"_

"_I was thinkin' about goin' to a movie with Katie, but…" Hunter looked closely at Michael. "I think you might need some company."_

"_Company? Ben'll be home tonight, too," Michael told Hunter, confused. Company?_

"_Dude, he's so fixated on the fuckin' book, he's not even here. Figure you might want someone to actually talk to at dinner, but if you'd rather not. Whatever. I can go out."_

"_Can we get pizza?"_

_Hunter's face lit up. "And some movies with explosions?"_

"_C'mon, kid," Michael said, getting off the bed. "We've got some fun to set up."_

_Hunter cheered and bounced off the bed after Michael and they raced down the stairs. Michael couldn't leave this behind. What would Hunter do if he left? Ben was too busy to spend enough time with him to keep up on his life, let alone splurge on a pizza and movie night. If it was just himself, Michael realized, he probably would've walked out the door as soon as Brian mentioned telling Ben. But Hunter meant Brian had to give up most of his life, that he would be walking into a huge commitment that he probably didn't think he signed up for, because Michael wouldn't just leave him behind. _

_Maybe though… No. Michael couldn't even think to bring it up._

"Ben?" Michael asked, rubbing his eyes. The hours had passed in a blur for him. He had gone home, discussed an urge to leave this very weekend with Ben, showered for what felt like an eternity and collapsed in bed. The said two and the other side of the bed was empty. He wandered downstairs for a drink and a snack to find Ben at the table, scribbling away.

"Yeah, baby?" Ben didn't even look up.

"It's two in the morning."

"Yeah, baby."

"I'm getting a snack and going back to bed."

"Okay, baby."

"Penguins have invaded Canada, it was all over the news," Michael announced.

"Alright, babe."

"They acquired nuclear weapons and they're advancing on America as we speak."

Ben didn't even miss a beat, pen still scratching away. "That's good, baby."

"I'm cheating on you."

"_I dunno what to do, Sunshine," Brian sighed into the phone. Cynthia came into the office with a coffee in one hand and a stack of contracts in the other. She set them on the desk and Brian mouthed 'thanks' before she left again. _

"_**Well, what the fuck do you expect me to do about it?"**__ Justin wanted to know. __**"I'm not a mind reader."**_

"_You're just so polite these days. Whoever taught you your manners?" Brian asked, mocking a pleasant tone of voice. "I take it you want to know what's going on."_

"_**It would help me help you, yes."**_

"_Smartass. We've still been… together," Brian said, trying to find the right words. It had started out great, actually. Probably the best thing that had ever happened to him. It was like a slap to the face just how good their friendship had been, and how much better it was with the sex. It was like… it was like sprinkles on top of ice cream, making something that was already good just a little bit better. _

"_**How long?"**__ Justin questioned. He was busy working on his next painting, setting down the paintbrush in a tin can he kept around._

_Brian paused to think. He could give the young man the day, week and month, but was that excessive? It seemed like it. Justin might just start laughing at him. He didn't need that right now. _

"_Eight, maybe nine months," Brian said. It was actually a week before their tenth month. "It was great until a few months back."_

_On the other end there was a clatter of noise, Justin accidently knocked over the can that held his brushes. Cursing, he picked them up as he asked Brian in a rushed voice what happened._

"_He just… stopped going out," he explained, flipping through the contracts. Looks like they were signing a few new models. "First it was the bar and clubs and then it was breakfast in the mornings at the diner. Says he's 'too tired'. Am I really that stressful?"_

_Justin laughed on the other end. __**"Brian Kinney stressful? Ah, you must be mistaken."**_

"_Sunshine, don't push me today," Brian nearly pleaded, exasperated. He tapped his pen against the desktop, irritated before he started signing off on the contracts one by one. "So maybe I'm a handful, but I don't want the only time I spend with Michael to be in bed."_

_There was a long pause from the other end of the line. __**"No way."**_

_Brian sat up straighter, setting the pen down. "What?"_

"_**I can't fucking believe it."**_

"_Can't believe what?" Brian snapped._

"_**You're in love,"**__ Justin told Brian in a hushed voice, almost in awe. __**"Brian Kinney is in fucking love."**_

Ben chuckled, finally looking up at his husband. "Alright, I get the hint. I'll get to bed in a bit, baby."

"If I was serious, what would you do?" Michael asked, staring Ben down.

The larger man pushed his glasses up his nose, having slipped from looking down at the pad, and let the pen and paper fall to the wayside as he turned in his seat to face Michael. This… wasn't right. Ben knew it. He knew it from the way Michael looked, how his arms were crossed and his eyes were looking at him calmly, curiously.

For once, Ben didn't have an answer. He was only able to stare, reflexively twirling the silver band on his left hand.

"Well? Ben, if I was cheating on you for real, what would you do?"

"What could I do?" Ben asked, voice breaking. "I thought I had tried to… make this work, Michael. I was trying to be here more and make time for us-"

"As it's two in the fucking morning and guess where you are?" Michael questioned sarcastically. "_That's_ why I didn't want you to bring the book on the weekend, Ben! There's only so much I can ignore until I'm fed up! I'm here with Hunter, I'm taking care of the house, I'm working… if you noticed, I pretty much stopping going out. But you? Work late, take on extra classes, work on your book twenty-four fucking seven! I take care of dinner and laundry and lunch and my own business. I don't get any fucking help around here and yet…" Michael paused, deciding whether or not to be honest "Yet, I find the time to have an honest, open relationship with another man that's completely fulfilling. So why, with your obviously shorter list of things to accomplish in a day, can't you find the time to do that with me?"

"Do I…," Ben took off his glasses to rub at his tired eyes, hiding the moisture that had welled up in them. "Do I even have to ask wh-"

"Brian."

"_That doesn't help me, Sunshine!" Brian blurted out, not denying it any, just wanted to know how… how to fix it. "Stop laughing your ass off and… fuck it, shouldn't trust a kid with this crap."_

_Justin was catching his breath on the other end, gasping as he wiped at his eyes. __**"I'm sorry, Brian. I'm jus'… Oh, man. I can't believe it. Hoo boy! In love."**_

"_Ignoring that, what should I fucking do?"_

"_**Still getting laid?"**__ Justin asked, taking a seat somewhere on the other end. Brian heard a chair creak._

_Brian sipped the coffee, trying not to be annoyed. "Yeah. That's the problem. It's all we're doing."_

"_**You've got the best of both worlds, Brian. Ben takes care of Michael and his marital wants, you get him in bed. How is that not a perfect solution for you?"**_

_Brian drummed his fingers impatiently on the stack of contracts. "That right, Sunshine?"_

_Justin snorted. __**"Unless you're willing to admit that you want Michael, only Michael and no one else can have him. If you want to promise him marriage, a house and a future to go on. He'd probably want you to stop tricking. Have you?"**_

"_If I have?"_

"_**Holy shit! You've got it bad,"**__ the blond said in a slightly amused tone._

"_Sonny Boy, I've got a meeting in ten minutes," Brian sighed, leaning forward on the desk, free hand rubbing at his temple. "So, can you stop being amazed for five seconds and tell me something useful?"_

"_**You could always tell Ben yourself," **__Justin replied, stretching his back out with a slight groan. __**"That'll kill the marriage, but Michael would hate you."**_

"_Bottom line?"_

"_**You're stuck as 'the other woman' so to speak, Kinney. Can't have your cake and eat it too in this situation."**_

_Brian let himself slump over the contracts, resting his forehead on his forearm. "Thanks, Sunshine. I gotta go."_

"_**I'm here if you need me."**_

Brian had allowed Justin to get him up to his Loft and in bed, helping him remove his shoes, but not much else. The older man had waited until he heard the heavy door shut before getting up and undressing himself. He was pretty sure he didn't want Justin's help anyways. Mikey would've tucked him in right. Mikey would've helped him out of his clothes and tucked him in and crawled into bed next to him. What was Justin? Little punk was just fed up that Brian was eating into his time. He glanced at the clock as he tossed the soft button down shirt to the floor. Damn, it was late. Arguing with Justin had eaten up most of his night, but he felt relatively sober, not exactly better.

He'd rather be fall down drunk again.

His body felt worn down, achy, as he stripped down to nothing. Brian sat back down on the bed, elbows resting on his knees, contemplating the situation. He could make it right. Well, he wasn't sure how, but he had an idea that he could. He wanted control back in the situation, in his hands. Michael had it for far too long, in his opinion. Usually he didn't mind when his best friend had the reins, but he was fucking done being pulled along. He decided that much.

Brian made his way to the shower, he could smell the alcohol on him at this point. It would help his body relax. He flipped on the lights taking in the bathroom. It was modern, up to date and clean. The large shower fit Brian's needs, something to show off, something to use if he was tired of the bed. He wished for a tub at the moment, opening the glass door to turn the water on. He was too weary to stand comfortably for once.

Would Michael prefer a tub to a shower? He wondered about it, stepping under the spray of hot water. A big one. Which would mean a huge bathroom and it would have to be connected to their bedroom. Brian ran a hand through his hair, pushing back the wet strands, shaking his head slightly. Could he get a bed bigger than the one he had now? Sure, he liked sharing it with Michael, but it was a mental thing. He needed his space in bed, even if they would wind up wrapped in each other. Brian needed to feel like he could stretch out. He could probably get one custom done.

Jenny and Gus needed play space. There would have to be a furnished basement or something. And a big backyard, Brian decided remembering how Gus was throwing the ball in the park one day when Lindsey and Mel were deciding on moving. Shit, he would have to learn about sports, wouldn't he? Nah, not for a few years anyway. Separate rooms for them, because as cute as it was thinking their kids might be best friends (okay, so bunk beds had crossed Brian's mind) Jenny was going to need her own space. She was still little and needed a nursery type setting. Changing bed, diapers and all.

That left Hunter. The thought was a touchy one for many reasons. Mostly he and the kid had never seen eye to eye. It took time for Brian to adjust to him, because it was just one more changing thing in Michael's life. One more thing away from Brian's life. The uncomfortable flaunting of himself at Brian… well, that went without saying, but the kid thought he was straight (didn't Michael say he had a girlfriend?) so it wasn't like he was going to be snuck up on in the middle of the night.

On a side note, Brian thought scrubbing shampoo in his hair; they would need locks on their bedroom doors. He wasn't one to gamble.

But what about Ben? Wouldn't the kid rather be with the man that took him in, in the first place? Michael would be brokenhearted to have Hunter choose Ben over him. He couldn't blame the kid, though. He was old enough to make a choice and with school decisions coming up, Ben seemed like a better choice to help him with that. Brian wouldn't be so bad to live with though, would he? Hell, he'd done the college shit before. He could help. What the hell did the kid want to do? Ben probably wanted him in some big name place fighting the good fight for whatever cause he was on.

College wasn't about that. It was about finding it all out. Your place, where you're going and what you like to do. What could Hunter see himself doing? It didn't matter now because he had time to figure it out then. Ben probably had the kid's life mapped out for him.

Brian tipped his head back to rinse out his hair, leaning forward, palms flat on the glass. He needed Hunter on their side. Thinking about it from a standpoint that benefited himself (which was always a good one to see from), if he sort of… 'won' Hunter over on where he would stay, that would make Michael happy. Showing the effort, putting in the time he'd wasted.

Oh, fuck. He really had wasted all this time, just expecting Michael to pick up and come with him. Who the hell was he to ask that of Michael? He wanted his best friend happy, taking away some of the best parts of his current life wasn't going to do that. Maybe another time, different events, but none of those applied now and right now was what mattered.

"I'm a fucking idiot," Brian groaned.

"_Mikey, we're going out tonight," Brian said when Michael showed up at his door. He was in dark blue jeans and black muscle tank, chosen with care. He looked good, but not his standard 'I'm out and I'm going to find you' look._

_Michael wasn't expecting it. "We had this discussion a week ago, Brian. I'm stretched a bit to the seams here. Can't we just spend a few hours together?"_

"_Why can't they be spent out?" Brian countered, crossing his arms and arching an eyebrow. He still hadn't let Michael enter the Loft._

"_Because it won't be just 'a few hours' Brian, you know that," Michael said, smiling. "You'll want a few drinks, then you'll want to dance and then a few more drinks and maybe something a little extra on the floor and then you'll-"_

_Michael cut himself off, shutting his eyes briefly to collect himself. "If this is what you want to do tonight," the shorter man said, opening his eyes to look up at Brian again. "Then I should get home. Ben thought he actually might be home at a decent hour for once."_

"_Skipping out on hubby for me?" Brian asked, leaning in the doorway. "Why, Michael, I'm shocked."_

"_Don't be an asshole about this."_

"_About what?" the taller man asked, looking down at his friend. "The fact that we never go out anymore?"_

_Michael snickered. "You sound like we're a married couple."_

"_Yeah, well, you've got The Professor for that, don't you?" Brian said bitterly. "I don't know if we should… keep doing this, Michael."_

"_Missing the tricks, huh?" Michael blurted out, face shocked at what he said. They never talked about it._

_Brian frowned. "Actually, I was going to call it 'missing my best friend' but if you want to be a trick, fine." He stepped casually aside from the door, one hand extending to let offer him in. "This is where you step in and say 'Nice place'."_

_Michael didn't budge, looking down at the floor. Brian snapped out and grabbed him by the wrist, dragging him over the threshold. "C'mon, Mikey. Play along."_

"_Nice place," the smaller man mumbled._

_Brian pushed him gently forward and turned around, Michael heard the door close behind him. "I know. Don't steal anything."_

_Michael felt sick to his stomach. He hadn't been thinking and this was going a little too far. He heard the soft clicks of Brian setting the security system. Brian knew this act like the back of his hand, crossing over to the kitchen and opening the fridge, taking out a bottle of water for himself. _

"_Want anything?" he offered, fridge door open. _

_Michael shook his head. _

_Brian chuckled, opening the water bottle and raising it to his lips. He paused, watching his best friend shifting uncomfortably on his feet. No, no. This wasn't his best friend. Michael wanted to be like everyone else. So insistent he was missing his tricks. How to grind it in a little more?_

"_Y'know," Brian said smoothly, leaning against the breakfast bar in the kitchen. "You remind me of a trick I had here years ago. Standing there like that, I mean." _

_Michael finally lifted his head and looked at Brian. The water bottle crinkled in his grasp as he took long swallows from it. _

"_Yeah. A little punk standing there, wide eyed just like you. Like I would eat him alive," Brian said, setting the bottle down. He felt it then, the easy transition into what he was known for; a sexual predator. _

_It was an interesting thing to watch from Michael's end. He'd seen it happen a million times at this point in his life but never directed at him. The careless way Brian stood up straighter, as if shrugging off an invisible weight, the real world. This was his domain. His place. His life. This is who he was and who the fuck was anyone to say otherwise? How he easily let his eyes roam over Michael, openly staring, wanting. The effortless way he kept his distance, but felt like he was closing in on the smaller man._

_Michael felt like he couldn't breathe. He couldn't look away. He didn't want to know how far Brian was going to take his new game._

_The taller man seemed to shrug, looking away for a minute in a casual manner. As if saying 'why the fuck are you even here?' "Cute little bottom, just like you, too," Brian told Michael, and the shorter man saw a ghost of a smile tug at the corners of Brian's lips. "Didn't know a damn thing. I took his virginity."_

_The dark haired man was going to lose it, Brian could tell. He gave the other man about… five more minutes of this until he cracked. _

"_But I don't think I have to worry about that with you, do I?" he asked, actually flashing a smile. It was gone as soon as it showed up. "Are you just going to stand there all night? Don't tell me I have to hold your hand, too."_

_Michael muttered an apology, taking off his jacket and then looked clueless as to where he should put it._

"_Drop it," Brian demanded, Michael did. He looked startled at the material fell to a heap at his feet and Brian smiled, but felt a nagging feeling that this was just too wrong. _

"_I could do it to you, y'know?" the taller man asked, breaking character. His posture took on an imperceptible change, a softening of sorts. "I could make you reenact the whole fucking night, Michael. Do you want that?"_

Two mugs of coffee sat before each man as the avoided eye contact at the table. Michael wrapped his hands around the hot ceramic as Ben let his fingers circle around the rim of his mug. The silence was deafening. Michael could actually hear the clock ticking in the kitchen. He had said his piece and calmed down enough to realize that he couldn't just shove it all in Ben's face and leave, although the thought was so tempting. He didn't have it in him. Ben had tried. Given part of his life for Michael. That did mean something.

Ben sighed. "How long?"

"About a year, if I had to guess," Michael admitted softly, hands tight around the mug. "I didn't think… It wasn't supposed to be a… thing."

"Affair," Ben corrected. "That's what it is, Michael."

Michael nodded. He deserved that.

"How did it happen?"

"Remember the shirt?" Michael asked. Ben nodded as he shifted uncomfortably. "That night. We… were drunk. Shitfaced, honestly. We went to a club, dancing until all hours. I don't even know what we were on that night. Something just… happened. I tried, Ben. Just know that I wasn't looking for it. We got back to his place and he just…"

Ben shook his head, sipping his coffee. This was more painful to hear than the times he had imagined it in his head. "You wanted it."

"I needed something!" Michael snapped, eyes wide. He slumped back into his seat, muttering his apologies. "You were just… Shit, Ben. We were fighting all the time over everything and he was just letting me have some fun-"

"Obviously," Ben snorted sarcastically.

Michael glared at his husband. "_That _wasn't part of the plan for either of us. Just a best friend night out, Ben. I was gonna spend the night at his place so we could cool off and… I don't fucking know!"

"Finally got what you wanted," Ben shrugged, sipping his coffee.

The smaller man slapped his hand down on the table. "What _is _it with everyone thinking I just wanted a fuck?"

Ben, startled, set the cup back down. "Are you telling me you haven't been 'just fucking' Brian this whole time? What has it been Michael? You said it yourself! You don't go out anymore. You _are_ here most of the time. Unless you haven't been opening your store for the past goddamn year, what else have you been doing with Brian?"

"I-" Michael paused. This now officially looked as bad as it sounded. What were he and Brian doing if not just using each other, really? He had pushed Brian out of the rest of his life, confining him to bed. Michael kept a neat line between what they were and what he wanted from Brian, but that wasn't everything he had wanted from his best friend.

Michael took in a deep breath, shutting his eyes as he leaned back heavily in his chair. "It sounds bad. I know it sounds exactly like that, but what else could I do? I had my family and life with you and you _never _wanted him as part of that. I needed… balance. If I had more with Brian than with you, you had every reason to be angry and keep _pushing_ me. And I didn't want to see… I couldn't if he went… to the backroom. So I gave up…" Michael sniffled quietly. "I gave up the best fucking part of my life with Brian to… Oh fuck."

Michael let his face fall into his hands, crying quietly. Ben wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. It always broke his heart to find Michael upset, but was he supposed to care under these circumstances? Goddamnit, there should be a fucking rule book on this shit. Ben patted Michael shoulder awkwardly, but it wasn't the comfort he needed right now.

"I needed," Michael hiccupped. "I still needed my best friend and I lost him. No one, Ben" Michael looked at his husband with stubborn, watery eyes. "No one can replace that for me. Not even you."

"Was it worth it, Michael?" Ben asked. He had to know. "Was it worth it losing your best friend and your family?"

"I don't see how I've lost them completely," Michael retorted, wiping at his eyes. "This right here, I think is over. That's fine. Brian and I might take some work, and if he hasn't completely come to hate me, we can smooth everything over. I have hope in that."

"What about Hunter?" sighed Ben. "The adoption papers, Michael. What about that?"

"You should answer him, dude," Hunter said from the stairs where he had situated himself on the bottom two as Michael let the silence go on.

Michael's eyes went wide as Ben stood up to go and lean over the rail and look down at Hunter. "Pal, you've got school in the morning."

"And I doubt they'll be a test on what the fuck is goin' on with my life," Hunter snapped, looking down between his knees. "Why don't you just fuckin' tell me where I'm gonna go already?"

"Hunter," Michael said, joining Ben at the stairs, but kneeling down in front of Hunter, getting him to look directly at Michael. "Hunter you are not going anywhere. We just need to get some things situated, but you are not. Going. Anywhere."

"Michael," Ben sighed, hating that he was probably getting riled up to some stunt like up and leaving the Pitts to hide Hunter. "Don't worry him with it. When we have a decision, then we'll let him know, okay?"

"Fuck you, man," Hunter spat, looking up at Ben. "Don't leave me out of this. It's still my goddamn life!"

"Listen, you need to calm down," Ben said sternly. "And get to bed. Whatever's happening now, you still have school in the morning, pal."

"Ben, enough," Michael commanded, holding a hand up. "I think Hunter's allowed a day off after what's going on."

"I know it doesn't seem like it to you, but school is important," Ben told Michael, irritated. "We can't let him off for every little thing!"

"You call this 'little'?" Michael asked, standing up to face his husband. "His life was wrecked once, what do you think we're doing to it now? Taking him for a fucking picnic?"

"Don't get dramatic," the larger man said with an eye roll.

Hunter sniffled quietly, trying to hold it back. "Can I go hang out at the store tomorrow?"

Michael looked at Hunter, and moved him over to sit next to him on the stairs, putting an arm around his shoulders. Hunter leaned into it. "Yeah. It'll be fine. You can give me a hand, hell, we'll go out for lunch. Whatever you want."

"Michael!" Ben snapped. "Are you serious? You're just going to give him whatever he wants?"

"Ben, just shut the hell up for once and let me do this," Michael sighed, stroking Hunter's long hair while his son tried not to cry. "As far as the paperwork, let me call Mel and see if she can help speed it up. Actually, it's been a call coming for a longtime, kid. I'm sorry."

Hunter shook his head. He didn't care. He just didn't want to wind up where he used to be.

"Well, it would make things easier," Ben commented, thinking about the situation. "But then what?"

Michael shut his eyes, trying to keep himself in check. "I don't know. I don't have all the answers. All I know is that Hunter comes first. I'll take the couch tonight, we'll work this out in the morning and the details can come later, alright? Hunter's old enough to decide for himself where he wants to go and once I get my own place, he can make the choice."

"He should stay with the most-"

"Don't. Fucking. Finish. That. Sentence!" Michael exclaimed, holding on tighter to Hunter. "Yeah, what I've done is shit, but don't you _dare _take it out on my parenting skills or whatever the hell you were going to say. That's a low blow, even for you."

Ben gripped the railing tightly in his hands, lips drawn into a thin line. "Fine. Do whatever the hell you want. You already have been anyway. I'm going to bed."

"About goddamn time," Michael griped. To think, if Ben had just gone to bed with him… would they be doing all of this right now? Michael pulled Hunter to his feet and let Ben storm up the stairs. Hunter still hadn't let go of Michael.

"I'm stayin' with you," Hunter muttered under his breath.

Michael shook his head. "Don't say that until this is settled. He has every right to be pissed off, Hunter."

"What about Brian?"

"Shit, how much did you hear?" Michael asked, groaning. He did not need this right now.

"Doesn't really matter right now, does it?" It really wasn't much of a question.

Michael hugged Hunter closer to him, realizing they hadn't let go of each other since the stairs. "I don't know. I really hurt him today, kid. If he even looks at me again, it'll be a miracle. I just want my best friend back more than anything else."

"_Michael, will you fucking say something?" Brian asked, holding the shorter man close to him._

_Michael was clutching at the material of his shirt on the back, latched on really. He wouldn't let go. Brian nearly let him fall to the floor when he felt his knees give out. He saw a flash of something odd across Michael's face just the moment before. Anger? Guilt? He wasn't sure, but now Michael was just holding onto his best friend like his life depended on it._

"_I'm sorry," Brian said and felt Michael's arms hold on tighter. "It was too far. You pissed me off, but that… I'm sorry." It wasn't enough, really, but it was all Brian could give._

"_S'okay," Michael mumbled into his chest. "I'm sorry, too. I won't bring it up 'nymore."_

_Brian rubbed Michael's back, shaking his head. "I just wish I knew what to do for you, Mikey. This can't be it, can it?"_

_Michael looked up at Brian with a blank expression. "What?"_

"_I don't… want to lose _us_, Mikey."_

"_I'm still here."_

"_But this is… I don't know how to put it," Brian sighed. "You're the writer, come up with the words."_

_Michael snorted, ducking his face back into Brian's chest. "After all those big, grand speeches you make when you get on your soap box, you don't know what to say?"_

_The taller man rolled his tongue against his cheek, a movement he made when thinking carefully. "Well, let's call those well rehearsed impassioned speeches."_

"_You're awful. Those really get in some people's faces, Brian."_

"_Do I give a shit about other people?"_

"_You're impossible," Michael sighed, looking up at Brian, resting his chin on the taller man's broad chest. "Either way, I'm still here. I'm never going anywhere."_

"_Promise?" Brian asked, unable to help himself. The situation really was starting to worry him._

_Michael smiled. "Yeah, always."_

"So why're you still here?" Hunter asked, leaning his cheek on the dark hair of the shorter man.

"Because I need to sleep sometime for work tomorrow?" Michael said, confused. "Where else would I be?"

"At Brian's."

"Oh, no. No. What happened today was… it's a long story," Michael sighed, using his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. Goddamn it, he was still tired but that was hidden under the rush he had just been through over the last few hours. "Thanks for the advice, kid, but something like this is better left for… at least a Godly hour of the day."

"You really gonna sleep tonight?" the young man asked, pulling away from Michael.

Michael felt weary, but awake. "It's a fifty-fifty shot. You?"

"Doubt it."

"Hungry?"

"Do you have to ask?"

"_I can't do this anymore," Brian sighed into the phone, fingers impatiently tapping on his desk._

"_**What? Interrupt my day?" **__Justin asked, laughing._

"_Oh yes, Sunshine, it's all about you."_

"_**You're kinda ungrateful considering I'm supposed to be working right now."**_

"_Oh, bite me, twat. After all I did and _you're _calling _me_ ungrateful? Besides, all you do is splash around some pretty colors on shit and call it art," Brian snorted, opening his laptop._

"_**Yep. But I get paid to do it." **__Justin just enjoyed it all the more. __**"Oh, to be you and toil away in an office day and night. Well, I think I'll stick with my 'pretty colors'."**_

"_Did I really teach you to be that much of an asshole?" Brian asked in an off-handed manner. He was debating on looking up his used to be favorite frequented chat room._

"_**And that awesome thing I can do with my tongue. Whatcha doin'?"**_

"_Debating on an early lunch."_

"_**Ah, I sense Michael in your future then."**_

"_Mm, no," Brian replied, smiling just slightly. "I was thinking takeout. Y'know, change it up."_

"_**If this innuendo means what I think it does, I say don't," **__the blond advised warily. After all this crap, Brian was going to give up?_

_Brian sat back in his chair, staring at his open web browser. "Why? Didn't I just say I couldn't do this anymore?"_

_These talks with Justin on slow days were becoming more commonplace with Brian. There was a certain familiarity he craved as a person, and while it was hard to picture Justin as no more than some annoying kid that wouldn't leave him alone, over the phone was different. The young man was slowly taking on responsibilities he normally would've left with Michael. The idea nearly kept him from calling, but he had thought today would be the day he'd get things back to normal, so what could one more call hurt?_

_Justin 'tsk-ed' on the other end in Brian's ear. __**"This doesn't sound like the man I was talking to last week. What happened?"**_

"_I'm losing him," Brian shrugged, trying his hardest not to let it eat at him. To not want more._

"_**I know he's short, but if you put like… a bell around his neck or something, you'd probably be able to find him more often."**_

"_You're frustrating."_

"_**You love me."**_

"_Besides! You two are the same height," Brian argued, ignoring the comment._

"_**Yeah, tell that to my growth spurt," **__the blond retorted._

"_Anywhere that actually matters?" Brian teased._

"_**Well, not rea- Oh, real mature, Brian."**_

_Brian snickered, rocking his chair back and forth. Still funny. "Yeah, well, some things are funny no matter how old you are."_

"_**If you act like a five year old, I guess that would be everything," **__Justin sighed. Brian could hear the eye roll._

_Brian pleasantly blew a raspberry into his phone and laughed. _

"_**Am I helping you here, or what? Seriously, I should charge you for these sessions."**_

"_Well, Dr. Taylor, I've been having these dreams lately…"_

"_**Asshole. If this is going nowhere, then just stay in your office, get a random fuck and call it a day."**_

"_When you say it like that… it sounds so…"_

"_**What? Like you?" **__Justin asked._

"_Well, what should I do then? I can't stand this shit anymore. I want to go out, have fun. But it's like goddamn clockwork. I come here, get home, wait for Mikey, a few hours of… well, whatever he's up for and then I feel bad going out alone," Brian sighed._

"_**Where're the guys?"**_

"_They ask about Michael too much. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I keep trying to get him to go with us or I used to go when I figure Ted and Emmett aren't hanging around."_

"_**Why, exactly, can't you keep going out?"**_

"_It's not the same!" Brian insisted. "The hell am I supposed to do all night with those two without Michael?"_

"_**Uh, drink, play pool, grab a hot guy by his belt and-"**_

"_Weren't you just stopping me from doing that?"_

"_**Sorry, feels like I've been locked up in here for years,"**__ Justin apologized, sighing. __**"Maybe it'll work itself out."**_

"_As long as he's got The Professor, I doubt it," Brian pointed out, trying to keep that feeling of misery out of his voice. "This is why I didn't want to do this in my life. Ever. Don't fuck your friends, Sunshine. You lose them."_

"_**You make it sound like he's dead."**_

"_My best friend is gone," Brian shrugged. "It's about the same thing in my life. I just can't believe that he would…"_

"_**What? Pick sex with you over you?" **__Justin asked, looking over some takeout menus in his studio. Mentioning lunch made him hungry. Had he eaten breakfast today? Or anything in the last week? Christ, he had to get out of here._

"_Yeah," Brian sighed on the other end, defeat sneaking into his voice. There was something indescribable that he felt he needed to say, building up in his chest. He didn't have the words. "I don't know."_

"_**Don't give up just yet," **__the blond said, setting down the menus. __**"I've got an idea."**_

"_I can see the light bulb going off now," Brian retorted dryly._

"_**What are you doing next month?"**_

"_Working. I can't make it out to New York, Sunshine, so forget it."_

"_**Nah. What if I made a visit home?"**_

At five in the morning, the diner was still getting a steady trickle. Not having the urge to try and cook, Michael suggested it. Forgoing a change of clothes by creeping upstairs and sneaking into his bedroom, he decided the flannel pajama bottoms and white muscle tank were enough in the cool morning. Hunter decided to stick with the same idea in sweat pants and an old t-shirt. They debated on bikes, but decided that a nice long walk would give them time to clear their heads, talk and stay away from the house longer.

The crowd was a little toned down in the morning, most people had their clothes on, but the working crowd was on their way in. Early birds, mostly. The real crowd wouldn't pick up until six. Thankfully, Debbie wasn't in and the place was really devoid of anyone they could spot immediately. They were seated at the counter, both a little tired, hunched over their menus in silence. They hadn't had much to say on the walk their besides random comments as they passed, school talk… anything to avoid the obvious elephant in the room.

"You two look like shit."

Michael snapped his head up finding Justin leaning on the counter next to him, a tall brunette taking a seat away from Michael.

"Yeah, well… it's a long story," Michael sighed, washing a hand over his face. "What're you doing up this early?"

"Haven't gone to bed yet," the blond grinned.

The other man at the counter grumbled something in disgruntled agreement. "Oh, get over it. I'm hungry," Justin said, rolling his eyes. "Mike, this is… uh-"

"Tim," the taller man said in passing. "Mornin'."

"Morning," Michael replied, shaking his head. "You're a piece of work, Boy Wonder."

"No nicknames in front of the trick," Justin implored, almost whining. "I'm not a kid anymore."

Michael smiled and pinched his cheek. "You'll always be our little Sunshine."

"Man, if you ever do that to me when I'm his age," Hunter said warningly, setting the menu down.

"Oh, shit, look who it is!" Justin exclaimed, leaning over Michael to ruffle Hunter's hair. Michael mouthed a question to Tim asking what Justin was on. The other man shrugged, finding it easier to stare at the blond's ass than pay attention to what he had been taking on the dance floor that night. "The little homo that was! How ya doin'?"

Hunter batted Justin's hands away. "Better if you'd fuckin' stop molestin' me!"

"What a mouth! Mike, what're teachin' the kid?" Justin ask, straightening.

"Nothing, obviously. What's this 'homo that was' crap, Justin?" It was exceedingly rude.

Justin laughed, finally taking a seat between Tim and Michael. "Ah, just somethin' Brian started saying awhile back. It was funny."

"Yeah, well, I'd yell at Brian, but he probably wouldn't talk to me right now," Michael yawned, rubbing his eyes. Damn, he needed a bed right now.

"Oh, he's passed out now," Justin said conversationally, nodding. "Blind drunk and passed the fuck out."

"Wonderful," Michael groaned, cradling his head on folded arms as the waiter came up behind the counter. They gave their orders down the line and sat in relatively comfortable silence. Michael was close to nodding off on the counter.

"Y'still fuckin' Brian?" Hunter asked out of the blue, looking over at Justin, who stared right back, mouth open.

"I, uh… no. I'm doin'-" the blond waved a hand toward the guy next to him.

"Tim," he supplied in a bored manner, a hand creeping up Justin's thigh.

"Good," Hunter said flatly, eyeing Tim up quickly. It wasn't anyone he remembered.

"Why? Still tryin' to get him?" Justin asked, leaning toward Tim making an obvious display of roaming hands.

Hunter shook his head. "Nah. Just wonderin'."

Justin was practically in Tim's lap at this point and Tim figured he had a shot at dragging Justin out the door… or at least into the bathroom. When the blond realized something and nearly fell off the other man's lap.

"Oh shit, Mike," Justin gasped, leaning towards him in an exaggerated fashion across the counter. "Why aren't you home?"

"Boy Wonder?" Michael's voice was muffled as he still laid his head in his arms.

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

"_Always have, always will," Brian said, holding Michael close in the shower._

_He didn't want to think about where this might be going. Michael didn't have to make a decision right off the bat and now he didn't even have a best friend to consult about it. To help him or to comfort him when it all went south, because there was no way they were coming out of this clean._

_Still, Brian wasn't going to let go. What did they have, if they didn't have trust? He wasn't too sure about Justin's surprise appearance, but hell, if it kicked Michael in gear towards… something, he'd be happy. He hated this lethargic clockwork limbo they had rutted themselves into. The edges were wearing thin as time went on because the last thing Brian wanted was to lose… this. _

_He doubted he would ever have to words to say what was needed. Put him in a boardroom and he could light the place on fire with his pitch, the right moves at the right time. Talk the talk and dazzle his clients. He could sell a rich man his own money on his worst day. But to keep Michael? His mouth would go dry and his heart would race, pounding so loud that the blood rushing in his ears would drown out anything else. The words died in his throat and all he could do was talk circles around what he wanted to say, what he needed to say. Brian didn't want to think of it as winning Michael over, but he needed an edge, something more._

_He knew… he knew deep down that he could never get on bended knee and propose. Maybe, with time, but not now. It wasn't right. He knew he couldn't romance his friend off his feet like he had let his wandering imagination play out for him. He was awkward, clumsy and choked up at the idea that, after all they could say to each other, he couldn't say what he wanted. Maybe he wasn't the best choice for Michael. Odds were against him, against them. Their luck was shit together, the track record years long to prove it._

_Shit! For once Brian really wanted something for himself. He didn't really live his life for himself. Everything he had, everything he showed off, was for everyone else. His arms tightened around Michael. He wanted this, Michael, for himself._

_But what about what Michael wanted?_

Brian was used to going without sleep, it wasn't a problem for him. He looked like hell and felt like he was hit by a truck, and if someone could turn down the noise from the stampeding elephants, it would be nice, but he could handle it. Making his way from the shower to kitchen naked, he found a bottle of water, but not much else. God, he hated food shopping. Well, when he remember the food, anyways.

With the water in hand, he wandered to the computer, damp towel around his shoulders, cradling his neck as he sank back into the soft leather while the computer warmed up. It was six, he'd be getting ready for work right now. It was easier to fiddle with a few projects that needed some approval and shoot them off to Cynthia in an email telling her he wasn't coming in today.

With phone calls, she could always tell, that fucking sneak. Brian had a harder time dancing around the truth when she was able to grill him on the phone. Emails were perfect; Short, sweet and to the point. She'd probably call him later, bugging the shit out of him. He couldn't take it today, not today.

Leaning heavily on one armrest, Brian rubbed uselessly at his temple. Christ, could this machine be any fucking louder? Eyes shut tight, he waited for the right amount of clicks and beeps to go off before opening his eyes to that blindingly bright screen in the dim morning light filtering through the Loft.

The specs looked good to him. A few notes, color changes, typos, the usual. God, he loved hand picking his own team to work on his projects. No muss, no fuss. They knew their goddamn place and accepted his changes without argument. There was no one to complain about a pitch, save the client, and it was just so very rare that they did. Ego, thoroughly stroked, he sent the email with a small smile. It really was the little things in life.

He tapped his fingertips lightly against some keys on the keyboard, the thumb of his other hand held between his teeth as he stared at the screen, debating. Six in the morning… what were the chances he'd find something good, instead of a fucking troll? Well, good things didn't really come to those who could wait.

Brian kept a separate screen name and email for the certain websites he was known to frequent. It made organizing his life that much easier. He wasn't surprised to find the email bogged down with offers and questions and some… no, a lot of pictures. Did he really want to make do with pictures? He hadn't had to stoop that low since… probably his teens.

Pathetic.

He was Brian fucking Kinney, wasn't he?

There was Mikey, though.

His hand recoiled from the keyboard at the thought of Michael, as if the piece of plastic burned him. Fuck. Michael was just… ruining everything. Great way to think of it this late in the game, but wasn't he allowed to be himself? Wasn't that who he wanted to be? Fuck everyone else?

Brian didn't even have the energy behind those words anymore. Michael had sunk himself in deeper to his life, his actions, if that was even possible. True, not everything he had done had been for Michael. A lot of the negative things in his life, maybe. Lashing out, acting out, causing an uproar here and there. It always got Michael's attention and it always brought him right back to Brian's side. But if anything, the last year told him that he didn't have to be like that to keep Michael. That's what he wanted, so why was he sitting around just thinking about it?

_Michael had come home late that night, Ben had noticed. Hunter and Ben were just cleaning up after dinner when he walked through the door. Ben thought he looked like he had been crying and his hair was still faintly damp. Michael muttered something about the gym or the steam room. Something, whatever it was, wasn't right and Ben knew that much. He just never knew how to handle these situations. It felt like Michael didn't want him to be around to help comfort him, usually it led to a fight or an awkward compromise of sorts. Like Michael was just allowing him in because it was easier._

"_What's wrong with Michael?" Hunter asked, putting away clean dishes._

"_Couldn't tell you, pal," Ben sighed, shutting the faucet off. _

"_Gonna be a long night, then?"_

_Ben smiled ruefully. "I think I'm gonna work for a little, maybe wait until he's asleep."_

"_Dude, why not just take the couch if you wanna avoid him that bad?" _

_The older man wiped his hands on a nearby dishtowel, tossing it on the counter when he was done. "I don't want to avoid him, Hunter. I just… I don't know what to do for him."_

_Hunter looked at Ben like he had two heads. "Be there."_

_It wasn't to say that Ben didn't want to be there, he was just awkward about it. He didn't know whether to treat Michael delicately (which had brought about more than a few arguments and snarky comments of 'wife' being thrown around) or just let him work it out. When was he supposed to treat Michael like a spouse and be there without asking and treat him like a man and try not to hurt his dignity by handling him with kid gloves?_

_It was a fine goddamn line and it was more stress than Ben knew how to handle._

_In the end, Ben had wound up working himself late into the night at the dining room table before taking a few hours to nap on the couch, TV low and lulling him to sleep. It was only when he heard the bathroom upstairs running, sending the pipes into low rushing groans over his head, that he woke up and crept up the stairs to the bedroom and stripped out of his clothes and snuck into bed beside Michael._

_Looking at him when he's sleeping, Ben can't help but smile. He does love Michael, he knows he does. And Michael, ever the giver, loves him. Ben is sure of it. He just doesn't know how much and it kills him. Everyone has the capacity to love, the problem is, it happens on different levels. You love your family differently than you love your friends, you love your partner differently than you love the stranger you just met that held the door open for you when your hands were full. You could break it down further than that, not all friends were friends, but acquaintances that you called friends to try and ease the blow. You loved your best friend more than-_

_Well, that was the problem. How did Michael love his best friend in comparison to his husband? _

Ben was walking around the living room, smoking as he let his eyes linger on the toys and little collectable items Michael had stationed around the room. He'd gotten up a few hours later to get ready for work and found the house empty. Michael and Hunter were gone. Not gone for good gone, because everything they both had was still here. Probably more or less a cooling off gone. They'd be back, probably once he was gone for the day.

There was a picture, from their wedding day, sitting next to a superhero action figure. It made Ben smile as he took a step closer. They were covered in confetti and all that sparkle nonsense, laughing. Why couldn't they go back to that? What the fuck had happened between then and now?

Why the hell couldn't Brian just go away?

Ben had been too caught up in his own thoughts to hear the phone ringing in the background. He caught the last ring and reached for the phone, only to have the answering machine pick it up. He just let it go, he could call whoever it was back later.

"_**Mikey, it's Brian," **_the deep voice sighed tiredly into the answering machine. Ben stiffened, turning to look at the machine as if it were alive. _**"You won't pick up your cell. Will you call m-"**_

Ben snatched up the phone, cigarette between his lips as he nearly growled into the receiver. "What the fuck are you doing calling here?"

On the other end, Brian nearly dropped the phone. He took a breath to steady himself. _**"Big Ben… as I live and breathe. I'm calling for Michael. He around?"**_

"No, he's not 'around'," Ben barked, voice catching on the hard edge of the smoke. Clearing his throat he continued. "Happy with yourself, Kinney? Finally got everyone, yeah?"

Silence met Ben as Brian paused to compose himself. _**"You have no idea what you're talking about, so why don't you calm down-"**_

"Don't know what I'm talking about?" Ben asked, incredulous. "Don't know what- You _fucked _him, Brian. Good and well, I would think, since he's fucking gone."

"_**What do you mean 'gone'?" **_Brian demanded, getting out of his chair and heading for the bedroom. He needed clothes, he needed to find Michael. Now.

"Gone, asshole," Ben repeated. "As in; Not here. Thanks to you, I doubt he's coming back."

Maybe being a little bit dramatic.

"_**Fuck! You just let him go?" **_Brian snapped into the receiver, cradling it between his ear and shoulder as he sifted through his closet.

"What am I supposed to do, chain him up?"

"_**He'd probably like that."**_

"Don't-"

"_**He also likes it when you pull his hair, just a little, when he's not expecting it," **_Brian continued, smiling as he paused in his search for jeans to focus his attention on the call. _**"And when you bite his neck when it's stretched from pulling his head back. Drives him fucking wild."**_

Ben held his breath, listening. Brian was talking about Michael. _His_ husband, like this was a fucking game of 'compare notes'. "Fuck you, Kinney."

"_**Not my position, remem-" **_Brian stared at the phone as it clicked harshly in his ear, cutting him off. Brian shrugged, tossing the phone on the bed as he went in search of something to wear to go out and find Michael. The only choices were the store or the diner, unless he went to crash at Emmett's, but he didn't think Michael would be breaking the news this soon.

He was surprised enough that he had told Ben.

_Ben had taken to an earlier workout regime later in the week. He loved Michael, but he wasn't telling him what was wrong and the attention was nice, but suffocating. He needed his little 'outs'. Work, books, gym, go out to dinner. Honestly, anything to keep the fawning and flirting to a minimum. Ben loved it at first, didn't want to fall into it though. He didn't want to help Michael avoid… but he didn't know how to help Michael. It was a lose-lose situation in his mind until Michael worked it out himself. He just hated how… used he felt after the sex. Not that it was performed like a 'marital duty' so to speak, but that Michael really could go completely off the wall. Ben didn't want to hurt him. Too many risks if they were too rough. He couldn't think about that at all right now._

_But it was the weekend, Saturday. He skipped the morning workout because Michael had just worn him down the night before. Ben always thought them equals in bed, that they shared the same likes and dislikes, the comfort and closeness. Sure, maybe a few rounds in the shower or in the kitchen, but the place didn't change the pace much. Ben liked to joke that Michael was feisty, but he didn't really expect it until the last week. Michael had been, in all sense of the word, the aggressor in bed. Ben didn't mind the loss of control much, it was just shocking, plain and simple to watch Michael nearly lose it in bed._

_Christ. Ben didn't know if he could handle that._

_He pulled on a button down shirt over his thick arms and broad chest, buttoning it up when he saw the pile of blankets on the bed shift. He glanced at the clock._

"_Not going to the diner today?" Ben asked as he was dressing for work while Michael kept himself curled under the thick covers, facing away from him. It was already nine and the gang usually met up around ten before going about their day on the weekends. Ben would've been joining everyone himself if had hadn't agreed to add on a Saturday morning class and attend a faculty meeting after that._

_Michael rolled over and Ben smiled as he had the covers pulled up so high that he could only see his dark eyes and wild bed head peering at him. From what Ben could see, his husband looked wide awake and temping him back into bed for the entire weekend. If only he could handle it. Michael had been excessive in his attention to Ben since last week. Not that Ben seemed to mind one bit. He couldn't let on too much, could he?_

_Michael shook his head under the covers a muffled voice saying, "Nah, wanna stay in today."_

_Ben walked over to the bed, shirt open and half buttoned as he sat on the edge close to Michael. "Mm, wish I could stay in with you, baby." He leaned over and pressed a kiss to the other man's temple before finishing his routine of dressing and saying goodbye, he'd be home around five if he was lucky._

_As Ben secured his backpack over his shoulder and walked his bike out the door, he exhaled heavily as the relief flowed through him. Christ, this was not the way he should feel at all. He should be happy but he was still worried. Just when he had felt things were getting back to normal, they were more screwed up than before. Better to just let it run its course, he decided, throwing a leg over the bike and pedaling off to the school. He was just grateful that the Saturday class was later in the morning. Something about the weekend didn't want him up at six in the morning to get him there by seven. _

Hunter and Michael had left before really finishing any of the food. Michael was tired, but rejuvenated once they hit the streets, leaving Justin and Tim to try and figure out how to screw at the counter of the diner without getting caught. Stopping his momentum would put him to sleep and he knew it. Just short of downing coffee and chugging soda all day, he would be out like a light in another few hours. He was glad Hunter was coming with him. The kid was a night owl as it was, he could handle the store for a few hours while he napped in the back.

The house was empty when they entered, both looking around cautiously and listening for any sounds that Ben might be home. When they heard nothing, they both sighed collectively before Michael trudged upstairs to grab a shower and change before work. Hunter, still hungry, went to grab the cereal from the cabinets along with a bowl, milk and spoon. He brought the completed process into the living room, noticing the phone tossed on the couch. Hunter moved it aside and took a seat, reaching for the remote on the table and turning on the TV.

He didn't keep time on Michael, but figured the half hour the show had run had Michael getting dressed right then. Or in the next few minutes anyways. When he got up to put the empty bowl in the sink, he noticed the answering machine was blinking. Maybe Ben got a call or something. Weighing the options, he hit the play button.

"_**Mikey, it's Brian. You won't pick up your cell. Will you call m-" **_Hunter heard the voice got cut off and another come on. _**"What the fuck are you doing calling here?"**_

The message ended after that, having registered the phone being picked up. That was Ben. Hunter saved the messaged and went to put the bowl away. Okay, so Brian called and Ben picked up. No worries. On his way to the kitchen, he noticed, finally, that Ben hadn't taken his bike or school stuff.

Oh shit. Was he just sleeping? Was Michael walking in on Ben in the bedroom right now? No, his shoes were missing from their spot by the door and so was his jacket. Ben was gone, didn't lock up the door, pissed off at everything and Brian just called.

"Michael!" Hunter yelled, going to the bottom of the stairs. There was no answer. The young man kept calling his name as he rushed up the stairs and into Michael's bedroom and then turning his head away blindly.

"Shit, naked ass!" Hunter complained, putting a hand over his eyes.

Michael rolled his. "You've seen worse, I'm sure."

"Dude, still. Tell me when it's safe to look."

"Well, why are you barging into my room?"

"We might have a problem."

Michael pulled on a pair of briefs, telling Hunter it was safe to look now. "Oh, crap. I forgot to call the school. Wait, lemme get my phone, I'll do it."

Hunter was going to tell him he was wrong, but Michael got to his phone before he could say anything. Michael was assaulted with missed calls, voicemails and texts from Brian. Well, fuck, it was so early when these had started. Didn't Justin say he was 'blind drunk' and passed out? What the hell?

"Michael-"

Michael held the phone to his ear, hitting the callback button, holding up a finger to Hunter. He listened to the ringing in his ear and heard it click to voicemail. Shit. He tried again. More ringing and voicemail. He didn't even bother leaving a message and he'd sift through all the ones he had later.

"Well, shit, he was in such a big hurry to get me on the phone and now he's not answering," Michael muttered, dialing the school's number and placing the phone to his ear.

Hunter let his shoulders drop in an exasperated motion, nearly walking up and knocking the phone out of Michael's hand. Michael was informing the front office that Hunter would be absent today. Out sick. Nothing serious, just a little cold that was better to keep an eye on than anything else.

The young man rolled his eyes. Sure, he wasn't in perfect health, but he was still young and healthy enough. He wasn't Ben. He wasn't worried over every little sniffle, because sometimes it really was just a little sniffle. Call him ignorant, but he took his meds, went to the gym from time to time and ate fairly right. He may not live to be a hundred, but he'd live long enough to be happy. And still be able not to freak out if he got a cold.

When Michael hung up, Hunter was on him in a flash, words tumbling out of his mouth in a rush with wild hand gestures that had Michael wondering if he was rubbing off on the kid. When Hunter stopped to take a breath, Michael smiled in a confused manner and asked him to calm down and try again.

"Answering machine," Hunter stated clearly. "Brian called, Ben picked up."

Michael shrugged. "This is still _my _house, too. My friends can call here."

"And his stuff is gone."

Michael looked around the room. No, it looked like Ben's stuff was still here. "Not really…"

Hunter sighed, running a hand through his hair. "No, like his shoes and jacket and I bet if you look, his wallet and shit, too!"

Michael pulled on his t-shirt and went over to the dresser giving it a once over. Yeah, the wallet was gone along with his watch. So what? "He's got work today, Hunter." This game was tiring.

"His backpack is still downstairs."

"Oh," Michael said with a shrug, going to put his pants on and then stopped. "Oh." He looked over at Hunter. "Oh shit. And the bike?"

Hunter nodded.

"Oh, fuck me!" Michael snapped, tossing Hunter his cell phone. "Get dressed, call a cab. You're opening the store."

"What about you?"

"I have to get to Brian's."

_Hunter already knew the ins and outs of Red Cape from afternoons spent helping with Michael when he was done with his homework. It was better to be there rather than sitting at home, alone, in the house. Besides, he liked the little kids that stormed the shop and left it looking like a disaster area the minute they left. Kids were pretty cool in his book. After awhile, he'd gotten over his annoyance with Jenny and that whole custody battle that went one and was disappointed not to have her around anymore to watch grow up. He wanted to be there. Be a… brother, if he could even use the term._

_Man, his family was fucked up._

_Michael was still talking while Hunter was busying himself in a bin of comics. _

"_Okay, so register, computer the comics are all marked for prices," Michael explained, pointing at the scan bar on the back of the comics. "If you need to leave or close up, any sort of emergency… not meaning 'my girlfriend just called and I have to go', put all the money in the bag under the counter and put that in the safe."_

_Hunter rolled his eyes before looking up from the bin of comics. "Can Katie come here?"_

_He really liked Katie. He didn't want to say love. Life taught him that the word was thrown around too easily and too much when it wasn't necessary. After his first girlfriend, like, for real first, Hunter learned the hard way that life just sucked in relationships and going too fast was the wrong idea in life. With his status… damn, it was like Ben had told him. Honesty was hard, but he had to do it. _

_Yeah, Ben told him a lot of crap like that. Hunter wasn't too sure how he had gotten Michael being honest about his status, but… well, there they were. Ben painted a nice picture, when Hunter asked, about how the two met. Michael filled in the truth about how he had backed out, like an idiot (Michael's words, not Hunter's), and worked his ass off to get Ben back. When he filled in the blanks from both with each other's stories, it was actually a nice one of how two people met._

_Y'know, something everybody dreamed about with it's hilarious and heart wrenching moments that were fit for movies. Hunter could only hope he'd wind up with that._

"_I dunno, are you two going to mess up the backroom?" Michael asked, crossing his arms, snapping back to pay attention as Hunter flipped through comics._

"_We haven't even done that yet! Fuck," Hunter exclaimed, throwing his arms up in exasperation. "I don't know why you two don't believe me when I tell you that."_

"_Well… you're a teenager. Poz or not, it is hard to believe," Michael admitted as he straightened out the few papers on the counter. "Did you tell her yet?"_

"_Yeah. That's why we haven't done anything yet. She knows it's a risk and even a smaller one with protection, but she wants to wait," Hunter explained with a shrug. "I dunno. Women."_

"_Hey, don't look at me. I don't know a damn thing about them. Ask Lindsey."_

_Hunter rolled his eyes, walking behind the counter and going on the computer, clicking away with the mouse. Michael had been weird this morning, forgetting he and Ben agreed to let him work in the store on his own. Without Michael's Uncle Vic around much, and Michael's unwillingness to take a day off or ask for help (which is another reason Hunter stuck around after school) Hunter had offered to help. A bit of monetary compensation, of course, but that was mostly to keep the books legit and it was good work experience for Hunter, since pulling down extra classes to make up for some years missed was taking up a bit of time to hold a job that wouldn't be as flexible as a family business._

_Ben hadn't wanted him to, fussing more over school and worried about the added distraction keeping him from staying on track with his meds and the light workout regime they started along with eating right and three times a day. Christ, he made it sound like Hunter would die if he took on a job. He was pulling in average grades, remembering his meds and Michael was the kind of person to force you to eat no matter what, anyways. True, it may not always be that healthy crap Ben preferred, but shit. He was a teen. He liked junk food, or food with taste for that matter._

_Still, Michael was hanging around like he was lost._

"_What are you gonna be doing today?" Hunter asked, looking up from the computer. Really, he looked completely lost._

_Michael shrugged. "I don't have a clue. I guess I could hit the gym a little early today."_

"_Gonna call Brian?"_

"_What? Why?"_

_Hunter looked at Michael as though he'd grown another head. "Because you two always go to the gym together. Christ, what is wrong with you today?"_

"_Nothing," he assured his son. "It's just… one of those days, y'know?"_

"_Not really, dude," Hunter chuckled, clicking around aimlessly on the web. One link led to another and another… sometimes you'd find something interesting._

"_Smartass. Anyways, I'll have my cell so call if you need anything and I'll-"_

_The bells above the door jingled merrily as they both looked towards the door and found Brian nonchalantly entering, eyes hidden behind aviators as he worked a piece of gum in his mouth absently. Michael was beyond confused by the appearance. Brian hadn't shown up all week to the shop and missing breakfast wasn't a big deal. Why was he here?_

"_Hey, dude, just in time," Hunter greeted with a self-serving smile. "Michael was just thinking about hitting the gym. You up for it?"_

_Brian raised an eyebrow over the shades and a smile eased its way onto his lips. "Ah, the gym. How could I forget? We just haven't been there in… oh, how long, Mikey?"_

_Michael gave Brian a 'shut the hell up or I'll smack you upside the head worse than Ma' look as Hunter's confusion spread across his features. What the hell was going on with everyone today? Ben running out the door like a loon (usually Hunter could hear things from their bedroom, even in the mornings), Michael forgetting about the store and Brian showing up out of the blue and saying he and Michael hadn't been going to the gym?_

_Where the hell had they been going all this time?_

"_What do you mean? Michael still-"_

"_He's just being an asshole, Hunter. Ignore him," Michael interjected. _

_Brian shrugged. "We found a better way to work out, wouldn't you say?"_

"_Oh, for the love of- Go! Outside, now!" Michael barked, shoving Brian out the door as he waved at Hunter. Brian let himself be manhandled out the door, laughing as he turned around on the sidewalk, trying to calm Michael down, struggling to grab at the smaller hands shoving him roughly occasionally landing a good smack against the side of his head. _

_Hunter stared at the door where they exited, glancing at the large window covered in posters from who knew how many years ago. They just seemed to collect. He could see Brian laughing and ducking away from small flying hands through an uncovered patch of window and Hunter tried to busy himself with something to do near that spot. Maybe even pick up some of the conversation._

_Brian was still smiling when he caught hold of Michael's wrists. Hunter thought the game was over then, but Brian yanked Michael's body flush up against his own and Hunter couldn't help but stare. That was something you only saw in, like, TV dramas. Michael wasn't happy, red in the face and frowning as he spoke, glaring up at Brian. _

_Any fun that was had disappeared in that instant as Brian dropped Michael's hands and closed himself off from Michael, lips moving. Hunter really couldn't hear anything, but he could imagine. None of it looked good from here._

_Michael reached out and Brian stepped back. He really was shutting himself down, Hunter realized. If he knew anything about these two, besides the friendship, was that there was something serious between them about boundaries. Meaning, compared to most friends, they didn't have them. They latched on to each other, cuddled, possessive arms around shoulders or waists, kisses. All of it was personal, slightly intense and the fact that Brian wasn't having any of it probably meant something serious._

_Brian put more distance between them, turning to spit out his gum and light a cigarette. Michael finally looked at the window, spotting Hunter in a second. Hunter ducked out of sight, heart racing and heard car doors open and shut. Eventually the car drove off down the road and Hunter peeked out of the open patch of window again to check._

_Yeah, they were gone now. Hunter couldn't help but awkwardly putter about the store for awhile, feeling guilty about spying, but curiously wondering what the hell was going on. Why couldn't he get rid of the feeling that he was missing some bigger part of the picture?_

Brian was halfway out the door when the knock came. He had a cigarette between his lips and his cell phone in his hand, about to try Michael again when he gave a frustrated sigh and slide the metal door open. Bad time for Justin, or anyone else, to show up at his door. That was the last thing he thought as he hunched over, coughing out the cigarette onto the floor, arms automatically wrapping around his abdomen. The air completely left his lungs, making it hard to inhale, bringing unexpected tears to his eyes.

Oh shit, this is what suffocation felt like. His mind flashed back to the night Michael walked in on him with his birthday gift to himself so many years ago. That fucking scarf. It was different, but the same. The feel of choking drowned out sound, left his face feeling tight and his muscles slow. This was almost like that. Being on edge of not getting in enough air, that faint panic in the back of his mind from his body trying to rebel, having him gasp at air that didn't seem to be there without the physical attachments that he was probably going to die.

It felt like there was a tender lead weight in his gut as he looked up and found Ben standing over him. Not so fucking 'Zen' now, was he? Brian sputtered, trying to right himself, only managing to lean on the doorframe, panting.

"Cheap… shot," Brian spat, getting lightheaded.

"I could say the same," Ben said, oddly calm. That was all he had needed, really. Sure, he had come with visions of beating the living shit out of Brian. Until the cops came or he stopped moving. Kicking the crap out of him where he lay on the ground. Blood. Ben had really wanted to spill some blood as dangerous as that was considering his health.

After the initial punch to the gut, knowing enough that it would probably leave Brian open for a harder attack, the anger just… left. Not that he saw Brian defeated, but he couldn't bring himself to move against the other man further. They had each taken things a step too far. And now, as Brian was able to breathe, standing up straight and they looked each other in the eye, both pairs hard and wary, they found an acceptance.

They both fucked up.

_A/N: Oh man, I'm sorry if this took longer than usual (very bad with time). End of the semester is coming up and apparently you're supposed to pile on MORE work. Go figure on that one, people. Seriously. _

_Anyways, I'm not going to say anything about this chapter. I'd like to see what possible reviewers might say before I give anything away. But man, can you believe this? Chapter six. I can't believe I had this much to write about on this situation! I thought I'd be done by now. Go me! I deserve cookies. lol_

_I'm glad so many of you are enjoying it, I love hearing from you guys, I really do. But I do have some warning. My semester doesn't end until… poop, like the second week of May. So add on finals to all the projects and papers they keep piling on my life… it might be a safe bet not to expect anything new until the middle of May. I'm not ignoring it, but the work might be slow going (obviously). So I just wanted to give you some heads up so you can go get some snacks and park yourselves in front of your computer screens, waiting. Cause I know you love me that much. XD_

_Okay, no, ego aside, go get some snacks. You deserve it for reading this. Lol_

_Oop! And don't forget to leave a review if you do feel so inclined._

_~SL_


	7. Chapter 7

Choose

_A/N: I can't believe I'm doing this. . But credit where credit is due. In large part, this chapter (and working out future chapters) goes to my ex. You guys officially owe him, as do I. Either way, I'm glad I've got another writer to bounce the hard stuff off of and that I can do the same for you. _

_Also, also, also! T gets a round of applause, a huge one! She helped me get my work up on another site, I've met some new people cause of her and she sends me little bug messages from time to time to make sure I'm still working on this. ^.^ So, huge thanks to her and hopefully I can get back into the word game. lol_

_JustCallMeMarly – Oh shit, I'm getting personal now! XD I just wanted to say I love getting your reviews, I really do. You're dedicated and take the time to give me something very well thought out, and I doubt I deserve it. Lol Your first review actually helped me feel comfortable doing this much with this story. When I started posting the B/M fics here, I noticed a serious lack of them, I figured no one actually WANTED to read them! So thank you for that. We should talk more, jump in some discussions some time when I'm not completely bogged down and have slept. I'm more coherent… or so I'm told. You know what I mean. _

_PS – Squee! Word game!_

_Rae – I can't just leave you out. Lol Your excitement makes me giggle! I have a feeling you're just one of those people that passes it on, know what I mean? So far, the reviews have always made me smile and get ready for the next chapter. Thank you! And I'm so glad my story was the first one to get you 'back in the game' so to speak. And as far as school, I'm trying. Lol I need a lighter load next semester._

_Lisa – You wanted Ethan, I'm sorry I can't give him to you. Don't be sad! There might be a hopeful conclusion for the blond brat. lol_

_FantasyChick – I'm so happy to have dragged you over to the dark side. ^.^ Stay here, we have hot boys with the best untold love story ever created (even though we love to fill in those blanks for them lol). And cookies. I can offer the cookies. _

_I tend to do personal reviews when I know I'm coming to the end. I dunno if this'll be the last chapter until I finish it, so don't freak and think that! I just know that we're finally reaching the end point, and soon. So, I wanted to thank each of you, my reviewers, personally for taking a few minutes out of your day to give me a bit of encouragement or just make my day (cause it does make my day lol). And to the readers I have (or don't have… I dunno, you're invisible!) that don't leave a review, thank you for reading! I hope you're passing the story on to friends or, I dunno, something. Lol I like sharing… sometimes._

_I do hate dragging these out, but I am on a slight roll at the moment. I'm kind of surprised, I have to admit. No one seemed to pick it up, or at least you didn't say anything. Once I got the 'past' parts of the story caught up with the present, I freaked. I can't just… not continue using the writing style I had been! So, I went back to the first chapter, used the very last part of the last present scene (the shoooower) and gave it more depth. I decided to keep it up, using previous 'present scenes' as new 'past scenes' with different character perspectives that will obviously lead to fun new twists and explanations! And it helps me bring in the other characters much better. So, honestly, I feel like I'm now telling three stories at once. The original past scenes, the present scenes and the new present/past scenes._

_Christ! I guess I love making more work for myself. I officially have more to play with in the story now, like, ideas are forming as I type even though I just said we were coming to an end… that might've been premature now. o.O Forgive me? _

_Okay, I'm done. I promise. Enjoy the next chapter!_

_~SL_

_Chapter Seven_

"_I'll say it, if you want," Brian said quietly, tight grip still on Michael's wrist. _

_Michael smiled. "You don't have to. You never did. I always knew."_

"_I just… I can't keep this up. Not without getting more in return."_

"_We could start doing the diner again in the mornings. We haven't done that in awhile-"_

"_Half a year," Brian elaborated. Like breakfast was going to make up for lost time Brian never knew he had lost?_

"_Okay, we haven't done that in half a year. Still think Ted and Emmett would remember us, let alone go?" Michael ask, trying to joke._

"_Well, the three of us are usually always there. You disappeared." It wasn't a joke to Brian._

_Michael sighed. "It's hard, y'know? I don't expect you to understand, but there's just so much legal bullshit to slog through with Hunter that… it might be easier to-" the look on Brian's face changed subtly, but it was caught. "That's not my choice, Brian. Don't do that."_

"_What?"_

"_That look."_

"_Which one?" he asked, releasing Michael's wrist, playing innocent._

"_Mm, that one you get where you try to look as empty as possible. It doesn't work."_

"_Maybe not on you, but everyone else-"_

"_Everyone else is fucking retarded. And they won't be me. Ever."_

"_Don't I know it," Brian muttered, rolling to sit up on the edge of his side of the bed, back facing Michael. He had no guilt about what they were doing, where they just fucked. Brian had no such love or respect for Ben when they first met and he had none of it now. _

_Honestly, he just couldn't face Michael. Brian didn't know how his best friend could say those things (those so very true things) and… just let him go. Because he was collecting his clothes that had made a trail from here to the stairs and down, putting his on and collecting the articles of Michael's to bring them back. He needed a moment to breathe._

_God, he wondered why he started all of this in the first place. The only going on that night so fucking long ago was that he was there in the club with Michael and Ben was an asshole. Didn't deserve half of what Michael gave him. And neither did anyone else cruising him that night. It just… it made so much sense when he was fucked up. Brian was there, he was always there, and he learned his lesson with Justin, didn't he? He figured he was better off alone after that mess, but he was never alone, really. Michael was there. Michael was always there, even if he had other things to do. A phone call away, not even. _

_So, what had he learned from Justin? If not being alone, what else? _

_Brian knew he could blame it on the drugs, he could've. It was easy enough to since he had done it before and damned if he might not do it again. But Brian knew he was one of those people that learned something better when he physically did it, not when someone told him how to do it. He never tried a relationship, a real one, since he was a kid (hell, what was a 'relationship' back then? A quick fuck when the parents were out, not much else). Justin being his first taste at this, Brian found that… not only could he do it, but he could do it better. Practice, practice, practice, right?_

_He just wanted, truly actually _wanted _someone he could stomach for more than a few months at a time. Someone who could keep up with him, not hold him back, who wouldn't play catch up. All of that had been there all this fucking time and he would've been an idiot not to take a chance… just once. Blame it on the party favors and drinking if worse came to worse._

_Too bad it got worse. _

_Brian didn't expect it to be so easy to slip inside of the idea of a 'relationship', because that's all it still was to him. They still had the friendship, added some sex into it, but Michael's relationship was with Ben. And Brian was starting to hate that more and more with each passing day that he realized how much he wanted to take that place and how much better he could do with it for Michael. And Michael deserved the best, didn't he?_

_Ah, shit. This was not supposed to happen._

"_Brian?" Michael called, popping his head out the doorway. "Oh, hey… thought you might've left."_

_Brian held the bundle of Michael's clothes closer to his chest, trying not to jump. He'd been too lost in thought in the hallway. And it was that face with the sheepish smile and the wild dark hair with those dark eyes that let him forget everything that happened to him in the past, that made Brian walk over to Michael, dropping the clothes on the floor and pulling him tight up against him and kissed him._

_Michael looked up, surprised when he pulled away. "What's up?"_

"_I'll never leave you, Mikey," Brian admitted. "I can't."_

Ben and Brian were still toe to toe in the doorway, glaring at each other. So they knew they took things a little too far. Brian had a knack for saying too much when it wasn't necessary and Ben didn't really have to come all the way out here to land a good one right to Brian's gut. They knew this. They understood it. Why were they still here?

"We done here?" Brian asked, trying to let the tension out of his body. He felt so tightly wound. He wanted to fight back, it was natural instinct for him after years of the bullshit he went through. You beat the other person down until they knew better for next time. Ben had a thick skull. His lesson might take awhile.

"No," Ben said, trying to cross the entryway.

Brian put a hand to Ben's wide chest without any strength behind it. Ben had stopped when he felt the fingertips touch him, holding him back. "Well, unless you're here to fix the lovely burn on my hardwood floor, I'm done," Brian said, flicking his eyes to the floor where the cigarette lay, dead. He was thankful these new ones stopped burning if you neglected them for a few minutes, despite the added chemicals they probably had to use. The damage was minimal, just a dark spot, tiny. Wouldn't even notice it. "And so are you."

Ben looked absolutely shocked. "Leave my fucking family alone."

"Now they're your 'family'?" Brian asked, scoffing in disbelief, letting his hand fall back to his side. "Because rumor has it that you're gone an awful lot to be _anyone's_ family."

"How would you know?" Ben snapped, trying to pull the advantage of his slight height difference over Brian, looking down his nose at him through his glasses. He was still bigger, either way. That was intimidating enough.

Or it should've been. Brian still had a knack for saying too much. "Someone had to keep Mikey company, Benny Boy. C'mon, you're a smart man. Put two and two together."

When asked later, Brian still wouldn't have the words to describe Ben's face in that moment. It was heartbreaking. Almost. Watching that handsome face register and process what had been said, then break. Shattered and crumbling, Brian felt like rolling his eyes for split second. This was too much bullshit for him. Watching this man he had no respect for as a person just collapse. He wasn't the person to do this in front of.

Ben was staring at the floor now, mostly at the forgotten cigarette, wishing for one. "In my bed." Michael lied. Looked him in the eyes and lied. That hurt worse than the actions.

Brian did roll his eyes now. "You want to kill yourself with this? Fine. Yes. In _your _bed." Let's just forget half of it was Michael's, shall we? "I'd like to leave now."

Casual indifference or not, Brian had sharp eyes focused on the hulking form of a broken man in front of him. If Ben had come here on the attack, there was no way he was going to calm down instantly and be done with it. Brian had seen him flip out when there was a vigil after the bombing of Babylon. Yeah, that guy was asking for it. A swift kick in the nuts would've done him some good, but Ben had probably put the poor bastard in the hospital with that assault.

Brian wasn't going down the same way, he had resolved that after catching his breath.

_Ben didn't know what to do. Black material was fisted in his hands, unsure of what conclusion to draw from it. He remembered the shirt, did think much of it when Michael had come home in one of Brian's shirts (adorably rumpled in the oversized thing, thinking back on it) muttering something about wanting something clean to wear. He knew Michael had been hung over, among other things, but had he really been this blind?_

_The bed was still a mess, pillows tossed to the floor and the sheets peeled and thrown. In the mess, picking it up (he had assumed that Michael had fallen back asleep and woken up late to open the store), Ben had found the torn black shirt stuffed between the mattress and headboard. Tucked away for what reason? Had it always been there? And why the hell was it ripped?_

_God, that night was so long ago it was hard to remember everything exactly, but this was the shirt. The only other solid black shirt Michael owned was a long sleeve. And he hated wearing all black. He heard the front door open and shut downstairs, Hunter and Michael doing their usual banter back and forth. Ben really didn't feel like playing nice tonight. Things were just getting harder and harder to handle and he wasn't sure where to find his next outlet with this little revelation in his hands. _

_It all just kept coming back to one thing: Brian._

_The last time he saw this shirt, Michael was going out with _Brian. _Why was it torn? Michael probably had some excuse about _Brian. _Whenever they were arguing, he ran to _Brian._ They couldn't have a normal, balanced relationship because of _Brian.

_Ben felt a surge of anger. He didn't want to think the worst of his husband, but hadn't he been in the same position once before? Someone who, maybe didn't understand him, but seemed to. His problems, his illness, wanted so desperately to be part of it, to worship him… That's what Michael did for Brian, wasn't it? That adoring, almost lifelong admiration and respect, the utmost intimate knowledge of each other_

_The room… it looked like a fight went on in here. Or, maybe, some absolutely fucking crazy sex. That was stretching the limits of Ben's imagination, even he had to admit, but still. With things between them so unsure it was a possibility, wasn't it?_

"_Ben?" Michael called up the stairs._

_Ben felt like he'd been caught red-handed. What did he do now? Talk to Michael about it? Was it anything to talk about? He heard footsteps coming up the stairs and felt rooted to the spot, shirt held tightly in his hands as he stared at it, listening to the footfalls come closer and closer to the door. _

The cab hadn't arrived quick enough for Michael's taste. He was pacing near the door with Hunter tumbling down the stairs, pulling s shirt over his head when the horn went off outside. They both jumped into the back, Michael directing the driver to Red Cape and then to Brian's Loft. Unfortunately, they were hitting morning traffic by the time Hunter had gotten settled at the shop. Stuck in lines of slow moving cars, Michael fidgeted, eventually pulling out his phone.

Call number one was to Emmett.

"_**Honey?" **_Emmett asked, obviously having been woken up. _**"Michael, what's up?"**_

"Em, I'm sorry," Michael said absently, staring intently out the window. "I know it's really early, but can you give Hunter a hand at the store for awhile? Just a few hours, I've got a shipment coming in and something came up."

"_**Well, it's just nice to hear from you," **_Emmett yawned. _**"Even if it's for a favor. Can it wait an hour? Need to gussy myself up."**_

"Yeah, sure," Michael nodded, even though Emmett couldn't see it. "I'm sorry. Things have been so busy lately. Thank you so much, Em. We'll do dinner or something tonight. My treat."

"_**You just go take care of business, hon," **_Emmett consoled. _**"Sounds like you're in a rush."**_

"Yeah, fucking traffic."

"_**Well, it is an ungodly hour of the morning."**_

"Most people get up for work now, Emmett."

Emmett groaned, getting out of bed. _**"Have I ever been most people?"**_

Michael laughed. "Never. Thanks, Em."

"_**Mmhm. I'll call if somethin' comes up."**_

"_Ben?" The door opened and Michael poked his head in. "Ben, hey, c'mon! Hunter suggested we go out for pizza and a movie. We haven't done that in forever."_

"_Michael, what is this?" Ben held up the shirt with one hand and waved the other to mention the room in its state of disarray. Michael leaned against the doorframe and looked down at the floor quickly. Not good. That was guilt._

_Michael shrugged. "I just… I was a little cranky this morning. I meant to clean it up before I left, but I got caught up with Hunter and-"_

"_And this?" Ben held up the tattered shirt._

_Michael squinted and walked closer, taking the material from Ben. "Oh, hey, that's my shirt. Aw, shit, it's ruined, Ben. Where'd you find it?"_

_Ben watched Michael closely before carefully telling him it was stuffed between the bed and headboard and what, oh what, could it possibly be doing there? Michael shuffled his feet, his grip tightening on the shirt as he avoided Ben's gaze. None of this was good in Ben's book. Michael wouldn't lie to him and this was just… too much to keep inside for his husband, wasn't it?_

_Michael was quiet for too long. "You know the last time I-"_

"_Yo, dudes," Hunter popped into the room. "Pizza and a movie, remember? There's a ten o'clock showing of that new superhero movie, Michael. We've got enough time to eat if we leave now, otherwise we should just hit the eight o'clock and pig out at the concession stand."_

_Hunter looked impatiently and expectantly at Ben and Michael. Michael finally met Ben's eyes and tossed the ruined shirt on the bed. Ben knew that look on his husband's face. It was the 'not in front of the children' look, like when Hunter had first moved in with them and Michael wanted to keep their sex life as private as possible._

_On the other hand, Hunter had been listening on (not on purpose! Maybe…) to the conversation. Ever since watching what happened outside the comic shop, he couldn't help but want to know what in the hell was going on. He trusted Michael, despite his actions. He just wanted to know everything was okay. He couldn't rid himself of that fear. Hunter knew he could take care of himself, hold himself up (on shaky limbs, but still), but he didn't want the rug pulled out from under him._

_Should he tell Ben what he saw? _

"_Alright, pal," Ben said, smiling as he absently twirled the silver band. "Let's all get out of here and try to get that pizza on time so we don't miss the movie, yeah?"_

_Hunter smiled and left the room, clomping back down the stairs and Michael let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "Oh, God."_

_Ben kept a cool gaze on his husband, watching as he shut his eyes, just stopping himself from burying his face in the torn shirt in his grasp. He knew that Michael didn't want Hunter to walk in on this sort of conversation, whatever it might entail. Still, wasn't that a bit dramatic a reaction over a shirt, or was Ben just trying to pick his husband apart to find some fault?_

"_I guess we'll have some things to talk about later?"_

The next call was to Melanie. Michael liked having her personal cell so he couldn't get roped into a long conversation with Lindsey. Maybe another day, but not now. Phone pressed to his ear, he leaned forward and tapped the cabbie on the shoulder. He looked over at Michael, who gestured for him to stop, he'd walk the rest of the way. It'd be quicker than this.

Shoving some bills into the man's outstretched hand, he climbed out of the taxi just as Mel picked up on her end.

"_**What?!"**_

Michael held the phone away from his ear in shock before bring it back. "Well, hello to you too beautiful mother of my wonderful, adorable daughter."

Mel sighed, shuffling some papers around. _**"Michael? Oh, shit. Sorry. I'm just in a fuckin' mess right now."**_

"What's going on?" Michael asked, waiting impatiently at a crosswalk.

"_**Fucking Brian called, what else?" **_Mel grumbled. _**"Sent the day into a fucking tailspin."**_

"When did he call?" The urgency was distinct in Michael's voice.

"_**Hour or two ago, I dunno. Asked for Linds and Gus, what am I good for?"**_

"Well, what happened?"

"_**Not a fuckin' clue, but now Lindsey's in a goddamn tizzy about visits or, I think she said moving at one point. She was a mile a damn minute after he called. Pretty sure she meant Brian getting something out here for summers."**_

Michael's heart was caught in his throat when he heard the word 'moving'. Brian leaving. Leaving the Pitts, leaving him. He cleared his throat as he crossed the street. "Well, Gus'll love that, y'know? Better to let Brian be around when he wants to."

Mel laughed harshly. _**"That, or he's officially ran out of fresh meat in America."**_

"C'mon, he's not that bad," Michael chuckled nervously. "Anyways, I'm sorry to bother you, but I've got this huge favor I need some help with."

"_**I'm all ears,"**_Mel said absently, more papers shuffling in the background.

_When they had gotten home and sat Hunter down at the table to do his homework, both he and Ben had quietly gone up the stairs, Michael behind Ben looking like a sullen child that knew he was going to get a talking to. He didn't want to do this, it was bad enough he played dumb earlier about the shirt, because he'd have to confess to that too._

_Then again, Ben didn't have any solid proof against him. It was a ripped shirt and a messy bed. A shirt he hadn't worn in a year and one day of a messy bedroom. He could stick with his story. There was no other proof, anything except his outburst of misery, but that could just be added to stress, remembering something last minute?_

_He was still trying to figure it out when they had reached the bedroom. Ben was waiting for Michael to come in and join him, the room still disheveled. When Michael joined Ben, he shut the door quietly behind Michael, who had started to pick up the tossed bedding and rearrange the bed. As if that would put everything back in order. Ben wasn't sure what to do with himself but stand there and watch with curious eyes. How did one start a conversation like this? The last time they had… a situation like this, Ben wrote up a neat little story and handed it off to Michael. Couldn't do that now._

"_Good night out, wasn't it?" Michael asked, trying to make light conversation._

_Ben took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. "Late night, but I think we're closer to getting Hunter on the right track for school. That's good."_

"_I don't think he'd want to disappoint us, but he is a slacker. It's an easy choice to make, but hard to keep your word on," Michael informed, snapping the comforter up in the air and smoothed it out as it rumpled across the bed._

_Ben smiled slightly. "Speaking from experience?"_

"_God, you have no idea how many times I knew I could get an A in a class and just how badly I wanted to but it was just so much easier to break the resolve and watch cartoons instead."_

"_Couldn't miss the new thrilling episode, though."_

_Michael smiled wanly. "Sometimes I would use that to convince myself."_

_Ben smiled and came around to the opposite end of the bed to help Michael spread the sheets neatly, tucking in corners and adjusting pillows Michael tossed to his side. When they were done, Ben stood up straight and leaned back to stretch as Michael shifted uncomfortably as he had picked the torn shirt up off the floor. They had left it on the bed when they went out for the night and Michael needed to toss it aside to make the bed. The talk of school and cartoons had Michael endeared to Ben once again, but that wasn't enough this time._

_Ben eyed the shirt up before choosing to speak. "The last time I remember you wearing that shirt was probably a year ago."_

"_Yeah, went out with Brian that night," Michael said quietly, carefully._

"_How did it get destroyed?"_

"_That night was so long ago, Ben…"_

"_You came home wearing one of Brian's. I remember that."_

"_I guess maybe someone at the club? Or Brian and I got into like, a wrestling match or something. We were kinda fucked up," Michael confessed. 'Wrestling match' was as close to 'fucked my best friend' as he would get until the beans really had to be spilt. In a way it had been a wrestling match._

_There wasn't much Ben trusted about that, honestly. Could he be blamed? Michael's tone and actions were speaking so loud it was like they were screaming right in his face. He could handle it, but he wanted the truth. Shit, maybe this was the truth and he was just too ready to pounce on Brian any chance he got. He knew he could be guilty of going overboard when Brian was involved. _

"Self-serving asshole," Ben muttered, shutting his eyes in misery. "You just don't care about anyone but yourself, do you?"

"Could say the same for you," Brian snapped. He wasn't here to prove anything to anyone, especially Ben.

"Fuck you! What the hell do you know? You just ruined… everything. You always do."

"I haven't known you long enough to ruin 'everything'."

Ben snorted. "Michael's life, dreams, God knows what you did to him growing up-"

Brian snapped, a fist connecting to the side of Ben's jaw. That was enough out of the professor's goddamn mouth. He had it coming a long time ago if you asked Brian. Ben's head recoiled from the shock more than the pain. It was there, but he was built to take a hit, even to the face. The cords of his neck standing out as he tried to rein in his own anger at being hit. Fuck, there was more to Brian than you would think at first glance.

"Get the hell out of my way," Brian said, voice low and threatening. He was shaking out his right hand, the one that had left, what was looking like, a very nice bruise on Ben's cheek. "And don't you _ever _tell me how to handle Michael. You don't get that privilege, Benny Boy. You never will. Move."

Brian was too caught up in his own anger (not to mention one kickass monologue of parting words. Goddamn if they shouldn't put that in a movie somewhere) to see a huge ham of a fist coming right back at him. He had been too intent on getting out the door, getting to Michael. He may not have been built with layer upon layer of muscle like Ben, but he had learned how to take a hit or two in his lifetime. It was second nature to dodge what he could, the brunt being taken mostly on his chin and jaw, rattling his teeth, and just rolling with it, taking a step back.

"Motherfucker," Brian growled, spitting reflexively onto the hardwood floor. No blood, but damn, his teeth were still shaking. And now there was another thing to clean up. "We gonna do this all day, Bruckner? Fucking blow for blow?"

"You started it," Ben bit out, rubbing at his own bruised cheek. Too bad he couldn't reach the bruised ego.

"Maybe if you gave Michael what he deserved, none of this would've happened!"

"I love him, what else do I have to give?!"

Both men stared, panting, buzzing high on adrenaline and anger. Blood was singing in their ears as each man took their time to contemplate the next moves. Ben had the obvious weight factor in his favor. If he lost it, Brian was looking at a hospital visit. Brian, on the other hand, had some actual hands on fighting experience. He had no morals when it came to blows. Whatever it took to be the last man standing was how he played it if it got to that point.

Brian cleared his throat, tentatively touching his jaw, not letting Ben get the satisfaction of seeing him wince. "You should've been there. Let him in. He loves with everything he's got. He doesn't halfass it like you do."

"You can do better?" Ben asked, amusement clear in his eyes under the sharp sparkle of anger. "Did you forget who you are?"

"Doesn't matter who I am, because that's who Michael loves. Always has."

"Always will," Ben sneered, rolling his eyes. Brian's eyebrows shot up in shock. "What? You think I don't fucking hear the two of you? Goddamn, it drives me up a fucking wall to listen to it!"

True, it wasn't as though Brian and Michael talked in secret code or anything, but he felt… violated to have Ben using their own words against them.

"_I figured you might've been," Ben said, sitting down on the bed. "It didn't seem like just hung over."_

_Michael still clung to the shirt, not sure what to do with it. Throw it out? He didn't want to. Sit on the bed with Ben? He didn't think he wanted to do that either. What was left? Stand there like a guilty moron, apparently. Ben wanted to make the process go quicker, have Michael confess or just… say something. Anything._

"_Yeah, well… I left angry that night. Had to let off a bit of steam."_

_Ben visibly hesitated, thinking hard and trying to decide if it was worth knowing the truth. What a time to have second thoughts. "Anything happen at the club that night? The reason your shirt got ripped?"_

_Michael had been given a choice. They all included lying. He could make up a story about someone forceful trying to drag him off. Brian maybe got 'tired of waiting' (he was usually the one leaving everyone else waiting) and tugged him along. It was an old shirt, probably easy to tear, at least it had been._

"_Not that I can remember," Michael finally answered, sitting on the bed, feeling the full weight of guilt over him. "But it was so long ago, Ben. Not that it would excuse anything, but… it was so long ago."_

_He just wanted Ben to drop it. He wanted the world back in order. Probably shouldn't've started this tangle of lies if he wanted that. Oh, and that sleeping with Brian thing on a regular basis. That probably wasn't a good way to keep up 'normal'. _

_Ben lounged fully on the made up bed, tired and looking forward to his day off tomorrow. He knew there was more to the story, but he didn't think he could stomach much more than this. It felt like Michael practically admitted something right there with that 'not that it would excuse anything' line of bullshit. What was that, if not an admission?_

"_You're right. I'm sorry, I just thought… maybe-" Why could he just shut the hell up?_

"_Ben," Michael said firmly. "Don't."_

"_I'm sorry," he said again. "But… things have just been so off and then I came home to this…"_

_Michael smiled. "I know, but really, you don't think I'm so dumb I'd bring anyone back here if I was cheating, right?"_

_Ben chuckled a little as Michael's gut churned at another outright lie. True, Michael wouldn't do that, he was too good for that. And Ben knew, had some faith, that Michael wouldn't lie about that. He had to keep some faith. "Not a conversation I want to be having, but… no. This is the bed we share. You wouldn't do that. I don't think either of us could."_

_Michael laid on the bed next to Ben, letting the shirt fall to the floor, forgotten now, and curled up next to his husband. His husband. The man he willingly chose to be with for the rest of his life. Start a family, leave behind a lot of things he thought he would never get, leave Liberty Ave for this man because he wanted a different life. Ben held onto him tightly feeling relieved. Michael didn't lie to him. Sometimes veiled the truth a bit (like now), but always came out fully in the end. That's how it worked and he understood. He thought he understood Michael fairly well and… well, Ben felt a little more than guilty for this whole ordeal tonight. _

_Still… wouldn't anyone else do what he did in this situation?_

"_**Are you kidding me?" **_Mel sighed, leaning back in her desk chair. She was at home in her office and seriously debating on taking a personal health day.

Michael shook his head even though Mel couldn't see it. "Not really. That's the entire situation, Mel."

It… it felt good to let someone know what a fucking mess he made. And Mel had been the perfect choice. She knew everyone, was close enough to understand the situations and yet, far enough away where Michael knew she couldn't go out and actually do anything about it or throw her two cents in somewhere. Just over this phone. Honestly, were she to call anyone else after they hung up, Michael doubted they would believe her. The whole thing seemed too farfetched to handle in this little 'burg and she now knew everything from the affair to the divorce and all that was in between.

"_**Okay, so let me get this straight. Right down the point,"**_Mel said, getting right into work. _**"You and Ben are done, yeah?"**_

"Yeah," he admitted quietly, wishing he could stop and take this call more privately, but he was about a block away from Brian's place as it was. No going back now. "I wish we could save it, but… it's just… We co-exist, Mel. That's it. I don't want that."

Mel muttered something undecipherable into the phone before clearing her throat. _**"Yeah, I know what it can feel like. Alright, but the paperwork on Hunter is still in limbo."**_

"Mmhm. We want it finished so there's no problems when we finalize the divorce… separation, whatever," Michael explained. "Oh, speaking of, any idea what we have to do to get out of this as clean as possible? I mean, I'm still technically married in Canada."

"_**I'll ask about it. I'm not much of a divorce lawyer, Mike, but I'm sure it's as standard as over there. Fill out a few blanks on a form, maybe a hearing to divide up belongings and call it settled. Anything worth fighting for?"**_

"Hunter."

_So what to do now? Ben didn't want to let go of Michael just yet. He did love him, there was a reason he proposed. Michael was everything he knew he should want. Sweet, attentive, caring to the point of smothering some day (although, after knowing Deb this long it wasn't hard to figure out where he got it from). Michael was a good bet for the long shot. He didn't wish anyone was there for his eventual downfall to HIV (he thought about it every fucking day, always paranoid the next day would most likely be the last of his good days), but someone had to be. Otherwise it'd be an embarrassment of hospice care and hospital visits with no end in sight._

_He just never thought he'd want so much with Michael. To try and make him happy. The rationalization being that they were men, their needs were simpler. It was one of those things he truly appreciated about men. Women needed relationships, friends, other couples to socialize with, children. All sorts of nonsense that Ben never found himself wanting in his youth, or even now. After his diagnosis, his idle want of such things were just out of spite that he couldn't have them more than anything else._

_But Michael wanted them. He seemed like the kind of man who had always wanted a large family, that's why he had such close friends that held him so dear. His own bloodline was small and dwindling, but with his friends they had such a ragtag put together of qualities that you couldn't help but think of family when you saw them together. As if, years down the road, they would be holding holidays together._

_Who else would give that to Michael, if he wouldn't? They were in this together, better or worse, Michael would eventually admit anything. They could get back to normal, things would be fine and, hopefully, they could live out the rest of their days together. Content. Rocky some days, but content nonetheless. _

"_Maybe we should go on a vacation," Ben suggested lightly. "A weekend away or something small."_

_Anything to help them find their footing._

"_You have classes on Saturday now," Michael reminded, hand running absently over Ben's clothed chest._

_Ben put a hand over the one Michael was using, caressing it gently. "I can miss one class. Just let the students know and give them a little busy work."_

"_Or be a benevolent teacher and let them slack off for a weekend."_

"_Or be a benevolent teacher and let them slack off for a weekend," Ben chuckled, bringing the hand up to press a kiss to the palm. Michael was adorable, no matter what, would always be close to Ben's heart. _

_Too bad that fear would always come first._

"Enough," Brian said, holding his palms up between them. "I'm not looking for a fight, I don't think you are either." Otherwise Ben would've put him ten ways to broken, Brian had no doubts about that. "But if you don't get the fuck out, right now, I'm calling the cops. Simple as that."

It was slightly satisfying for Ben to hear that from Brian. Almost like giving up. "Fine. He's gonna be at the store with Hunter."

Brian was more than relieved to see Ben backing away from the doorway. This probably wasn't the end of it. Ben would probably be back in Michael's life one way or another soon, be it their divorce or-

"Where are you gonna be?" Brian asked warily. After all this time to think Michael would just up and leave Ben? When he tried so hard to keep this little affair quiet, on the side and hidden? It didn't fit right.

"Back at the house," Ben waved off, turning to leave. "Tell Michael to grab his shit when I'm working."

"I'll be sure to do that, Benny Boy," Brian replied, too pleased about the situation as a whole for the immediate benefits.

Ben shot a glare over his shoulder. "Fuck you, Kinney."

"Told you before," Brian said with an easy smile, setting the security alarm before following out the door tentatively. He wanted some distance. "It's a onetime deal."

"Except for Michael," Ben said with a dry laugh, poised at the top of the stairs. He made to start his descent and then turn to face Brian again. "What are you giving him that I can't? What the hell makes you so much better than what we had?"

"I've been there," Brian shrugged, sliding the large metal door shut, tugging back after he locked it to make sure it stuck. "And I'll always be there. Like I said to the one before you. I've been here before you and I'll be here after you're long gone. I've been right so far."

"That's it?" Ben looked more than confused. "You just assume anyone in Michael's life won't last, except you?"

"None of you take the fucking time to know him!" Brian snapped, clenching his right hand into a tight fist again. The knuckles ached from previous use, but he could live with it. It was dull in comparison to the outright indignation he felt about Ben trying to pick what he and Michael were apart. "You've been around what? Two, three, four years? Fuck you. Y'know his favorite comic book? That's great! He'll tell anyone. You think you know how much he can love? You don't even understand it until you're a beaten down wreck, crying in his arms. That little hospital stint you had back then is only a fucking _fraction _of what he would give for you… if you'd let him. But you can't just take."

Well, you could. Michael would let you take everything from him physically, emotionally and mentally… but any decent person would have half a mind to give back. To make the effort.

"Saying you love him isn't the same as loving him. Saying you gave him everything isn't the same as doing it," Brian muttered, shaking his clenched hand out absently. "You have to _do_. All your pretty fucking words don't mean shit when I have to clean up after you, take care of him, show him everything and still let him choose. I let him be a man while the rest of you-"

"Oh, here we go!" Ben exclaimed, tossing his hands up in exasperation. "I don't do this, I don't do that. I'm not Brian fucking Kinney, is what you're saying. What makes you so fucking special? If you know all this, why bother letting anyone else have him?"

Brian faltered, choking on the words. "I-"

"He wasn't ready," Michael said quietly from the second landing, looking up at Ben and Brian yelling back and forth. The bickering sounded more like a married couple than a quarrel over someone like himself.

Both men looked down at Michael in surprise, neither figuring he'd show up right here. For Brian, it was pure relief that he wouldn't have to go around town looking like a lunatic, tearing up half the 'burg in pursuit. Ben, on the other hand, wasn't quite ready for the face-to-face confrontation and it showed. Michael took quick stock of what had happened, dark eyes darting over each man's face in worry and shock. Bruises, a scuffle, Brian favoring his right hand with a methodical, rhythmic tightening and loosening of it and the occasional shake. Ben's hand drifting up to his face to touch the bruised skin and try to cover it up by placing a hand over his mouth. Michael shook his head, closing his eyes in heartfelt agony over the guilt. It was his fault.

"He wasn't ready," Michael repeated, voice shaking just slightly. "He knows me inside and out and he knew what I wanted, always. With Brian, I never want for anything except… what he couldn't give me. So, he let me find my own way. He always let me make my own mistakes, take my own chances. I was never forced into anything… except the occasional late night party." A smile flicker briefly across his lips. "I was never a 'wife' or a 'boytoy'. I wasn't a 'Mama's Boy'. He listened to me and let me pick. I wasn't pigeonholed in his life. He gave me what he could and let me off from there. The rest of you have this place for me that I never quite fit, no matter how hard I try."

He sounded exhausted. Like this was years coming to say to someone, anyone.

"It looks like he keeps me back, perpetually stuck at fourteen," Michael sighed, ascending the last flight of stairs to Brian's floor. "But that isn't it. That's just a part of me that he loves, that he was a big influence on. Everything we are started then, it's why we keep going back to it, the way couples think back on first dates or anniversaries. It wasn't pretty, us growing up, but it was ours."

Ben and Brian stepped back to let Michael on the top landing with them. He smiled at Brian, who wanted nothing more than to hug the life right out of Michael. Someone understood him, someone got what he did in life. It was and always would come back to Michael. Ben looked away from the two men smiling at each other. His stomach was in knots listening to Michael's little speech.

"He's good, y'know?" Michael asked suddenly, looking over at Ben. "He's good at making sure no one else can see him like I do. You won't understand, I don't blame you." He looked back up at Brian. "And that's fine. I don't wan-"

Brian had cut Michael off, pulling the smaller man in his arms and crushing their lips together. Michael was stunned into silence after Brian pulled away.

"Michael, shut the fuck up," Brian said, voice breathless as he stared at his best friend.

Moments passed by in Ben's memory, things he couldn't keep out. Whatever might have been left with he and Michael crumbled quietly as Brian had taken Michael in his arms. Those two, that look… fuck.

"_Yo!" Hunter said, popping his head in the bedroom. Michael and Ben looked at him expectantly. "Just wanted to say g'night… and I wouldn't mind spending a weekend with 'Granma'."_

"_You're a nosey little shit, you know that?" Michael asked with a tired smile, not lifting his head from Ben's chest._

"_You love me, admit it," Hunter countered with, grinning._

"_You know we do, pal," Ben said, smiling. "We haven't really decided yet, but we'll let you know what weekend, okay?"_

It was just that feeling of… family, Ben hated seeing go the most. The regret was deeply felt, not having enough time (cruel goddamn irony) to make the most of it. Try harder, make the effort.

"_Yeah, sure," Hunter said agreeably. "Think Deb'll mind if I-"_

"_Spend most of the weekend with Katie?" Michael finished. "Well, if we got used to missing your loving presence, I'm sure she will, too."_

_Ben laughed. "You two are worse than siblings sometimes."_

"_You love me, though," Michael offered playfully, smiling up at Ben. _

He did. Ben did, he just couldn't love enough.

_Hunter rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Enough love-fest. Night."_

"_Night, pal," Ben said and Michael intoned with the same._

_Michael was getting tired. Today took way too much out of him. "He's a great kid."_

"_Yeah… another few months and we might really be his parents," Ben said thoughtfully._

"_We aren't already?"_

"_Well, legally, I mean. I think we can both agree that we've been his parents for a long time now."_

_Michael closed his eyes. "Yeah." _

Ben made his way downstairs, quickly leaving Brian's building as if hell were on his heels. Trying to just… get the fuck away from it. He couldn't really drive out memories of the not too long ago past, but he wanted to. Wished he could. Wanted more than anything to leave all of it behind. It was an easy jog for him down the block and he stood on a corner, unsure of where to go next.

_Michael was tired enough that when Hunter offered to open the store for him the next day, he let the kid go to town, grunting pitiful excuses for responses as he shuffled to the table and grabbed the cereal box. Ben smiled and leaned over to give him a quick kiss good morning, to which Michael smiled blearily at. _

"_Whatcha doin' today?" Michael asked Ben, pouring milk over the cereal. Hunter came back downstairs and asked Michael for the keys to the store. They made a trade as the store key was also kept on the ring that held Michael's house keys._

"_Nothing," Ben said, glancing up from the paper. "You?"_

_Michael smiled shyly. "Nothin'."_

"_Wanna do nothing with me today?" Ben asked, folding up the finished paper and setting it aside. _

_Michael pretended to think about it. "Oh, I don't know… there's just so much nothing I have to do on my own…"_

"_I'll help you," Ben offered. "We'll get both our nothing done faster that way so we can do nothing together."_

_They looked at each other before they broke into peals of laughter that had Hunter staring at them like they each had two heads before making a show of cautiously backing towards the front door. This sent Ben and Michael into a new round of laughs as Hunter left. Hunter didn't know what was weirder, having them act like a normal cutesy married couple, or down each other's throats._

Ben felt a slight tremor run through him. The house was the last place he wanted to be. But there was one place he could stand going. Traffic had cleared up, a quick glance at his watch showing he'd spent the last two hours dealing with this bullshit. He was late for class and hadn't called in at all. On his way towards his newly decided destination, Ben pulled out his phone and called in work. Not really willing to deal with the rumor mill the college could be, he opted for a slightly lesser truth. Just a cold (he worried about them often enough), but he'd be back on track for classes the day after tomorrow, when he had them again.

Just an hour or two away from the ideas plaguing him would do him better.

_Justin was glad for the late flight out. Well, not too late, more like mid-morning, early afternoon. Either way, it was better than getting up at the butt crack of dawn to fight commuter traffic and possibly miss his flight anyway due to lines and security. All these measures they took now… oh well, hindsight WAS twenty-twenty. Couldn't complain when he knew it was all for the best._

_Problem was, he hated flying out of New York. It was crowded, noisy, loud and just a mess to fight through. JFK wasn't bad, but it was great either. He was willing to go the extra distance for that little bit of comfort that was probably all in his head. La Guardia was just a nut house to him. Could be fragments of his mom during conversations on the phone of what she had heard about it, he couldn't be sure. _

_Adrenaline had set in when he was bombarded by the bustling noise of the airport when he entered, checking his one lone bag and hitching his smaller carryon duffle bag higher on his shoulder. He wandered down the busy terminal, locating his gate and seeing it was on time so far and then got on line for the security check. Justin had to check all his information for the umpteenth time. Tickets, ID, bag. He shook the bag on his shoulder gently trying to remember the contents. One change of clothes (just in case they lost his luggage… another worry-ism from his mother), a book, pencils and a sketchbook (he couldn't draw like that for too long, but it helped pass time and ease nerves just like it always did), no liquids, no lighters, no weapons (when Justin spotted the sign that had actually said 'no weapons' he almost cracked up laughing), some snacks… yeah, he was good. _

_God, the wait was killing him. Unfortunately, you had to get past this nonsense before you could get anywhere else. Everything in the airport was beyond security lines. Food court, shops, his actual gate. And these people just didn't know how to fly (like he had so much experience, yeah?) business suits, heels, laptop bags with carryon bags, purses with purses, baby gear spilling out from bags, not to mention the screaming kids trying to climb onto the conveyer belt for the bags and shoes. Christ, couldn't anyone keep a handle on them?_

_Justin dragged over a grey bin and toed his sneakers off, placing them inside and got another bin to put his bag in. The process was fairly bulky and time consuming, leaving the line slower than normal and overflowing with people trying to fit all the bins on at once. The whole system could be better done another way, he was sure of it, he just didn't know how. He patted down his pockets, taking out his cell phone and keys, any loose change that found their way in there and dumped those into the bin with his shoes. He didn't need to spend another five minutes going back and forth through the metal detector (although, the guard with the wand just beyond the detector would be worth a, uh, cavity search…)._

_The bins with his items had made it through before he did, and as he was putting his shoes back on and putting all the loose items back in their proper pockets, he felt the adrenaline edge off just a bit. He was ahead of schedule (IF they were boarding on time… which was rare anyways) and annoyed he'd be stuck here for an hour. All that rush seemed for nothing after the checks and waiting. He wasn't hungry, but he could do with some coffee and wander through a few shops before getting to his gate._

_Damn, to think he'd be back in the Pitts in a few hours. This was an insane idea, why was he doing it? Partly for Brian, really on that end, all he had to do was show up. Scare the crap out of Michael by just being there. Sometimes insinuation worked better than anything on that end. That wasn't hard. Did he need a week, though? Did they really need this little idea blown up to the insane proportions it was? Probably not. _

_Justin ordered his coffee in the food court and wandered down the terminal, stopping in a bookstore to peruse the overstocked 'best sellers' he never heard of or whatever Oprah was pushing now. Rag mags, stars in rehab and who's who on the carpets. Cute guy with green eyes behind the counter… nothing really substantial in the store. _

_Maybe he missed the connection. He had roots in Pittsburg. Family, some friends and a whole life, once upon a time. With all this time away, he was probably idealizing it, painting the memories in brighter colors from times past, but he wouldn't know until he got there. He was, damn it all, excited. He missed Liberty Ave, the old haunts, he missed that weird group of men he hung out with as a kid, but held them all dearly in his heart. He'd never tell, though. _

_Justin knew he'd grown up with this time away from his home. He preferred not to think too long on his own childish moments from back then, embarrassing himself with things he'd said or done. Better to leave those alone and just remember he was a kid, an idiot by default and move on to now. And now he was seated in one of those uncomfortable plastic seats at his gate, duffle bag settled in the seat next to him. The flight was full, people filling up row after row of the plastic chairs, mulling around near the wall to ceiling windows, small children shouting about the planes driving around on the tarmac or how they didn't want that for lunch, they wanted french fries. _

_Resting the cup gently on his thigh, he let his head fall back, blond hair growing a little long again brushing past his cheeks. Thank whoever he decided on sweats today. It wasn't chilly, but if he wasn't going out, he liked being comfortable. And since his work required a lot of mess, sweatpants were a godsend. Ever try getting oils off bare skin? Yeah, so much for working in the way he was usually most comfortable. Raw, blotchy patches of skin from scrubbing wasn't that attractive. _

_Maybe he should call it off. What was the point? He was torn as it was. Yeah, only having one side of the information made it easy to side with Brian and not get involved dramatically, but when he stopped to think about it, what about Ben? And their family? It was just… hard to make it in a relationship, period. He wasn't so inclined to think that all men were bound to cheat or fuck up. Everyone had that capability, no matter what. Were men socially more inclined? It was up for debate in his mind. He just wanted to see something fucking _real_ in his life. He wanted the same things Michael did, and Michael was… well, not really a role model, per se, but someone he could relate to on wanting those things._

_If he couldn't do it, why would Justin ever think he could?_

_New York was hard, to say the least. The bars were there, shops and clubs. Hell, it was like its own version of Liberty Ave in a way. There were couples, drag queens, hustlers… you name it, it was there to be had. He had a few friends he frequented establishments with, but that was trying on his patience. They were all his age, and of the proper mindset for that age. Which wasn't about trying to find someone and have a life. He was tired of backrooms and bars and alleys. It was just hard to make that change. Harder than he ever thought._

"'_Scuze me?"_

_Justin sat up, opening his eyes on the man in front of him. He had a newspaper rolled up in one hand, a laptop case in the other, gesturing towards the seat that Justin's bag was taking up. _

"_Everything else is full, you mind?" Damn, he was hot. Curly black hair, steely blue eyes and a curiously lifted eyebrow. Justin almost didn't hear him. _

"_Oh, shit, yeah," Justin mumbled, dragging his bag off the chair and tucking it between his feet. "Sorry. Just… needed a moment."_

_The other man smiled and took the seat with a nod. Fuck, was this one of those 'don't talk to me, this is my bubble and you're invading' types?_

_Too bad Justin liked to talk. "Heading to Philly?" That's where this flight happened to be going. From there, it was a lovely car ride into the Pitts. He didn't mind. He wasn't on a schedule and it had been cheaper this way around. _

"_Yeah, business," the guy answered. "You?"_

"_Family… sort of." Justin smiled. He had no idea what else to call everyone at this point in his life._

"_Cool. Out in Philly?"_

"_Nah, Pittsburgh."_

_The guy made a face. "Eh, nothin' there, really."_

"_Home is home," Justin shrugged. _

"_I hear that," the other man chuckled, opening up his paper to read. The conversation was officially over and it was a fairly boring wait until they started calling seat numbers to be boarded._

_Was he really ready to go back home?_

It was about ten, probably a little after, when Justin stumbled into the diner wearing his exhaustion and hangover on his sleeve. He'd managed a shower after giving, what was his name? Tim, the boot and found a pair of jeans and an old paint splattered, but comfy, t-shirt. Worst part about the morning after for the blond was that he was fucking starving, but didn't want to move. His stomach kept waking him up even though he had only eaten hours before… wait, had he? There was Michael and Hunter and then… well damn. Maybe he and Tim had just gone back to the hotel after all. That added a whole new level to his complaining stomach. It was mildly busy in the place and he looked around for Debbie, but she was nowhere to be found (thank god, his headache may not be able to take her voice) and was ushered into a booth and promptly laid himself down on the bench of it while asking for the strongest coffee available, black.

"You look like the living dead."

"Unless you're offering me your brain, I don't give a fuck," Justin replied, a hand shooting up seemingly from under the table, with the index finger pointed upwards, as if making a very serious point before disappearing under the table again.

"Ever get tired of it?"

"What?" Justin still hadn't bothered to sit up. He just didn't care.

"Fucks, partying, drugs… the whole scene."

"Yeah, but I got nothin' else to do. I'm on vacation, not like I'm here long enough for anything else. If m'not fuckin' somethin', I'm fuckin' somethin' up."

"What about New York?"

_Oddly enough, Justin was seated next to the guy he'd been talking with at the gate. Brian had offered to get his plane ticket for him, but Justin had refused. It was his idea after all. If Brian really wanted to pay him back somehow, he could buy a few rounds at Woody's. Which he usually did anyways. It wasn't as though Justin was strapped for cash at this point in career, but just because he now had that money on his own didn't mean it was burning a hole in his pocket. He found that all the things he'd wanted when he was younger, things out of reach due to price, just weren't for him now that he had the money. He wasn't stingy, by any means, but he knew a good deal when he saw one._

_Unfortunately for Justin, airlines never had good deals these days. Up one day, down in the next hour and then skyrocketed shortly after. He'd made himself dizzy trying to make sure he wasn't paying too much until it was down to the wire. First class certainly was a pretty chunk of change, but for a little jump across a few states? Seemed illegal what they charged._

_Still, noticing his company for the duration, he was willing to live with it._

"_Looks like we meet again," Justin smiled at the guy who had the window seat. He looked up and smiled back, even giving Justin a once over quickly with his eyes, as if he missed something from earlier. _

"_Guess so," the guy said with a nod towards the empty seat. Justin took it (like he was going to refuse? Hell, he paid for it) and slipped his bag under the seat in front of him. It was just small enough to fit without getting stuck._

"_What business are you in?" the blond asked, trying not to get annoyed by the other boarding passengers bumping into him or trying in vain to shove their too large or overstuffed luggage in the compartment over his head._

"_Publishing."_

"_Oh, hey, you ever do comics?" Justin asked, shifting around to reach his phone to turn it off before slipping it back into his pocket._

_The man shook his head giving Justin a questioning 'what are you, twelve?' look. "No. My company does novels."_

"_Shame. I used to do all the artwork for a comic a few years back. Big hit on the web and in the Pitts. I'm, uh, Justin, by the way."_

"_Paul," the other man replied, setting his paper down. Well, now he felt a little bad for insulting the blond. Just a little. "What comic was it?"_

"_Rage."_

"_Oh, no shit?" Paul asked, definitely interested now. "That thing got passed around the office when it hit. We loved it… well, in the beginning."_

_It was Justin's turn to flash Paul an odd look. "What was wrong after that?"_

"_Well, after the third issue or so," Paul waved a hand as if he wasn't too sure, which he wasn't. "The whole dynamic changed. Did you switch writers? 'Cause the storylines were less about saving Gayopolis and more about Rage and J.T. which would be fine… if that was how the story was supposed to go, y'know?"_

"_Uh… no, we didn't… change writers," Justin said, shifting uncomfortably. "I… just started suggesting some ideas…"_

"_Oh Lord, you're one of _those _artists, then?"_

_Justin bristled. "I'm sorry, I don't know what one of _those_ artists are."_

_Paul chuckled. "The ones who get too big for their britches. The writer _writes_, the artist draws the pretty little pictures and colors them. Not both."_

"_Art is a form of expression," Justin said defensively, sinking into his seat. "I was just trying to-"_

"_Taylor," Paul cut him off remembering the last name from the cover of Rage. "Justin Taylor – J.T. I get it."_

"_You and the rest of the fanbase," the blond said, rolling his eyes. _

"_Where'd Rage come from?"_

"_I was fucking him at the time, young and in love."_

_Paul rolled his eyes. "Weren't we all at one point. So, Zephyr?"_

"_Uh, Br- Rage's real life best friend put on paper."_

"_See, those two should've had the romantic plot," Paul commented with a curt nod of his head. "J.T. should've been dropped like a hot potato halfway through. The kid needed to grow up."_

"_Yeah, well… I'd like to think he did," Justin muttered, fiddling with his seatbelt._

"_That whole marriage thing? Completely out of left field. Felt fake."_

_Justin closed his eyes miserably, wishing he never started conversation with Paul. "Yeah, you'll be glad to know it never happened in real life. Too bad we couldn't follow a script there."_

"_Life isn't like that," Paul stated matter-of-factly. "You've got roll with the punches and deal with it. Are Zephyr and Rage together now? Y'know… in real life? Cause if the comic was based off their real interaction… shit, they should've been fuckin' years ago."_

_This flight was going to be pure agony._

"What about it?" Justin grumped from his position on the bench. He wasn't going to sit up just yet. This felt better for all his little aches and bumps from the other night. Shit, he didn't even know who the hell was talking to him.

"Nothing there to look forward to?"

"Just more bars, clubs and cock," the blond snorted. The waitress came back with the coffee and asked if Justin was ready to order. He heard a thump across the table, whoever was talking decided to join him.

"Can I get scrambled eggs, three of 'em, bacon, white toast with butter, short stack and home fries?" Justin asked, his hand popping up from under the table to gesture questioningly.

"Yah, and you, hon?" Apparently the mysterious voice was going to join him for real.

"BLT and a coke."

"'Kay, gimme a few," the waitress said, wandering off.

Justin kept his position, sprawled on the bench seat and the person opposite him kept silent. The seconds dragged on between them as Justin closed his eyes again, trying to ignore whoever was intent on bothering him when he was this battered from a night out. Who would be so cruel?

"Gonna drink your coffee at all, J.T.?"

Justin shot up, first knocking his head on the edge of the table and flopping back down on the thinly padded seat and then easing himself into a sitting position, one hand clutching the side of his head. Damn, he was going to have a bump there later.

Steely blue eyes laughed at him from across the table and a hand came up to brush a stray black curl out of his face.

"Paul?"

"Last I checked."

"The fuck are you doing here?" Justin asked, gaping across the table.

Paul shrugged, a hand idly playing with the silverware on the table. "Well, business finished up kinda quick in Philly, and I happened to remember quite the attractive, if so goddamn talkative I wanted to staple his mouth shut, blond saying he'd be in Pittsburg."

"And you're on Liberty Ave… why?" He had to ask. Yeah, Paul was hot, but he hadn't set off Justin's gaydar at all. Okay, a smidge, but that might've just been Justin hoping.

Paul raised an eyebrow. "Really? You tell me all about the gayest comic book on Earth you used to draw and you expect me not to know where to find you? You fucked Rage after all, where else could you be in this dump of a place?"

"Not the gayest on Earth…" Justin muttered, pulling his coffee over to him.

"Pretty fucking close, then," Paul relented, smiling. "Hot, though, I'll give you that."

"What the fuck are you?" Justin blurted out, then averted his eyes into the hot mug, embarrassed.

Paul smiled slyly. "Man, you've been having it easy, haven't you? Gaydar broken? Must be from just drowning yourself in willing cock all the time."

"So, you're…?"

Paul shook his head, laughing. "Nope. So straight I'm bent."

Justin gave Paul a quizzical look. "I never understood that… cause wouldn't that mean you're playin' for the same team?"

"Dunno," Paul shrugged. "Don't really care. Just stay away from my ass."

Justin snorted. "Yeah, like I wanted it anyways."

"Don't lie to yourself, you know you did."

"Is there a reason you're here?"

Paul smiled broadly. "I thought you'd never ask, sweetheart."

_A few torturous hours later (Paul turned out to be quite the chatterbox when he was criticizing) they landed in Philly, running into early dinner time. Now was the wait to taxi to the gate. Then waiting to be told they were in Philly, what time it was, what the weather was like and what a pleasure it was to have them all flying with this airline. After that it was an explosion of scrambling for bags and getting out first. Justin wished he could do that, but taking the aisle seat meant he was bombarded with bags being pulled down above his head, hair abdomens shoved in his face… he just wanted out, and a cigarette. _

_Eventually, the plane was vacated in a semi-orderly fashion and Justin was about make a mad dash for the entrance of the airport when he remember he actually had luggage to pick up at the carousel. Fuck. He didn't want to miss it, or lose it, but fighting that crowd around the luggage claim was just rubbing him the wrong way. Especially when Paul found him again. _

"_How long you in town for?" Paul asked as they waited, side by side, for their luggage to appear. _

"_A week."_

"_For family? Ah, lemme guess, break from school?"_

_Justin glared from the corner of his eyes. "I could say the same for you."_

"_I'm flattered," Paul said, grinning widely. "But I am but a well aged 32. You?"_

"_23, almost 24."_

_Paul rolled his eyes. A kid. "So… break from school?"_

"_Listen, fucker," Justin snapped. "You've been on my ass since that whole Rage thing. Do you just feed off making people feel like shit, huh?"_

_Paul cocked an eyebrow at Justin's outburst, a few people turning their heads to look behind them. "Well, I _am _an editor."_

"_And I'm a fucking artist. It's not really your circle, so whatever, but I'm not exactly hurting in my line of work. I'm here to help some friends out for a week, not a break from school. I'm not a kid, I'm not a child, I'm not here to take your shit!"_

"_Whoa, doggy's got bark," Paul chuckled, shifting his laptop from one hand to the other. "Does he bite, too, I wonder."_

"_You wanna find out?" _

"_Tough son-of-a-bitch, aren't you?" Paul snorted. "New York must've worked its magic quick."_

_Justin turned to look at the different colors of luggage passed by on the belt. All he wanted was hi bag and he could get the fuck out of here, away from this asshole and on his way to Pittsburg, his room and a shower. _

"_Brrr," Paul said, pretending to shiver. "I think it just dropped twenty degrees. Quite a cold shoulder you've got."_

_The blond pressed his lips together in a thin line. He was not going to talk to Paul anymore, he was dead set on it at this point._

_Paul whistled nonchalantly standing next to Justin, rocking back and forth on his heels, he reached over to grab his bag off the conveyor belt and didn't leave yet. Christ, he was going to wait for Justin to get his bag, too? Oh, joy of joys, maybe they'd even share a car together! Right. But as Justin spotted his bag and went to reach for it, Paul sideswiped him and snatched the small black bag up._

"_Excuse me, does this belong to you?" Paul asked innocently._

_If Justin didn't know any better, he'd say the man was flirting with him. Badly. "You know it does, dick."_

"_Ouch, kid," the other man replied. "I don't know if it's yours. Looks like the bag of someone who'd be more polite."_

_Justin reached for the bag and Paul pulled it just out of his grasp. "Ah-ah. What did our mommies say about taking things?"_

"_May I please have my luggage?" Justin asked, exasperated at this point._

_Paul handed it over. "Easy as pie."_

_Justin muttered under his breath, something like 'your mom is easy' was barely heard as he got himself situated. "Whatever. Good luck with business."_

"_Oh, don't leave me now!" Paul exclaimed. "We just got here and _now _you're leaving me?"_

_A few people around them waiting for their bags looked over at the two men curiously. A lovers spat right in the airport? A few looked at Justin with disgust, taking Paul's words to be truth. Flying out here and then leaving him? God, what a bastard. Justin glanced around and shifted the duffle bag on his shoulder. Fight or flight._

"_I'm sorry, but I just can't do… this anymore," the blond replied, flashing Paul a quick smile before looking ashamed at the ground. "There's… someone else."_

_Paul thought he was going to get another rise out of the kid, an angry outburst, or just blown off. Whaddaya know? There WAS a sense of humor in there. He fought from outright laughing by holding his hand in front of his mouth and hope that gleam coming from unshed peals of laughter would thought to be tears. _

"_How… How could you?!" He choked up on some of the words, more out of laughter than actual emotion. Paul turned away from Justin, trying to compose himself._

"_Maybe if you put out a little more," Justin said, annoyed. "You've been a frigid little drama queen, no idea how to treat a man."_

_Paul couldn't do it. He just couldn't fucking do it. Still trying not to laugh, he glanced over his shoulder at Justin and rushed out of the airport, through the automatic doors where picks ups and drop offs occurred. The blond looked around at the small group of people who had been watching and shrugged._

"_He'll get over it," he announced, flashing a brilliantly smug smile. "He always does."_

_With that, he walked off, still dying for a smoke and guess who was waiting for him?_

"_Good show," Paul commented, laughing as Justin took a lighter from the front compartment of his bag. _

"_Yeah, come back in a week for the encore," Justin said, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it._

_Paul shrugged. "I just might, who knows?"_

"_So, why won't you leave me alone?" Justin asked, exhaling a trail of grey smoke._

"_You're fun."_

"_So're clowns."_

"_Yeah, but you gotta pay for 'em. You're cheaper," Paul replied with a smile._

_Justin shook his head. "You couldn't afford me if I was charging."_

"_Mm!" Paul shook his head. "Oh yeah, artist. So, enlighten me, bring me into your 'circle', as you call it. What do you do?"_

"_I'm… an artist," Justin shrugged. "Mostly my own work, gallery showings these days. Paint, draw… mostly on a computer these days, special program I've got, comics… That's the main medium. Never been any good with things like sculpting. Just fine arts."_

"_Why stop the comic? They don't do half bad."_

_Justin paused. "Things… happened."_

"_Still keep in touch with the writer?" Paul asked, leaning up against a wall near the doors._

"_Barely. Just regular emails, calls… I've been busy. He doesn't even know I'm here."_

"_And Rage?"_

"_I'm helping him by surprising the writer."_

"_Good to know," Paul said looking a little lost in thought before pushing himself off the wall. "Well, good luck in… where were you going?"_

"_Pittsburgh," Justin filled in, holding out a hand for quick shake. _

_Paul accepted with a firm squeeze. "Yeah, try and make the best of it."_

"_You too," Justin said, watching Paul wander off to a shuttle, talking to the driver. The hell just happened?_

"You want me to what?" Justin asked. Maybe he hadn't heard correctly.

Paul wiped at his mouth with the napkin before tossing it down on the empty plate. Goddamn, this place was good. How did all the queers stay so thin if this was the frequent haunt? He leaned back in to the bench, hands resting over his full stomach.

"I want you to introduce me to the writer," Paul said. "I loved the comic for-"

"For awhile, I remember," Justin cut off, rolling his eyes.

Paul chuckled. "That's just it. Do it over, man. Comics do it all the time! Take Marvel and DC, how many friggen universes do they have for all their bullshit?"

"I dunno, ask Mike. He's the comic geek," the blond shrugged, picking up the last piece of bacon. "It's just been… over for so long, Paul. I doubt there would be a comeback, a willing fanbase to embrace the new and improved Rage. Besides, Mike would have to look for a new artist. It's just a lot of work to put on him right now."

"Why can't you do it?"

"Oh, I dunno," Justin sighed, as if thinking hard. "Maybe the fact that I actually live in another state… or, here's a good one! I've got my own projects to work on. The one thing about working on Rage was that you should always stick to your deadlines. The fans expect it. If you lose the trust, you lose the readership, and with it, their money. I can barely keep my own schedule, let alone add more on to it."

Paul watched Justin in silence as the blond picked at what remained on his plates, almost despondent. Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh came to mind. The kid was just beyond down in the dumps over some bullshit. Worked himself into a hole he felt he couldn't get out of.

"Damn, if you're gonna be a pussy, why don't you just go home early?" Paul asked, glancing around the diner for the waitress and gesturing towards their table while mouthing the word 'check'. "Like you said, in New York there's just as many bars, clubs and cock."

Justin cupped a cheek in his hand with his elbow propped on the table. "How am I being a pussy for being rational?"

"Thought this guy was your friend?"

"Well, yeah…" Honestly, continually calling someone an acquaintance was awkward. He did like Michael, but to say they were friends might be pushing fragile boundaries at the moment. "I just fucked a lot of shit up lately."

"You only got here, what, Sunday? How much damage can you do, squirt?" Paul questioned, discretely taking the check from the waitress.

Justin laughed bitterly. "Oh man, you don't even wanna know."

"Hey, I asked."

_Justin had gotten to his hotel and checked in a few hours later. Fucking long as drive out of Philly to the Pitts. Longer than he expected. Being in a car for too long made him antsy, so unpacking his things for the week (just for something to do) and taking a shower had been the best remedy. He hadn't bothered trying Brian's cell, he knew that the other man was going to be at work today, some last minute fuck up Brian told him about in a voicemail he'd received while his phone was off in the air. That's where he headed after dressing for the night, looking good enough to turn heads in familiar curiosity. Dear lord, he never got this kind of attention in New York just from walking down the street. Too many people, faces and bodies to pick out just one. _

_He expected the doors to Kinnetik to be locked, having to call Brian just to come get him. Brian was a stickler for security systems and locks, but the place was completely open. Which was worrisome to Justin. Had something happened, maybe? Should he go in? Well, standing outside in the evening chill was doing him no good either way, so if he wasn't going to call the cops, he might as well go on in._

_Walking the halls of the building, a lot of memories came flooding back. The arguments in Brian's office, the sex in the cubicles, flashes of when this place was a bath house and how fantastically perverted he had felt when eyes were on him constantly for his first try at sex in public. Whew. Did not need this train of thought. Brian's office door was closed, but he could clearly hear people behind the door. Maybe a phone call. A meeting? Who knew._

"_**Whatcha working on?" **__Justin heard Michael ask from the other side of the door. Justin arched an eyebrow in surprise. Maybe he was interrupting a… meeting._

_Brian sighed. __**"Why won't you go home?"**_

"_**Cause."**_

"_**Michael, I'm working."**_

"_**Brian, I'm annoying."**_

"_**I knew that since I met you."**_

"_**Shut up!"**_

_Justin smiled listening to the banter. Christ, that shit used to irritate the hell out of him a few years back. He almost had to smother a laugh when he heard a sharp snap of a hand to the back of a head._

"_**Ow! You hit like your mother,"**__ Brian whined, rubbing the back of his head._

_Michael smiled. __**"You don't know the half of it."**_

"_**You really need to go home, Mikey,"**__ Brian pushed again. __**"You know I don't mind you here, but I've got work that has to get done. The presentation is tomorrow, and Big Ben's probably wondering where you've gotten to."**_

_Uh-oh… Ben was still in this picture after all? Justin had hoped that maybe… maybe there would be a last minute change of heart. Something. Figuring this was going to be his cue to break all that nonsense up, he reached for the handle on the door, opening it just enough to peek in._

"_Brian?" Michael asked, sliding to the side of the chair to sit lightly on the armrest._

"_Hm?" Brian had gone back to looking over the campaign. It was almost done, really. A few more tweaks, honestly, a lot more cleavage… there was a joke in there somewhere. He never saw the hand coming at the back of his head. "OW! You little shit, get out of my fucking office!"_

"_Make me!"_

"_Don't start this crap again."_

_Again? They were really like this all the time? It was like watching two kids knocking each other around. Justin still couldn't figure out how they were making any of this work, but it wasn't his place to decide anything._

_Michael stuck his tongue out at Brian, who rolled his eyes. "Real mature, Mikey."_

"_I'm very mature for my age," Michael insisted, sliding from the armrest into Brian's lap, dislodging Brian's attention from the work as he found himself with a lap full of Michael. Brian held his hands up and away, as if he didn't want to contaminate the scene of a crime. Justin actually looked shocked as he watched it happen. Brian refusing a blatant offer of a body? Well, damn it all, he'd been right. Kinney was in love. But to see Michael taking charge, somewhat, threw him for a loop. It wasn't really a sexual move, but it had the adorable coyness to it that only Michael could bring._

_Michael looked up at Brian. "You look like a dumbass."_

_Justin had to agree._

"_You look like you're doing something you shouldn't."_

_Again, considering the situation, Justin had to agree with Brian._

"_I'm inclined to agree," Justin said, making himself known as he threw the door open, nearly sending Michael and Brian's heads spinning towards the door in shock. Brian was so startled he managed to get up out of the chair, sending Michael tumbling to the floor, one hand reaching out to catch himself on the desk on instinct. This sent the stacks of papers and work Brian had been so focused on previous to flutter around to the floor._

"_How the fuck do you people keep getting in here?" Brian demanded to know, sounding exasperated._

"_Remember how, when I first moved in, you told me to always lock the door when I left?" Justin asked, striding into the room confidently, but slowly as if feeling out the old territory. So many memories and just a short amount of time to get this right. "You probably should've told Michael the same thing."_

_Michael clamored to his feet, glaring at Justin. What was he, invisible? Justin beamed back at Michael, all too pleased to have walked in at just the right time. What the hell was he doing here? He saw Brian go over and hug the man, who returned it gratefully. Justin was tired, drained and fell into the embrace like a desperate lover. He took a peek through his lashes at Michael puttering around the desk. The level of tension was almost palpable from across the way. _

"_How was the flight?" Brian asked, leaving Michael in the background. _

_Justin shrugged. "Short. I told you I could drive it." Brian had argued him out of it previously, insisting on buying the plane ticket for Justin if that was the issue. It wasn't, but the effort counted. Justin, obviously, had sucked it up and flown if just to shut Brian up._

"_You would've been too tired to see anyone," the older man argued. "But I'm glad you made it. How's the show going?"_

"_Opening night was horrendous," Justin sighed, overly dramatic he knew, fitting what was expected to a 't'. "Pictures, interviews" he waved a hand "I'm glad I've got the status to leave whenever I want now. Almost sold out, though."_

_Brian clapped a hand on Justin's shoulder, giving him a smile. "Almost only counts in horseshoes and war. Up for a drink tonight?"_

_Michael cleared his throat, tapping the papers he had silently collected off the floor on Brian's desk, setting the stack down firmly. Justin was here. Justin was here and Brian knew he would be coming. And now? Now he was just… an assistant. A background figure. It felt too much like six years back, suddenly. He was watching, helpless, as Brian reeled the kid in and left him standing there on the sidewalk._

"_Mikey, put that down," Brian said, waving him over. "Come out with us tonight."_

_Michael made his way slowly over to the two, aware of how tall Justin had gotten in a year. His luck in the art world changing for the better instantaneously had affected his wardrobe too. No longer was this a kid playing dress up in Brian's image, this was a full-fledged carbon copy with a hint of something new. Michael wasn't a label whore like Brian, but he knew expensive when it smacked him in the face. A dark blue silk shirt wrapped in a deep brown leather jacket with black jeans Michael was sure didn't just come off the rack and a pair of undistinguishable (to Michael, anyways) pair of dark brown shoes brought it all together. Justin had taken the time to shower and change out of the comfy knock around clothes he worn for the trip over. Honestly, just to get the skuzzy feeling of meeting Paul off of him was a relief. _

_He didn't copy Brian's look, really. If anything, Brian had taught him the value of a designer label. They held more presence than he did and that went the extra mile in his career. Truth be told, he didn't frequent the stores that often. Maybe to check the new line that was out, or some must have item that he really thought he could not live without… until he got it home. His style didn't have Brian's all black domineering, tailored, don't touch me it's worth more than your life style… but Michael was sure that if you matched price tags, they would equal the same._

_The clothes held more presence than Justin did, and it certainly showed if Michael's quick assessment had proven anything._

_Justin raised an eyebrow, giving Michael a hug that was returned halfheartedly. Michael was more upset that Justin was visiting and Brian knew about it and he didn't. Did anyone else know and keep it from him?_

"_Out with you two?" Justin asked, easing into the next question. "Are you two…?"_

_Brian couldn't answer quick enough. "No," Michael said, shaking his head. "Still married."_

"_Ah, well… as long as I wasn't interrupting," the blond said. _

"_You know how it is," Brian shrugged, an odd mix of emotions Justin couldn't place on his face. "I'm working and Mikey is nothing but trouble."_

"_Funny, Ma says the same thing about you," Michael muttered. "Hey, I got get going. Help Hunter close the shop and get something going for dinner."_

"_Well, are you gonna come out with us?" Justin asked. "We could get all the guys together."_

"_Yeah," Michael said, just wanting to get to the door. "Maybe just Woody's, though."_

"_Okay," Brian said, leaning over to give Michael a kiss on the cheek. Which wasn't out of the ordinary between them. "I'll get you around eight."_

"_Yeah. Sorry about work," the shorter man sighed, pulling away and heading for the door._

_Justin watched Michael leave and turned back to Brian. "You didn't even tell him I was coming, did you?"_

_Brian smiled. "Do you really think I should've?"_

"_I figured maybe some fair warning, Brian," Justin frowned, slipping hands into jacket pockets. "Blindsiding him wasn't really what I had in mind."_

_Brian rolled his eyes. "Do you know how to handle Michael?"_

"_Not like you, obviously, but I know that it's not right."_

"_Well… sometimes the ends justify the means, Sunshine."_

_Justin wandered over to the desk, looking over the scattered papers Michael had collected. "So, why _are _you here on a Sunday?"_

"_Last minute project to fix," Brian shrugged. "Some little upstart decided to fuck with it and the boss man" he pointed to himself "does not approve."_

"_Ah, to slave away in your little office," Justin said, hands waving to show off the large room. "And work away your life. You should get out more."_

"_Why do you think you're here?"_

"_I thought I was here to be a pawn in a sinister Kinney scheme."_

_Brian chuckled. "Well, true. But, if you're my pawn, then I'm pulling your strings. Are you hungry?"_

_Justin made a so-so motion, rocking a hand back and forth. "Brought a few snacks with me, but I could eat."_

"_Yeah, well, I've been here all day. You're eating," Brian decided, picking up his black leather jacket from its perch behind his desk chair. _

"_Ooo, boss me around, Mr. Kinney," Justin said in a breathless tone, hopping lightly on the desk, leaning towards Brian as if to be the stereotypical tempting secretary, even letting a hand flutter to his chest to undo a button or two on his shirt. _

_Brian cocked an eyebrow at the blond. "You made a horrible employee when you worked for me, and you make a worse 'office fling' now and you don't even work here." Justin laughed, slipping off the desk and Brian ruffled the feathery blond hair brusquely. "C'mon, I'm starving."_

"Brian," Michael panted, finally finding air between a barrage of kisses being showered over his face and neck while hands were slowly teasing the shirt up over a pale flat stomach. They had made it into the Loft, at least, away from any prying eyes that might be around. Brian had shoved Michael over the threshold, up against the nearest flat surface – the breakfast bar – and went on the attack. The only thoughts running through his head were Michael, he was here, the secret was out and now he was all Brian's.

Brian hadn't stopped the assault on every inch of Michael he could get at until Michael had enough of being ignored. Slender fingers slipped easily into the dark brown hair, Brian closed his eyes in silent bliss from the feel of it as he latched onto Michael's neck with his mouth like a teenager. What he wasn't expecting was Michael's fingers to tug so sharply on the silky locks that his head would be snapped back and away from Michael's neck.

"Brian. Fucking. Kinney," Michael hissed, glaring up at him. The awkward angle Michael pulled his head back to left Brian with a slight headache to look down and make eye contact. Angry Mikey was… kinda hot. All riled up, disheveled and wild eyed without the wanton throes of passion involved where Michael just lost himself, this was different. Michael was in control and he knew it.

"Yeeeesssss, Michael. Fucking. Novotny?" Brian hissed back, if just to irritate Michael further. Which earned him a sharp tug of reprimand. "You're gonna make me go bald prematurely if you keep that up."

"Listen when I speak and I'll let you go," Michael told him. Simple as that. "I'm not here for this. I wanted to get here before…" his free hand came up and touched the light bruise on the side of Brian's jaw and Brian let his eyes close at the soft touch "I'm sorry." The hand tangled dangerously in Brian's hair released its grip and smoothed through the soft strands and down the sides of Brian's face gently, annoyance dissipating slowly as Michael took stock of the damage.

"Not your fault," Brian muttered, letting his head fall forward and rest their foreheads together.

Tears pooled unexpectedly in the deep brown eyes. "It is. All of it was."

"It takes two, Mikey," Brian soothed, reaching up to take one of Michael's hands and press a kiss to the flat palm. "Or, in this case, three." He flashed a weak grin.

Michael sniffled, returning a wavering smile with watery eyes. "You'd let me get away with murder, wouldn't you?"

Brian shrugged. "I'd help you bury the bodies."

Silence settled over the two of them as they let the chain of events sink in. Was _this _what they had been going through their own personal hells for? That gentle caress across darkening skin bringing a soft shudder up a spine? The quiet expectation as hazel eyes searched desperately for something in dark brown ones? Something had been steadily building in the silence, Brian habitually rolling his lips inward to form a thin line as his eyes continued to stare in nearly frantic desperation for… something. Why was Michael here, if not for him? What else could there be, than this, right now?

"Hunter," Michael answered for him, quietly. Brian's hand hadn't let go of Michael's, his thumb rubbing the back of the hand as he waited for the rest. There was always more with Michael. "I need my life settled first, Brian. The divorce, a place to stay and what happens with Hunter. I still have a family to take care of."

Brian took a deep breath, unaware he had been holding his for so long. "I know."

Was that it? 'I know'?

"He at school?" Brian asked, squeezing the hand in his grasp gently before letting go and righting himself, pulling away from Michael. He had to be reasonable. The Loft wouldn't be a comfortable place for all three of them. A few nights, sure, but Brian didn't think he could bear to let Michael leave once he had him for just a few nights.

"Nah," Michael shook his head, wrapping his arms around himself as he looked down at his foot, the one currently scuffing back and forth on the floor. This wasn't weird… it was just hard. Michael wasn't sure what he had been expecting from Brian, but this wasn't a satisfying outcome out of the choices, either. "Over at the shop with Em. He knows, though."

"Slowly it all unwinds," Brian murmured. "Where do you think Benny Boy's heading off to?"

"_Ben_," Michael corrected sternly. There was no reason to berate his soon to be ex-husband further. There was still some semblance of love for him, certainly, but how much remained in question. "I'm not sure. He did have work today, but I guess he'd be late at this point." It was almost noon.

"Need a ride to the shop?" Brian asked, picking up the dead cigarette and phone from the floor. One went in the trash, the other was slipped into his back pocket.

"Don't you have work?" Michael questioned, looking at Brian hard. "It's Tuesday."

"Wonders of technology Mikey," the other man sighed. "Left it all up to Cynthia and Schmidt today. Email, what a wonderful thing."

"How is Ted?"

Brian shrugged. "Not dead yet. Do you need a ride or not?"

_A/N: Feeling letdown? Confused? It's like chapter one all over again. Ah, good times we had back then. Goooood times. Anyways, school is out for the summer (cause summer classes would make me go crazy… well, more so) and that whole sleeping thing we humans do? Yeah… turns out I haven't been getting enough of that so the first few days were spent playing catch up. _

_Can I resolve obvious halfbaked ideas I've planted in this chapter? Tune in… within the next two weeks (possibly) to find out! While I go nuts and rack up a phone bill yelling about gay men to my ex. Probably wishes he dated 'normal' girls at this point… or that we didn't get along as well as we do. Hah!_

_Writers love company… as long as the egos don't get in the way._

_Reviews are appreciated!_

_~SL_

_PS – Hope everyone will eventually have a great summer!_


	8. Chapter 8

Choose

_A/N: Tada! We've made it eight chapters in, isn't it awesome? Maybe not. I'm not sure. We've gotten a little muddled along the way, I'm sure. No worries! There's a reason for everything, I think. It'll work itself out… Well, I hope so anyways. Lol_

_Enjoy!_

_~SL_

_Chapter Eight_

The great thing about old 'friends', the type you dropped like a hot rock when you made some better life choices, was that they didn't care much when you popped back into their lives. They knew they were being used for something and didn't care, because it was a good bet that they'd use you right back. It was a fucked up system, but it fit Ben's needs just fine. He told himself he wasn't going to stay long, just people who wouldn't ask questions would be nice to be around, have a little fun… get the fuck away from the usual scene.

He was surprised at how easy it was to fall back in. Debating for a few hours, wandering to and from the usual places to keep his mind off things before calling an old 'friend'. It was easy, so fucking easy to get caught up for a few hours over drinks in someone's shady little apartment. Even easier to get cajoled into a joint, another, someone breaking out hilarious stories with frantic voices clamoring to call more people over, make it a great time.

With new people came heavier vices, a pooling of resources. It never bothered Ben when the air got thicker with more bodies and different drugs. When a bowl full of a different assortment of pills passed his way, he didn't question it, instead picking one that look vaguely familiar. Keeping up with the party atmosphere settling in as someone found the stereo (buried under who knew what) and really got the noise going. It was hours of catching up and loud chatter before a few people started getting really… involved.

The makeshift dance floor was outlined with people seated wherever there was space, and those people were less interested in the music and heightened atmosphere and more interested in each other. Ben had enough wits about him to know what was going here, but enough to actually care?

"_Honey, I'm home!" Hunter's voice rang through the house as he entered, slipping his shoes off at the door. The TV was on in the living room and there was clattering going on in the kitchen. Working at the shop was actually going great on his end, although there were a few things he wasn't too sure of yet. Michael's policies on handling purchases for the younger crowd (i.e. – when they were a little short) and holding items and ordering, but he was sure Michael would be more than happy to give him a hand._

"_In here, pal," Ben called from the kitchen, leaning out the doorway. "Veggie casserole tonight. Sound good?"_

"_Does it ever?" Hunter asked, making a face. "Is Michael around? I have some questions."_

"_Living room. How was work?" Ben asked, smiling. It was amusing for Ben to say in that parental manner._

"_Awesome," Hunter replied drifting towards the living room. "I'm gonna go out later, okay?"_

_Ben rolled his eyes. "You staying for dinner?"_

"_Maybe."_

_Michael has been more than annoyed after leaving Brian's office. He and Ben were on tense terms since he had just gotten up and left to go there to begin with… goddamnit, the whole day went to shit, honestly. There was some movie on TV he was staring at. Honestly, he was bored out of his mind. It was the kind of boredom that settled in and killed your will to do anything slowly. He was irritated with it, flopped over like a ragdoll on the arm of the couch, staring at the screen upside down._

_He heard Hunter come in and couldn't avoid him when he blocked his view of the TV, looking down at him._

"_You an' this upside down thing, man," he said, grinning. "Veggie casserole, huh?"_

_Michael made a face. "I wish I could cook like Ma. She won't give up her damn recipe for her gravy. Doesn't taste the same without it."_

"_Mama's boy," Hunter teased, moving to sit on the couch opposite him. _

"_How was the store?"_

_Hunter shrugged. "Good. I like it, just some questions about ordering an' holding stuff for the lil ones."_

"_You really like them?" Michael asked, smiling lazily as he lolled his head to look over at Hunter._

"_Yeah, they're pretty cool. Kinda… makes me excited for when…" he trailed off and stared at the TV screen._

"_When what?"_

"_What?"_

"_You were saying something," Michael pointed out. "And then you stopped. When what?"_

_Shrugged one shoulder, Hunter looked down into his lap. "Y'know, when Jen can walk an' talk an' all that."_

_Michael smiled. "Someone's excited to be a big brother!"_

"_Shut up!" Hunter tossed a pillow at Michael to drive his point home._

_Michael caught it and hugged it to his chest. "Yeah, yeah. I know your sec-" he faltered for a moment before clearing his throat. "Your, uh, secret."_

"_You okay?"_

"_Yeah. I'm good. Just… having one of those days."_

"_You're havin' those a lot," Hunter observed, leaning back into the couch. _

"_Guys! Dinner's almost done," Ben called from the kitchen._

"_Oh joy," Michael muttered, holding the pillow tighter. He didn't want dinner. God, he sounded like a whiney little kid and he knew it. _

"_Hunter?" Ben called._

"_Present!" Hunter yelled back._

"_Wanna clear and set the table for me?"_

"_No!"_

_Michael snickered. "What?" Ben asked, not having heard over the beeping of the oven._

"_I said 'sure!'"_

"_Thanks, pal."_

_Hunter didn't get up right away. "Gonna go out tonight?" Michael asked, taking up the clicker to change channels. _

"_Prob'ly."_

"_Katie?"_

"_Who else, man?"_

_Michael rolled his eyes. "Go set the table."_

"_Well, what about you?" Hunter asked._

"_What about me?" Michael sighed._

"_You goin' out?"_

"_I dunno… the guys are doing the usual tonight and…"_

_Hunter got up off the couch with a grunt and walked by Michael patting him on the head. "You need to get out more, dude. This is gettin' sad."_

"_Thanks," Michael replied, voice muffled in the pillow he buried his head in. _

"Well, I don't see a damn shipment, do you?" Hunter snapped, throwing himself into the old couch in the backroom of Red Cape.

"Honey, I love you cause you're Michael's family, but that has limits," Emmett said primly, running a finger along a shelf in the backroom. He made a face when it came up thick with dust. "Well, if it's not here, why don't we clean up a bit? It'll be a nice surprise."

"Why don't you just go home?"

Emmett put his hands on his hips, leaning to one side. "What the _fuck _is up your butt?"

"Not you," Hunter snorted, crossing his arms.

"Oh, ha ha," Emmett sighed, sitting down next to Hunter. "Hon, I don't know what wrong. I can't pretend to know. This lil diva is all about moi." He put a hand to his chest. "But I'm not blind, honey. You wanna talk?"

The bell rang outside in the store. Hunter scrambled off the couch. "Customer!"

Talking was the last thing he wanted to do. Well, he did, but none of it was his mess to talk about. It was frustrating. What was more frustrating was the fact that he knew where Michael went and left him here. Besides, he would've liked to see what happened, but that was hours ago… Michael would've-

"Oh, it's you," Hunter sighed, rolling his eyes.

Justin stopped short at Hunter's greeting, Paul bumping into his back. Rude little shit, wasn't he?

"Yeah, nice to see you, too," Justin said, moving in enough to let Paul through.

"What happened to the other guy?" Hunter asked, eyeing up Paul as he wandered through the store. He seemed intent on going through the comics everyone knew about.

Justin shook his head. "Dunno. Woke up and he was gone. What are you, my mom?"

"God, I hope not," Hunter snorted. "Whatever. Can I help you?"

"Yeah, Mike here?"

"No, he's-" Hunter caught himself before eyeing Justin up. "Why?"

"Where is he?" Justin asked, looking at Hunter just as cautiously.

Paul interrupted by clearing his throat. "Truce? Yeah, I wanted to meet him."

"Why?" Hunter asked, eyes on Paul now.

"Uh, writer of Rage? Hello!" Paul exclaimed throwing his hands up. "I've got a publishing company."

"Yeah, Ben does books. Rage is done. Have a great day," Hunter said dismissively.

"Get the bug out of your ass," Justin snapped. "Where's Mike?"

What was it with things up his ass? "Not here," Hunter replied coolly.

"Where?"

Hunter narrowed his eyes, looking Justin over carefully. "Brian's."

Justin was taken aback. "Oh. Oh, shit. One of-"

"Those days, yeah," Hunter finished. "Sure."

"And Ben?"

"Yeah, uh," Hunter waved a hand.

Justin raised an eyebrow. "The hell does that mean?"

Hunter ran a hand through his hair. "Brian's, okay? We're pretty sure Ben went to Brian's to do… I don't even know! And then Michael stuck me here and went off after them and I don't-"

"Are you serious?" Justin asked, eyes wide. "Ben found out? What happened?"

"Me and Michael got home and there was a message on the machine and Ben cut in on it and… two and two, man," Hunter said, shrugging. "But this is the la-"

"What the _hell _have I missed out on?" Emmett asked, coming out from the backroom, glaring at all three.

_Brian was tapping his fingers impatiently at his sides as he waited for Michael to answer the door. Justin had gotten a room close enough to Liberty Ave to walk down. No one else knew the blonde was back besides Brian and Michael. Surprises were fun, weren't they? The door started to open._

"_About time, Mikey," Brian chided, taking a halting step forward. It certainly wasn't Mikey. Ben was standing in the doorway, a pair of barely put on boxers that he hitched up absently as he looked at Brian._

"_He's a little busy," Ben said, obviously annoyed. "Can I take a message?"_

"_Oh, fuck off, Benny Boy," the dark haired man snapped. "Michael knew we were going out tonight."_

"_I was trying to," Ben shrugged dismissively. "You've got a knack for interrupting."_

"_Michael!" Brian called out, leaning over Ben's shoulder. "Mikey, you bastard, you knew I was picking you up at eight!"_

_Michael came stumbling down the stairs, one hand running through his dark hair while the other was trying to keep himself covered with the unbuttoned jeans. He had just grabbed the first thing off the floor. "Christ, Ben, let him in before the neighbors call the fucking cops!"_

_Ben's intimidating form cleared the way for Brian and he crossed the threshold, giving Ben a snort of disgust as he walked by. Michael looked… well, he'd looked better. He was currently zipping up his jeans (apparently going commando for the night… Brian found that curiously exciting as he could never remember a time when Michael had been without something under his jeans) and he looked like he'd been put through the wringer. His chest and shoulders were covered in glaring red marks against the pale skin, hair spiked every which way and he looked completely disoriented. _

"_Mikey, we were going out with the guys tonight, remember?" Brian asked, almost whining about it. He didn't like running into Ben and he liked seeing Michael coming from bed with Ben even less. _

"_You're usually late," Michael shrugged. The guys. With Justin. Just like old times, how great?_

_Brian straightened up. "Yeah, well, special occasion tonight. Thought we'd be on time for once."_

_Michael shook his head slightly, almost bewildered. Ben asked what the occasion was, not having left the room, but watching the interaction closely._

"_A little Sunshine decided to stop by and brighten up the Pitts," Brian explained, smiling over his shoulder at Ben. Michael snorted derisively._

"_Justin?" Ben asked, Michael rolled his eyes and nodded. "Well, that's a surprise. Baby, you want me to go with you? Haven't seen Justin since he left."_

_Michael looked at Brian. "Yeah. Most of us haven't."_

_Ben had no idea what was really going on here, he could admit to that. The tension between to the two best friends was giving him a shiver right up his spine. Michael had been prone to his mood swings and outbursts lately, but at Brian? Usually, they had been in defense of him. _

_Was it really just one friend trying to protect another from some big bad ex?_

Guilt didn't register on this level. There was an awareness, a weighing of right and wrong but an ease into temptation that was without guilt because there were so many things right with it. Rather, him. He was cute, green eyes and light brown hair with a dazzling smile. Shirtless from when he had walked in, Ben could see a thin, but simply defined frame that really knew how to move to the music. Did that make it right? Well, it could be argued that the hand working its way up his leg was right. If it wasn't why would it be doing that? Digging deeper through the haze (maybe as deep as Ben's tongue down the shirtless guy's throat) he was allowed this. The marriage was over. Michael wouldn't be there anymore… hell, he had been doing this while the marriage was supposed to mean something, so this was just a drop in the ocean, forget the bucket.

"Whas yer name?" The guy asked, pulling away from the kiss and settling himself in Ben's lap.

"Is it important?" Ben asked, hands on the guy's hips to hold him in place as he leaned in to let his mouth play at skin over a narrow chest.

The guy leaned back teasingly, just out of reach. "M'Greg."

"Ben. We good now?"

Dumb question. Things like that left people under the influence talking more than doing. It was all depending on this guy. Greg. Was he more of a philosopher type, willing to ponder aloud anything thrown his way, or would Ben get lucky and find himself situation with the more one track type?

Greg seemed to mull the question over for a bit before letting Ben pull him closer. "Nah, we will be, though."

Ben had his answer.

"_I dunno, honey," Michael said, trying to calm the dark hair down by running his hands through it. "You've got papers to grade, right?"_

_Ben shrugged. "I could put them off for an hour or two." Really, he didn't want Michael alone with Brian, especially if Justin was there. Things could turn out… well, he didn't really know. Michael had been too sporadic to tell as of late. _

"_Sorry, Prof," Brian interrupted. "I've got the Corvette. Only room for two." Yeah, cause the last person he wanted around him tonight was Ben._

_Michael bristled. It was probably Brian's fault Justin was here, obviously something was going on there. If nothing, Brian was snidely accommodating with Ben. Considering this was an actual group outing, with Justin no less, why couldn't they all go? Why the fuck did Brian get to pull all the strings?_

_Completely forgetting that Ben had work to try and get done._

"_Y'know, Brian," Michael said. "Why don't you go on ahead and we'll make our way over later?"_

"_Michael-" Was he really going to make this hard? And for what, Ben?_

"_Come off it," Michael snapped, wheeling on Brian. "Your little fucktoy is back in town, why don't you go see him already?"_

"_Michael," Ben stepped towards his husband, a warning tone in his voice. As much as he and Brian were at odds, Michael didn't need to fly off the handle._

"_No!" Michael shouted, pointing at Brian. "This jackass just had the little shit show up today! Like it was out of the fucking blue! Like he lived down the mother fucking street!"_

_Brian knew this was on him. The day he agreed to Justin's plan, he knew he was going be walking a thin line with Michael. There were only a few reactions he would get. One would be the usual frustrated acceptance, which Brian figured he'd gotten back at the office. The second one would be the complete freak out, unable to take it anymore. Which he was getting now. Not that he didn't like getting reamed out once in awhile, but this was actually a little… painful._

"_Mikey," Brian tried to reason gently and hesitatingly took a step forward. "It was a surprise for everyone."_

"_Not you!"_

"_No, not me," he agreed. "But I knew he was coming for a week and we decided not to tell anyone. Tonight was the surprise. We were going to surprise your mom later in the week too, or do you want me to go bring her to Woody's?"_

_Michael balked at this point. Why the fuck did Brian have to make him seem like the irrational one every goddamn time? How the hell did he get away with it? Ben cleared his throat and interrupted the staring contest._

"_Baby, I'm just… gonna go back to bed," Ben offered, kissing Michael on the cheek. He didn't want to get involved anymore at this point. "You come upstairs and finish getting dressed… I'll help."_

_Michael smiled briefly over his shoulder at Ben, patting his arm before his husband went back upstairs. Now Brian and Michael were just stuck alone at a tense stalemate. Brian slipped his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and Michael scratched absently at a bare arm, not quite sure what to do._

"_You didn't have to talk about me like I wasn't in the room," Michael said sullenly._

"_He did that, not me," Brian defended himself. Weak excuse thought it was._

"_You always let him get away with shit."_

"_And I don't let you?"_

_Michael scoffed. "Fuck no you don't! You never let me forget anything."_

"_That's not true, Mikey."_

"_The ten speed bike," Michael offered. "Borrowing the car, not coming to Hard Heroes, taking in Hunter, moving in with Ben, JR, marriage-"_

"_Are you coming or not?" Brian cut him off, rolling his eyes. _

_Michael sighed. "Fine. Give me five- no, twenty minutes. I gotta take care of… something."_

_Brian snorted._

"Well," Emmett said, covering his mouth with a hand, trying to think over the story he'd just been told. It was all secondhand, of course. Brian's side from Justin and what Hunter could piece together from Michael. "My God, I don't know what to say, but it explains a lot."

"Do you guys always do this?" Paul asked, leaning on the counter, grinning. "This is great! If I knew being gay meant all this drama, hell, I might've switched teams years ago."

Justin sighed. "Paul, we're people with issues like everyone else. It's not because we're gay."

"It's because we're men," Emmett said quietly, remembering what Brian had said years ago about men and relationships. What if he was right?

"What?" Hunter asked, looking at Emmett. "Michael wouldn't… look, it's not like we _have_ t'cheat. I mean, me an' Katie… lots of people!"

"I don't know," Emmett mused. "Would Katie be more likely to cheat, or you, hon?"

Hunter kept his mouth shut, but Justin spoke up. "Okay, whatever. This debate aside, now you know, Em. Doesn't matter what happened or why, this is where we are now."

"Kid, you really know how to fuck shit up," Paul said, slapping Justin on the back.

"Why is this my fault?" Justin complained.

"Well, I can't tell if your 'plan' has worked or failed yet," Paul shrugged. "But it _was _your plan."

"Thank you for the vote of confidence," Justin said scathingly.

Paul laughed. "Hey, all of this would make a great book if someone wrote it down. Can I help it if I'm always looking for a great story?"

Hunter looked at Justin. "Can we send him back where he came from?"

"My mom might get really angry if you tried that," Paul shrugged, going back to flipping through the comics.

"Okay, so… what do we do now?" Emmett asked, hating to be stuck on the sidelines more than anything. That was Michael, and so help him if Brian tried anything…

Justin shrugged. "What can we do?"

"I say we all go over to Brian's place and break up whatever's going on!" Hunter exclaimed, slamming a hand on the countertop.

Emmett put a hand on Hunter's shoulder. "Honey, they need to work it out. They're adults, I'm sure they're being responsible."

_Up in the bedroom, it wasn't hard to convince Ben to finish what he and Michael had started a few hours ago. Ben was expecting Michael to need more of a comforting ear, but taken by surprise when Michael climbed into his lap and pulled him in for a hard kiss. Ben didn't want to be pulled into this situation any further by appeasing Michael's annoyance with Brian with sex, but it was really hard to argue when Michael was whispering some very dirty things in his ear._

_It was a quick fumble to get the pants off Michael, who stopped Ben from taking them all the way, preferring to just yank them down and lean over the bed. "Not enough time," he explained simply, barely looking over his shoulder when Ben hesitated. "Just fuck me."_

_The better part of Ben wanted to turn it down, but the other part wanted to get it over with, with as little a fight as possible (well, the fact that he'd be satisfied too, didn't help any). Fumbling through his bedside table, he found a condom and the lube, deciding that if Michael was going to make this quick, he could at least take his time with the preparation. Usually Michael loved that._

_Moments before Michael was making up his mind to check what the holdup was behind him, two slick fingers were sliding in slowly, taking their time to feel out the well known body. Michael was torn, oddly, between impatient boredom and want. He wanted the release, he just wanted it to be over though. It was a chore right now. A chore to give his body what it wanted (and why shouldn't he? Hell, Brian had been doing it for years, at least he had a stable partner to do it with) and a chore to live with Ben's passive passion in bed. _

_A tingle ran up Michael's spine as a finger came close to brushing right up against the small bundle of nerves that seemed to make all this worthwhile. Fuck, he was doing it on purpose, Michael realized as he shuddered again. _

_Hands pulling at the sheets on the bed, Michael debated on which was the best course of action to take in this situation. He wanted it, Ben wanted it, it was just too slow. _

_Michael gasped loudly, raked his teeth across his bottom lip and looked over at Ben with, what he hoped, was a pleading look. "Please?" He thrust back against the fingers to drive his point home._

_Not that Ben couldn't resist, but at this point he didn't want to with the way Michael acted. Back arched, body trembling just slightly… who could say no? Fingers withdrawn, Ben reached for the condom tossed on the bed and rolled it on, quick but careful movements used to smooth some of the lube over the latex encased length. Ben hesitated, weighing the options briefly. Do this and Michael was sure to go out, nothing solved and back to square one. Don't do this… and he could be in for hell for the next week._

_No one man would be considered dumb enough to put themselves purposely through hell when they could get out of it with such a pleasurable experience. At the very least, Ben decided with a tight grip on Michael's hips to ease himself in, he could make it so that Brian could hear exactly what he had interrupted earlier and for once, there would be a little perverted knowing between Ben and Brian. That Michael was Ben's partner, his lover, his husband. Michael would be going out tonight as those things, not just Brian's best friend. That was wrong to give him incentive, but it worked. Michael's soft grunts of 'more' or 'harder' had trailed off to a low whine when Ben stopped and pulled Michael up so they were back to chest, Michael's weight resting back against Ben. They'd done this a few times before, Michael liked the variation on the usual style from behind, it felt like Ben slipped in just a little deeper somehow._

_Ben held him close, turning his head to let his lips play with Michael's ear. "I'll give you what you want, if you do something for me."_

"_Bartering in bed, Bruckner?" Michael's breathy voice asked. "Shrewd. What?"_

"_I want you to be louder," Ben breathed softly. Before Michael could protest about company in the house, he went on. "You know I love hearing you."_

"_Deal," Michael agreed, smiling as he placed his hands over Ben's. One on his chest, the other on his hip as he gave his inner muscles a little squeeze to encourage Ben. "You might be louder, though."_

"We don't have to leave right now," Michael said, a hand reaching out to grab hold of Brian's shirt. "He's with Em at the store. They're fine."

Brian rubbed at his forehead gently, as if he had a headache. "Michael, I can't have you here right now."

"Why not?"

"You have no idea what I want to do to you," Brian groaned as if he was in pain, eyes closing. "You just can't be here."

Michael worried his bottom lip between his teeth. "You're not mad, are you?"

Brian laughed, making Michael jump. "Angry?" He raked his hands thought his hair. "Michael… Mikey, come here." He opened his arms and Michael was all too happy to fall into an embrace. It felt like they had barely touched in months in any manner. "I want you to listen to me. Are you listening."

A muffled laugh came up from Brian's chest. "Yeah."

"Look at me."

Michael looked up expectantly, waiting for the worst. That this was bullshit, they were better off friends, nothing was worth this nonsense when there was more easily accessible cock elsewhere.

"You're here," Brian said, looking serious. "You're right here because you want to be. You chose to be in this very spot right now. It's what I wanted, and you know I love getting what I want."

Michael couldn't help but blush, just a little. It wasn't much, not even overly sentimental, but it was more than he ever wanted to hear. Still… "Are you sure? You're not getting just me."

Ah, that question. "What do you want me to say, Mikey?" he asked quietly, looking over that worried face for the right words. "That I'll love him like my own? That we'll all live happily ever after? You know I'd never promise you anything I couldn't give."

Michael couldn't help himself, his face fell and eyes lowered away from Brian's, but his arms reflexively held on tighter.

"No, don't get like that," Brian said, using his hand to nudge Michael's chin up so Michael was looking at him again. "I'm not saying I _can't _or _won't _give you those things. I'm just saying that I don't know how it'll end. You're the writer, write out the ending for me."

Brian let his hand wrap around the back of Michael's neck, thumb brushing over his cheek and pulled their foreheads together. God, just touching each other drove him insane. It wasn't enough anymore when Brian knew that they had so much more waiting in front of them. Michael lifted his head looking for a kiss and Brian pulled back just slightly.

"No, Mikey," he scolded gently. "Don't."

"Why not?" Michael asked, nearly whining.

Brian smiled briefly. "Because it won't stop there."

"You don't trust me?" Michael raised an eyebrow.

"I don't trust myself."

"_You sure?" Michael asked, pulling on a faded brown t-shirt. "I'll tell him we can see them all another time. Maybe with more warning."_

_Ben looked up from his book, covers pulled up enough to keep him decent. "Baby, just go and have a good time and tell Justin I said hi. Maybe your mom'll do a dinner and we can all meet then."_

_Honestly, now Michael was looking for an excuse to stay in. Ben was just looking forward to a little peace and quiet right now. He wanted Michael to have a nice time out, but he had work to do. Papers didn't grade themselves. Maybe next year they could budget him an assistant. Well, he could hope._

_Michael flopped onto the bed on his stomach. "We just haven't been able to go out much together, y'know?"_

"_Trust me, I know," Ben smiled thinly. "Still thinking about that weekend?"_

"_Still thinking of bringing your book?"_

"_Go have fun, Michael," Ben sighed, leaning over to kiss his husband. "And try not to get in too late, please?"_

"_Yeah, yeah," the shorter man agreed impatiently, rolling off the bed. "Night."_

"_Night, Michael."_

_Michael shut the bedroom door and took his time getting back downstairs. He really hoped Ben would want him to stay home. For once in this last year, he wouldn't've started a fight about being kept away from Brian. He just didn't want to see Justin. Not with his arms around Brian, or that self satisfied smile he gave everyone and especially not that adoring one he gave Brian. But that really wasn't all. Sure, Michael could imagine that ridiculous things Justin would do, but Brian? Would Brian keep his arm around Justin? Would he still give the blond that small tug at the corner of his lips while looking down at him (although, now it seemed they might be a little closer in height…)? Michael would rather lock himself in a room with Ben while he was writing for the rest of his life than watch tonight's many scenes play out._

_He landed at the bottom of the stairs and didn't see Brian. Wandering over to the living room he found his best friend toying with one of his robot action figures left on a mantel on the far wall. Michael smiled, just watching as it looked like Brian was taking up another one, maybe about to do battle with each other. Brian paused, then bent one robot over, balanced precariously and arched the other one back just slightly and left it placed behind the bent over robot. _

"_This is why I never let you play with my toys," Michael said, irritated now as he entered the room. Brian's shoulders jerked slightly, the only way to know he was surprised and back away from his work of art with a smile. _

"_Aw, Mikey, you know your mom always said you needed to share more," the taller man said laughing. Served him right after what he had to suffer through the last, nearly, half hour. It irritated him to hear someone else's name out of Michael's mouth in bed, he just never realized how much it would._

_Michael scowled and righted the wronged figures, adjusting them until he was satisfied. "You're still a jackass."_

"_That bug up your butt?" Brian asked, getting annoyed with the treatment Michael was giving him. "You should tell it to move out."_

_Finished rearranging the toys, Michael stepped back. "Can we just go and get this over with now? I said I'd be home early."_

"_You're really not gonna come to Babylon with us?"_

"_I have work in the morning."_

"_So do I."_

"_Brian," Michael warned in a final tone. "Don't push me. Woody's, then home."_

_He'd push all he wanted. Brian let himself get treated like crap when he knew he deserved it. He might be a heel for putting Michael in this position, but he didn't deserve the torture he had to listen to. And he knew it was crap to be snapped at over nothing._

"I want you," Michael said softly, pulling back from a long kiss. "We've got time."

"Mikey…," Brian was hesitant about giving in.

"Just promise to let me go in an hour."

Brian pulled Michael in for another kiss. Never. He wasn't letting go, not in an hour, not any time soon. That's what scared him. With their hesitant distance in the begging of their friendship, it was easy to essentially have his cake and eat it too. He wanted Michael, back when they were kids and hormones ruled the world. It would've been easy if he hadn't found himself caring so much about hurting someone else. He liked guys like Mikey. They were just so… naïve, innocent. They had been the best. Someone else to put his fucked up misery in, someone else to taint like he was. They wore it best, guys like Michael. Brian walked away knowing that he'd created just one more miserable soul in the world and he could watch it every day if it had been some guy from school. It eased his own pain just a little more. It was sick, twisted, but he admitted it and held no shame with it.

And then came Michael. Michael that had no clue just how cute he was when he got overexcited about… well, anything. A dog on the way home, whatever Deb was making for dinner, class (or how much he hated it)… the list went on. He just couldn't understand how someone could be so happy in this world. It didn't make sense. Brian wanted to show him (as he had with so many others) what the world was really about, but he didn't. He wanted what Michael had about him, that wide-eyed wonder at everything. So, what was just going to be a quick perusal turned into a long lasting friendship and Michael never failed to share his world with Brian when he could. There was something akin to peace in it, somewhere. Somehow, Brian found it in Michael without having to completely ruin the other man.

"Brian?"

Brian blinked, unaware that he'd been staring at Michael for what felt like hours. "Sorry, did you say something?"

"I asked you what was wrong," Michael said, looking worried. "You've been staring at me for a few minutes. Something on my face?"

Smiling slightly, he kissed Michael's cheek, as if that was the thing on his face. "You scare me," Brian admitted quietly.

"I don't bite that hard," Michael teased, poking Brian's side.

"You don't even know what you do to me," Brian muttered.

"Love you?"

Brian chuckled, hiding his face in Michael's neck. "Yeah, but I just don't-"

Michael stepped away and held Brian's face in his hands to look him in the eye. "I'm still here, right? Even after the first time?"

Mutely, Brian nodded.

"And I came back, ruined a few people, but I came back, right?"

Another nod.

"You hurt me sometimes, Brian," Michael admitted, a hand smoothing over the worried brow. "But I hurt you right back. It happens. I'm still me and you're still you and nothing changed that yet."

"But what if-"

Michael shook Brian's head gently. "Brian, listen to me. Are you listening?"

Brian rolled his eyes and Michael squished his cheeks, making his lips purse like a fish, sending a small ache through the bruise. He winced. "Yesh."

"Stop thinking. I'm not made of glass and I'm willing to risk it. Want me to sign a contract to prove it? A liability waiver?"

Brian peeled Michael's hands off his face and straightened up, pulling Michael close. "No," he said, running his hands up Michael's arms, playing with the sleeves of the shirt, lips bordering on a smile. "I want you to get in bed."

"_Figured you might be picking up Justin or something instead of me," Michael said as they drove towards Liberty Ave. _

"_Oh, I didn't get time to tell you," Brian said as he made an easy right turn. "Justin's staying at a hotel nearby. He'll probably be there now. Actually, considering how late we are, he is."_

"_He's not staying with you?"_

_Brian lifted an eyebrow. "Why the hell would he?"_

_Maybe Justin had something going with this 'plan' of his. Implication seemed to be doing more for Michael than actually having to physically go through with anything. Though, Brian worried that this might drive his friend over the edge in the wrong direction._

_Michael had so many half-assed answers ready for that, he couldn't decide which one to use first. He sorted through them and slowly come to the realization that Brian didn't lie. Really, he didn't. He said things he didn't mean, used things in his favor, but when it came down to it, he was always honest about most things. This probably wasn't a set up of any sort and Justin really was here to visit and surprise everyone. _

"_Never mind," Michael muttered, more annoyed with himself now than Brian._

_There was no easy way to get back into a comfortable flow of conversation with only a minute or two left on the drive, so neither tried. Michael stared out his window and Brian kept his gaze on the traffic ahead. They had been making good time until they hit Liberty Ave and slowed immediately as queens paraded down the streets in a casual manner, not caring if the road was actually for cars and not queers. Brian huffed impatiently as he waited every few seconds for a high heeled drag queen to strut by, or a barely clothed group skittered into the road. It was annoying to drive in this area, but the tension was relieved by the time Brian had found a parking spot._

"_You think this place would die down a bit on a Sunday," Michael commented, shutting the car door behind him after climbing out. _

_Brian locked the car and slung an arm over Michael's shoulders as they hit the sidewalk. "Mikey, any chance for those of the queer kind to get out will be taken."_

"_It still seems like, I dunno, they'd still be like everyone else," the shorter man contemplated. _

"_What? You mean like the heteros?" Brian said snidely. "Bed by nine?"_

_Michael sighed. "It's not just straight people that like to get to bed early, Brian."_

"_Oh, I'm sorry, married couples too. Stepford Fags."_

"_Brian," Michael warned._

"_Alright, cool it," the taller man gave up, too exasperated to get into another fight so soon. The walk towards the bar was fairly content after that, just enjoying the usual sights and sounds._

_A realization dawned on Michael. "Y'know what, Brian?"_

"_No, what?"_

"_Ass. I think this is probably the first time we've been to Woody's in awhile."_

"_You mean together."_

"_Even as a group."_

"_Nope."_

"_What?" Michael looked up questioningly._

"_We've been going every once in awhile, guess who's been missing?"_

"_You guys have been leaving me out?"_

"_No, Mikey, you pulled yourself away. The guys ask about you, but I just stopped trying after awhile."_

"_Maybe I'm just getting old," Michael groused. _

"_Yeah, keep telling yourself that," Brian agreed, ready to drop the subject as they came to the brightly lit entrance of Woody's. They headed up the short steps and into the bar, finding no one with their group at the bar, tables or pool tables. The place wasn't empty, but one might think it a slow night until they heard the clapping and cheers from the area that was slightly downstairs. The second bar, pool tables and… oh crap, the stage._

"_Karaoke," they both sighed._

"Brian?" Michael asked, wondering if he heard right. Didn't Brian say they weren't going to do that? Hell, didn't Michael say he wasn't here for that?

Brian wrapped his arms around Michael, cradling the back of his head, fingers tangling in the dark hair and pulling gently to get the smaller man to tilt his head back before Brian kissed him. That was the one way they always knew what was going on. This time, Michael was just too befuddled to work it out. He wasn't sure if Brian was truly happy with the outcome of today, annoyed there were still things to settle or just pure want. Once they crossed that line, it was hard not to think there was just that connection lit on fire, burning out every other emotion Michael was usually able to decipher.

Tender wouldn't be the right word, if Michael had to pick one. He still felt that raw, hard emotion breaking through, it was just disguised with soft lips on his. His arms went around Brian's waist, eyes shut tight and brow furrowed as he tried to figure it out. This was how they said what they couldn't. How they were sorry or happy, annoyed or unable. Why was this so hard to figure out now?

Michael pulled away, thinking he had it figured out. "Brian… are you sure?" Don't put it all on me, he thought. Don't break yourself, in a few months…

Hazel eyes alight with something close to his usual self satisfied look. Pleased, it seemed (maybe relieved), that Michael might've figured it out.

"I don't think I've ever been this sure," Brian admitted, absently running his fingers through Michael's hair. "It hurts to think about you, like I can't give you enough. That I'm already so limited. I'm gonna try, Mikey. Promise me, though?"

"Anything."

"Mm, that'll get you in trouble," Brian teased. "Promise me that I don't have to let you go in an hour."

"But I have to-" Michael was quieted with another kiss that left him wondering for a moment. "Oh." He smiled brightly. "Why would I turn that down? You haven't let me go in nearly twenty years, why let you do it now?"

"You'd let me get away with murder," Brian said voice low, but obviously happy as he taunted Michael with the same words he used.

Michael laughed. "I'd help you bury the bodies."

_Ted had picked Emmett up earlier, meeting for a quick bite to eat before going to Woody's. The diner made the perfect place. They walked in to a lightly busy crowd, Deb controlling the whole situation and seating them at the counter, rather than a booth. They were just looking to kill some time before showing up at the bar._

"_Any idea why Brian was so insistent on going out tonight?" Emmett asked flipping open a menu absently._

"_Ah, you got the same 'show up or else' feeling from him?" Ted chuckled, eyes scanning his own menu._

_Emmett smiled. "He is _such _a drama queen sometimes, I swear."_

"_Well, all the world trembles when Kinney is unhappy," Ted sighed. "You know that."_

"_Oh, I know, honey. I just don't know why… Mm, I get the feeling we're in for something tonight," Emmett said, snapping his menu closed._

"_Hey, boys!" Debbie greeted, leaning on the counter, smiling at them. "Out on the prowl tonight?"_

"_Nah, Deb, you know my luck," Ted teased. _

"_Ted, you got the great guy at home," Deb told him sternly. "You don't need to look anywhere else."_

_Emmett rolled his eyes. "Mr. Brian Kinney has insisted we go out tonight. The whole gang. I guess Michael must be coming."_

_Debbie shook her head. "That son of mine is too old to be out like this. Roamin' the streets with-"_

"_Hey, Deb," Ted interrupted. "Give him a break. He hasn't been out with us… well, I dunno how long. Brian made it sound important, give him some credit."_

_Debbie pushed off the counter, putting her hands on her hips. "Brian Kinney _always _makes it sound important."_

"_Deb-"_

"_What'll ya have?" she asked again, cutting off Emmett._

_They beat a hasty retreat from the diner, away from Deb's scathing looks and silent criticism to Woody's. There was something unsettling about the walk to the bar, feeling as if they just tattled on Michael or something. Debbie made it really hard to enjoy a night out with their friend that they hadn't seen in forever (or so it felt). What could they do, though? Maybe just apologize to Michael in advance if Deb reamed him out. _

"_So, you know what tonight is, right?" Emmett asked Ted, breaking the silence. _

"_Sunday?"_

"_No, Teddy," Emmett sighed. "It's Karaoke tonight!"_

"_How could I forget?" Ted asked, smacking his forehead gently. "And what will her highness be performing tonight?"_

"_I don't know," Emmett drawled, finger tapping on his chin. "I was thinking something fun, y'know? Something I haven't done before."_

"_It will be a wonderful performance, my dear," Ted said encouragingly. Emmett slapped him on the shoulder playfully._

"_Don't let Blake hear you talking like that," Emmett laughed._

"_Ted?" A voice called out from the crowds walking the sidewalks. "Emmett? It _is _you guys! Hey!"_

_Both men stopped to see Justin walking towards them from the front of Woody's where he had been smoking, keeping an eye out for Brian and Michael. They were running late, it seemed. He was just wondering what could be keeping them._

"_Emmett, are you on anything?" Ted asked cautiously, watching the blond walk towards them._

"_Only if you're smoking again," Emmett replied, mouth agape._

"_I'm not," Ted said._

"_Me either," Emmett replied._

"_Ted? Em?" Justin asked, waving a hand in front of their faces. "You alright?"_

"_Who are you?" Emmett blurted out, one hand coming up to cover his mouth. _

_Ted looked Justin over. "I think what he means is, what are you doing back here?"_

_Justin shrugged and smiled. "Um, surprise?"_

There was something different as Brian and Michael made their way to the bedroom in Brian's Loft. Something reminiscent of their teen years as Michael sat Brian down on the edge of his bed. His hands gripped the sides next to his legs, looking up at Michael. The smaller man had done this times before, years ago when he had nowhere to go, beaten, broken and bruised inside and out. Michael would sit him down on the edge of his bed and take inventory on the new additions to his body before running off to get water (sometimes Brian could talk Michael into a few shots from a hidden stash of alcohol Deb kept for company) and ice, clean him up and take him to the bathroom for a shower and sit him right back down on the edge of the bed, dressing him in something comfortable to spend the night in.

It was almost like that, the same tender care Michael applied back then being used now. The bruise wasn't any worse, but it wouldn't be pretty for awhile, Michael kept in mind. He kissed the top of Brian's head gently before kneeling on the low wooden bench between Brian's legs, reaching for the edge of the shirt. Brian grabbed onto Michael's wrists, unsure of what they'd both find. Ben did get in a nice punch there and he didn't want Michael upset.

"Mikey, don't," Brian said, looking down at their hands instead of in the face. There was something almost shy about how Brian was acting.

"It's okay," Michael told him, wondering just what Brian was hiding now. "We'll be okay."

"No, it's not-" Michael edged the shirt up over his abdomen and Brian held his breath.

Michael surprised him by leaning in and kissing over the tense abs on Brian's stomach. Brian let go of Michael's hands, letting him take the advantage he wanted. He'd already done what Brian didn't want him to do, why bother stopping him the rest of the way? Michael was easing up the shirt to give him more and more access to exposed, heated skin. He couldn't help but relax, leaning back on his hands. There probably wasn't even a single mark there if Michael hadn't stopped. The hit really had been so quick (not light, but you didn't need much to knock the wind out of someone by surprise) that there wouldn't be a sign of it.

Michael sat up when he couldn't comfortably lift the shirt anymore, tugged it upwards. "Lift."

Brian did as he was told, finding it… kind of nice not to be making the first moves for once. Anticipating motions and needs, basic desires and wants. Not that he didn't mind the payoff any, but relaxing was hard in the moment when everything had to be thought of. Even with Michael, some things didn't come naturally between them, like the rest of their relationship seemingly had. Now, they would actually have the time to learn how, not just the best way to get it done.

"Mikey?"

Michael looked over from where he was tossing Brian's shirt aside. "You okay?"

Brian reached over to pull Michael in his lap, settling Michael's legs on either side of his hips. "Better now," Brian said, kissing Michael. "We've got time."

"Not that much," Michael reminded him, placing his hands on Brian's chest.

"You're a mood killer," Brian huffed, trying not to make a face.

Michael shrugged one shoulder and smiled. "It's a talent. You've got to let me leave, though. Hunter probably thinks I'm dead or-"

"Y'know what?" Brian asked, cocking an eyebrow. "I've got this crazy idea here. Try to follow me, now. I think I recall some awesome invention, called a… Damn, what was it? Phone! And it comes in neat things, like a telephone or a portable invention of something called a cell phone. Have you heard of it?"

"You… are an asshole," Michael laughed. "You want me to call?"

"Well, sounds like you want to let him know you're okay. I don't want you to leave anytime soon and I don't think you do either," Brian told him, running his hands up Michael's jean clad thighs, almost to the point where they met, barely brushing up against a hidden, hardened length.

"And you're a tease," Michael complained. "Fine, but not the night. A few hours, understand?"

"Yes, sir," Brian said, snapping a small salute as Michael climbed off to find a phone, any phone, it didn't matter.

"_This is more than a surprise, sweetie!" Emmett exclaimed, hugging Justin. "What in the world are you doing here?"_

"_I think he needs to breathe, Em," Ted suggested, watching Justin's face squish up against Emmett's chest. Emmett gasped and let the blond go. _

"_Thanks," Justin said, taking in a breath, but smiling. "I'm just here for a week. Needed a break, and I hadn't seen you guys in forever, so I decided to drop in. And… here I am!"_

"_You just came to Woody's right off the bat?" Ted asked. _

"_Oh, ah, no. I was here in the late afternoon, I went to see Brian-"_

_Ted rolled his eyes. "Of course."_

_Emmett slapped his chest. "Teddy, shush. So you went to see Brian?"_

"_Mmhm, he was working. Something got messed up and then he suggested Woody's and Babylon tonight, with all of you," Justin explained, not sure if he should keep the part about Michael being there or not to himself. _

"_Ah, so you're the reason we're being forced out on a Sunday," Ted said, putting the pieces together._

"_Oh, like we wouldn't be here anyway," Emmett sighed._

_Ted snorted. "I don't know about you, but Blake usually makes dinner on Sunday night. Candles, wine-"_

"_Opera and sex, sounds lovely," Emmett brushed off. "This is more fun."_

"_Why isn't Blake with you?" Justin asked, shrugging. The tension was kind of obvious, but he couldn't help but ask. _

"_He tries to avoid the club scene these days," Ted explained. "It was fun for awhile, but he's ready to move on completely from it. Now that I know you're the reason we're here though, I can call and see, y'know, just drinks or something."_

_Justin shook his head. "No, no. Don't. We all do lunch or something later, it's not a problem." He could understand and respect the choice Blake made. Besides, it's not like he didn't have time to fill while he was here. The trip was mostly just making his presence known. Spending time with Michael's other friends was a good enough way._

_Emmett clapped his hands together. "Well, we're here now! How about we get in and get some drinks? I had to prepare my singing voice."_

"_Lead the way your highness," Ted said, letting Emmett brush past him and Justin. Justin snickered into his hand as Ted made a face behind Emmett's back._

"_How are you and Blake?" Justin asked as he and Ted walked into the bar behind Emmett's sashaying behind. _

"_Great, actually," Ted said, brightening. "We're thinking of getting a house together soon since Kinnetik is doing so well and Blake would really like to be a little closer to work."_

"_That really is great. How do you guys do it?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

_Justin shrugged. "It's just… with the past you two both have and all the, I don't know, temptation? How do you do it?"_

_Ted laughed. "I may be tempted, but I don't tempt anyone."_

"_Ted, c'mon, you know you're better than that," Justin argued. _

"_No, no. It's true," he said shaking his head. "Blake turns more heads than I ever did. But, I don't think he'd leave for a piece of ass. We talk, we do other things. If one of us isn't happy in bed, we talk about it. Like, last night I did this thing where-"_

"_How about drink?!" Justin asked, cutting Ted off. He really didn't want to hear about Ted and Blake's sex life. He had his limits._

"_Boys!" Emmett called out from the stairs leading towards the downstairs bar and stage. "I'm putting my name on the list to sing, are you coming?"_

"_We're gonna get drinks, you want anything?" Ted questioned. _

"_Cosmo! You're a sweetheart, Teddy," Emmett said, waving at the two of them before disappearing downstairs._

"_So, Brian?" Ted asked, raising an eyebrow at Justin as they went to the bar. _

"_Should be on his way," was all Justin said. "What about Michael, though?"_

_Ted shrugged. "He's just… been busy. Barely see him anymore, never comes out… only seems to keep in touch with Brian. Guess being a fulltime business owner and family man keeps you at home."_

"_Uh-huh… sounds busy, busy, busy," Justin agreed, staring at the bartender instead until he came over. Goddamnit, was everyone that clueless? Surely they wouldn't let a long time friend just drop off the face of the Earth. Well, maybe once they saw Michael and Brian together, they would figure it out. There's no way they could be their usual selves in public. This was Liberty Ave, Woody's! Everyone would be able to notices the changes, especially with Michael having disappeared for this long. _

_Right?_

"Can we get lunch?" Hunter asked, bored out of his mind. With nothing else to do, Justin and Paul had taken to the backroom going over comics and issues of Rage. He thought he heard mutters of new ideas for Rage. Yeah right, like that would happen.

Emmett had given up on cleaning when the news had gotten everyone in a tizzy and spent his time looking through Michael's favorite comic, Captain Astro. He wanted to see if those gay rumors were true or not. So far, it seemed to be very true, but what a cute sub-plot it was, really. If he had to guess, he'd say the writer did it on purpose. Who said things like that to their 'sidekick'?

"Hm, I dunno, hon," Emmett said. "What time is it?"

"Lunch time," Hunter whined. "Please? I'll go down to the diner or something. C'mon!"

Emmett sighed, debating on letting Hunter leave or not. Apparently he was here as a glorified babysitter for the day. Hunter's phone rang in his back pocket and he turned his back on Emmett to answer it.

"Hungry, bored teenager speaking," Hunter answered, not checking the name.

"**Hey, kid," **Michael said, sounding out of breath. His search for a phone had been incessantly interrupted by Brian's roaming hands. **"How's everything holding up?"**

"Michael! Where the fuck are you? What happened? Is everything okay?" Hunter asked in quick succession loudly, drawing Paul and Justin out of the backroom and Emmett up from his chair and over to the counter where Hunter was.

"Put him on speaker!" Emmett hissed while Hunter waved a hand at him.

"Tell him I said sorry," Justin whispered.

"Oh, my turn!" Paul said, something childlike in his voice. "Tell him I need to meet him!"

"**Hunter? Who else is there?" **

"A bunch of freaks."

"**Is Emmett still there?"**

"Unfortunately," Hunter muttered.

"Hi, honey!" Emmett said loudly.

Michael laughed on the other end. **"Put me on speaker, Hunter."**

"Wait, Justin is here, too," Hunter confessed.

There was a slight pause. **"Okay."**

"He's got some guy with him."

"Paul!" Paul supplied.

"Yeah, Paul. He needs to meet you soon."

"**What the fuck happened, Hunter?" **It seemed like this day had gone ten kinds of wrong.

"Let me put you on speaker," Hunter sighed, hitting the button and leaving the phone on the countertop. "Can you hear me?"

"**Yeah, now what's going on?"**

"Well, I was here with Emmett," Hunter explained. "Then Justin comes in with Paul cause he wants to meet you. You're not here and they want me to tell them where you are and I-"

"He blurted the whole thing out," Justin said, cutting in. "I pushed him into it though and he just wanted to know you were okay. He was frustrated about being here with Em."

"Hey!" Emmett squawked. "At least I didn't leak the biggest piece of news ever!"

A long suffering sigh was heard over the phone. **"Enough, please. Emmett, I assume you know then?"**

"_**What?!" **_A distant voice in the background was heard yelling from somewhere far off. _**"You fuckin' kiddin' me, Mikey? It'll be all over the goddamn place in no time, flat. Fuck."**_

A click was heard as Michael, presumably, covered the mouthpiece of his phone. _**"Why are you complaining about this now? After all this bullshit? Which was **_**your **_**fault by the way! No… don't you dare… Kinney, you try anything and I'll… NO! STAY!"**_ Michael came back on the line. **"Sorry, okay. Emmett, I trust you. We just… don't know what we're doing with this right now, so if you could?"**

Emmett made a zipping motion across his lips. "My lips are sealed, if only just to spite Brian."

"**Thanks? Okay, I just wanted to let you know-"**

"What about me?" Paul asked, leaning closer to the phone. "Can I have a turn?"

"**Oh, crap. Yeah, uh, Paul?"**

"Yeah, that's me. I just wanted to meet you. You're the writer of Rage, right?"

"**Yeah, you need something signed or… I have no idea. Comics? I'm good with comics," **Michael said, wondering what this guy wanted.

"No, no. I met Justin on the way here. We had the same flight," Paul explained. "I found out he was the artist and he must know you and, well, I'm starting my own publishing company… this is my last piece of business to get it set up. I wasn't going to get into comics, but if we could talk-"

"**Oh… oh, man, Paul…"** Michael bit his lip on the other end of the phone, breathing heavily out his nose. **"I don't think Rage can make a comeback, Paul. Justin lives so far away, and… it wouldn't feel right doing the story without the right artist…"**

Justin felt something like pride swell in him when he heard that. He hadn't fucked it all up, had he?

"That's why I wanted to meet you. Let me take care of your baby, guys. My biggest move would be bringing Rage back, new and improved, to the masses. All new stories, all new ideas!" Paul hesitated. "Maybe… an all new romance?"

"_**Mikey?" **_Everyone waited to see what happened, there was another click as Michael covered the mouthpiece again. _**"Mikey, it shouldn't take this long to say 'hi, everything's good'. What's going on?"**_

"_**Someone wants… Rage."**_

"_**For?" **_Brian asked. _**"Because I'm not dressing up again, if that's what they want… maybe if you're good…"**_

Michael laughed. _**"Stop it! No, some guy wants me an Justin to bring Rage back, new and improved or some shit."**_

"_**Mikey, everyone wants you to bring him back. That ending fucking sucked."**_

"_**Shh! Justin's there, too. Keep it down."**_

Justin rolled his eyes. He was over it.

"_**Well, what are you going to do?" **_Brian questioned, honestly curious. _**"You could actually write what you wanted to."**_

"_**Yeah, but… Rage is kind of… done, isn't it?"**_

"_**Mikey, how many alternate universes do Marvel and DC have? C'mon, you could recite the annoying bullshit they pull with that loophole."**_

"_**Do I want to be that kind of writer?"**_

"_**Hey, only you can answer it, but think of how much you loved it, too. Can we meet the guy? Talk it over?"**_

"_**Yeah he… hold on," **_Michael uncovered the mouthpiece. **"Paul?"**

"Still here!" Paul announced. "Is that… Rage?"

Michael couldn't help but giggle. **"Yeah, it is. His real name is Brian, though. He'd appreciate it if you'd call him that. Can we meet you sometime? When are you flying home?"**

"I'm gone on Friday," Paul said, hoping that there might be time to meet. "Can we do dinner tonight? Anything, any time you two can meet with Justin and I."

There was a sound of the phone changing hands before Brian's voice came on. **"Paul, it's Brian. Can I take your information down? Michael's prone to losing things."** He motioned for Michael to get him pen and paper.

Paul recited his name, number, company he was with now and the one he would be starting. "Checking up on me?"

"**Wouldn't be good at my job if I didn't," **Brian said, putting the pen down. Wouldn't be doing a good job of watching out for Michael if he didn't. **"We'll call."**

"Can I talk to Michael now?" Hunter whined, getting really agitated with this conversation. __

"**Yeah, yeah," **Brian huffed and pulled the phone away, handing it towards Michael, but pulled it back to his ear at the last minute. **"Wait, Hunter?"**

Hunter sighed. "Yes?"

"**We're gonna have a talk, too. You and me, kid," **Brian said. **"Sound good?"**

No one expected that at all. All eyes trained on Hunter at this point. "Uh… yeah, dude." He tried to laugh it off. "But fuck with Michael and you deal with me."

"**It's why you two stick together, **_**dude**_**," **Brian told him, and everyone could hear the roll of his eyes. **"Here's Mikey."**

"**Hunter?" **Michael asked, sniffling.

"You okay?" Hunter asked, scooping up the phone, taking it off speaker in time to hear Michael say that he was. "What happened?"

"**Ben and Brian kinda got in a fight, nothing serious, no bleeding that I saw and then I showed up," **Michael said, wiping at his eyes. **"And Ben left, I dunno where to. I'm with Brian at the Loft, we're okay. I just wanted to check in."**

"Are you happy?"

"**Kiddo, after what Brian just did… you won't understand, but I couldn't be happier," **Michael explained, laughing. **"I haven't had much time to figure things out yet, do you want to go back to the house tonight?"**

Hunter scuffed his shoes on the floor. "Not really. Not yet."

"**Okay, you wanna go to my mom's for the night then?"**

Emmett tapped Hunter on the shoulder, motioning towards himself. He was willing to be an option for Hunter if he didn't want to go to Deb's. Hunter nodded and smiled gratefully.

"She might wonder what's going on… Can I stay with Emmett?"

"**Is he okay with it?"**

"I suggested it, sweetie," Emmett said, leaning close to the phone. "Justin, why don't you come over, too? It'll be like a sleepover!"

Justin looked over at Paul. "Where are you staying?"

"Didn't get time to get a room yet, was planning on whatever was nearby," Paul shrugged.

Emmett clapped his hands. "Honey, you're invited. Oh, we can watch some old movies, the classics, y'know? That means shopping. Have to get snacks…" Emmett wandered off to make a mental list.

"**You need a change of clothes," **Michael said, listening on the chatter. **"Meds, toothbrush… I'll stop by the house and get some things to get you settled. Could you put Em on?"**

"Yeah," Hunter sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "Michael?"

"**Yeah?"**

"I'm sorry."

"**Hunter," **he said sharply. **"None of this is your fault. You have nothing to apologize for. Things happen and if anyone has to be blamed, it's everyone but you."**

"_**Hey!" **_Brian yelled in the background.

"_**You shut up, you know I'm right. You get part of the blame!" **_Michael yelled back at Brian. **"Anyway, it's not your fault. But it's gonna be a little confusing for awhile. You wanna stick with this?"**

_As long as you want me, _Hunter thought. "Yeah, dude! All the way, right? Lemme get Emmett."

He passed the phone off to Emmett. "Hey, honey! So… you and Brian?"

"**It's a long story, Em," **Michael sighed. **"I just wanted to say thank you for helping me so much right now. The store and Hunter. He can take care of himself with the meds and everything, I just have to get his stuff and he'll be set, I promise."**

"Don't worry about a thing," Emmett brushed off. "You're welcome to join us, you and Brian."

"**I… don't think we'll be making it tonight," **Michael chuckled. Brian had wrapped his arms around Michael's slim waist from behind, breathing in his ear that this call was taking entirely too long.** "I'll be with Brian tonight, tomorrow I'll be dealing with a bunch of things. I'll get Hunter for school and everything and he'll be at Ma's tomorrow night until. We'll be out of your hair in no time."**

"If you need a place, Michael, I've got room," Emmett offered.

"**No, no. Thank you, but we'll handle it just fine," **Michael assured his friend. **"I'll be over later tonight."**

"Oh, before I forget! It's been a slow day… should we…"

"**Shut it down, Hunter knows what to do. Can I get Hunter one more time?"**

"Sure, sweetie," Emmett said, waving Hunter over.

"Hey, Michael, what's goin' on?" Hunter asked, taking the phone from Emmett.

"**Kid, you're closing down for the day," **Michael said. **"I'll be over Em's later to drop some things off and I'll get you to school in the morning. Sound good?"**

"Yeah, sure. Gonna be up all night?" Hunter teased.

"**Not all night," **Michael corrected, smiling. **"Do me a favor, though? If Ben calls, let me know, okay?"**

"Can do," Hunter agreed. "I'll see you later."

"**Be good!"**

"Scouts honor."

"**Love you."**

"Aw, Michael," Hunter drawled, ducking his head. "Love you, too."

_Downstairs in Woody's, Ted and Justin found Emmett flipping through the song book. Justin in hand with a beer and Emmett's Cosmo and Ted with his own beer. Justin presented the blue drink with a flourish. _

"_For the stah, dahling," Justin announced, handing over the drink. _

"_Mm, sweetie, you are a life saver," Emmett said taking a sip. "Now, can you help me with a song?"_

"_Why don't you just do one of your usual ones?" Ted asked with a shrug._

_Emmett looked offended. "Teddy, it's obviously a special night! We should do something to commemorate it! Now, help me pick or I'm doing it blind."_

_Justin and Ted took over the book, looking down the lists. After a few minutes, Justin stopped on a page. "Em? Have you ever heard of this one? It's really nice, romantic. Right up your alley."_

_Emmett looked it over. "Oh, honey, I don't know if I could do it justice."_

"_Em, you do a black woman just fine, why not a flaming white boy?" Ted snickered._

"_I heard he was bi," Justin commented, drinking from his beer. "Lived with some girl for years before they ended it. Think they wound up with a common law marriage or something."_

"_You've got to be kidding me," Emmett scoffed. "Him?"_

"_Well, they do say love knows no bounds," Ted countered._

_Emmett paused to think about it. "Y'know, you're right, Teddy. Alright, boys, this song will be in dedication of tonight and love."_

_Ted rolled his eyes. "Always the dramatics."_

"_You love it," Emmett said haughtily, taking a scrap of paper to write his name and song on and handing it in to the person controlling the karaoke machine for the night. _

"_So, why that song?" Ted asked, curious._

_Justin shrugged nonchalantly. "It's a good song. Reminds me of something."_

"_Mmhm," Ted hummed. "Well, let's hope he can do it."_

"_He's got a decent voice to start with," Justin reminded him. "It'll never be the exact same, but it'll be good."_

"Did I hear something about you going back to the house?" Brian asked, slipping the phone out from Michael's hand.

Michael nodded. "Hunter's staying with Em, he needs some stuff."

"I don't think it's a good idea," Brian warned, setting the phone down on his desk.

"I don't care, he needs his meds, he's going to get them."

There's was a slight silence where Brian looked ashamed for a second, still thinking about keeping Michael to himself for a night. He'd forgotten that Hunter was Poz, that he needed things in general that most teens didn't. Fuck, he felt like an ass.

"Okay, let's do this," Brian offered, taking up the phone again and calling Michael's house.

"What are you doing?" Michael asked, trying to reach for the phone. Later, Hunter needed them later.

Brian batted his hands away. "Big Ben should be at work, which means he's not home now. We can get the stuff now and bring it over later. And some things for you. Maybe even start packing up a bit."

"Thanks, but I've got nowhere to move it to," Michael argued. "I just want to make sure I've got what he needs now."

Brian listened to the answering machine come on from Michael and Ben's house and hung up without leaving a message. He set the phone back down on the desk and ran a hand through his hair.

"Mikey, you know you can stay here."

"Hunter can't."

"Why not? I've got a couch, just until w- You, find something," Brian corrected himself mid sentence.

Michael smiled, catching on. "That's be fine… but this place isn't set up for privacy outside the bedroom."

"We can shut the doors," Brian countered.

"Are they soundproofed?" Michael asked, crossing his arms.

"Are you really this prude?" Brian questioned with a raised eyebrow.

Michael laughed. "When Hunter first moved in with me an' Ben, we had to run around like crazy people to find time alone in the apartment. I couldn't stand the thought of someone else hearing me."

"Nothing he hasn't heard before," Brian said with a hopeful smile.

"Nothing he should _have _to hear," Michael told him, closing the subject with a shake of his head. "It's not going to happen. Thank you, though."

"What about until then?"

"I… don't know," Michael confessed. "This bullshit just happened so fast and Hunter won't go back to the house anytime soon. I can't make him, but he's my priority."

"Okay, alright," Brian sighed, giving up. "Get my shirt? Let's get the stuff now while the house is empty, can we at least do that? We'll work on the rest in the morning."

_We will? _Michael's look seemed to ask, but went to the bedroom to get a shirt for Brian.

_When Emmett got on stage, the crowd cheered. Most regulars to Karaoke night knew him, and if not, they were just excited to be watching the show. He loved the attention, and was willing to admit it, basking in it for a few seconds before clearing his throat away from the microphone. He wasn't the person to make this song what it could be, but damned if he wouldn't try anyway._

_Justin and Ted where busy cheering and waving and nearly missed Brian and Michael coming in. They waved over at them as they hung in the back, near the stairway. It was pretty crowded, so going over after the song was finished seemed like a good idea. But the way Michael looked, so tense, pulled up against Brian didn't sit well. Where was Ben? Maybe something changed? Justin wanted to corner Brian and find out what stunt he pulled now, but couldn't. _

"_We can get them later," Ted said, taking the blond's attention away from their two friends in the back. _

"_Oh, yeah, I know," Justin replied hastily._

"_Justin, don't get involved again," Ted warned, serious. "It won't do you any good."_

"_Oh, no. No, I know." Justin sighed, looking back over at them. "Does Michael look weird to you?"_

_Ted looked over again and shrugged. "Dunno. Haven't seen him in so long, I couldn't tell you. Why?"_

"_He looks… upset."_

"_Looks like Brian dragged him out. Why wouldn't he be pissed?"_

"_They're talking," Justin said, poking Ted. "Look."_

"_So they're talking. Justin, give it a rest. We'll say hi after," Ted said, attention on Emmett on the stage._

_Well, so much for everyone figuring out just what happened between the two best friends._

Ben was still preoccupied, no real idea what he'd been taking for the last few hours, but it was good. Or maybe it was Greg. Either way, he wasn't hearing any complaints from the other man under him. It seemed odd how easy it was to fall back into a lost pattern of habit, because he was getting bored thinking of what to do next. Clubs sounded good, the backrooms seemed beyond appealing right now. It had been years since he last visited that area and why shouldn't he go?

Michael was probably getting fucked by Brian right now. Maybe he was just like Greg, on his back on the bed, legs held out to the side by Brian, like Ben was doing with Greg, and just a merciless rhythm being pounded into him. He'd probably be scrambling to find something to hold on to, anything. Christ, probably biting at his bottom lip, like he used to do (or maybe that was fake, too). Oh, but then again, Brian was _different. _Brian fucking Kinney was _special_.

_He _probably had Michael bent over the nearest stable surface. _He _seemed to like the impersonal touch of sex. From behind or keeping distance at arm's length, preferring to watch his own handiwork than enjoy what was going on with his own partner in bed. How could Michael stand it? Michael liked the closeness, the emotional aspect that it produced. Then again, he could be wrong. Michael and Brian _had _been making something work for the last fucking year.

Greg hadn't even paid attention to the absentminded look on Ben's face, the bored one. He was in his own headspace, too caught up in feeling rather than what Ben was doing. As long as he didn't stop doing it, Greg didn't care. Ben liked that in a bedwarmer, really he did, but a glance over at a bedside table where digital numbers glared at him, told Ben that this had gone on far too long for a newly revealed sexual want. It was funny really, he thought smiling, how easy it was to fall back in. Though, he had to wonder, was it really so bad living this life if he was safe?

Ben turned his head, trying to stifle his snicker into his shoulder so Greg wouldn't be too disrupted. He'd have to ask Brian about it later, and the idea of that happening was too funny.

"_Hey, we almost didn't see you from back there," Ted said, giving Michael a kiss on the cheek and Brian an offhanded pat on the arm. Emmett practically squealed, diving for Michael, mouth going a mile a minute about how great it was to be on stage, how wonderful the song was and on and on. Emmett could talk circles around anyone when he was really going._

"_And, oh my god, honey," Emmett exclaimed, hands fluttering as he leaned back and tittered. "Did you see that cutie in the front row?"_

"_The one with the boyfriend?" Michael asked wryly. _

_Emmett made a noise like air escaping, clearly blowing off the supposed boyfriend. "Please, Michael. If that's his boyfriend, then he's doing something wrong cause that hottie had wandering eyes and they were all over this body."_

"_What's it like to be back after getting all famous on us poor schmucks?" Ted laughed, sipping his beer while Justin gave him a smile._

"_It's… weird," the blond admitted. "Not like I expect instant recognition or anything, but… it's like stepping back in time. I almost feel seventeen again."_

"_Sunshine, you will never be seventeen again," Brian stated firmly. "You're already getting wrinkles."_

"_Asshole!" Justin said, hitting Brian in the arm. "I'm still just as perfect as I was the night you met me, admit it." He lifted his chin in classic teenage-like defiance. Was that too much? He glanced over at Michael, who seemed like he was trying to enjoy himself, but his eyes were lingering on Brian, as if trying to gauge what the situation really was._

"_Oh, sweetie," Emmett gushed, putting an arm over Justin's shoulders. "I know we raised you to have a high opinion of yourself, but… tone it down? Just a little?"_

_All five men laughed before heading upstairs to the main bar as the next singer was starting. They were better for it as the poor guy sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Glancing back, Emmett and Michael laughed, holding on to each other when they realized it was the boyfriend trying to sing a love song to the cutie in the front row, who was obviously embarrassed. _

"_Beers all around," Brian told the bartender while Emmett and Ted went to line up a pool table. The two of them didn't play much, but they knew Brian and Michael would wander over to it at some point, maybe Justin, depending. The three men let a silence fall over them as they shared a drink, clearly an uncomfortable point settled in between them as they realized that each of them had no idea what to say._

_For Justin, he wasn't sure what was going on with anyone anymore besides the basics. Who worked where, who was with who, etc. Not much conversation fodder in the long run. Michael wanted to be home, for once, pretending none of this was really happening. That he was just as happily married as he was a year ago, too mature now to be going out with the guys. Brian wasn't sure what was going to happen with tonight and was more caught up in the fact that Michael had caught wind of his and Justin's mutual friendship of sorts on some level or another. Whether just knowing he visited or sleeping with the young man, it didn't matter. Michael knew. Ted and Emmett could tell the three other men were in some odd sort of position which left them wondering what might be a good conversation started. Just minutes ago they were laughing._

"_Sorry for being late," Michael said finally, looking at Justin. "Brian was-"_

"_Don't you put this on me, Mikey," Brian shook his head, turning to Justin. "He was busy spending 'quality time' with the hubby."_

_The blond was obviously confused. With all the phone calls and emails and drunk dials (and there had been quite a few of those), he was left looking at one and then the other, smiling in that slightly confused manner. Justin had assumed that the two would be more… couple like in person without Ben around. Michael's face fell and he looked at Brian._

"_He knows?" Michael demanded._

"_Mikey-"_

"_Was I not supposed to?" Justin asked, shrugging. Of course he wasn't supposed to, that's what made this work, he reminded himself. He expected more of a sense of being together with the two best friends, but since they weren't, he had to do something. That was the plan. Unfortunately, all of it meant thinking on his feet._

"_Brian, you're a fucking moron!"_

"_Hey, c'mon Mich-"_

"_Sunshine," Brian said and that shut him up, focused back on Michael now. "I was down a best friend, what was I supposed to do?"_

"_I was here!" Michael insisted. _

_Brian sighed, closed his eyes and tried to remember to be patient. "Mikey, you were what I needed to talk about. How could I do that with you?"_

_Justin was surprised. Brian didn't usually explain himself to anyone. Why he did the things he did was for reasons unknown to the rest of the world. But to watch him stand there and take the time to help Michael understand what had been going on… maybe he was changed (a part of Justin had doubted, as if Michael was just something he didn't want to let go of for now, possible because someone else had him)._

"_I-" Michael paused to think about it. He didn't want to get replaced in any sense with Brian, especially with the title that he held for so long. "Yeah."_

_Brian rolled his eyes and pulled Michael over to him, arm around his shoulders. "You're still my best friend, Michael. Stop pouting."_

"_I'm not pouting," the shorter man muttered and Justin tried to hide a smile by taking a sip of his beer. Michael was pouting. _

"_So… I take it no one else knows, then?" Justin asked cautiously this time. He already knew the answer to that._

_Brian shook his head. "Not a chance. I was betting on the wrong horse when I said Mikey would spill it."_

"_You don't think I could keep a secret?" Michael asked, still irked. "Especially one that would rui- Hey, guys!" Emmett and Ted came back over to the bar and took the two beers left on the bar top. Emmett made a dramatic role of his eyes. He'd rather a Cosmo, of course._

"_We got a table," Ted explained their return, eyebrow raised. The conversation between the three had looked interesting from a distance at least._

_Emmett did a happy wiggle of his hips. "And a number," he added in a singsong voice._

"_Who's the poor sap this time, Honeycutt?" Brian asked, letting Michael go. _

"_My name is not Honeycutt," the taller man said, giving Brian a glare with eyeliner enhanced eyes. "And it's not me. It's Teddy!"_

"_What about Blake?" Michael asked. _

"_Oh, honey, as soon as a man is taken, the rest of them just wanna eat him up!" Emmett exclaimed, rubbing Ted's back affectionately as he laughed. _

_Ted gave an awkward shrug. "The attention's nice, but I like what I've got."_

"_I still can't believe you two are together," Justin said in an admiring tone. "Think you'll get married?"_

"What do you think they're doing?" Emmett asked as the group left the store for the night. Paul had a rental car for his trip and offered it to everyone else freely. After all, they were letting him stick around until he got to talk to Michael. It was an odd circumstance, but he felt strangely welcomed.

Hunter made a face. "Dude, do you really want me to answer that?"

Justin and Paul snickered at the conversation behind them. This could only end with everyone laughing.

Emmett sighed. "No, I mean… this is it! Their big moment, isn't it? After all this time and sneaky business that they left us out of, now they're together."

"Only you could imagine Brian as a romantic," Justin commented over his shoulder. "Don't get your hopes up, Em. He's probably fucking Mike's brains out and calling it a night."

Emmett seemed to ignore Justin's remark as Hunter covered his ears with his hands. He did not need to hear that.

"He may not be, but still," Emmett huffed. "This moment should be special, shouldn't it? I'd like to think he could realize that. Michael deserves it."

"What if he doesn't care?" Paul asked. "Maybe he doesn't want all that mushy bullshit."

Justin rolled his eyes. "I used to tell myself the same thing, but that 'mushy bullshit' lets us know that the other person cares. Michael would need it more than I did."

"Why?" Hunter questioned. "He's been friends with Brian since before you were born, right? Doesn't he understand what he means without any of that?"

"But wouldn't that mean he needs more from Brian?" Paul tossed back. "To define where the 'friendship' love ends and the 'relationship' love starts?"

"Hunter might be on to something," Justin said thoughtfully. "Brian always knew how to take care of him, he held on to those little gestures like they were gold."

Paul continued on his point. "Which is more of a reason he would need something more now, isn't it? He doesn't have to love his best friend from afar, so those little things that left him hoping or clinging aren't going to do much now, are they?"

"Guys, this is seriously weird," Hunter interrupted. "That's… Michael. Can we just… leave him alone?"

"Honey, it's just talk," Emmett consoled with a hand on his shoulder. "This is exciting! Two best friends found love together after so many years."

_Home alone again. Ben sighed, rubbing at his eyes as he set his glasses down on the bedside table. He should be used to it. Not even, he wanted it this way. Was it wrong to want the time apart after watching Michael's violent reaction to Brian? That he wanted the space from all of the out of character things Michael was doing lately?_

_He felt like a horrible spouse for it. He really wasn't sure just how much more he could take. There were only so many hours he could spend working on his book at the office after hours, or excuses he could make to come home late. He was running out of both while Michael was just becoming more and more… difficult. Ben had to admit the truth to himself if no one else. His husband was becoming increasingly difficult to handle. He wasn't sure what to do. Michael wasn't opening up about anything and he was tired of making the effort to get him to do so. _

_It felt like this weekend was a last shot sort of deal. He wished Michael would just say yes and they could be off. Why did he want to make it so hard, though? He needed to bring his book. That was a weekend, a free weekend, he could use to work on it. It was rare to get that much time for anything these days between the family schedule and work schedules. But nicely balanced between Michael and the book… he could make some real progress._

_Ben sighed, glancing over the graded papers. He'd been staring at the same one for hours it felt like. Great thing about college. You could tell the students the papers would be done, but if they weren't, oh well. Next class. He hated being that type of professor. The kids were good enough to finish and hand the work in on time, why could he do the same? Sometimes, other things just sidetracked him, though. Like tonight. _

_Maybe Michael was on something? It didn't seem likely. He used to be a casual user of anything, and nothing serious. Now, since he was barely going out at it was, what could he possibly be taking? It was always Brian's drugs he was dipping into. The behavior was erratic, though. Maybe he was thinking too much on it. _

_Ben set the papers down on the table, moving his glasses to sit on top of them. Maybe he'd get up early and finish the grading. He was feeling too restless to actually sleep, but maybe an hour or two. He couldn't fix any problems now _

"It's an old redundant story," Paul conceded. "But one that works. Never mess with a good formula. This one keeps people on the edge of their seats wondering."

"This isn't a book!" Hunter snapped. "It's real life an' you guys are way too into it."

"Can you blame us?" Justin asked with a shrug. "Besides Paul, we're all connected to them somehow, kid. We've all had our issues with them."

Hunter snorted. "Yeah, like you losing out to Michael, right?"

Justin waved it off. "It's not an issue."

"Puh-leez, you hated that he was between you an' Brian," Hunter countered. "That he ran to Michael, that he called Michael, that he was there before you-"

"But I was _with _Brian," Justin snapped. "I was living with him, I was fucking him, I was closer physically. Michael couldn't do that."

"I thought it wasn't an issue," Paul commented.

Justin stopped in his tracks. Fuck, what was he doing? He wasn't a kid anymore and this was beyond nuts to him. He was here to help Brian, Michael was just the addition of that. There was nothing to fight over anymore. No reason to argue this. Hunter was grinning, watching Justin.

Justin held his hands up, palms facing Hunter. "Hey, y'know what? Believe what you want. I'm here for a week and then I'm gone. My job was to help Brian get Michael and I did. I'm a friend whether you see me that way or not. Maybe you're just pissed I had Brian and he wouldn't take you."

Hunter rolled his eyes. "Get over it. He was hot and loaded. Was I _not _supposed to hit on him and hate the competition?"

"Competition?" Justin laughed. "You couldn't even compete with me."

"Boys!" Emmett interrupted, clapping his hands. "Why don't we just get to my place and settle in. We can talk about this later."

_Ben sighed, taking his glasses off and setting them down on the bedside table to rub his tired eyes. He was sick of grading essays, honestly. Not that the work wasn't good, but after awhile, they all seemed to sound the same. Michael usually made it interesting. It was the only reason he had taken to the habit of grading in bed. _

_Michael was just distracting him right now, even though he wasn't here. Ben couldn't help but be worried, especially after that outburst with Brian here. His husband's behavior was just getting more and more oddly erratic, and now against his best friend? Could someone really be that angry about a best friend's ex coming to town? Sure, Michael and Justin weren't the best of friends, but Ben had assumed that Michael was at some sort of understanding with the young man. Could it just be simple worry for Brian?_

_Ben didn't know what to think anymore. He'd run ideas from caring too much for Brian to Michael using drugs on a regular basis. Which wasn't like him at all. Then again, none of this was. His husband was just becoming increasingly difficult. He had to admit that to himself if no one else. Difficult was the perfect word for it. Gone seemed to be the relaxing days off they could share together, or the easygoing family outings they'd take with Hunter. No more were they intimate on more of that… emotional level Ben loved. Sex had been frenzied, hurried or tense, as if Michael was trying to forget something or get away from it. _

_Ben was at his wits end when he had suggested the weekend, but Michael was being difficult again. He wanted the book to be left home. Didn't he understand, considering all of their schedules, how hard it was to have time to work on it? Michael didn't like his longer hours at the office now working on it and the house was always busy. What was he supposed to do? There was no middle ground for him. But a full weekend of Michael and his work? It would be perfect, if Michael would let it happen. _

_He didn't think he was doing anything wrong. How much more could he try and get Michael to settle down? Talking didn't help, sex didn't help, leaving him alone didn't help and pestering him didn't help. He didn't know what else to try short of counseling and he could just imagine Michael's reaction to that idea. _

_Ben picked his glasses back up and put them on, sighing as he quickly flipped through the papers left. A few more and maybe he'd call it a night. The great thing about college classes was that he could say the grades would be in on a certain day, but if they didn't, oh well. What could the class do about it? He never wanted to be that teacher, after all, the kids had been good enough to hand their work in on time, shouldn't he be able to do the same?_

_There was too much to think about to get this done right, though. He needed a break. Maybe some tea, working a little on his story. Just a break, an hour maybe. He didn't know when Michael would be home, he'd probably feel better, have the papers graded and be asleep by then._

_Maybe they'd even wake up on somewhat normal terms. Michael was cute in the mornings, that much hadn't changed, at least._

_A/N: Oh my god, I'm late. I'm pretty damn sure I'm late on this one. I am SO sorry to leave it hanging, I am. I've got no excuse, I was just getting caught up in random bullshit, what can ya do? _

_On the bright side, I bought myself a lil netbook (it's red! It matches my phone and my camera and my room… are we sensing a pattern? Lol) so I finally have a personal computer once again. I dunno how, but over the years my last laptop became the family computer, thereby limiting my time to work with it (and learning how to hide dirty, dirty things). So now I seriously have no excuse for lateness on things. Hm, might not be a good thing, actually. Lol_

_Um… yep! That's this chapter! We're getting to stuff, I promise. But I'm really digging Paul for the time being and the whole gossip conversation makes me giggle. Thinking about the 'Boys Night Sleepover' is positively giggle worthy for me, I can't wait to see how it goes!_

_I swear there's more Michael and Brian stuff soon, I swear. Lol_

_Well, as always, reviews are appreciated!_

_~SL_


	9. Chapter 9

Choose

_A/N: Y'know, even I'm wondering when this story might end to be honest with you all. Not that I'm bored with it, but I figured I'd feel that 'stop' moment like… four chapters back, man. I don't even know what happened four chapters back! Well, I'm hoping it won't pull into July. If it does, here's some advanced warning, I'll be away for a week. In the meantime, I usually freak over making sure I've got everything in order and everything but the kitchen sink packed (only with shoes… I have a problem and I can fully admit it. Lol). Sooooooo, yeah. Things might drag a little then._

_But with this handy dandy lil netbook (which I highly recommend for the travelling sort, school sort or just the plain ole likes smaller versions of things sort) I should be able to take my work with me easily… now if I actually get to it… that's another story. ^.^_

_And now, onto the next chapter!_

_~SL_

_Chapter Nine_

_The hours flew by in Woody's that night. Justin didn't realize just how much he had missed it. The familiarity, the people, the fact that he didn't have an accent around here… all those little things really meant something. It didn't feel right anymore, not now after knowing so much more was out there, but he was glad to be able to enjoy this, not completely hate his home town. He was sure he'd be wishing for his own bed again before his week was up, though._

_Conversation picked up around the pool table like he had never left. Watching Michael and Brian was distracting the whole night though. Not in a weird he wanted to see someone get thrown down on the table and fucked way, but in that odd way where everything wasn't how it seemed. Was this always how they had played pool? With Brian sliding up behind Michael, dragging a hand across the small of his back and Michael looking over his shoulder up at Brian, leaning on his stick, probably saying something taunting about the game as he let a hand rest on Brian's hip?_

_Did they always look at each other like that? Like they _knew_? Like they were… happy? Did anyone else even see this? The way Michael looked down when he smiled after something Brian said, glancing back up and letting his fingers trail over Brian's arm as they broke apart? Was anyone watching?!_

_It was hard to focus fully on the conversation with Ted and Emmett while watching the two best friends, but he managed. Halfheartedly fending off an onslaught of worried looks that he was here for Brian. Christ, even if he was, how could he compete against –dare he say it?– Michael? Not too long ago, he might've died laughing from that thought, but now… Christ. This felt like some weird crime against nature to have everyone ignore it. Maybe they were just used to ignoring oddly close antics of the two friends. He didn't know._

_The game was getting heated as the three of them walked over to the table. It was just in time, Justin noticed, to see that Michael was losing (badly) and pissed about it. Brian was gloating (loudly) about his winning streak. Brian saw them coming over as Michael was lining up his shot. He leaned over to whisper something in Michael's ear just as he was about to shoot. Whatever he said caused Michael to spaz last minute knocking a ball clear off the table, letting Brian announce his win._

"_Shit!" Michael yelled, thumping the end of his stick on the floor, face red. _

"_Whoa, Mikey, trying to kill everyone?" Brian laughed, standing up straight. "That makes game, and in my favor of course."_

"_You're an asshole, Kinney," Michael snapped sourly. "Rack 'em up again. I'll get you."_

"_I was hoping to get a round," Justin said, looking hopeful. _

"_Whatever, Boy Wonder," the shorter, flustered man said, passing his cue stick off. "He's a cheater anyways."_

"_Or maybe you're just a sore loser, Mikey," Brian said in a condescending manner. "Rack 'em, Sunshine."_

"Let's see," Michael muttered, entering the house. He was making a mental list of what he needed. "Meds are in the kitchen. Brian? Could you grab those? They've got Hunter's name on them."

"Oh, no," Brian said, shaking his head, shutting the door as he came in behind Michael. "I was gonna grab all the wrong shit on purpose."

"Shut up and do it," Michael sighed. "I'm gonna grab clothes and stuff." He snapped his fingers. "Bag. And a bag."

Brian rolled his eyes watching Michael go as he wandered into the kitchen. Living alone, he usually kept what he needed in his daily supplement regime in the bathroom. He knew though, remembering from childhood days, that a family usually kept all their medical shit together in one cabinet. Thermometer, pills and all the rest. Brian could only imagine that it was so those things were readily available to everyone in the place or to monitor what needed to be watched.

First cabinet was dishes, the next was cups. Another was full of large bowls and mixing crap. God, this stuff was insane. Who used all of it? Did they even use half this shit? Brian wondered why anyone would need so much stuff like this. His cabinets were pretty much for show. He never put anything in them besides the basics. Some plates and crap. Someone had given him a set of mixing bowls or something when he moved in, but they were collecting dust if they were even there.

Damn, would he need all of this stuff when he and Michael got their own-

"Brian?" Michael asked, letting a large duffle bag fall to the floor at the entryway of the kitchen. It was full of some clothes and toiletries for Hunter and himself. Meds were going in next and then a few things he had around the house that he wanted with him in case Ben… well, he didn't want to think Ben would stoop so low, but he didn't want to take any risks with some things.

"Hm, yeah?" Brian replied, letting the cabinet door close on its own.

"Everything okay?" Michael ask cautiously. "The bowls aren't that interesting. They make for terrible conversation. The pots are better."

"You guys have a lot of shit," Brian commented casually as he opened another cabinet, finding all the medical supplies and picking out the bottles with Hunter's name on them. "You use all of it?"

"What, the plates? Well, what else should we eat off of?" Michael snorted. "If you mean the other stuff for cooking, Ben does most of it so it gets used."

"You can cook too," Brian said, recalling their own trial and errors in the kitchen growing up. "Don't you use it?"

Michael shrugged, checking over the bottles to make sure they were right before opening a door under the sink and bringing out a plastic bag to keep them together in and tossing that in the duffle bag. "Sometimes, sure. Cooking isn't rocket science, but it's a lot of work and I already had someone else willing to do it…"

Brian hummed bemusedly in response, shutting the cabinet door. He wasn't sure what to think, except… it'd be fun to cook if it was with Michael, like they used to when they would have sleepovers and they'd get the munchies. They should probably stop at a store on the way back to his place.

"You all set?" he asked, watching Michael look around the room.

So many things had taken place in this house, even in this kitchen. Michael was finding it hard to believe that now it didn't mean much of anything. It was just another place that Ben was in more often than not. Honestly, in all of this, Ben could keep the goddamn house. He wouldn't put up a fight for it. There would be another place in the future, he was sure of that much. Why fight for this place the wreaked with memories, some good and some bad, but all worth leaving behind right now.

"I, uh… have to get Hunter's school stuff," Michael said, a little dazed. Why had it all gone wrong? He wasn't wishing for Ben back, but what was it about himself that just made things take a turn for the worse?

If this… thing (he was too afraid to label it anything else) with Brian were to continue, would it end just as badly?

"You okay, Mikey?" Brian asked, watching his friend closely. "Michael? Hey, what's up?"

Michael shook his head. "I'm just… being stupid. Do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"In the closet in the living room, I've got a box of comics-"

Brian held up a hand. "Say no more. Any others?"

"None as important," Michael replied, smiling faintly. Brian closed the distance between himself and Michael, hugging the smaller man close. Michael held on tightly.

"What's going on?" Brian murmured into Michael's soft, dark hair.

Michael shook his head against Brian's chest. Brian rolled his eyes and rubbed Michael's back comfortingly. "C'mon, Mikey, it's me."

"That's the problem," Michael's muffled response came.

"The hell does that mean?"

Michael looked up at Brian. "What if it _is _me?" Because that would mean Brian would be next on his list of exes.

_Michael's eyes barely left Justin when he handed over his pool stick to let him play against Brian. He didn't want to trust the blond. After all this time, all the excuses to stay in New York and never come home and now he does? Brian said that wasn't why he was here, and he wanted to believe it, but still… It was Justin. After how hard he worked to keep a constant place in Brian's bed, could he be blamed for thinking the worst?_

_Emmett and Ted had a hard time keeping Michael's attention, but they tried their best._

"_So, how's Ben?" Ted asked. "I'm surprised he's not here."_

_Michael shrugged, eyes flickering over at Ted briefly before landing back on Justin as Brian stood on the opposite end of the table from the younger man, trying to distract him. With his crotch. Goddamnit._

"_Sweetie, are you okay? It was just a game," Emmett said cautiously. He couldn't tell if Michael was angry or just someplace else tonight._

_Michael scrubbed a hand over his face, sighing. "Yeah, I'm sorry. Things were just… disrupted before I left. He stayed in to grade papers."_

_Ted gave Emmett a knowing look. "Another moment ruined by Brian Kinney."_

_Emmett raised his glass, having gotten a Cosmo after he finished the beer. "Here, here."_

"_It was my fault," Michael snapped, interrupting their toast. "I knew when he was coming and I forgot about it."_

"_Honey, you probably thought he'd keep you waiting, like he always does. So, you take advantage of the free time," Emmett explained in a bored manner. "The one time you finally do instead of waiting on pins and needles for his highness' arrival, he shows up on time!"_

"_Em's right," Ted shrugged. _

_Michael played with his empty beer bottle and got off the stool. "I'm getting another beer."_

"_Michael, wait," Emmett said, finishing off his drink. "I'll come with."_

_Ted watched the two of them at the bar and the tension was visibly gone from Michael when they made their way back. Michael had actually calmed down quite a bit. He was close to blowing his top if he had to hear anymore inane chatter while Justin and Brian kept to themselves at the pool table. A shot or two with Emmett at the bar didn't hurt either._

_Ted made the conversation in between and Justin enhanced it with stories from New York while Brian catered to everyone's drinking needs for the night, spicing up the conversation with his own style of liners that just seemed too smooth to not be practiced. All in all, when ten (or maybe it was eleven, they were all rolling with laughter as the drinks kept coming, giving up on pool at some point) rolled around, they made their way out of the bar and onto the still busy streets in the night._

"_Oh, shit, wait," Michael said, fishing his phone out of his pocket to check the time. "Guys, I gotta go."_

"_Aw, honey, just a little longer," Emmett pleaded. "A few hours at the club won't kill you. When was the last time you've been?"_

"_But I promised Ben I'd-"_

"_Fuck Ben," Brian announced loudly to the street. A man walked by and offered to be whoever Ben was for him if he wanted._

"_Brian," Justin said in a calming tone. "If Michael said he'd go home, he should go. Gimme your keys and I'll take him. I'm good."_

"_I don't want him to," Brian admitted, clearly intoxicated beyond the point of controlling himself. "He always goes home, Sunshine. I don't want him to."_

"_Bri, I think you've had too much drinky," Ted told his boss in a singsong voice. "He's got 'maritals' to take care of. You've got a club full of waiting men."_

"_Ted, I don't think-" Justin was cut off._

"_Theodore," Brian said clearly, straightening up. Obviously the alcohol couldn't hide the hard look of command he had. "Why don't you shut the fuck up? If I want Michael, it's my business."_

_The group met Brian with resounding silence on the loud street. Each were trying to work their muddled way through the alcohol and figure out what Brian had said and how he meant it. Did that mean foregoing the 'waiting men', as Ted put it, for Michael? Was he just missing a few words to clear this up due to alcohol? Because it sounded like-_

"_Honey, just give Justin the keys," Emmett said and started walking off down the club. Ted gave Brian one last look and followed after. Michael was left staring at Brian, who was trying to clear his head. _

"_Sonny Boy," Brian said, passing Justin the keys. "Scratch it and I'll have your balls."_

"_They're not yours to have," Justin quipped, taking the keys. "C'mon, Michael. I wanted to see Ben anyway."_

"_Fuck Ben!" Brian shouted, stalking off in the direction of Ted and Emmett. Michael and Justin watched his hunched form disappear in the mingling crowds._

"_He's drunk," Justin said._

"_I don't know what to do," Michael replied._

The four men had stopped at a local grocery story before heading to Emmett's apartment. There was popcorn, candy and other goodies that didn't resemble a healthy meal stuffed into bags that were carried in by Paul and Hunter as Justin and Emmett chattered away about men, movies and everything in between.

The apartment was as brightly furnished as the placed he used to share with Michael, only without Michael's presence to curb the flair, it overflowed. Fuzzy pink lamps sat on the small tables on either side of the burnt orange couch. Thankfully, Emmett couldn't change the bland tan rug. Instead, he'd put down a smaller rug in the living room, an odd green and pink patterned thing with a table sitting atop it. The TV across from the couch was topped with a lovely arrangement of flowers and the other mismatched chairs had become things to hold clothing or magazines, books and whatever else didn't find its way back to the place it belong.

Emmett direct Paul and Hunter to the kitchen while he showed Justin around.

"It's a mess right now, but I'm barely here so," Emmett said, waving a hand at the living room. Justin followed him past to a bedroom, running a hand over a pink feathered boa rest on a nearby chair.

"Not enough time to decorate?" Justin asked as Emmett opened the door.

Emmett scoffed. "Honey, I just keep changing my mind every time. I'm too busy to sit down and work on it."

"Work's going that well?"

"Mmhm," the taller man hummed happily. "Once I found a fantastic new chef, buckled down on business, it really started movin'."

The bedroom, thankfully, seemed sparse. It still had an Emmett touch, animal print bedspread with assorted matching pillows, but nothing that assaulted the eyes like the living room. Justin took a seat on the bed while Emmett rummaged through his closet.

"You want a pair of sweatpants?" he asked, tossing a faded grey pair at Justin anyway.

"Thanks. So, what do you think they're doing right now?" Justin asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" Emmett laughed, finding a tan pair of pajama bottoms for himself with an adorable matching button up top to go with them. "What would you be doing in that situation?"

"Think they got in a fight when Ben was there?"

Emmett made a face, thinking about the answer. "Mm, I just don't know. Ben's all into that 'zen' stuff isn't he?"

Justin shrugged. "I dunno, Em. Brian was sleeping with his husband. I think anyone's allowed to get angry at that."

"I'm sure it worked out for the best. I just can't believe it, though," Emmett sighed, throwing the pajamas on the bed. "Brian and Michael after all this time… who would've thought?"

"You mean you never thought it could happen? Really?" Justin asked, still amazed. What did everyone else see that he didn't?

Emmett shook his head. "Honey, none of us thought it would. I always thought Michael was just following Brian around, like a little lovesick puppy, hoping. But Brian… look at him! He's the biggest manwhore in the city, doesn't give two shits for anyone but himself-"

"What about the good things he did?" Justin asked, curious now.

Emmett started unbuttoning the light blue shirt he was wearing, thinking about it. "You mean that whole mayor thing? Well, he got himself into that mess. He should've gotten himself out it."

"Hunter?"

"What about him?" Emmett tossed the shirt on the bed and took up the tan one, slipping his arms in.

"Emmett, when Hunter's mom came around trying to get him, Brian literally gave Michael the get away car," Justin clarified, toeing off his shoes and standing up to unbutton his jeans. "I was there."

"Oh, hm. I guess that, too," Emmett said, shrugging as he slipped off his own pants to put on the tan ones. "I don't know, Justin. I just can't imagine ever returning the same feelings for Michael that Michael always had. Doesn't matter if he was a good person or a bad one."

Justin let his own jeans pool to the floor and kicked them to the side, taking up the sweats. "But I'm saying he does care. Y'know, about something other than himself."

Emmett adjusted the waistline of his pants, not sure what to say. "Oh, sweetie… boxers, really?"

Justin looked down at the black boxers he was wearing. He'd had a hell of a morning, he didn't care what he had been wearing. The faded paint spattered shirt proved it. "What's wrong with them?"

"They're… boxers," Emmett said, wrinkling his nose. He went over to a dresser next to the closet and opened a drawer. "Come over here."

"Em, I know about other types of underwear… I don't need a lesson, it was just a bad morning," Justin explained, really not interested in seeing Emmett's wide variety to choose from.

Emmett sighed, closing the drawer. "Fine. But don't say I didn't try to help. Please tell me that's not the only kind you brought on this trip."

"It's not, I promise," Justin laughed, stooping over to pull on the sweatpants. "I packed for every type of occasion. Looking at it now, I have no idea why."

"It's always good to be prepared, sweetie," Emmett smiled.

"You sound like a boy scout," Justin replied, picking up his jeans to toss on the bed.

Emmett thought about it for a minute. "Cute little uniforms, but no."

"I think you just like uniforms."

Paul popped his head in the door, covering his eyes with a hand. "You guys want pizza?"

"It's safe to look, sweetie," Emmett said, laughing into his hand.

Paul split his fingers, an eye peeking through. "Didn't want to walk right in. Girly screams throw off my appetite."

Justin rolled his eyes. "Pizza would be fine, Paul. I'm sure Hunter knows a good place that delivers."

Paul straightened out, leaning against the door frame casually. "Hey, got anything in this place that's like New York pizza?"

"Every place does a 'New York' style," Justin said, thinking about it. "But… yeah, nothing's as good as actual New York pizza."

"Oh, well," Paul said, heaving a dramatic sigh. "I hoped, I tried! And yet, I fail."

Emmett snickered, laying a hand on Justin's shoulder. "I like him. Keep him."

"Oh, honeypie! Your friends like me!" Paul said, clapping his hands with a goofy grin on his face.

Justin covered his face with a hand and groaned loudly.

_Babylon was pumping out the deep, reverberating beat. That Thumpa-Thumpa that crawled under your skin and found a home nestled between your ears, chest and hips, creating a sensation all its own and taking your body for a ride with it. Very few could fight it, even people crowding the bars and stairs could be seen bobbing their heads as they talked or rocking their hips while they leaned over the bar with a drink._

"_Woo! Teddy, let's get out there," Emmett said, smiling wide as he threw his hands over his head. _

"_I dunno, Em," Ted replied, looking over his shoulder. "Maybe we should wait for Brian."_

_Emmett seemed to deflate in an instant. "He's just pouting because he didn't get what he wanted. He should get used to it."_

"_Seemed a little weird, didn't it?" Ted asked, watching the area behind him, wondering when Brian would walk through the chains. _

_Emmett made a disgusted noise. "If all you're gonna do is try to analyze Brian Kinney, I'm leaving you here."_

"_Okay, alright! Sorry," Ted apologized and gave one last look behind him before following Emmett into the throng of men on the floor. _

_Brian hadn't been too far behind, coming in just in time to watch Ted and Emmett disappear into the mass of glittering flesh. He would've rather been left alone for awhile anyways. He'd spent a few minutes talking to the bounce, Tony, out front. Checking in on things. He'd recently hired on another manager so both he and Ted could have a break. Between the three of them, the workload was lessened greatly. Brian still didn't want to give up his personal touch in running the club, not yet, but after a good amount of time running the place with Ted alone, he realized that if he wanted to stay sane, he needed the time away. _

_Running two flourishing businesses well was hard. It had been even hard to find Chris, their newest manager. He had great reference, a flawless resume and as long as Ted was the only one in charge of the books between the three of them, Brian was confident Babylon could only continue the way it had been going without fault. Still, while he was here, he should probably check in._

_Bar first, then up to the office was how he played it. A beer for himself and a bottle of water for later. He had some pills in his pocket, thinking, hoping, that maybe Michael would be here. That maybe, just maybe, they could do what they used to do. Was it weird of him to want to relive their old lives and habits now that there was more between them? Was it weird to think it might be even better, something special?_

_When Brian was younger, he heard a mix of rumors about the plethora of party favors he took now. Especially about E. That was his favorite, yet his most monitored drug. Weed was quick and easy, and everyday thing. A little trail mix was for a boost to get him flying for a long night, but E…_

_When he first learned about it, really learned, it was in health class. The books explained what it was made of, what it was called and what it did to your body. Not very interesting. Then the teacher explained what some people 'thought' they felt (because it was a drug and it was bad, so nothing could be seen as good). A feeling of euphoria, ultimate peace, love. Curiosity was piqued, but dismissed. _

_During the first few months when he started going to Babylon, just before college, he'd picked up a trick that wanted to make a stop before going back to his place. That's when Brian met Anita. She wasn't a pleasant woman to look at (Brian could appreciate an attractive woman). Large, round with bad skin and stringy badly dyed black hair, she looked him over like he were a bone and she was a dog. That's when Brian saw Ecstasy in real life. A transfer of cash into Anita's fat hand and a baggie of pills, maybe three or four, put into the trick's. _

_He had kept Michael under tight rule to never to do drugs with anyone else but him, but Brian didn't listen to that rule much himself. Not back then. The trick offered Brian a pill, saying that he would never have sex like it again. That sold Brian, took him past the point of nervous fear and he willingly took the pill on the way to the trick's place. _

_The trick had set up a few bottles of water on the bedside table after pointing Brian towards it. "Need to stay hydrated," was all he said. _

"_It dehydrates you," Brian replied, happily remembering that silly book from school. _

"_Dehydrates the brain, actually," the trick said, giving Brian an 'aren't you so cute' smile and pat on the head. "Fucking'll only speed it up."_

_Brian pulled off his jacket, tossing it to the floor as he got off the bed and yanked the trick close. "Why's this gonna be so good?"_

_The trick grinned. "Feeling it?"_

_Brian's hands were unconsciously running over the smooth material of the skin tight shirt the other man was wearing. God, had it felt like this in the club? He liked it. He liked it a lot. He was warm, when did it get warm in here? _

_Hmm… guess he was. "Yeah," Brian replied, a smile tugging on his lips. "But I heard you shouldn't fuck on this shit."_

_The trick rolled his eyes. "They say sex without it'll never be the same." He gave Brian a shove and he fell back on the bed, taken by surprise, but laughing a bit. The trick climbed on top of him. _

"_Well?" Brian asked, eyebrow raised._

"_Well what?"_

"_Are they right?"_

_The trick grinned. "You'll find out."_

_And he did, he was hooked. He could see why people might avoid sex on E. It was great, fantastic. Didn't matter who it was with, you didn't walk away unhappy. Secretly, he just felt so connected somehow with the other person. For once he was fucking without that deep rooted urge to fuck the other person up. It was amazing. Brian knew he could've easily fallen into that trap for the rest of his life and loved every minute of it._

_But he had things in his life that needed to be done. It meant strict monitoring of when he took it. Never before a work day with meetings, before exams in school, etc. When Brian felt he had decent control over it, sure that he wouldn't do anything completely stupid (as he had seen happen), he made a usual trip to Anita, threatening the bitch that it had better have been the real shit, good shit or he'd be back and there would be fucking hell to pay. _

_He decided to share with Michael that night, and if Anita fucked him over with what she was pushing and it hurt his best friend, Brian knew he'd probably be doing jail time. Not that Anita didn't have good shit, she did. But she liked to fuck with the product more often than she admitted to her cliental. Always looking for a cheaper, quicker product for larger, faster money. The results weren't pretty when it was bad, but it was fucking beautiful when it was good._

_That's when it started with Michael, dragging him off to Babylon, their safe zone to be who they were. That's when Brian pulled Michael to the dance floor, smiling softly as Michael chattered above the noise before calming down into quiet, looking at Brian. He adored Michael's eyes. They showed him everything. When Brian fished out a little pill, flashed it to Michael and took it, Michael's eyes widened, curious. Brian teasingly opened his mouth, showing off that it was all gone. Michael had laughed._

"_What was it?" He asked loudly, leaning in close to Brian's ear._

_A slow smile crept across Brian's looks. "Somethin' special. Wanna try?"_

_Michael was hesitant. _

"_C'mon, Mikey. Never do drugs without your friends. I'm here, though, right?"_

_There was a pause in their dancing as Michael thought it over. "Alright. Gonna watch out for me?"_

"_Always have," Brian said, taking out another pill, again showing it to Michael. "Always will."_

_Michael smiled and reached for the pill, but Brian pulled his hand back. "Ah, patience." He opened his mouth again, placing the pill on the tip of his tongue. Michael was warm, pressed up against him. He wrapped a hand around the back of Michael's next, thumb brushing against his cheek before pulling Michael in for a kiss, easily slipping Michael small tablet. _

_That night led to many more just like it. It almost drove Brian to addiction at that point. Being that close to Michael, holding him, dancing with him. He pressed up on all the right places and felt so fucking good that way. Not that they were never close before this, but he just felt so much closer to Michael, closer to figuring it all out. Being happy and the look on Michael's face every time… priceless._

_Brian sighed, drinking from the beer bottle, sick of remembering stupid shit. He made his way back past the chains and up a tucked away set of stairs to the office. During renovations after the bombing, he had a more secluded work area set up. Soundproofed for his own sanity. He opened the door and found Chris behind a desk, tapping his pencil in a bored manner._

"_What's up?" He asked, stopping the tapping on the desk._

_Brian had been tempted to sleep with Chris when he first interviewed the man. Tall, lean build with dark brown hair more green than hazel eyes. He was attractive, smart and knew how to take a joke. But he'd rather have a good manager than a decent fuck._

_Brian nudged the door shut with his hip, taking a seat on a soft worn couch he'd put up on the office. Some nights, he had liked a little more privacy with a trick than the backroom or VIP lounge. And couches were wonderfully versatile. _

"_Here with the boys," Brian replied, setting the water bottle down on the floor between his feet. "How're things?"_

_Chris shrugged. "It's self running at this point, Kinney. I get to sit here with my thumb up my ass."_

"_There's a dildo in the top drawer. It'd be better if you want something up there," Brian joked as Chris rolled his eyes._

"_I'm serious, I can't figure out why you hired me… or at least haven't gotten rid of me," Chris shrugged._

_Brian didn't want to say too much. "We still need someone here in charge if something happens. But you don't need to sit around up here all night. The DJ sounds great, there's a building full of hot guys and a backroom to take them to. As long as you come when called for something, you can do whatever you want in the meantime."_

_Chris sighed, slumping over the desk. "It gets old after awhile. You've never gotten tired of it?"_

"_I keep coming back, don't I?"_

"_You're frustrating," Chris groaned. "Aren't you missing something with all of this nonsense?"_

_Brian lifted an eyebrow. "Something you wanna get off your chest?"_

_Chris pushed himself back up into the chair and off the desk. "I'm just sick of it."_

"_Trouble at home?"_

"_You don't know the half of it," Chris said rolling his eyes. "Bryce, my roommate. I think you met him once. He's just like you. Won't stop doing what he's doing, and I'm tired of it."_

"_Are you two really just roommates?" Brian asked, taking a long swallow from his beer._

"_I don't know. We've been screwing around for awhile now and I just… I just want him and it's pissing me off. Like talking to a brick wall."_

_Brian shrugged. "Hey, if I ever figure it out, I'll be sure to let you know. You need anything, I'll be good and coherent for… an hour."_

_Chris waved a hand. "Go. I doubt the place'll blow up."_

_Brian paused his motions in getting up, staring at Chris with shock plain in his features. Chris caught on and his eyes widened. _

"_Sorry," he muttered, looking down at the desk. Too soon wasn't even the half of it._

"_Yeah… have fun," Brian said stiffly, taking his water bottle off the floor and leaving the office. He went to the dance floor, setting the now empty beer bottle on the bar and tucked himself in a corner as he took out the little baggie in his pocket and one of the pills. He washed it down with some water and spend the rest of the song playing watching the crowd as his eyes slowly dilated. He made his way onto the floor, continually sipping from the bottle as the DJ spun the next song._

_**I can't live with you**_

_**But I can't live without you**_

"Got everything?" Brian asked as Michael came back down with Hunter's backpack and any notebooks, school books and papers he saw laying around the room.

"Just a few things from the living room and I'm good," Michael said, setting the bag down next to the duffle bag and box of comics, taking up the duffle bag. Brian snagged his wrist, stopping him from going to the next room. "Brian, I need to-"

They hadn't touched in what felt like hours to Brian. He'd given up a clear path to the bedroom for a few hours to come do this… all he wanted was just something to get by. He pulled Michael close and looked down at the smaller man, just looking as he let his other arm wind around the trim waist, holding them together.

It wasn't that hard to kiss Michael, he knew that. It was hard to resist doing it, even now. It never got old and Brian never tired of seeing that look on Michael's face when he pulled away. If kissing Michael had been easy over the years, holding him was probably the easiest thing he could do. He fit so neatly up against Brian, even growing up, that it was hard not to hold him. Having those things taken away due to distraction annoyed him, but it had to be done.

Brian let him go. "Okay. What do you need?"

"What was that?" Michael asked, looking confused.

"Missed you."

_**I can't let you stay**_

_**Oh, but I can't live if you go away**_

_The water was finished in minutes between dancing and shooing off men left and right. They all thought Kinney was just being picky for the night after long disappearing from the floor. His appearances had been rare lately, they knew that, but why was a mystery. If they thought hard enough, Michael hadn't been around in a long time either, and with all eyes on Brian, it was hard not to notice Michael with him at some point during the night._

_Some thought that maybe they had become something more, disappearing together, Brian only coming in for work when needed, spending time when he wanted. Some scoffed, saying that it would never happen. They probably had a fight, or they weren't friends anymore and were both worried about running into one another at the club. The majority just didn't give a fuck in the long run, they wanted to see who Brian was going to pick for the night. He had to take someone, he was here after all. _

_A dark brunette tried his luck, and his timing was perfect. X-ed out fully, Brian was into that odd remixed beat of the song, not paying attention. He liked the heat rolling off the crowd, loved the way that music felt going over him and whoever was running his hands over his hips could keep doing that for all he cared. He wanted more. Looking over his shoulder, the brunette gave him a smile, lifting a curious eyebrow. Brian looked him over on instinct, but didn't care and turned to face him, pulling the other man close. _

_Contact. Touch. Feel. More. That was what he wanted._

_**All I know is I can't live with you**_

Michael had packed up a few of the action figures and toys he was more attached to and set them into the bag, zipping it up when he was done. Brian watched from the archway between the rooms. It was that same insane care Michael gave his favorite possessions that made Brian smile. He'd received the same care from the other man his entire life.

Would it all end badly? Was this the worst idea they could've had? Brian knew it was a little late to go back now. There was that slight fear of diving in head first, like he was scrambling to find purchase. A jumper that tried to grab back onto the ledge after going over. It stayed tight in his chest, and he felt ashamed to have it, but he had to consider it natural. He was making a lot of changes in a small amount of time. What bothered him was that he could, literally, be dragging Michael down with him.

But if he had to go down, he'd rather have Michael with him than at arms distance.

"That's the last of it," Michael sighed, looking around the room one last time.

"What about the Captain?" Brian asked, tilting his chin toward the huge cutout of Captain Astro on the wall.

Michael smiled sadly. "He'll have to wait until I've got a new place to put him."

"I've got room-"

"No, Brian. The more stuff I keep at your place, the harder it'll be to leave. Let's get out of here," Michael said, ending the conversation and walking by him. He slung the backpack over his shoulder and Brian hefted the box under an arm and followed Michael out the door.

_**Yeah, I'm having a hard time**_

_**I'm walking a fine line**_

_Ben was sitting at the dining room table, yellow legal pad laid flat, pencil tapping away on it, making tiny specks. He'd opted for coffee instead of tea and while it kept him running, there wasn't much to run on. He was still stuck on Michael. Would he even come home tonight? They had parted ways much worse than tonight, but still… When Brian said jump, Michael asked 'how high'. _

_He sighed, leaning back in the chair, absently rubbing his eyes. If Justin was in town and Brian had known, it could be good news. Maybe the two would give marriage another shot. Maybe it would get Michael back to normal, they could continue on as normal more mature friends. That would be a nice change of pace. They could all do lunch together or something, as couples. No longer singled out because he couldn't 'fit in' to whatever they had. Brian was just a susceptible to love as any other person, maybe Justin was it and it took some time to realize it. _

_If only he had the answers now so he could stop thinking about it. It was driving him nuts trying to figure it all out when he barely had any idea what was going on. Bored, he decided to write down all of Michael's 'symptoms' on the clean sheet of paper;_

_-Quick to anger_

_-Nitpicks_

_-Out at all hours (but does take care of the house)_

_-Argues over everything_

_-Not clear on what he's so angry about_

_-Brian_

_Ben sat back and looked the list over. It ended with Brian. Everything revolved around that man. He didn't know what he had to do to get him out, but he was sure that if they learned how to live apart, Michael could be so much better. Instead, Brian was dragging him through his ups and downs. Why couldn't he just leave Michael alone?_

_He wondered briefly if Michael went through this when he had been on steroids, but it was a passing thought. His mood swings couldn't've been this bad. _

_After a moment's hesitation, he circled Brian's name and put a question mark next to it. Was he still overreacting or was there something he was missing? He added Justin's name next to the question mark. He really didn't want to think about any other possibilities, but they came anyway and his pencil was flying across the paper, even writing out different scenarios and possibilities. Somehow, this was more interesting than his current book. _

_By the time the coffee cooled, he barely heard a car door slam and distant chatter getting closer to the door._

_Michael opened the door gently. Justin thought cautiously would better fit as he watched the man peek around it. They went inside and found Ben in a pair of sweats working over yellow legal pads with a cup of cool coffee on the table, glasses perched precariously on the tip of his nose. _

"_Hey, honey," Michael said, not wanting to disturb him, but they had a guest._

"_Hey, baby, have a nice night?" Ben replied, not looking up. _

"_Well, if I'm not welcome, I can just go," Justin said with a smile. Ben looked up and grinned. _

"_Hey, Justin! Long time no see," Ben greeted, getting up and pulling the young man into a hug. "Look at you. First a comic book artist and now you're famous."_

"_Everyone keeps saying that," Justin brushed off, rolling his eyes. "I'm no Warhol."_

"_And I'm no Dan Brown," Ben said with a smile._

_Justin pulled a face. "I hope not, have you seen the picture on his books?"_

_Ben ruffled Justin's hair, now grown out longer again, framing his face. "So, sit down. I'll get coffee."_

_Michael looked cautiously at the mug on the table. "Hon, when did you make that pot?"_

"_Oh, when I came down," his husband said offhandedly, going into the kitchen._

"_When was that?"_

"_After you left. Why-"_

_Michael sighed. "Yeah. That's why. It's one in the morning. You want me to make a fresh pot?"_

"_No, I got it," Ben called from the kitchen. The coffee from hours ago had cooled and gotten thick and took a quick rinse before it was useable again. In the dining room, Michael took a seat next to Justin and covered a yawn behind his hand._

_Well, if Justin was here, with Michael… things couldn't be that bad. He could cross that off his list. Which just left Brian on the list. Ben sat and waited in the kitchen while the coffee percolated. Maybe he was eves dropping, maybe he wasn't, but he couldn't help but catch snatches of conversation from Justin and Michael. _

"_**Been awhile since you've been out?"**__ The blond asked._

"_**You tell me,"**__ Michael said. __**"Brian must be keeping you up to date."**_

_Maybe it was Brian after all. Apparently, Justin had been keeping in touch with the older man and it sounded like it still irked Michael._

"_**Still cranky when you're tired, I see," **__Justin commented.__** "How's Hunter?"**_

_Ben was busying himself with coffee and thought about how late it was. "Baby, you want hot chocolate? I don't want you up all night."_

"_**All of a sudden?"**__ Michael teased. __**"Yeah, that's fine."**_

_Ben smiled to himself, getting that ready for Michael while he waited on coffee. He might've missed the next part in the hushed conversation over the noise of the coffee maker if he hadn't been paying attention._

"_**You two okay, really?"**__ Justin asked, keeping his voice low._

"_**I don't know. That's what makes it hard. Am I not trying hard enough or is there no point in trying?"**_

_Ben hesitated. So he wasn't crazy, Michael was seeing something wrong here, too. He wasn't just blowing it off and going out to forget about it, like Ben thought. There was something wrong… now if they could just figure out what it was. Or if Michael would just agree to the weekend to work it out. _

_Maybe he'd get a little clue._

"_**You should go away with Ben."**_

_Ben heard that and couldn't keep the relief out of his features. Maybe Michael would listen to his friends if not him. He could only hope._

_**Between hope and despair**_

_**You may think that I don't care**_

Emmett sniffled as the credits rolled on the TV, ending the movie. Paul and Hunter had quietly started amusing themselves by making jokes at the obvious 'chick flick' and Justin patted Emmett's back, telling him it had been a great movie. Good choice.

"Ugh, I just get so caught up in these things," Emmett sighed, wiping at his eyes. "But it's just a perfect romance."

"I know how you feel," Justin said, smiling. "What's next on the list?"

"Something with explosions?" Hunter asked, raising his hand. "Please?!"

"A little less… dramatic would be nice," Paul seconded.

Emmett made an annoyed noise. "Boys. Fine, pick something. I'm just going to clean up a little."

He got off the couch, picking up the empty pizza boxes and napkins, heading for the kitchen. Justin settled back into the couch as Paul and Hunter flipped through the movies available on TV.

"Horror?" Paul suggested.

"Anything good?" Hunter asked and Paul entered the menu looking through the list.

Paul passed off the remote to Hunter, letting him choose. They seemed to be on agreement for the most part on a movie. He turned his attention to Justin at this point.

"So, what's Michael like?" Paul asked. "Y'know, outside of this insane thing going on right now."

Justin shrugged. "Nice guy in general. This is really out of left field for… all of us, honestly. He's just a nice guy."

"Has to be," Hunter commented absently.

"Why's that?" Paul asked.

"Look at the shit he puts up with! You never met his mom, but she's a real winner sometimes. Then there's Ben and this guy over here," Hunter finished with jabbing a thumb in Justin's direction.

Paul looked confused. "So… you're the resident asshole?"

Justin rolled his eyes. "That's Brian. I'm just the annoying fuck that didn't go away. That seems to be everyone's hang up."

"Not everyone, sweetie," Emmett said, coming back with sodas. "I'm glad you stuck around, and I'm sure Michael and Brian are too. They're just confusing."

"Well, they've been best friends for how long and never made a move? They can't stay mad at you for trying," Paul said to Justin, taking a soda from Emmett. "And it's in the past, right?"

"Yeah," Justin sighed, taking his drink from Emmett when he took a seat next to him again.

"Uh oh," Emmett said, frowning at Justin. "I know that sigh. That look. Honey, don't."

"No, I wouldn't!" Justin said, shocked Emmett would think that. "I just can't help but be a little jealous. All the work I put in and Michael gets to enjoy it."

"Brian that good in bed?" Paul asked, popping the top to his can.

Justin groaned in annoyance. "Better than anything that's come my way in a long time."

Emmett patted Justin leg soothingly. "You'll find the right one, honey. It takes time."

"Hunter?" Paul asked, getting the young man's attention. He looked over at the rest of the group. "Why are you so quiet about this? You seem to have a little more at risk than these two."

"Paul, hon, that's not really a good subject right now," Emmett warned. "Hunter's already been through a lot."

"Hasn't every teenager?" Paul questioned, rolling his eyes. "C'mon, kid, spill it. What do you think's going to happen?"

"I think you should back the hell off," Hunter snapped, getting up and heading to the spare bedroom. "Tell me when Michael gets here."

Hunter shut the door, leaving the three men in silence. Paul looked over at the other two and shrugged. "Touchy?"

"Hunter is adopted," Emmett explained.

Justin saw that Paul didn't see the big deal. "Ben and Michael found Hunter on their property one night hanging out with a bunch of hustlers."

"Like pool?" Paul asked.

"Like prostitutes, honey," Emmett clarified. "He was a kid being turned out on the street by his own mother. Ben and Michael took him in when they found out he had HIV."

"Well, fuck me," Paul sighed, leaning back into the couch.

"Not my type," Justin remarked offhandedly. "Anyway, it's been a battle to keep him ever since. They put in the adoption papers a few years back, but with Michael and Ben splitting up… well, it's hard enough. But Brian never wanted kids."

"To be fair, he said he never wanted a relationship either, but look what happened," Emmett argued. "And don't forget about Gus."

"And Gus is?" Paul asked.

"Brian's son," Justin explained. "He knew this lesbian from college, her and the wife wanted a kid, and since she was carrying, she picked Brian as the donor."

"Well, what's to worry about?" Paul couldn't figure it out. "It should go like any other divorce, shouldn't it? Parental visits, et cetera. Only Hunter has three daddies."

Emmett groaned. "Paul, it's hard. Hunter has a disease, Brian is… Brian. Michael wouldn't go without a fight for Hunter, but…"

"Well, none of us can say for sure if Brian wants a new addition to the family, so to speak," Justin finished. "Brian's the type that looks out for himself. Whatever gets him what he wants is the best way to get it done."

"So, Michael and Brian might call it quits over Hunter?"

"Oh, I don't know," Emmett sighed. "I would hope not, but it's not like taking in a little kid. He's pretty much an adult."

"Which means another person to deal with on a daily basis," Justin thought out loud. "Another personality he may not get along with. It's not as easy when they're already set in their ways."

"Like you were," Emmett said fondly, ruffling the blond hair on Justin's head.

"You think they're on their way here now?" Paul asked, staring at the TV.

"Mm, honey, if it was me I would take my time," Emmett laughed. "All those pent up years? Please."

"But I think Michael would be on his way here," Justin reasoned. "It's Hunter."

"You know Brian's powers of persuasion, though."

"Okay, I'm straight and I want to fuck this guy," Paul announced, sending the three of them into laughter. When it calmed down, Paul spoke up again. "How can one man be that good?"

Emmett shook his head. "I'm in the 'haven't been fucked' group. Sorry."

Justin shrugged. "It's just… he's got it."

"What?" Paul asked, dying to know.

"It! I don't know. Even on a bad night, he's great. Like how I was born with a talent for art and trained it into something people think is _that _good, Brian is the same way with sex. As if he was born with it as a talent and trained it," Justin said, hoping it made sense. "Only it really is _that _good."

Snickering, Emmett patted Justin on the shoulder. "Well said, honey. But your art really is that good."

"Art is open to interpretation. What's good to one is bad to another. But with Brian… well, have you ever heard anyone complain?"

"I hope they get here soon," Paul admitted. "I'm almost jealous I don't know these people."

_**But I travelled a long road**_

_**To get hold of my sorrow**_

_It wasn't hard to dance up against the brunette. He wanted it, loved it. He want to be the 'one' for the night. Brian looked like he was more than willing to oblige. Better than thinking about Mikey going home to his husband, doing everything he didn't want to think about with him. _

_He smiled, nearly laughing. He couldn't be angry with Michael. Never. He would come back, he had to come back. _

"_You look good when you smile," the other man said. Brian felt like he had crawled into his ear and reverberated through him._

_Brian didn't say anything. He just looked good. It was a fantastic night, everyone looked good. The music was great, that beat playing some of the best music. He couldn't help but feel the night was getting better and better. The more the guy leaned in, the less he thought about Michael. He'd consider it a good night. Why drown in things he couldn't fix right now? He'd see Mikey again later, but this guy… he wouldn't see him ever again._

_Maybe it was just meant to happen. That made sense in a hazy sort of way. Michael left him for the night, maybe for good. He could never tell what would happen the next day after Michael left. Michael would leave him, because that's just how it would be, and then this guy showed up. Brian liked him, wanted him, borderline needed him in that weird way he always felt in strange times. What did Mikey call it? Pain management. _

_Had a nice ring to it._

"_Why don't we move this somewhere else?" Brian asked over the music, hands tugging on the other man's hips. Goddamn, everything about him felt good. He was going to make Brian feel even better in a few a bit._

_**I tried to catch a dream**_

_**But nothing's what it seems**_

"You don't stop, do you?!" Greg shouted over the music at Ben, who was feeling great and flying high.

"Haven't been out like this in years!" Ben replied, flashing a smile. He hadn't wanted Greg to tagalong, but along he came anyways. He'd been a decent guy so far and as long as he wasn't looking past tonight, Ben could live with it.

Because right now there was a hot little blond by the bar. Ben zeroed in on him and excused himself for a drink, even offering one to Greg who shook his head to decline. He could be a nice guy like that. Sidling up to the bar, Ben found a spot not too close and not too far away from the blond he spotted earlier. Sipping at his beer, he eyed him up before moving in.

"Hey, having a good night?" Ben asked, leaning against the bar.

The blond almost wasn't sure he was being spoken to. "Uh, yeah. So far so good?"

Ben smiled. This was going to be really easy, even for him. "Been out on the floor yet?"

"Oh, no. It's just… my first time here," the blond confessed.

Brian gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder and a bit of advice. "Don't let that get around. They'll be all over you."

"Really?"

Ben tsk-ed. "We're men. We sniff out fresh meat like we'd die without it," Ben laughed. That's why he was here after all. "C'mon, finish up. I'll show you a good time."

The young man looked cautiously at Ben and then at the crowd on the floor.

"Just a dance," Ben said, holding up his hands. "Gotta get your feet wet sometime, right?"

"Alright… can't hurt," the blond admitted, finishing his drink.

_**Love is saying, "Baby, it's alright."**_

"_Really?" Ben asked, looking up from his book in bed. _

_Michael slipped off his boxers, leaving them in a pile with the rest of his clothes as he climbed into bed. Seeing Justin had been a shock, but talking with him had reminded him of all the good times they eventually had together. He may be an adult now, and it was hard to see him that way, but it wasn't cause to throw out advice from a friend. _

"_Yeah," Michael nodded, smiling. "You're right, you have to work on your book sometime, and it's never interrupted us before, right?"_

_Ben grinned, pulling Michael into his arms. "Baby, you have no idea how happy I am."_

_He needed to thank Justin. Anything he wanted, Ben would get for him. Whatever he said to Michael worked._

"_Because of the book or me?" Michael teased._

"_You," Ben answered, kissing Michael. "You. Always you."_

"_It'll be good," the smaller man agreed, settling against his husband. "When did you want to go?"_

"_As soon as we plan it," Ben told Michael earnestly. "I'll start looking between my classes tomorrow."_

_Michael laughed. "I guess I can search the web at the shop while I wait for customers."_

"_I love you," Ben sighed, happy about the events._

"_Mm, love you too," Michael replied._

_Was a weekend really going to fix everything? Michael didn't know if he wanted it to or not anymore, honestly. He was just getting tired._

_**When deep inside you're really petrified**_

"You gonna wait here?" Michael asked Brian as they pulled up to Emmett's place.

Brian shut off the car, pulling out the keys. "Like I'd miss this for the world."

Oh yes, oh joy. Couldn't Michael tell that he was just overjoyed to be bombarded by the city's biggest gossip queen? Because he was. He was just oozing with excitement.

Brian got out of the car and grabbed the duffle bag, leaving Michael to carry Hunter's backpack as they made their way up to Emmett's apartment. Michael was more worried about how Hunter would be. After all this and leaving him with friends for the night? And for what, some personal time with Brian? He really wasn't feeling great about it.

They both heard laughing coming from behind Emmett's door and looked at each other before knocking. What the hell was going on in there?

Justin pulled open the door, stared at them and looked over his shoulder to yell out that Emmett would've owed him money if they had made a bet. Whatever it was, Justin apparently won.

"Um… can we come in?" Michael asked, confused.

"Oh, yeah, sure," Justin said, holding the door open. "Sorry, we've just been having fun."

"Well, we don't want to interrupt," Brian said, breezing through the door. "We'll just drop this off and be on our way so you gals can keep-"

"Brian Kinney," Emmett interrupted, a hand wrapped around a jutted hip as he stared down the other man. "You are in _my _house now. You shut the hell up and drop that bag."

Brian cocked an eyebrow, an amused smile touching the corners of his lips. He waited for the laughter, but when none came, he dropped the bag where he stood as Michael quietly entered behind him.

"Now," Emmett said, relaxing his stance. "What are you planning on doing with Michael?"

Michael turned red. "Em, no offense, but that's not your business."

"Honey, shush. I didn't mean tonight," Emmett explained. "Brian?"

"Why does Michael have to be manhandled?" Brian tossed back. "Does anyone realize that he's making all the decisions here? I'm not 'doing' anything with Michael. _Michael and I_ are going to do things with each other in mind."

He hoped.

Emmett sat on that for a minute. "Good answer. So, what'd you bring?"

Michael kneeled down to unzip the duffle bag. "He's got some sweats, otherwise he'd sleep in his underwear and that'd be awkward, trust me. I've got all his meds right here, a change of clothes tomorrow, some bathroom stuff… and his books for school."

He pulled everything out, laying it on top of the backpack and stood up. "Is he still up?"

Emmett gave Michael a worried look. "He's in the spare room, sweetie. I'm sorry, we might've upset him."

"What happened?" Michael asked, rubbing a hand over his face.

"That would be my fault," Paul volunteered, leaning over the couch. "Hey, I'm Paul."

Michael wasn't in the mood. "Paul, what happened?"

"It wasn't anything serious," Justin said, trying to defend Paul without taking sides. "He just didn't know."

"Didn't know what?" Michael asked, frustrated.

"What a shitty childhood the kid had," Paul replied. "Until he met you. And that all of this is screwing with him, badly."

Michael sighed in relief. "That's it? Okay, that's not bad. It could be worse."

"Michael?"

Everyone turned towards the new voice in the conversation, all eyes on Hunter peeking out of the bedroom. He looked like he'd been crying, but no one said anything about it.

"Hey, kiddo," Michael said, softening immediately as he crossed the room to talk with Hunter. "How're you holding up?"

"They keep talkin' about you," Hunter muttered. "Like it's a game."

"I'm sorry," Michael apologized quietly. "It's just how they are. I know it's not a game. I'm not fucking with you on purpose, kid. Believe that."

"I know, I know," Hunter exhaled, rubbing at his eyes. "It sucks, man."

"It's gonna get better," Michael promised. "You trust me?"

"Yeah, but… what about…," Hunter glanced over at Brian with his eyes.

"I love him like hell and he knows what you mean to me," Michael assured his son. "But you come first and he knows that. He doesn't get final say, alright?"

"You sure?" Hunter felt better knowing that, but after Michael going through all the crap with Ben, now he gets Brian and then leaves Brian because of him? That would really suck.

"Never been more sure about anything," Michael said firmly. "Now, can I have a hug?"

_**Lover turns to hater**_

_**On this escalator**_

"_Hey, Todd," Brian greeted the slim man being pounded into against the concrete wall. "How's it goin'?"_

"_Hey, guy- Fuck, Brian?" Todd exclaimed, distracted from his partner. "Where've ya been?"_

_Brian held a finger to his lips and winked. "Secret."_

"_How's Michael?" Todd asked, hips moving into the man behind him again. _

_Brian decided to take up space next to Todd. Back against the wall, the brunette knew what to do from there, getting to his knees. _

"_He's… Michael," Brian shrugged, making himself comfortable against the wall. "Why?"_

"_You two are always together," Todd panted. "You think I spend all my time back here?"_

_Brian laughed, letting a hand fall to rest on the brunette's shoulder. "Would you hate me if I did?"_

_Todd bit onto his bottom lip, grunting. "Guess not. Still, been awhile, hasn't it?"_

_Brian shrugged, lifting his hips off the wall so his trick could get them off his hips just enough. "Yeah. He's busy, busy, busy."_

"_Bet you're not makin' it… fuck! God, any easier," Todd replied._

"_Not you too," Brian groaned, letting his head fall back against the wall as the trick went to work._

_Todd flashed a smile. "Hey, call it like I see."_

"_He's just so… frustrating," Brian muttered, his hands finding their way to the sides of the brunette's head. "Wanna strangle him, but I can't."_

"_Shit! Do you know what you're doing back there?" Todd snapped over his shoulder. The larger man, in response, threaded a hand through the short hair on Todd's head and pulled back sharply. Todd shut his eyes, moaning. "Nn, go on… Brian."_

_This was officially the weirdest conversation Brian ever had. He knew that much, but it was entertaining nonetheless. _

"_He's just – easy on the teeth – not… here," Brian gasped. "Should be, though."_

"_Miss him?"_

"_Fuck… yes," Brian hissed, tightening up briefly. "Yeah."_

"_So – fuck, harder! – why're you here?" _

_That… was a very good question. Brian looked down at the dark head of hair going back and forth._

_**I can't live with you – Yeah!**_

_**But I can't live without you**_

"Mikey," Brian said, putting a hand on Michael's shoulder gently, interrupting the hug. "Can I?"

"Hunter?" Michael asked, pulling away to look at his son.

Hunter looked Brian over. "Yeah."

"You mind a little privacy?" Brian asked, looking over his shoulder. "Don't need to give them anymore fuel."

"Yeah, dude, whatever," Hunter said, trying to brush it off and disappeared into the room. Brian followed after, giving Michael's shoulder a squeeze.

"Just a few minutes," Brian promised, shutting the door behind him.

"Michael?" Justin asked. "You wanna sit?"

"Yeah," Michael sighed, torn between wanting to be in that room and wanted to just leave.

Inside the bedroom, Hunter took a seat on the bed while Brian took a look around it. It was nearly bare, which was pleasing to the eye in comparison to the living room. Brian wasn't sure how to do any of this, but he said he would and he was going to.

"We didn't get off on the right foot," Brian said awkwardly. "But I'm willing to try again."

Hunter snorted. "Whatever."

"If that's how it's gonna be, then fuck it," Brian shrugged. "No point in trying if you won't."

"What the hell am I supposed to say?" Hunter asked. "Thanks for being such a great friend to Michael that my entire life is fucked up now?"

"Hey, kid, listen," Brian sighed. "Have things been right with Ben and Michael to begin with?"

Hunter rubbed at his arm anxiously. "Not really."

"This is a good chance for something better, unless you wanted things to stay how they were," Brian explained. "I'm not making Michael do anything. He wants to get his own place with you, we're not making any big plans or anything. He won't let me."

"Let you?" Hunter asked, chuckling. "Michael won't let you?"

Brian rolled his eyes. "Believe me. When Michael says no he means no. I've offered my place, he says no."

"It's really not made for three, dude," Hunter rationalized.

"I know," Brian said, clearly frustrated. "But it's better than worrying about you two."

"Both of us?" Hunter asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You two are a package deal, I get that," Brian nodded. "And if something happens to you, Michael loses it, which makes me worry. It's a chain reaction, but only because I don't _know _you. Yet."

"So… what's the deal?" Hunter questioned, clearly curious as to where this was going.

Brian raised a hand to his mouth, reflexively biting down on his thumb as he looked at Hunter cautiously. This could be a good chance to start a bond with the teen. Or it could ruin everything ahead of time. Hunter looked at Brian expectantly, a little worry filling his eyes as the silence grew.

Finally, Brian spoke. "How well can you keep a secret from Michael?"

_**I can't breathe if you stay**_

_**But I can't bear you to go away**_

_The next day left Justin with little to do. He forgot how boring it could be after a day back home. Everyone was working and he was the only one on vacation. He debated on going to Kinnetik and bothering the crap out of Brian from sheer boredom and was getting out of the shower when his phone rang. He was actually surprised to find that it was Michael._

"_**Hey, Justin?"**__ Michael asked. Justin thought he sounded a little depressed._

"_What's going on?" Justin asked, sitting on the edge of the bed to pull on socks._

"_**Absolutely nothing," **__Michael sighed. __**"Wanna get lunch?"**_

"_Seriously? I was just thinking that," Justin smiled, threading his legs through a pair of boxer briefs and standing up to yank them on, letting the towel around his waist fall to the floor. "I've had nothing to do all day. What were you thinking?"_

"_**Diner sound good?" **__Michael suggested. __**"It's close by."**_

"_No, that's perfect. I'll be there in half an hour," Justin said, digging through his suitcase for a shirt and pants._

"_**Alright, see ya," **__Michael said and ended the call. Justin tossed his phone on the bed, heading back into the bathroom to finish getting ready. _

_Michael left the shop, having called Justin and agreeing to something to eat at the diner. The blond had sounded relieved to have something to do with someone else as it was, which made Michael question why he was even here. It wasn't a holiday it wasn't any special sort of week, was it? Obviously the blond had to know everyone would still be working, especially since both Justin and Brian decided to have the drop in be a surprise._

_What could they be up to?_

_In the room, Justin got distracted with a call to Brian. It didn't feel like something overly important to tell him, that Justin was going out to lunch with Michael, but it was something involving Michael. Since it was still early for lunch, he didn't want Brian to call either of them asking them to lunch. It would be better that way. Less confusion. _

_Phone tucked between his shoulder and ear, Justin listened to the ring as he carefully applied a little product to his hair. It was getting long again, just past the tips of his ears._

"_**Kinnetik Advertising, Brian Kinney's office, Cynthia speaking," **__Cynthia answered on the other end. _

_Justin smiled. "Hey, Cynthia, it's Justin. Is he busy?"_

"_**Justin!" **__Cynthia exclaimed. __**"Been awhile since I've heard from you. How's things?"**_

"_Eh, could be better. I'm a little bored all holed up here," Justin sighed, rinsing his hands in the sink._

"_**So, looking to see if the boss man is free for lunch, then?"**_

"_No, just wanted to see if he could get on the line for a few minutes._

_Cynthia rolled her eyes. __**"Alright, he's just finishing up a meeting. Hold on."**_

_The hold music was nondescript noise to Justin as he packed away his dirty clothes back into the suitcase. He was humming along absently, zipping the bag back up and heard a click on the other end._

"_**What?" **__Brian demanded, voice clearly indicating that it had not been a good meeting._

"_Hello to you too," Justin replied, overly cheery. "How'd that meeting go, champ?"_

"_**Fuck you and fuck all the **_**goddamn interns that keep getting sent here!"**___Brian shouted the last part. Justin heard papers scattering over the line and a thunk. Must've thrown a folder at the door._

"_You should calm down."_

"_**How the hell can I calm down?" **__Brian raged. __**"I almost lost a huge account, you're calling me and Michael isn't, this day fucking sucks."**_

"_I guess you didn't have a good time at the club last night," Justin commented, just wanting to get off the phone at this point. He was running late._

_Justin noticed the eerie silence on the other end of the phone and put two and two together. "Brian, you didn't."_

_Brian sighed loudly. __**"No, but I've got the worst case of blue balls because of it."**_

"_What the hell happened?"_

"_**Found some trick, hit the backroom," **__Brian shrugged. __**"Ran into Todd while I was there and got to talking."**_

_Justin snickered. "While the trick was…?"_

"_**Yeah. Actually, it was a little hot when I think about it,"**__ Brian commented. __**"Anyway, we talked, I knocked the trick on his ass and went home for the night."**_

"_You didn't take care of yourself?" Justin asked, starting to laugh in earnest._

"_**I did, but sometimes that doesn't really help. I was annoyed to begin with, Michael was supposed to be there and I just…"**_

"_You wanted Michael."_

"_**Still do," **__Brian said. __**"This is completely pathetic. Whatever, enough bitching, what do you want?"**_

"_Just wanted to let you know I'm meeting Michael at the diner for lunch," the blond replied casually. _

"_**Deb working today?"**_

_Shit. "I forgot to ask. What should I do?"_

"_**Judgment call is in your hands."**_

"_Alright. Wanna do dinner when you're off work?" Justin asked._

_Brian heaved a sigh. __**"Sunshine, I'll be lucky if I make it out of here alive."**_

"_Well, I'll call and ask again," Justin chirped. _

"_**You and that damn persistence thing. Whatever. Call my cell,"**__ Brian said, meaning he might be here after Cynthia left for the day._

"_Not a problem."_

_**I don't know what time it is**_

_**All I know is I can't live with you**_

"So, we didn't expect you until later," Emmett commented, trying to be nonchalant and failing.

"Hunter needed his meds first," Michael replied, eyes still on the bedroom door. "What do you think they're talking about?"

"Honey, don't worry about it. Be happy they're talking," Emmett soothed.

Paul spoke up. "Weren't you and Hunter arguing over who could've fucked Brian," he asked Justin.

Justin slapped a hand over his eyes. "Paul, shut up. That's not what they're doing."

Michael's hands were fidgeting nervously in his lap. Hunter was straight… kind of. For now? He wasn't sure, but he had a girlfriend. Loved her even (for a teenager). That wasn't the problem, he knew it. Brian wasn't going to. Even if there had been a passing thought about it years back, there couldn't be any now. He was smart enough to know that.

"I just want things to end for the better. For once," Michael admitted, wishing for a distraction. "So, Paul… what the hell?"

"What?" Paul asked, looking confused. "Is it my hair? Damnit, I _told _her that I couldn't pull it off."

Michael tried to fight a smile. "No, no. I mean, do you randomly follow around people you've met on a plane?"

"Oh, man, only every chance I get," Paul exclaimed. "No, honestly. I'm not that weird. Maybe. I just thought it'd be a great idea to launch off my own business."

"But… why Rage?" Michael asked, still too nervous to really care.

"I liked the comic book, my whole office did at my old place," Paul said. "I can get a little obsessed when I like something. Have you ever checked the web after you put the comic out?"

"Just sales," Justin shrugged. "Why?"

"There are fansites dedicated to Rage and Zephyr, or Rage and J.T.! Hell, even Zephyr and J.T.," Paul said, making a face.

Michael and Justin looked at each other with wide eyes before each of them gave an involuntary shiver. "Yeah, okay… but that doesn't explain much."

"You've still got a fanbase, Mike," Paul explained. "A lot of places are still active, there are forums online, there's artwork, there are stories. Really… really disturbing stories."

There was a long pause as Paul seemingly tried to rid himself of the imagery. "Anyways, Mike, this is still a big thing. People want more, they want it done right and they want _you_."

"We'll talk more later, Paul," Brian interrupted, emerging from the bedroom with Hunter following behind, looking decidedly happier than before. "I don't need you fast talking Mikey on me."

"Well, I'll be damned," Paul said, getting up to take a good look at Brian. "It really is Rage."

Brian stuck out a hand. "Brian Kinney, Kinnetik Advertising."

Paul broke out into a grin, shaking the offered hand. "And that's why you know your shit, my man. Cute name."

"Wasn't my idea," Brian said rolling his eyes, releasing Paul from his grip.

"Well, it works. You've got my info, right?" Paul asked, hands sliding into his pockets.

"Wrote it down myself," Brian nodded. "We will be in touch, don't look so much like one of those little nervous dogs."

"Oh, I love those little things," Emmett commented. "They're so cute! But a fluffy one."

"Thank you, Auntie Em," Brian said, calling it a night. "Well, if you'll excuse us, we'll be calling it a night. Mikey?"

Michael got up off the couch. "Thank you so much guys. Hunter, we'll be here in the morning to take you to school."

Hunter sighed. "Do I really have to go?"

"You got today off, you're going," Michael said firmly. "Play nice, okay?"

"Fine," Hunter said. "I could help with the shop instead, y'know."

"Kid, call it a night," Brian warned with a slight smile. "When he says no, he means no, remember?"

Hunter rolled his eyes. "Alright, fine. Have fun you two!"

Brian grabbed Michael by the wrist and didn't give him time to say anything else, pulling him towards the front door, making neat work of scooping up the duffle bag that now held only Michael's things on the way out. Brian had nothing to say to anyone else, this wasn't happy fun group time or some bullshit like that. It was the first time he got to have Michael to himself for an entire night since they started this mess.

He was going to do it right.

_**We're stuck in a bad place**_

_**We're trapped in a rat race**_

"_I dunno, sweetie," Emmett sighed into his headset. He was busy setting up for a sweet sixteen party he had helped plan and cater. So far the girl had been nothing but a diva, even taking to ordering Emmett's own employees around. Little missy was asking for it. In the meantime, Ted had called while he was working. "Sounds like he's just having a bad day."_

"_**Em, he threw everything," **__Ted said, trying to get his friend to understand how dire this situation seemed. __**"Posters, papers, contracts. All of it! He just threw it at the wall of his office. He's pissed."**_

_Emmett rolled his eyes, pointing towards a table when someone came up with a huge bouquet of flowers. "Well, what happened?"_

"_**I heard a meeting with a huge client turned out awful. Some new kid fucked it up," **__Ted replied in a hushed tone, as if he was being listened to. _

"_There ya go, Teddy," Emmett said in a manner that suggested a 'duh' was hanging at the end of it. "Of course he'd be upset about that. Anything else?"_

"_**He's been miserable all morning, since he came in. It was building up."**_

"_Has he ever been pleasant, I never noticed."_

_Ted leaned over his desk, as if trying to hide. __**"There's something else," **__he whispered._

_Emmett mimicked his whisper in asking him what it was. _

"_**Justin called. I overheard Cynthia talking to him."**_

"_Honey, you know I love gossip," Emmett said, motioning towards the movers bringing in some ice sculpture for the center of the buffet table. "But that's nothing new. Justin's in town. Remember? He mentioned that seeing all of us was going to be a surprise."_

"_**I dunno… I think something's up," **__Ted murmured, sitting up straight. __**"He's just been so weird, and what he said the other night after Woody's…"**_

"_He was drunk. Besides, when was the last time _any_ of us saw Michael?"_

_Talking to Emmett was frustrating at the moment. __**"Yeah, I guess you're right. Woody's tonight?"**_

"_Mmhm," Emmett agreed, snapping his fingers at the caterers and ushering them over to the long table. "Hopefully I can be ready by ten. That good?"_

"_**I'll be waiting, my dear,"**__ Ted joked before ending the call. _

"_Schmidt!" Brian yelled, storming down the hall. "Schmidt, you had better have work on the fucking computer!"_

_Ted glanced at his screen just in case, not that Brian would've really cared, but he was on a tear again. He spun his chair to face the entrance of his office just as Brian came in, throwing paperwork in his lap. Ted glanced down, they were the numbers he had crunched for the recent account._

"_Ballpark, how much do I stand to lose because of this little shit?" Brian nearly snarled. _

_Ted was comfortable with numbers, the nervous edge left when he looked over the papers. "A good million, at least."_

_Brian slammed a fist against the wall. "That shit is fired! That's too much-"_

"_Bri, what happened in there?" Ted asked. Brian was protective of his business, but this was going a step too far. He liked keeping the new guys on to see them grow and turn into something decent, not drop them at the first mistake._

_Brian sighed. "This kid, the new one, he cut me off mid-pitch to go on his own spiel, taking the whole project back to where they started before coming to us. They wanted to break _out _of the same crap the last company's been feeding them. And now I look like I can't keep my own goddamn staff in line!"_

"_It's probably not that bad," Ted commented, organizing the paperwork neatly in his lap. _

"_Not that bad?" Brian scoffed. "Theodore, may I remind you that _I _sign your checks. I get the money for _your _checks from people like that!" He pointed at the paperwork as if it was proof. "And _that_ right there, was the boost I needed, Schmidt. A million right down the fucking shitter… Christ!"_

"_Got some big plans?"_

_Brian remembered who he was talking to. "Wouldn't you like to know? I have strings to pull and promises to make. God, I have to fucking grovel at this point."_

_Ted tried to cheer him up. "On the plus side, you get to fire someone."_

_Brian smiled for a minute as he looked at Ted. Sometimes the sheer audacity of Ted took him by surprise. _

_Thinking he was in the clear, he stood up and handed the papers back to Brian. "Em and I are hitting Woody's tonight. You wanna round up the rest?"_

"_Theodore, I don't have time to play tonight," Brian muttered, flipping through the paperwork absently. "Besides, I made dinner plans already. Another time."_

"_Who with?" Ted asked casually. "Client?"_

"_None of your fucking business," Brian said pleasantly, slapping Ted in the chest with the paperwork. "Thanks, Schmidt."_

"_Anytime, Bri," Ted replied, but Brian had already left down the hall._

_Ted snorted, taking his seat again. Nothing going on his ass._

_**And we can't escape**_

"Did you have to drag me out of there?" Michael asked, but there was no heat behind the words.

"Did you want to spend all night there?" Brian shot back, climbing into the car after tossing the duffle back into the trunk.

"Point," Michael said, getting into the car, smiling. They drove in an amicable silence between them, the radio softly filling in the blanks. Michael couldn't help but feel a little nervous, wondering if this was going too fast. If it was a good idea at all, really.

It almost felt like any other night, honestly. Spending some time with friends, Brian ending his night, as usual. They were even going back to Brian places, like they used to do on nights out. True, mostly so Michael could take care of Brian, but still. The only thing different was that instead of just hanging out, or tucking Brian in, they were…

They were going to do it.

IT.

It amused Michael because, really, they already had. Again and again and again. For a year. Brian hadn't gotten tired of him in over a year. But it wasn't the same. He'd never been able to stay the night, to wake up next to Brian and stick around. Instead of Brian having to kick him out of bed to get ready for work, Michael was usually running out the door to get home before Ben or Hunter, make sure everything was in order. He didn't have to do any of that tonight.

There was time, and that scared him. What was always a great, intense reaction of want for each other could easily be ruined and be found out to be nothing more than a flash in the pan with time. Michael had to admit, despite how horrible it was of him, the sneaking around, the hidden rendezvous, frantic tearing and groping… it was hot. No one could deny that at all.

What if it was just that, though? They would get to the Loft and find that this was just too awkward under normal circumstances. It wouldn't be as good as it was without all the guilt and trouble and rush. It wouldn't be worth the effort of actually finding that compatibility with each other.

Michael looked over at Brian, who was gently tapping his fingers on the steering wheel in time with the music on the radio. He looked as if there was nothing else he'd rather be doing.

Was that still _his _Brian?

_**Maybe there's been some mistake**_

_Justin hated running late when he had to be somewhere, unless it was for a good reason. While calming Brian out of his rage seemed like a good reason, it wasn't one he could tell Michael to excuse himself with. He figured that if he did, Michael would get into a panic over it and rush to Brian, which would honestly be counterproductive. Brian had work to do, he knew that much, and as much as he knew seeing or hearing from Michael would make his day, it wouldn't help him finish the work._

_Well, if the two of them liked to 'help' each other like he and Brian had way back when._

_Justin made his way to the diner, bells ringing over his head. He paused to look around for Michael, spotting him at a booth at the far end. Before he could make his way over to him, he was stopped in his tracks._

"_Oh, shit! Sunshine!" Debbie cawed, and he was smothered in her embrace._

"_Hey, Debbie!" Justin laughed, trying to pry himself away._

"_My little artist came home," she announced, letting go and looking around the diner._

_At this point, Justin wanted a hole to open up and swallow him. This was causing more of a scene than he wanted. How did Michael put up with it all the time? And now that she actually was here, what was he going to do? Ask about the dinner or not? Brian had said it was up to him, but that was after being in a fairly decent mood. Who knew how he'd feel about it later._

_A man at another table snorted. "Yeah, fan-fucking-tastic! Get we get some fucking service?"_

_Debbie smiled politely. "Of course, honey. You'll have the 'shut the hell up' with a side of 'mind your goddamn manners' cause my baby is home!"_

"_Deb, c'mon, enough," the blond said, nudging her away from the table. "Is Michael here yet?"_

"_You're the one he's meeting? That little shit," Debbie snapped. "Michael, why didn't you say something?"_

_Michael looked at a loss for words. What should he have said? Brian and Justin made it seem like it was such a big secret!_

"_Ma, last night he said that-"_

"_Last night?!" She turned on Justin. "Why didn't you tell me you were here?"_

"_I was trying to surprise you?" the blond shrugged, smiling. _

_Debbie smiled, pulling him into a hug. "Asshole. You surprised me alright. Go! Sit, I'll get you a sundae."_

"_No, Debbie, seriously," Justin said sitting across from Michael. "I'd like some real food."_

_Debbie rolled her eyes. "Well, la-de-dah. Can't even get my baby fucking ice cream! Alright, fine. What'll ya have?"_

"_Waffles, bacon, two scrambled eggs," Justin listed off. "Whole wheat toast with butter and a milkshake. There, that's like ice cream."_

"_Well, good enough," Debbie scribbled. "You could stand to put on a few, Sunshine. You need to get some protein off a plate, y'know."_

"_Oh, Christ, Ma," Michael groaned. "Give it a rest. He just got here."_

"_No he didn't," Debbie said stubbornly. "Because my son didn't even tell me he was here."_

_Michael rested his head in a hand perched on the table. "Can I just get pancakes, please?"_

_Debbie gave an annoyed noise in response to her pen scribbling across the pad. "Fine." She leaned over and patted Justin on the cheek. "Baby, your order'll be right out."_

_Really? Did she have to make it seem like he needed coddling or special treatment? He was a grown man for crying out loud! And Michael was looking more and more like the forgotten stepchild or… something equally depressing._

"_No rush," Justin said, shifting uncomfortably. "Really, it's a full house."_

_By the time Debbie left, Michael had crossed his arms on the table and laid his head down on top of them. She was ridiculous and it was pointless to get angry at her pouring favor on the 'Prodigal Son' as it were. Chalk it up to lowered expectations, but Michael hadn't expected anything less._

"_Didn't think she'd be working today when you suggested here," Justin told Michael, clearing his throat._

"_Does it matter?" Michael's muffled voice asked. "You needed to talk to her anyways."_

"_Well, yeah, but Brian and I were going to-"_

_Michael looked up. "What the fuck are you two planning?"_

_**We're trying to make a high score**_

_**We're walking through a closed door**_

"So?" Justin asked, looking expectantly at Paul, who had been watching the next movie on TV. Both Emmett and Justin had been expecting more from Paul after all the talking he did about Michael and Brian with them, wanting to meet them, do business… he finally did and then he goes quiet?

"So, what?" Paul asked, dipping his hand into the popcorn bowl.

"What did you think of Brian and Michael?" Emmett asked, frustrated.

Paul shrugged. "They don't seem as wild and crazy as I expected. They're nice, I like them."

Emmett and Justin looked at each other. "And Brian?" Emmett asked.

"Good business man, cares a lot. I like that. Completely dependant on Michael, though," Paul commented around a mouthful of popcorn.

"Dependant on… honey, no," Emmett sighed. "Michael's dependant on Brian. Other way around."

"I didn't see Michael dragging Brian out the door, or speaking up for him when you attacked him at the door."

Justin thought about it. It was entirely possible that their relationship was as co-dependant as any other, but right off the bat he said Brian was attached to Michael. And after all the calls and emails, Justin knew Paul was right. Emmett was having a hard time believing it.

"Oh my," Emmett said, thinking that Paul just wouldn't get it. "If you say so, honey."

"What do you think Brian and Hunter talked about?" Justin asked, changing gears. The teen had gone to bed soon after Michael and Brian left. Emotionally worn out and at the same time excited with what Brian had trusted him with, he had called it a night.

"Probably just trying to pull the whole 'good stepdad' routine," Paul snorted, rolling his eyes.

"I take it you've got experience," Justin commented, looking at Paul questioningly.

Paul smiled faintly. "Listen, squirt, it's not easy to deal with another man in your life. Especially one that just shows up and decides you owe him all this respect and to follow his rules and he changes the way your life has run since you were a kid and demands things that this… completely stranger shouldn't."

Justin and Emmett never had to deal with it, Justin never living at home past eighteen to deal with his mother's new romantic interests and Emmett's parents staying together until he had left. It was hard to wrap their minds around the concept, since they had never lived it.

"Was it really that bad?" Emmett asked.

"We got along after I moved out," Paul said. "Don't get me wrong, he's good guy. Took care of my mom and my brothers and stuff, but I was the oldest and I still love my dad to death… it's hard to explain. It's confusing, like… when someone you love passes on and you find yourself on a day, maybe years later, and you realize you've stopped thinking about them every day like you used to. That you're still laughing, that you've got more people to love and things to do. It sucks, but we move on, y'know?"

Justin nodded, thinking on it. "I can see that. So you think Brian tried sweet talking Hunter, then?"

Paul shrugged. "It was either a 'lay down the rules' talk or a 'hey, I'm not here to be your dad' talk. And they both suck."

"You might be a little jaded," Emmett reminded gently, before getting up and stretching out with his arms over his head. "But, either way, I have to call it a night, boys. The couch folds out, pillows and blankets in the closet."

"Night, Em," Justin said, not ready for bed yet. "Thanks, by the way."

"Yeah, thank you," Paul repeated, smiling up at Emmett.

"Not a problem, just be prepared for an early wake up call. I've got a wedding in the morning," Emmett sighed, not looking forward to it at all. "Have a good night."

"Night," both Paul and Justin droned, watching the TV again.

_**And nobody's winning**_

_Ted was meeting Blake for lunch today, for once they were both able to schedule it. Not that their jobs were overly demanding, but usually they both opted not to fight any noontime business. Ted had a little more leeway with his job, he knew that, so when they could meet for lunch he could go pick up Blake at the rehab center rather than have Blake too far away too make it back to work on time._

_Ted made his way up to the counter, chatting pleasantly with the nurse on the clock until Blake made it out to meet him. He should've been finishing up his last group session for the afternoon. Then off to lunch and back to counseling and sessions. _

"_You two are so cute together," the nurse commented watching Ted smile._

"_Thanks, he's just… everything," Ted replied, perking up when he saw Blake coming down the hallway. "Hey, you ready to go?"_

_Blake smiled, patting down his pockets to make sure he had everything. "Yeah, all good. We'll see you later, Brenda."_

_The nurse waved at them as they left the building hand in hand. There was a little café place about a block from the center, that's where they would usually do lunch together. Ted couldn't help but let his mind wander back past the recent events over as they walked, not really listening to Blake as he made conversation… or tried to. _

"_Ted?" Blake asked, tugging gently on his lover's hand. _

_Ted looked up, having been caught staring at the sidewalk. "Hm, yeah?"_

"_Something wrong, hon?" Blake asked, looking a little worried._

"_Oh, no. No," Ted said shaking his head. "I'm sorry, just work stuff bogging me down."_

_Blake smiled. "Ted, you know we talk about everything. What's going on at work?"_

_Ted sighed. He really didn't want to keep Blake in the dark. "It's Brian."_

_Blake and Brian never had any problems personally. Hell, Blake barely knew him, just knew of him really. He was just happy that all of Ted's friends had been willing to take him back after rehab and Brian… well, he sort of held Brian in a higher regard. He was the one to really boost Ted back up again after the whole mess. Gave him a job, got him back out (even if it had been less than subtle). Needless to say, Blake liked Brian even if they weren't friends. _

_They continued walking as Blake listened attentively to Ted. _

"_So, Justin shows up, remember him?" Ted asked, Blake nodded. _

"_The one that left for New York. He just showed up out of the blue?"_

"_Yeah, it was really weird. Not that we didn't think he'd ever come back, but that he just… showed up! And Brian planned the whole thing," Ted commented, thinking about it. "Brian and Michael were late-"_

"_How's Michael?" Blake interrupted. Ted had been worried when Michael had stopped hanging out as much with the group. Blake had calmed him down about it, assuring him he was just busy in with his family, possibly even leaving the whole club scene behind._

"_He looked okay, not happy, but Brian apparently showed up and interrupted him an' Ben," Ted smiled. "But, like he always does, he defended Brian to the end. So, we left Woody's then, right?"_

"_Hold on, honey," Blake said, slowing him down as they entered the little café. "So, Michael actually showed up?"_

"_Well, yeah, it was for Justin apparently," Ted shrugged._

"_But they didn't… they tolerated each other, right?"_

"_Mm, I guess you could call it that. Michael can't hate anyone, though. He likes you," Ted said fondly as they waited on line. "He's just like that."_

_Blake smiled at Ted. "He is a very good friend. Okay, so Michael actually showed up, wasn't angry about Brian, you guys leave Woody's… and then what?"_

_They shuffled up the line. "Then, I mean he was drunk, but he said the weirdest thing. Starts going off about how he doesn't want Michael to go home, that he _always _goes home. It was really out of character."_

"_Well, he was drunk," Blake conceded. "But do you think they've been hanging out?_

"_Without the rest of us?" Ted asked, thinking it nearly impossible._

"_They are best friends, honey," Blake smiled. "Anyway, did anything else happen?"_

"_The only thing I can think of is today," Ted shrugged. "I mean, he flipped out, some meeting got messed up, and then Justin called. I was walking past when I heard Cynthia talking to him. He came to my office a little later, random business stuff, and said he had dinner plans for the night."_

_Blake looked thoughtful, but nothing was really making sense. "It's probably with Justin."_

"_Yeah, I know that, but why?" Ted asked, clearly confused. "I mean, Justin is just here for a week. Emmett asked if he was, y'know, still into Brian, but he said no."_

"_Oh, how many times did they get back together?" Blake rolled his eyes._

"_Okay, yeah, true. But Brian's got his business here. You don't think they really would, do you?"_

"_Could be why Michael is really in such a bad way. Defending Brian even when he was annoyed," Blake suggested. "But it doesn't explain Brian's outburst like that. Are you sure there's nothing else?"_

_Ted thought about it. "Well, when he said that stuff about Michael, he said it to Justin, like he should know all about it. Actually, Justin said some weird things, too. I don't know, Blake. Things are just… I don't have words for it."_

"_Maybe you're not supposed to," Blake offered, letting go of Ted's hand to rub his back gently. "If you really think something is going on, then you need to let it work itself out. They'd ask you for help if they needed it. So, if they do, just help, but pushing your way in before that might make it worse."_

_Ted sighed. "I guess you're right."_

_It didn't feel right though. He felt like he was missing out on something and it was something big, he just couldn't place his finger on whatever it was. It was driving him nuts, honestly. Especially since no one else could see it either._

"_How about we go out tonight?" Blake offered, trying to cheer Ted up. _

"_Well, I made plans with Emmett and now Brian and Justin are busy… you wanna join us?" Ted asked. For some reason, Blake never wanted to be around Emmett too long. _

_Blake tried not to make a face. "Well, I wanted you all to myself."_

"_Well," Ted drawled, as if weighing the options. "I think Emmett could understand…"_

_**We're just sinning against ourselves**_

_**Hold on baby tell me it's alright**_

"What are we doing?" Michael asked as Brian pulled into a parking lot of a grocery store.

Shutting the engine off he said, "I was thinking I'd fuck you in the car like we were kids."

"I-" Michael's mouth hung open. What? Seriously, that was just… why? He couldn't even form a sentence before he noticed Brian was snickering to himself.

"Mikey, calm down," Brian chuckled, unbuckling his seatbelt. "I don't have shit at my place, you know that. Figured we'd pick some stuff up."

"You're an asshole," Michael muttered, getting out of the car. He loved a jerk. It wasn't fair that he couldn't help it and Brian was an ass. He slammed his door shut and started walking towards the store. He heard Brian jogging to catch up to him.

"Mikey, hold on," Brian laughed, catching up. "C'mon, don't pout."

"I'm not pouting," Michael huffed.

Brian rolled his eyes and took Michael's hand in his. "I was just kidding. You think I'd do that to you?"

"I dunno, you make it sound like you never have before," Michael said, annoyed.

"Oh, Christ. Really, Michael?" Brian asked, taking offense. "We're grown men and the 'vette is way too small. I was thinking when I get my next car, I can go for something with a little more room."

Michael looked over at Brian, who looked right back with raised eyebrows and a quirky smile. Michael slapped him in the chest with his free hand. "Jerk. Why are you thinking of getting yet another new car?"

"Well, I need room for Gus on visits. Something safer," Brian said with a shrug as they entered through the automatic doors of the store.

"Yeah," Michael agreed and then remembered something. "Hey, I called Mel earlier today-"

"What'd you do that for?" Brian asked stiffly.

Michael looked at his friend as if he'd grown two heads. "Because she's a lawyer and I might need one, and to check in on Hunter's paperwork. She said something about you when we spoke."

"Really now?" Brian asked in a bored manner, letting Michael's hand go to closely inspect the aisle.

"Yes, really. She said you called Lindsey earlier. Something about getting a place in Canada?" Michael questioned, trying to be just as casual as Brian. In turn, Brian wandered down the aisle without making a sound.

_**Anger's breaking from the hurt inside**_

_Brian had made an early escape from work. Not that there weren't things to do, but he was going to go nuts if he stayed there. He needed an escape, a friendly face and something to eat. He railed out that new kid all through lunch, but didn't have the heart to fire him. He looked like he nearly pissed himself in Brian's office. Have a scared kid running around might put everyone else straight anyway. _

_He gave Justin a call on his way out, letting him know he was going over to pick him up. Didn't care that he was still in work attire, looked like he was run ragged and just annoyed. He needed to vent and Justin had willingly decided to be the person to vent to. _

_When he got there, he took the elevators to the second floor, making his way to Justin's room. He knocked on the door 212 and Justin held it open. Justin thought he looked about ready to break, but instead Brian walked in and sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, hunched over. _

"_Long day?" Justin asked, shutting the door. _

_Brian loosened his tie and undid a few buttons on his shirt. "You have no fucking idea. How was lunch?"_

_Justin shrugged. "Wasn't bad, but what's going on with you?"_

"_I don't know if I should keep doing this," Brian sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I mean, all this work and what if Michael stays with Ben?"_

"_But you don't know if you don't try," Justin offered. He really didn't want to admit that he had told Michael to go on the weekend. And… that he was actually going._

"_Sunshine, this is just bullshit!" Brian snapped. "I've been stuck in this position for a year. A fucking year, and what do I get from it? A few hours with this… this fucking stranger in my bed and my best friend is just gone! I don't even know what to do anymore. Fuck."_

"_Hey, don't give up," the blond said. "This is the first time I've seen you _want_ something, Brian. There has to be-"_

"_No, I'm done," Brian said, shaking his head with finality. _

"_What? Maybe you're just having a really bad day," Justin nearly begged. Fuck. _

"_No, well, yeah. Today sucked, but what makes me think this is really gonna change?"_

"_That's it?!"_

_Brian sighed, lacing his fingers together. "Can we not do this now?" The whole freaking out part. He didn't want to deal with it._

"_You're just ending this now? Giving up, the end! What about Saturday?" Justin demanded._

_Brian gave Justin a long hard look. Deb had been there. Fuck. He knew that he told Justin to make his own decision, but he regretted letting him make it. "Why the fuck did you go and make the plans? I fucking told you we'd do it together!" he snapped._

_Justin had enough. "Fuck you, I was there with Michael and Deb just happened to be there!" Like he said she might be and asked Brian what he should do. Picky asshole._

"_Oh, I'm sure he felt great about himself after that run in," Brian told Justin, narrowing his eyes._

"_Don't you put this on me," Justin argued, pointing a finger at Brian. "It's not my fault that she-"_

_Brian rolled his eyes. "Sunshine, she worships the fucking ground you come on and you know it."_

"_**It's nice to know someone else can fucking see it."**_

_Brian and Justin fell silent and stared at the door. Oh shit, it was Michael. What should they do? How much did he hear? Brian didn't think he could be so worried about one single moment in his entire life, and that was how he knew that he couldn't give up. Not yet. _

"_**Yeah, it's me,"**__ Michael said. They could hear the roll of his eyes in that tone._

_Justin looked at Brian who just waved him to the door. He pulled it open, shocked, and found Michael on the other side. This was such bad fucking timing, he didn't even know it. _

"_Mike, what are you-"_

_The bag of lemon bars were shoved against the younger man's chest. "You left these at the store and I was looking to kill time before going home." He peered around Justin's body. Brian was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking like he came straight from work, tie loosened around his neck, hair mussed and shirt almost unbuttoned. "Figured."_

_That shot right through Brian. Figured? Michael 'figured'? Oh, what, like his plan all along was to come here straight from work and fuck…_

_Oh, fuck Michael. _

"_Well, don't just stand there, Sonny Boy," Brian said loudly, shaking Justin out of his shock with his condescending manner. "Be polite and ask him in. Sorry, Mikey, you know he needs work on his manners."_

"_I'm not staying," Michael said stubbornly, shaking his head._

_Brian got off the bed, leaning in the doorframe next to Justin, smiling down at Michael. "C'mon, Mikey, we were just talking about you."_

_Let's see how much Michael had heard._

"_And how pathetic I am, I'm sure," the shorter man said gruffly, fidgeting with the edge of his shirt. "Anyways, I just wanted to drop those off. You two… have fun."_

_Well, on the plus side, Brian decided, Michael hadn't heard that he had wanted to give up. Although, with what he was suggesting, Brian didn't really care at this point if he had. He had told Michael he wasn't leaving him for Justin and, what, his word meant nothing now? Needless to say, Brian wasn't sad to see his best friend go._

_Michael turned and started to walk away. "Wait!"_

_Justin had pushed the half empty bag into Brian, who held it automatically. The blond was coming down the hall to meet him. Michael stopped him with a raised hand, taking an obvious breath to keep his mouth and temper in check as Justin deflated, keeping his distance._

_Why was Michael acting like this right off the bat? Justin couldn't figure it out. Brian wasn't happy about it, that much was sure. He could feel hazel eyes burning a hole into his back, as if trying to figure out what he would say next._

"_Justin, whatever. Okay? You two… just whatever," Michael fumbled, lowering his hand. "I'll tell Ma you two are calling the dinner off, but it's up to you to tell her why. I don't even want to know what's been going on."_

_Brian's eyes went wide. That little shit, he really did think he and Justin were going at it. A part of him hoped that he was just upset with Justin from lunch or annoyed that Brian hadn't called him and instead went running to the blond, but this… It hurt. Brian could admit that it hurt. Michael didn't trust him._

_The one statement rang loudly through his head. _

_Michael didn't trust him. After all the shit they had been through, the ups and downs over the years… all the times Michael had been the only one to stand by him! And he didn't trust him with Justin. _

"_Mikey-"_

"_No, Brian," Michael cut off. "Fuck it, right? I've got Ben."_

_Justin looked back at Brian hanging in the doorway and then back at Michael. "You're going away for the weekend, aren't you?" Brian asked, but he already knew the answer. The Weekend. If he wasn't allowed to clear up this situation, he could at least know the truth about Michael's. It wouldn't comfort him, but it was something he needed to know._

"_Yeah," Michael laughed. "Boy Wonder really wants me to make a go of my marriage. Who would've thought?"_

_Justin cringed. It sounded as bad as he thought it would, especially in this position they had all found themselves in. He hadn't wanted Brian to know he'd been telling Michael to try with Ben, make it worthwhile. And Brian wrath right now might come down on him for it. What kind of a friend did he sound like when it obviously made him look like he was playing both sides to his advantage?_

_Brian snorted. "Ah, we all knew deep down, no matter how he acted, Justin would always keep us apart, wouldn't he?"_

_Michael and Justin stared at Brian in complete shock. Brian had set the bag down somewhere in the room nearby, buttoned up his shirt slowly, leaving the two other men gaping and straightened his tie securely around his neck. He tugged at the sleeves of his suit jacket, combed a hand through his hair and stepped into the hallway. He looked at Justin and then Michael._

"_Brian, what the fuck are you talking about?" Justin demanded when he found his voice. Was he _trying _to lose Michael completely by playing into this idiocy? He wasn't here to get Brian back, fuck it! Michael could have him and all of his mood swings and his mind fuck games. This was going to drive him nuts before he left._

_The taller man wrapped an arm around Justin's shoulders, pulling him close. "Come now, Sunshine, why keep Mikey out of the loop? He's going with Ben, we don't need the dinner to tell everyone now."_

"_Are you shitting me?" Michael asked, incredulous, eyes on Brian alone, missing the complete look of confused horror on Justin's face. "I… I thought, but…"_

_Brian released Justin from his grip, smile falling. "No, Michael. It's not what you've been thinking and fuck you." The taller man breeze by and Michael thought his exit would be stalled by waiting for the elevator, but as usual Brian had disappeared down the short extension of the hallway that led to the ice machine… and the stairs._

_Well, Justin had made this trip to have Michael make a move of some sort… but, this wasn't the movement he wanted if the look on Brian's face had anything to say about it. Shit._

_**Passions screaming hotter**_

_**Doin' what we gotta do – Yeah!**_

"Okay, this… is weird," Paul admitted in a hushed tone in the dark.

Paul and Justin had gone to bed after the last movie, Emmett shutting his door for the night and leaving the two of them to their own devices. They had moved some things around and Paul unfolded the bed in the couch while Justin grabbed sheets and pillows from a small closet. Justin was not giving up the bed to even think of making Paul more comfortable. That asshole trailed him around the state and wormed his way in with his friends and then Michael. He deserved to be uncomfortable for a little bit.

"It's not my fault you were too lazy to go get some pajamas from your car," Justin murmured, turned on his side away from Paul, who was on his back. "You made it weird."

"As long as nothing pokes me, I'll be fine," Paul said. A long moment of silence filled the air. "You're not gonna poke me, are you?"

"Jesus Christ, Paul, go to sleep!"

"Soo… that's a no? Why not? I'm not good looking enough?" Paul asked, preventing Justin from resting.

Justin rolled over to face Paul, who glanced over at Justin, a cheeky smile on his face. "I hate you so much. Go. To. Sleep."

Another long pause stretched out between them. "Y'know, you're really no fun. This is a sleepover."

Justin groaned in frustration, shoving his head under the pillow. "And now it's time to sleep!"

"So, like, who do you have a crush on?" Paul whispered, giggling.

Justin peeked out from under the pillow. "Right now… I'm wishing I could make your head explode."

"Baby, why are you so cold to me?" Paul asked, sounding hurt.

"You're on crack. No more drugs for you," Justin's muffled voice came from under the pillow.

Another long silence. "Hey… Paul?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you really want Rage to make a comeback?" Justin asked, getting out from under the pillow.

"I wouldn't've gone through this much trouble if I didn't," Paul said. "Why?"

"Because… When Mike and I started working on it," Justin explained carefully. "That's… sort of when we became friends. When we finally had something to do together. It's kind of special, even if I fucked that up, too."

"Like I said, squirt, let me take of your baby," Paul murmured, closing his eyes. "Now go to sleep."

_**I can't live with you**_

_**I can't live with you**_

_**I can't live – I can't live**_

_**I can't – I can't live with you**_

"_What… the fuck just happened?" Michael asked, still staring in the direction Brian had walked off in._

_Justin sighed. "You weren't… Michael, I don't know if I should help you anymore. I think I fucked everything up enough."_

"_What?" the shorter man asked. "Was it never supposed to cross my mind that two ex-lovers just might get back together?!"_

_The blond shook his head. "No… but you were supposed to trust him. You were the only one that ever did."_

_Justin was right. Michael knew he was, but it never crossed his mind that he was… the he disappointed Brian. They were… Fuck! This was too hard. Honestly, Michael just wanted to tuck his tail between his legs, go home and forget this happened. Watching Brian's face when he walked by had left Michael feeling like he needed to crawl back to his best friend and apologize profusely. He felt like he ruined what made them… them. The Brian and Mikey show. Dynamic Duo. Them against the world!_

_But to do that… they had relied on a strong, if seemingly unequal balance, between them over the years. Michael backed Brian up at every turn, even when Brian shut him out. Brian pushed Michael forward, even when Michael wanted to hang on forever. There was a subtlety to them and how they worked that made it interesting to watch. No one could say how they lived was right or wrong… it just was. They might've made bad decisions in their lives, but they made them together, supporting each other and never questioning what the other was doing. They never needed to, because the one thing they had, the one thing Michael didn't give to Brian this time, was a completely loyal sense of trust that both of them thought would always be there._

_And Michael just broke it._

_**But, baby, I'll never ever leave you**_

"Brian," Michael said, trailing after him up and down the aisles with a cart he had grabbed after he realized Brian was literally restocking everything in his place. "Brian, you never answered me."

"Carrots or corn?" Brian asked, holding a can of vegetables in each hand. He was okay with both, but he wanted to know what Michael wanted. "For tonight."

"Corn," Michael answered, still determined to get his answer. "Are you going to answer me?"

"About what?" Brian sighed, tossing a few cans into the cart. "Mel's nuts, it was just an idea."

"You can't do things like that, then," Michael argued. "Gus was probably excited as hell to think he'd get to see his dad more often and to send that house into a mess was-"

"Alright!" Brian snapped. As if he didn't feel bad enough as it was. "Fine, I'm sorry. I thought I'd be able to do it, but there's other things that have to get done first."

"What happened in the span of a few hours?"

Brian rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "Theodore ran the numbers for me. If everything works out within the next year, then I can get a place out there, but for now it has to go on hold. I'll just visit to make up for it."

Michael didn't like that answer. "Did something happen?"

Why wouldn't he let it go? "Few days back I had a bad meeting with a client. Stood to lose around a million, a drop in the bucket compared to what the company brings in almost daily, but it was just that extra edge I really wanted to have."

"The client cancelled?" Michael asked.

"No, not yet," Brian said. "I have to meet with them tomorrow afternoon, beg, grovel and apologize. I might get them back, but even then it's a maybe."

"I can help, Brian," Michael offered, but his friend shook his head. "Why not?"

"Because, Mikey… just, don't worry about it," Brian said with finality. "There's other plans first. There's more time."

Michael and Brian looked at each other, Michael ready to argue it, Brian ready to shoot him down.

"Alright," Michael sighed. "But if you want… I'll help."

"I know, Mikey," Brian said, smiling faintly. "But it's getting late. Think we've got everything?"

"If you're feeding an army," Michael rolled his eyes.

"Just you, so it's pretty much the same thing."

"Asshole!"

_**I can't live with you**_

_**But I can't live without you**_

_**Cause I'm in love with you**_

_**Oh and everything about you**_

"_I guess that's it then," Michael sighed, running a hand through his hair. His hand fell to his sighed and he laughed, shrugging. It just wasn't going to work out, obviously. This whole situation was driving them both nuts, fraying already nervous edges. So, what else could he do?_

_Just what he wanted to. He was going to go back home, love his family and never show his face again. It would be hard, of course. Somehow, he felt… ruined. Ruined for his husband, ruined for any man (should the marriage end) after. Because what was once a barely hidden, but safely protected open wound, was now just a gaping hole that everyone could see, he was sure of it. What everyone else just saw as Michael following Brian around hoping, was ten times worse now that he'd had his chance and lost it. _

_It was nearly impossible to get over first loves. Nothing compared to that very first time you were completely knocked off your feet by a single person. Even if things ended badly in life with that person, time could melt away those horrible moments and leave the memories rose tinted, if you let it. From then on, even if you were in a sense, over them, they rested in the back of your mind, in that special place in your heart. Whether you loved them still or hated them forever, you would think about them at least once a day. You couldn't forget or wouldn't forget, and everyone was in some way compared to that person. They didn't talk the same, but they liked the same movie. Or how they liked the same foods, but it was just so weird that the new person was nothing like the old one. _

_Brian had been his first love. Michael had never been able to give all of himself to any one person because a large part of him was always with Brian. They would still hang out, go out, he would still kiss Michael and need him. That wound never got to heal because Brian never gave it a chance to. It was so easy to blame it all on Brian, and Michael wanted to._

_But it wasn't his fault that Michael had… used him the way he had. And it wasn't his fault that Michael was overwhelmed with guilt and nerves at this point, heightened by Justin's appearance, had made him explosive._

"_Michael, c'mon," Justin pleaded. "Let him have some space and-"_

_Michael shook his head. "I said I'd go on the weekend. I guess that's choice enough, right?"_

"_You know how much I want to see a gay marriage make it," Justin said. "You know that you're probably the only person I could think that highly of to _make _a marriage like that work. But… did you see Brian? Did you look at him? What is he going to do without you?"_

"_What I did for years," Michael shrugged. How did Brian pull off being so uncaring? It was hard. "Boy Wonder, don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong."_

_**I can't live with you**_

_**No, I just can't live – I just can't live**_

_**I can't live with you**_

That nervous tension was settling in again as Michael and Brian checked out. Brian was pretty sure that he was going to throw up. On the cashier. His stomach felt like it was in his throat and he'd be shaking right now if he'd let himself. This was going to drive him up a wall. What if he wasn't good enough for Michael? What if he didn't like it?

Oh, God, what if Michael thought Ben was better?

He was stalling, he knew his was. He'd never had to before, not with the same intent. Usually he would stall for more time to get into the mood. Have another drink, pop another pill, anything. Brian wasn't sure what to do with himself once the time would actually come. It was ridiculous to even think that he was having a hard time coming around to the idea of actually having sex, but here he was, handing over a few bills to the cashier with a slight tremble at the thought of getting Michael home and in bed.

Why was this going to be so hard?

Somehow it felt more defining than the first time they shared together. Which would make no sense. Still, loading up the car, his hands brushing up against Michael's as he handed him the bags, he realized that there was honestly no one else he'd rather be here with, nervous or not. Brian just wondered how his friend could look so calm. Wasn't he worried at all?

_**Yeah and I can't live without you**_

_**Through the madness through the tears**_

_**We've still got each other**_

_**For a million years – Yeah**_

_Justin had been thinking about Michael the rest of the day. This whole thing went to shit and he couldn't help but think it had been his fault. He really couldn't. Then again, if he hadn't shown up, what would've happened? They would never know and it was stupid to think it would all work out anyways in the end. He called Emmett, who invited him along out with him and Ted, now that his dinner plans were cancelled, he needed something to do. He'd been getting ready for a night out when his phone rang. _

"_**Sunshine?"**_

"_Brian?" Justin asked into the phone._

"_**Yeah, I need a favor," **__Brian replied._

"_What the fuck, Brian?" Justin snapped. "Where the hell did you go?"_

"_**Tha's what the favor is," **__Brian said, trying to hold back any sign of being intoxicated and failing slightly. __**"Need you to come get me."**_

_Justin groaned. "Where are you?"_

_**Oh yeah**_

_**Yeah - I can't live without you – Yeah, yeah**_

_**I can't live without you**_

_**Yeah, yeah oh, oh, oh**_

"Now that we've bought out an entire grocery store," Michael grunted shifting the bags in his arms while Brian unlocked the door to his place. "What did you want for dinner?"

Brian pulled the heavy metal door open, letting Michael go first, following in after. "Didn't really think about it, honestly. What do you feel like?"

If Michael let himself admit to his nerves, he'd say everything, but that wouldn't get them anywhere. Setting the bags on the counter next to the fridge, he started unloading the groceries.

"Well, are you really hungry or not?"

"I could eat," Brian shrugged, setting his bag with the rest next to Michael's. But considering how tense he was, not much.

Michael opened the fridge putting things away. "What about chicken then? Some veggies and that should be good."

"'Kay," Brian said simply, helping Michael load up the fridge.

Things were quiet. Insanely quiet considering they had done this before a few times, when Michael went all 'parent' on him and demanded he keep food in his place. The thought made him smile. How many time had Michael gone for a beer and found the stupid metal thing devoid of anything besides beer, water and drugs and then gone on a rant?

"You look happy," Michael commented, taking out the package of chicken and setting it off to the side.

"Am I not supposed to be?" Brian asked. He knew they were tiptoeing around the subject.

"No, it's… just nice to see," Michael admitted, smiling at his best friend.

"It's because of you," Brian said gently, stopping Michael in his actions. "You know that, right?"

Shocked would be the only word to describe Michael's face. He dropped the can of corn he'd been holding and it rolled towards the other unpacked goods on the counter. Turning red, Michael tried to find the right words. Not that Brian would never be frank with him, but they never went down this route before. Michael didn't know if he could handle it if this would be a daily thing.

Brian chuckled, letting the backs of his fingers brush against Michael's hot cheek. "You nervous too?"

Michael exhaled loudly. "You have no idea."

Michael started laughing, unable to help himself. He wasn't fucking alone in this, was he? Brian hugged him close and started laughing too. Michael's laugh was infectious, coupled with the nerves, it was bound to happen. They were less nervous of what was to come, but it was still there nonetheless.

But they couldn't imagine anyone else they'd rather be this insane with than each other.

_**I can't live without you**_

_**I can't live without you**_

_**I can't live without you**_

_**Oh, oh I can't live without you baby, baby, baby**_

_**Without you**_

_**I can't live without you**_

_A/N: Today's song is __**I Can't Live With You **__again by Queen. YAY! I brought them back! So, it this it? Is this the end? HAVE I FINALLY FINISHED THIS LONG ASS STORY?!_

_No, silly readers, not by a long shot. There is more to this untold story, my friends. Loose ends that are gonna be tied up and more silliness to ensue. For all my half baked ideas and worried about plot holes, I think they're all turning out nicely. _

_Also, I really like Paul. He is beyond silly. Lol_

_I brought Blake in, for a bit anyways, I'd like to bring him in more along with Ted… but I'm just not sure how. I'll figure something out, I'm positive. I like Ted!_

_Anyhoo, now it's time for work. ^.^_

_Feel free to leave a review!_

_~SL_


	10. Sorry Notice!

Choose

_Hello all! I apologize for the unexpected absence. I was insanely looking forward to actually completing a damn full length story for once. Ah, live and learn. It's been about a year now and while I do have a lot of things going on, I expect to be able to start working on the story again soon. I can't give an exact date what with army graduations to attend and sick relatives and work and such, but I DO plan on getting back to it._

_It's just weird. I made some friends, then I wound up dating and then I lost my flash drive with my story on it. Thankfully, I found the flash drive! YAY! So, really it's just finding the time to sit down and write. Which is pretty damn hard sometimes, but this story is still stuck in my head. I've got notes scribbled on scraps of paper everywhere for it. Now I just have to make them into, y'know, coherent thoughts onto digital paper. Lol_

_Unless 'Justin does something with someone. Elevator?' is good enough to pass for a chapter with you guys? I doubt it. _

_So, I don't know how many of you have actually been sitting around waiting on this. I'm a terrible person if you have been. Seriously. But the constant adds from people and reviews every now and then over the last year have really kept this in my thoughts, so thank you very much. It's good to know so many of you want this. Maybe not so much anymore, but still. Lol_

_I'm hoping that before the summer is out I'll have a new chapter up. Don't bet on that cause I try not to say things I don't think I can do, but let's hope for it, shall we? So… I hope you'll be here when that next new chapter goes up. And if you're not… well, maybe you'll come back eventually. _

_Hope everyone's having a great summer! See you soon! _

_~SL_


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